Badlands

Someone serious, she said. He needs someone serious. Someone stable.

Though she said the words with a smile, each sentence Mary enunciated tore daggers through his skin and now it was hard to breathe. But she was right. Every damn word was pure honesty and he hated it. He absolutely hated it. Mothers always know best.

So here he was, shaking and knocking. And knocking and shaking. It was raining and he was soaked in front of Kellin’s familiar red door. He prayed to a God he hadn’t spoken to in years for Kellin’s apartment to be vacant. And he prayed that Mary hadn’t told her son about their chat. And he prayed that he would get through this without crying.

Just as he was about to turn on his heels and make a run for it, Kellin opened his scarlet door with a confused smile and Vic hated how blue eyes looked. The smile left as quick as it came when Kellin noticed Vic’s shaking form, “c'mere, baby” He held out his arms for his boyfriend who flinched back and shook his head.

“N n no. I’m okay.”

A hurt expression flashed across his face, but Kellin knew better. He knew Vic could weave in and out of depressive moods. And he knew Vic knew he wouldn’t hurt him intentionally. Even though he acknowledged these things Kellin couldn’t help but feel hurt. He loved Vic.

Kellin sighed and led Vic into his living room where he then wrapped a blanket around his partner who was still shivering. He sat next to him on the couch. It was better not to speak. Vic bit his upper lip and looked everywhere but Kellin’s face. He noticed the clutter of schoolwork on the leather ottoman.

“We need to t t talk.”

Kellin’s eyes widened, usually it took longer for Vic to speak up, but he nodded as a reassurance for him to continue.

“I, uh, I think I can say this without crying - I did that before I got here. A and last night.”

His teeth dug deeper into his lip as he pressed his hands together. With a shaky breath Vic looked up from his hands to Kellin, who furrowed his eyebrows. “I I’m not good for you.” It started to become pathetic when Vic rambled on. “I’m not stable, you need someone stable. A a and it’s n not fair.” He looked back at his hands, “you should focus on college, n not your psycho boyfriend.”

Kellin brought his hand up to Vic’s hair and pushed the dark locks behind his ear, “you’re not a psycho, Vic. And you’re way more important to me than a degree.”

“But you’ve worked so hard,” Vic’s dark eyes met Kellin’s light ones, “you should be going to parties, not the emergency room.”

“How could I go to a party when I know you need me?” Kellin tried to not sound offended, but he did. Did Vic really think he’d rather party when someone he loved more than anything in the world needed him?

“I, I just thought…” Vic trailed off, not knowing what to say. He guessed Mary was wrong about Kellin needing space.

Kellin’s face softened and pulled Vic closer to him, placing a kiss on his temple, “I love you, psycho or not.”