Won't Let You Go
Chapter One
I looked at myself in the mirror for the longest time. I must have redone my make up about a million times before I decided to go natural. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. It had been six months since I seen my Husband and I wasn’t ready to dive into the dating pool just yet. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready. I grabbed my favorite cardigan from the closet and headed out into the California air.
It wasn’t easy being the wife of a murderer. The entire town of Huntington Beach knew who we were. Matt, my murderous Husband, was in a well - known band, so everyone knew everything that went on in our life. My family and my friends tried to get me to move back home to Texas, but I wasn’t ready to leave California. It had been my home for the past ten years. If I were to move back to Texas everything would just follow me there anyways. I couldn’t escape what had happened. Not ever. It would be stuck with me until the day that I die.
The streets of Huntington Beach were busy as always. I could easily pick out the tourists. The people were nice for the most part and some were, well, just assholes. I would occasionally get the sympathy stares from strangers and I hated it. I hated the fact that people knew what happened. It was in the newspapers, the news stations, the internet. Everywhere. Since Matt went to prison all I wanted to do was hide. Isn’t that what criminals usually want to do? I was no criminal, but I hated myself for being married to one.
I thought back to all the years I had known Matt before we decided to get married. He was sweet, kind, loving, caring, funny, charming, all the things you could possibly want in a man. He was that. I never would have thought in a million years he would have a bad bone in his body. And then I thought back to the very last day I saw my best friend alive. She hugged me tight and told me she loved me. I could still remember the smell of her perfume, her long curly brown hair, and her emerald green eyes. I was always jealous of her curves and the way she lights up a room every time she walked in. I had to stop thinking about her or else I would have changed my mind about leaving the house.
I made my way inside my favorite diner and sat in the far back. I still didn’t want to be around people. For the past couple of months I have distanced myself from our family and friends in California. I have avoided their invites to parties, dinners, and other events that didn’t spark my interest anymore. I was use to being invisible and it’s how I have been able to deal with life these days. I still forced myself to get out of the house though because life still had to go on and so did I.
“The usual?” I glanced up and saw Destiny the waitress. I gave her a small smile and nodded. I always had the same meal; chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, a butter roll and a glass of sweet tea. She had her pad and pen ready to take my order, but quickly placed it back in her apron pocket when she realized that I wouldn’t be ordering anything different. The diner was very popular in Huntington and the food was delicious. And as weird as it may seem, I still come here every Friday. It was something Matt and I did together to spend some quality time with each other since he was usually very busy during the week working on projects for the band and doing interviews and what not.
I glanced around the diner. It wasn’t as packed as it normally was for a Friday. The weekend was normally very busy for the diner. The decorations were still the same. It had a very warm atmosphere that felt welcoming and cozy. There was an older couple that looked to be in their late sixties sitting at the bar. They were laughing and occasionally would hold hands. I smiled. I couldn’t help but be happy for them. The man looked up and saw me watching them and gave me smile before turning his attention back to his wife.
“Chicken fried steak, green beans, mashed potatoes with gravy, butter roll and a sweet tea.” Destiny handed me my food and gave me a warm smile.
“Thank you.” I said, placing a straw in my tea. I was about to take a sip when I noticed her still standing beside the table. I put my drink on the table and frowned.
"I know you probably don't feel like talking right now, but I'm gonna give you my number in case you ever need anything." she said, taking her pad and pen out writing her information down. I sighed and then she continued, "I know what you are going through and please don't hesitate if you ever want to talk." she placed the small piece of paper and walked off before I could say anything. I repeated her words over and over again in my head, "I know what you are going through," how could anyone possibly know what I was going through?
It wasn’t easy being the wife of a murderer. The entire town of Huntington Beach knew who we were. Matt, my murderous Husband, was in a well - known band, so everyone knew everything that went on in our life. My family and my friends tried to get me to move back home to Texas, but I wasn’t ready to leave California. It had been my home for the past ten years. If I were to move back to Texas everything would just follow me there anyways. I couldn’t escape what had happened. Not ever. It would be stuck with me until the day that I die.
The streets of Huntington Beach were busy as always. I could easily pick out the tourists. The people were nice for the most part and some were, well, just assholes. I would occasionally get the sympathy stares from strangers and I hated it. I hated the fact that people knew what happened. It was in the newspapers, the news stations, the internet. Everywhere. Since Matt went to prison all I wanted to do was hide. Isn’t that what criminals usually want to do? I was no criminal, but I hated myself for being married to one.
I thought back to all the years I had known Matt before we decided to get married. He was sweet, kind, loving, caring, funny, charming, all the things you could possibly want in a man. He was that. I never would have thought in a million years he would have a bad bone in his body. And then I thought back to the very last day I saw my best friend alive. She hugged me tight and told me she loved me. I could still remember the smell of her perfume, her long curly brown hair, and her emerald green eyes. I was always jealous of her curves and the way she lights up a room every time she walked in. I had to stop thinking about her or else I would have changed my mind about leaving the house.
I made my way inside my favorite diner and sat in the far back. I still didn’t want to be around people. For the past couple of months I have distanced myself from our family and friends in California. I have avoided their invites to parties, dinners, and other events that didn’t spark my interest anymore. I was use to being invisible and it’s how I have been able to deal with life these days. I still forced myself to get out of the house though because life still had to go on and so did I.
“The usual?” I glanced up and saw Destiny the waitress. I gave her a small smile and nodded. I always had the same meal; chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, a butter roll and a glass of sweet tea. She had her pad and pen ready to take my order, but quickly placed it back in her apron pocket when she realized that I wouldn’t be ordering anything different. The diner was very popular in Huntington and the food was delicious. And as weird as it may seem, I still come here every Friday. It was something Matt and I did together to spend some quality time with each other since he was usually very busy during the week working on projects for the band and doing interviews and what not.
I glanced around the diner. It wasn’t as packed as it normally was for a Friday. The weekend was normally very busy for the diner. The decorations were still the same. It had a very warm atmosphere that felt welcoming and cozy. There was an older couple that looked to be in their late sixties sitting at the bar. They were laughing and occasionally would hold hands. I smiled. I couldn’t help but be happy for them. The man looked up and saw me watching them and gave me smile before turning his attention back to his wife.
“Chicken fried steak, green beans, mashed potatoes with gravy, butter roll and a sweet tea.” Destiny handed me my food and gave me a warm smile.
“Thank you.” I said, placing a straw in my tea. I was about to take a sip when I noticed her still standing beside the table. I put my drink on the table and frowned.
"I know you probably don't feel like talking right now, but I'm gonna give you my number in case you ever need anything." she said, taking her pad and pen out writing her information down. I sighed and then she continued, "I know what you are going through and please don't hesitate if you ever want to talk." she placed the small piece of paper and walked off before I could say anything. I repeated her words over and over again in my head, "I know what you are going through," how could anyone possibly know what I was going through?