Cleave

“What do you mean I'm not going back to Hillcrest?” I shouted at my mother the morning after I came home. I'd come downstairs dressed ready for school and asked how I was getting to Hillcrest, and was met with a less-than-pleasing response. “I need to go back.”

“No you don't. You're being home schooled, and that is final, or you can go back to your aunt’s. Do you understand me, young man?” my mother said calmly, but with the threat prominent in her voice.

“I can't fucking believe you,” I muttered. Out loud I said, “You only just rescued me from there and you want to send me back?”
“I don't want to, but I will if I have to.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Doing what to you, Micah? I'm doing this for your own good. Your education has been interrupted enough as it is. It's better now to just finish off school where there are no distractions from your peers and nobody to influence you to make bad decisions.”
“You mean, at home, where I can't associate with anybody I might want to have sex with,” I said. I knew that my aunt had told her all about my sexual history was Mason while I was there and I think that might have been a big part of why my mother chose to come and pick me up – not because I was being abused or anything. My mother cringed at the bluntness of my words.

“Yes,” she said through the gritted teeth. “If that's the way you want to look at it. Now, you will have packets of work come and you'll have to complete them within a certain time frame. You'll also have a tutor, Mrs Peters…”
“Ooh, a married woman. Is she hot? A student/tutor affair is pretty sexy,” I interjected, trying to stir my mother up. I didn't care if this Mrs Peters was hot or not but asking that question had the desired effect. Mom’s jaw tightened, which made me grin.
“Mrs Peters is 72.”
I shrugged. “Same difference.”
My mother sighed. “Micah…”
“Yes?” I said innocently, batting my eyelashes.
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“Um, hmm, let me think. Maybe because you ruined my fucking life when you sent me away?”
“Language!”
“Whatever,” I muttered, before I left the living room and headed into my bedroom, where I flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. My room hadn't changed since I was sent away, not that I expected it to be any different. When I got home, the bed was unmade, clothes were scattered on the floor and the trash can was still full. I'd noticed, with a grim smile, that even the condom wrapper that Angel and I had used the day we got caught was still sitting on the top. I don't know why but I actually plucked the wrapper off the top and put it in the drawer of my bedside table. For some reason, I didn't want it to get thrown out.

I lay on my bed in angry silence, but I actually felt like screaming. It felt like, one by one, everything was being taken away from me. My boyfriend, my friends, my education at an actual school. It was like my mother was trying to punish me for being me; for not being the perfect son she wanted me to be. It isn’t fair. I’m still a good person. I don't steal or kill. I still believe in God. But I believe in a God who loves me despite my sexuality and maybe that's the God that my mother abides by, maybe not, but either way, I still have faith.

It isn’t my fault that I love who I love, but all of this happened because my mother decided that that's how sexuality works – that it's a choice. I thought like that, once upon a time, but it didn't bother me like it bothers her and it certainly didn't make me hate anyone because of it. I was ignorant and didn't know any better at the time, but now I do know better and I want my mother to do the same. Unfortunately it seems less and less likely, since she's basically trying to punish me into changing my mind.

Well, it's not going to happen. I'm not going to change my mind. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know who I want, and I'm going to do what I can to get him back. Fuck his boyfriend and fuck my mother. The time I spent with Angel didn't mean nothing. It meant something – everything, in fact. I wasn't hurting over him and missing him for over a year for no reason. I just have to figure out how to get him back.

---

After a lot of thought and coming to the conclusion that I don't really know much about Angel anymore and deciding to start with just a simple conversation with him, I got up off my bed and pulled some shoes and a jacket on. It was close to the time school let out, so I was going to go around to his place and see him. I knew my mother would never let me go out without questioning the hell out of me so I quietly snuck down the hall towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” a voice said behind me. I froze. I knew the voice and I knew it wasn't Mom’s but I still didn't want Georgia to know I was leaving the house either. Out of my three sisters, Georgia is the one who's the most religious and the most rule-abiding. I know that she doesn't exactly approve of my lifestyle choice – there we have that “choice” word again – but I also know that she still loves me and at least accepts that that's who I am.
“Um… Out?” I said it like a question which made Georgia raise her eyebrows. “Okay, I'm going to Angel’s.”
My sister frowned. “You're not supposed to…”
“I know, but I don't care,” I said, opening the door and stepping outside. “I'll see you later.”

Angel’s place isn't exactly walking distance from my house, but I was so full of anticipation that I barely noticed the trek. He should have been home by the time I got to his house, so I walked straight up to his front door and, after taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, knocked loudly on the polished wood.

I waited a few minutes before knocking again, and when there was still no reply, I realised that Angel could have been working. I really didn't want to go home again with nothing, so I decided I was just going to wait for him. Surely on a school night he wouldn't have a long shift.

---

At around 6pm, a small black car pulled into the driveway. I was sitting on the porch steps, but immediately stood up when the car stopped and the engine cut. A few seconds went by before the door slowly opened and a woman stepped out; Angel’s mother.

“Who are you?” she demanded. She held a briefcase as if it were a weapon. I put my hands up in the surrender position so she would know I wasn't a threat.
“I'm Micah. I need to see Angel. Do you know when he’ll be home?” I knew that question would be a long shot. Angel and his mother never got along; he told me once that she pretty much pretends he doesn't exist.

I expected a shrug or a “how should I know?” response, but instead all I got was a bark of laughter.
“What's funny?” I asked, completely confused.
“He doesn't live here anymore,” she said simply as she pushed past me to unlock her house. I stared at her in shock. When she stepped inside and went to shut the door, I came to my senses and shouted out to her.
“Wait!” Angel’s mother re-opened the door a little and waited for me to speak with an impatient look on her face. “Where is he?”
“Don't know. Drew's, maybe. Call him,” she said, slamming the door shut, clearly indicating the end of the conversation.

I laced my fingers in my hair and tugged in frustration, letting out a loud groan.
“Where the hell is Drew’s place!?” I asked the door that was just slammed in my face. It didn't reply, which I knew it wouldn't but it would have been nice if it did. “Fuck!” I shouted and aimed a kick at the silent piece of wood.
The door opened again slightly and Angel’s mother’s voice came from within. “Get off my property before I call the cops.”
“Fuck you, lady,” I spat, before I marched off ‘her property’.

There was no point in doing anything other than going home, so that's what I did. I didn't know where Drew lived. I didn't have Angel’s phone number. Elise was made to delete Drew’s number when I got caught talking to Angel on her phone. Everything was hopeless.

When I got home, my parents were waiting for me. My father’s face was passive, but my mother looked furious. I wasn't in the mood for a lecture, so I just shoved past them, saying “yeah, yeah, grounded blah, blah, whatever” and headed to my room.

I stripped out of my clothes and got into bed with the intention of sleeping, but my mind had other plans. It just kept running through all the things I didn't know but desperately needed to. Where is Drew’s house? What's Angel’s phone number? Does he even want to see and talk to me? Does he still love me? Or does he love his new boyfriend more than me? How can I see him to talk to him?

Only the last question did I actually come up with an answer to. The only thing I could think of was to see him while he was working. I’d have to ask Elise to take me to his McDonald's but she would be sure to oblige; after all, she's “shipped” (whatever that means) me and Angel together since the day she found out about us. With that determined thought in my mind, I was finally able to fall asleep.