Cleave

I probably shouldn't have been as excited as I was about seeing my ex-boyfriend, especially with my current boyfriend there, but I couldn't help it. Seeing Micah again, up close, within touching distance, was just amazing. Even though we barely said two words to each other, just him being so close was enough to have me smiling and acting jittery all throughout my shift at work. At one point, my co-worker, Myles, asked me if I was high on something, and if I was, could he have some, but I just brushed him off. I knew it was unusual for me to be happy but that didn't mean that I was on drugs.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I had to keep my wits about me when it came to seeing and speaking to Micah again. I couldn’t just forget the way that he left me without even so much as a goodbye, but maybe now that we had the opportunity to talk again, he would explain the reason why he did that. I had a strong suspicion it was because of his mother, but I wanted to hear it from him anyway. Regardless of the reason why he left – even if it was of his own choosing – it was still amazing to see him again and I could barely stop myself from checking my phone every couple of minutes to see if he'd texted or called me yet.

By the end of my shift, there was no sign that Micah had tried to contact me yet, but that was okay. If it was me, I would probably wait until the next morning, so I let it go and walked out into the parking lot to meet Max by his Jeep. Drew's crappy old car was in the shop getting a new radiator, so Max kindly offered to drop me off and pick me up from work, since he didn’t have a shift at the hospital.

"Hey babe, how was your shift?" Max asked as I approached him. He leaned in for a quick kiss, which I gave to him, before he went back around to his side of the car and we both got in. I waited until I was buckled in before answering his question.

"It was good," I answered vaguely. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the screen, noting that there was nothing waiting for me to read. I couldn’t help but let out a small sigh.

"You don't expect him to have called you already, do you?" Max asked, sounding slightly annoyed, which I didn’t blame him for. I was waiting on communication from my ex after all.
"No, I just thought...maybe," I replied. "Sorry."
"Are you sure it’s a good idea to try and talk to him again? I mean, he really hurt you. I don’t want to see you going through all that again," Max said, glancing at me as he drove.
"We've already discussed this," I answered, not wanting to start a fight after the amazing evening I'd had so far.
"I know, but..."
"Max. Please don’t. I'll be careful, I promise. I just need to talk to him. Closure, remember? That's all," I said, trying not to sound annoyed, even though I was getting to be that way. What did he not understand about me needing this?

"Okay, okay," he muttered, and the rest of the trip home was spent in silence. He was dropping me at Drew's since I had school in the morning, so when he pulled up at the curb, I kissed him goodbye and got out. Still, neither of us said anything, so I just closed the car door and headed inside.
I found Drew in the kitchen eating a piece of pizza left over from our dinner the night before.

"Hey," he mumbled, his mouth full.
"I saw Micah," I blurted out immediately. "Properly this time. I gave him my number."
Drew nearly choked on his pizza and spent a good couple of minutes coughing before he was able to reply to me.
"That's awesome, dude. Has he called yet?"
I shook my head. "Nah, maybe tomorrow, or something," I replied. "I'm going to bed."
Drew nodded, coughing one last time before I left the kitchen.

It took me forever to get to sleep that night. I was too caught up in my thoughts to be able to close my eyes, but I found that I didn’t care that much.

I made sure that I kept my phone on me at all times at school the next day. I felt my phone go off several times, but each time (except once when it was a text from Max asking if I wanted to stay at his that night), it was that weird phantom vibration thing, and not a text or call from Micah.

The next day passed the same way. Nothing.

Three days.

A week.

Two weeks, and still nothing.

I'd been keeping my hopes up for the first few days after I saw Micah at work, but by the time it got to a week and I still hadn't heard anything, all that hope was gone. I even, desperately, asked Isabelle at school if she knew anything about Micah not contacting me, but she said that she didn't even know he was back, but she promised that if she heard anything or saw him she would ask and let me know. I was grateful for that.

Max suggested that maybe he was just busy and he hadn't had a chance to get in contact, but I knew it was more than that. He didn’t want to talk to me at all. Everything that had happened between us was too long ago. Micah had moved on, just like I had tried to, but the difference was that he succeeded. I was sure of it now. I was just a past memory to him. An ex-boyfriend. That was it.

After coming to this realisation, my attitude became surly and somewhat aggressive. I just hated everything, including my job. I was at one of my weekend shifts when things really took a turn for the worst.

I was working under the manager that hates me, Darrell, who had already yelled at me for no reason, when an extremely fat lady who I had served a few minutes prior came waddling back over to the counter with half a Big Mac held in her enormous fist. Not even waiting for me to finish serving the customer I was dealing with at the time, she put the burger down on the counter and glared at me.

"There are pickles on my burger," she announced. Her 46 chins wobbled. "I asked for no pickles."
I remembered her order. She never asked for no pickles, but I figured I would try to be polite to her, so I looked her in the eye and spoke in what was supposed to be a comforting manner.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don’t think you actually asked for any changes to your burger. I would have put them down if you had and the kitchen would have noticed on the docket. I can see if I can get them to take the pickles off for you if you..."

"No," she cut me off. "I want a new burger. One without pickles."
"Are you allergic to pickles?" I asked.
"No, I just don’t want them."
I sighed. Seriously?

This was starting to test my patience now, but I was doing the best I could to stay polite. "Well, I'm sorry but I since you've already eaten half of that one, I can't get them to..."
"I want a new burger! Without pickles!"

I was angry now. I grabbed the burger and took off its lid before grabbing hold of a pickle and waving it in her face. "It's not that fucking hard to take the pickles off yourself. Stop being so fucking lazy."

I let the pickle drop onto the counter while the lady looked at me in shock, as did the rest of the customers nearby.

"Angel! Out the back. Now!" Darrell's voice screamed at me. Without a backwards glance, I marched out the back where I waited for Darrell to join me. The first thing he said, though, made my jaw drop. "Go home, Angel. And don’t come back."
"W-What? You're firing me?" I asked, now extremely worried.
"What do you expect? Get out. Your last pay check will arrive on Friday," Darrell said, a satisfied smirk on his face. I just knew he was dying to get rid of me. I went into the staff area to get my stuff and then I left, heading to Max's place.

Max was furious when I told him I'd been fired. For some reason, I hadn't expected him to be since he wasn’t all that interested in me working for McDonald's in the first place, but he was really mad.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Angel? You work in the food service industry. You get stupid people like that all the time. You just have to ignore it, not get all high and mighty about it. Fucking hell. You need to go back there tomorrow and get your job back and stop being such a fucking screw up all the time. I'm not going to try and spend my money to build a life for us if you can't even be bothered trying to keep a simple job at a fast food chain. Grow the fuck up and stop being so God damn useless,” he shouted after I told him what happened. His hurtful words left me gob smacked and I couldn't form words for several minutes. We spent those minutes in silence, since Max had clearly said everything he’d been holding back for some time and I just had key words from his rant repeating over and over in my head, “useless” and “fucking screw up” especially. I already knew I was both of those things, but hearing someone who claimed to love me say it really hurt.

Max eventually broke the silence. “Angel…” he began, then stopped. He probably didn't know what else to say so I asked him a question.

“Is that really what you think of me?” I asked quietly.

After a pause, Max’s face finally softened from the furious expression he was wearing, and he stepped towards me, taking my face gently between his hands. “No,” he said softly. “No, of course not. I'm sorry, baby. It's no excuse, but I had a terrible day at work and I took it out on you. I'm sorry.”

He kissed my lips cautiously, like he was afraid I'd pull away, which to be honest, I sort of wanted to. I was really hurt, despite his apology, but I let him kiss me anyway. Everything he said was true, after all. He was only telling me what I already knew.

He kissed me a few more times before pulling away. “Do you forgive me?” he asked.
I wanted to reply “no”, but I didn't. I simply nodded half-heartedly instead.
“Thank you,” he said.
“I'll go in tomorrow after school and see if I can get my job back,” I told him dully. I didn't like my chances, but he didn't have to know that.
“Good,” Max said, showing me one if his brilliant smiles. “Let's go to bed, okay?”

I nodded, and followed him into the bedroom. It was one of the first times I ever felt uncomfortable being wrapped in his arms, and while Max slept soundly, all I could do was stare at the ceiling and try to physically stop myself from wriggling out of his grip and moving as far as I could out of his reach. His words kept ringing in my ears like they were still being shouted by him in his sleep. Even though his apology seemed sincere, I just couldn't shake how easily the insults fell from his mouth. Not for the first time since giving Micah my number and having him reject me, I wished that it was him holding me instead of Max. Even though I knew for sure he wanted nothing to do with me, I imagined that Max’s slightly muscled, tanned arms were replaced by Micah’s smooth and pale ones, and that was how I eventually got to sleep.