Cleave

“Oh God, Mason,” I cried out as my blonde friend thrusted upwards in an attempt to find that one spot inside of me that makes me go wild.

I say he’s a friend, but I think the term is less closely related to what we are than the term “friends with benefits” or, more crudely, “fuck buddies”.

I never used to think I would be the type of person to have a relationship like this one; one that’s filled with casual sex and no actual feelings, but here we are. A lot can change. I know that all too well. I also never thought I’d end up being interested in guys. And well, now here I am with a dick up my ass.

I never thought I’d be a disappointment to my mother either, but look how that’s turned out. She found me with my ex-boyfriend and sent me hours and hours away to live with her sister so that Aunt Tina and Uncle Mark can ‘help steer me away from my homosexuality’, which is absolute bullshit because I’m not even gay. Bisexual, yes. Gay, no. Idiots.

I ran my tongue teasingly along my newly pierced (for the third time) bottom lip as I grinded down on Mason’s hips, helping him finally find the spot he was looking for and making me groan in satisfaction.

“Ah, fuck,” Mason mumbled as his movements started to falter, telling me that he was getting close to finishing. He shifted slightly on the couch so that he was sitting up straighter and grabbed onto my hips to steady me as I bounced on top of him, bringing myself up to climax along with him.

It didn’t take long before we were both completely finished and I was slumped over Mason with my head resting on his shoulder, both of us breathing hard. His hands were still on my hips and his thumbs were lazily drawing circles on my skin. We stayed in that position for a few minutes while we regained control of our breathing and then I sat up, leaning back to look at his face. He really is attractive, with ridiculously chiselled cheekbones, soft pouty lips and beautiful hazel eyes. I ran my fingers through his blonde hair as I leaned in again to lazily kiss him. He immediately slipped his tongue past my lips and explored my mouth. I like kissing Mason, but I’ve never felt the same way I did when I kissed Angel. Mason’s never given me butterflies in my stomach like Angel did. God, I miss him.

I think Mason might like me in more of a romantic way than I like him. I’m in this for sex, plain and simple. But when we go out anywhere, Mason holds my hand. He pays for my food if we go out to eat. He kisses me randomly. Just, a lot of stuff that a boyfriend does, really. We’ve never talked about it and I doubt he’ll ever actually tell me that he likes me (if he actually does), because he knows how much I went through with Angel, how far I fell for him and that I’m still in love with him. I think Mason’s just accepted that I can’t (won’t? I’m not really sure) feel any romantic feelings towards him.

To be completely honest, the only reason anything started happening with Mason in the first place is because Angel broke my heart. I found out from my family that he found a new boyfriend, only months after I left. That hurt more than anything.

When I first came to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, I refused to talk to anyone back home. I mean, I wasn’t allowed to talk to any of my friends anyway and I hadn’t seen my phone since Mom took it after she caught me with Angel, but I didn’t talk to anyone in my family either. They called the house phone at my Aunt’s place a couple of times a week and asked to speak to me, but I didn’t want to. I was too angry and hurt and betrayed. Even my sisters, who did nothing wrong, got the silent treatment.

It was a few weeks after I arrived at Aunt Tina’s that I realised how much I missed talking to Dad and my sisters. I didn’t miss talking to Mom but I had to deal with it. At least I was able to hang up the phone when she started going on about why I was such a disappointment to her.

It was my mom who told me a few months after I left that Angel had moved on already. She said she saw him with some tall guy with dreadlocks in a fancy restaurant. The guy was holding Angel’s hands from across the table. Mom took the opportunity to tell me once again that Angel was only with me for sex and that he never loved me. I didn’t believe her at first, certain that Angel loved me as much as I loved him and wouldn’t be able to move on so quickly. It was only when Georgia confirmed it – she was there with Mom at the time – that I finally believed what I was hearing. I cried the entire night after that phone call. The next morning, I decided that since Angel could move on, I would too, which was how I ended up being in this sort of relationship with Mason.

We were still making out on the couch in the living room, completely naked after sex, when we heard a car pull up in the driveway. I pulled away from his lips slowly, knowing that there was no way we would be able to fully re-dress before whoever pulled up came through the front door, and not really caring either way. Most of the time I actually tried to make it a point that I was having sex with boys on my religious, homophobic Aunt’s precious furniture.

I casually climbed off of Mason’s lap after one last kiss and attempted to at least find our underwear before we were caught. He watched me as I bent down to collect both pairs and flung Mason’s to him before I pulled my own on. He had just managed to pull his underwear up over his hips when my Aunt walked into the room carrying a briefcase in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other.

“Get out,” she snapped, barely glancing at Mason. He was quick to find his clothes and pull them on before looking around for his phone. It had fallen down the side of the couch when we were messing around before our clothes came off. Once he found it and went to leave, I grabbed his arm to keep him there for a little longer. Knowing that Aunt Tina was watching, I made a show of wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply, holding it for a few seconds before I let him go so he could leave. He smirked at me as he did, knowing how mad we had just made my Aunt.

“Get your clothes on and get in the kitchen. We’re having a discussion. I thought I’d got through to you the last time but clearly not. How dare you do that in my house? Maybe I’m going to have to take further action,” Tina said, scowling at me in disgust of what she just witnessed.
“Oh, like what? Grounding me? Not letting me see him? You’ve already done that, remember?” I shot back as I began to get dressed.

She was silent. I’d got her there. There wasn’t much she could do because no matter what kind of punishment she tried to put on me, she could never make it stick.

I smiled as I pulled my shirt over my head. I began to walk out in the direction of the spare room – my room while I was staying there – when she yelled at me to get to the kitchen. I rolled my eyes. I knew what was coming. Another lecture. Yay.

I sat, bored, at the kitchen bench while Aunt Tina rambled on about how what I was doing wouldn’t be tolerated in her house and how homosexuality is a sin and a bunch of other shit that I’d heard a million times before. She made me promise that I wouldn’t do it again. I did. I was lying. I wasn’t going to stop and we were going to have this exact conversation again.

Despite her threats and lectures and obvious disgust over my sexuality, Tina really did want me to get “better” on my own and as long as I was able to manipulate her into thinking that I would try, I would get away with doing the exact opposite of what she wanted for a while longer. If my mom was here, it would be a different story. She would make my life a living hell, more so than she already has by sending me to this shitty little town in the first place. That’s why I haven’t run away from my Aunt’s house. I know it would be much worse if I end up back at home before I turn 18.

I’ve already planned it with Dad for me to come back home after I turn 18. He said as long as I work hard to graduate high school and find a part time job when I get back, he will help me pay rent on an apartment that I can live at while I go to college or work. I still haven’t decided what I want to do yet but I definitely want to come back home. I don’t know if Mom knows yet, but I don’t think she’d be very impressed by that. Dad said she’d be fine with it. I’m not convinced about that, but whatever, as long as I get to come home and see my family and friends, that’s all I care about.

I just wish that there was something else for me to come home to because I miss Angel every day. But he has someone else coming home to him now.