Cleave

My life became monotonous over the months I lived with my aunt and uncle. I went to school on weekdays. I came home and did the minimal amount of homework needed to pass my classes. I’d sneak out to parties with my friends on Friday and Saturday nights, get drunk and then get caught sneaking back into the house at 4am. I’d fight with my aunt about my drinking and smoking. I’d fuck Mason at the house and then fight more with my aunt about that. Same old, same old.

Sex with Mason was the only thing in my life that wasn’t getting boring. We always tried to change things up in the bedroom and I think that was why I didn’t really want to hook up with anyone else once Mason and I started our little thing. It was also good because in all our time together, and it was a good half a year, the ‘c’ word was never brought up. That’s ‘c’ for ‘commitment’, not the other one. As far as I was concerned, if he wanted to go off and sleep with someone else, he was at perfect liberty to do so, and the same went for me. I only wish I’d realised sooner how differently he felt about that.

A couple of days before Valentine’s day, Mason and I were at his place after school. We were in his bedroom with the door closed and I was pressed firmly up against it. My legs were wrapped around Mason’s waist as he thrust hard up into me, making me groan with pleasure and slight discomfort. He hadn’t prepped me or used lube so it was a little more painful than usual, but I liked it. I’d recently discovered the joys of rough sex and that was how I wanted it more than any other way. Standing up was one of my favourite positions and mixed with how rough Mason was fucking me, I was soon a moaning, sweaty mess.

Mason bit my shoulder hard as his movements started to become jerky, making me cry out in pleasure. As he licked at my wound, his hand moved from my ass where he was holding me up to take hold of my member so he could jerk me off in time with his thrusts. Profanities were spilling out of both of our mouths as the pressure continued to build up until we were both feeling the heights of our orgasms. I had made a mess over both of our torsos and accidentally smashed my head into the solid wood door as I came, bringing about a weirdly dizzying high, but I found that I enjoyed it.

A few moments later, Mason kissed me, slipping his tongue in between my lips and exploring my mouth. I responded by twisting my fingers in his hair and holding him closely to me by tightening my legs around his waist. We stayed doing this for a few minutes before Mason pulled away from my lips and started on my neck, immediately going to the spot that drives me crazy. He had me moaning in seconds, like he knew he would. I had started to grind my hips into his again and that got both of us worked up quickly. Mason was still inside of me and I could feel him hardening again. He started to slowly thrust again once he was pretty hard and I would have happily gone for round two if he hadn’t opened his big mouth.

Mason’s lips were still at my neck and his breath tickled the little baby hairs there as he spoke quietly to me. I didn’t pay any attention to what he was saying – I was enjoying feeling everything too much – until he blurted out after a soft moan, “God, I fucking love you Micah.”

I stopped moving instantly, shocked. It took Mason a few seconds to realise that I suddenly wasn’t interested in sex anymore but once he did, he stopped moving as well, pulling out of me and helping me so I could unwrap my legs and get my feet on solid ground. He had an odd look on his face, like he couldn’t quite believe he just said those words out loud. I just stared at him. I had just one thought going through my head. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why is this happening? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why is this happening?

“Micah?” Mason spoke. I blinked stupidly.
“Why?” I whispered back.
“What do you mean ‘why’? Don’t… don’t you feel the same? Or – or anything for me?” Mason said with a frown. He stepped away from me so he could look me properly in the eyes, searching for an answer.

I remained silent. I didn’t know what I could say that could fix this. Because at the end of the day, I didn’t love him back. Did I like him? Sure. Did I love him? No. Did I want him to love me? Definitely not. Would I ever return his feelings? I had no idea.
I was quiet for so long that Mason’s face dropped. “I guess that’s a ‘no’,” he said quietly. He stepped further away from me and bent down to pick up his boxers and my own, handing mine to me before pulling his on. I copied his actions, still not saying anything.

I opened and closed my mouth half a dozen times as I tried to figure out what to say before I was able to form a coherent sentence. “Mase… you’re like, my best friend. And I like… this. I like it how it is. I thought we were just messing around and…”
“Micah, stop. Only you like it that way. I… I’ve wanted you, properly, for a long time. I want to be with you, as your boyfriend, not just an easy fuck.”
Once again I couldn’t speak. I felt terrible. I wanted to be able to just say to Mason that I loved him too and we’d live happily ever after, but I just couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to choke out as tears formed in the corners of my eyes.
“Me too. I can’t do this anymore Mics. I love you and it’s just too hard to keep going with this knowing you don’t love me back. I still want to be your friend, but this… I have to stop, before I get even more hurt.”

I nodded numbly. I understood completely. I moved past Mason and collected the rest of my clothes off the floor before pulling them on. Mason watched me in silence. It was awkward, to say the least.
Once I finished putting on my shoes, I stood up straight and faced Mason. I didn’t know whether he wanted me to leave or not but I knew that I wanted to leave. I was feeling a mix of emotions and I needed to be alone to sort them out. I stepped towards Mason and hesitantly leaned up to press my lips gently against his. He let me kiss him for a few seconds before pulling away with an expression of sadness on his face.

“Micah…” he began warningly, but I cut him off.
“No, I know. I get it, I won’t do it again,” I said. I bent down to pick up my backpack and left Mason in his room by himself. He didn’t follow me. I left his house and started my walk back to my aunt’s place, my thoughts and emotions swirling through me.

I was upset and disappointed, and also somewhat angry, although I couldn’t figure out why at first. The longer I thought about the situation, though, the anger got worse and worse. I blamed Mason for screwing everything up between us. Why did he have to fall for me? This was supposed to be hooking up, nothing more or less. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Not boyfriends. Never boyfriends. He knew that I was still not over what happened with Angel. So why the fuck did he think that I would like him back?

Of course, once I calmed down I realised that I was completely overreacting and that it wasn’t Mason’s fault and it wasn’t mine. It was just something that happened and I should never have blamed everything on Mason. But before I was able to achieve rational thought, I completely lost control of everything.

By the time I got back to my aunt’s place, I was absolutely fuming. I threw open the front door and slammed it closed after going through it, and marched through the house until I got to the guest bedroom where I was staying. Once I entered the room and slammed the door closed behind me, I ripped my backpack off of my back and threw it at the wall as hard as I could. That started off a series of throws, kicks and punches that lasted until I was too tired to do anything more and I sat down heavily on the carpeted floor as my aunt opened the door.

“What on earth are you doing?!” she screamed at me, surveying the scene. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of my trashed room, completely exhausted after expending all of my energy damaging everything I owned.
I stayed silent, still fuming.
“Well?!”
“Venting,” I muttered.
“Venting? This is not how you vent! You write in a diary or go to the gym or go for a run. You don’t trash a room that isn’t even yours! What on earth could you possibly be “venting” about anyway?” Tina asked me, using her fingers as quotation marks when she said the word ‘venting’.

“Are you fucking serious?” I said, getting angry again. “What could I be venting about? How about everything, huh? How about how shit my life is? How about the fact that my best friend has just decided that we can’t keep fucking each other because I’m not in love with him?” I had stood up by then and was yelling into my aunt’s face. “I’ve lost everything. Everything! Because you and your stupid fucking sister can’t accept that I liked a guy who probably fucking hates me now because I got sent away. I hate this! I hate being here. I hate you and I hate Mom and you can both just go and fuck yourselves because no matter what you try and do to me, I’m still going to like boys and I’m still going to sleep with them whether you two like it or not!”

The unmistakable sound of a palm slapping flesh hit my ears before my cheek started to sting. My hand came up to my cheek and cradled it gently. It throbbed slightly and caused my tear ducts to automatically fill with water. My mouth was open in shock. My aunt slapped me. And if the adamant look on her face was anything to go by, she wasn’t sorry about it.

“Don’t try to tell me you didn’t deserve that, you ungrateful brat. Maybe it might have knocked some sense into you,” my aunt said smugly before she left the room. I stared after her for a moment until I noticed something else. My lip was stinging and I automatically let my tongue run across my lip piercing, and when I did, I discovered a slightly metallic tasting liquid coming from where the ring went through my skin. Blood. She had slapped me hard.

One of the things my parents never did was hit me or my sisters. It didn’t matter how naughty we were as kids, they would never lay a hand on us. They would be furious if they found out that Tina had hit me. And they were definitely going to find out. I stormed out of the room and headed straight to the phone. I dialled my home number and held the phone to my ear.

“What do you think you’re doing?” my aunt said as she came up behind me, unwillingly making me flinch.
“None of your fucking business,” I replied back as someone on the other end picked up the phone. Tina placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed hard. It hurt, and it scared me and I hated that. I didn’t want to be scared of my own aunt.

“Hello?” my dad’s voice said. Tina squeezed my shoulder harder, causing me to let out a whimper of pain.
“Dad,” I began, choking a little bit on the word.
“Micah? What’s wrong?”
“She hit me.” My aunt finally let go of my numb shoulder once I said those three words. She walked away, allowing me to let out a sigh of relief. On the other end of the phone, my father was quiet.
“Dad?”
“Tina hit you?”
“Yes, and she was hurting me just before too. She was squeezing my shoulder really hard,” I said. A sob escaped my throat as my mind fully comprehended everything that had just happened in the last few minutes.
“I’m not letting her hurt you anymore. You’re coming home,” my dad said, and for the first time since arriving at my aunt and uncle’s place over a year ago, I finally felt some hope.