Silence Falls

“You’re so fucking right about that, man.” Bam chuckled to himself, reviving the most favorable times in his past. “Everyone back at home thought Ryan and me were two stupid idiots with nothing better to do but to break shit and injure ourselves with dumb jackass stunts we put on the internet in an attempt to get famous.” Sighing heavily, he clenched tightly onto Hermanni’s hand he had afforded to him earlier for solace. “They never knew...even when he died they never knew what amazing person they could’ve known if they only hadn’t written him off as some hopeless case like me.”

Hermanni granted Bam a moment to reminisce on his beloved best friend, Ryan, before continuing on probing him with questions. Tentatively, he asked. “How did your friend pass away?”

“Um...he was in a car accident. Ryan went drinking out with a friend while Emma and I were taking a trip out somewhere in Europe. They left the bar in his Porsche, speeding to what they say was around 130mph when it hit a guardrail. It landed into the woods, and…c-caught fire.” Bam stammered out, attempting to stifle the sounds of his cries with his other arm, not registering that his body was drawing towards Hermanni’s frame for comfort. The more he vocalized, the closer he got to him at the point where his arm was now binded around Hermanni’s waist and his tears were dampening into his black T-shirt. “T-The crash was so violent that t-the coroner couldn’t even fucking tell how t-they died, but they could identify Ryan’s body by his hair and tattoos. The police chief said it was the worst crash he h-had ever seen. The c-car went through forty feet of trees before e-exploding! They could only tell what type of car it was because one of the d-doors was thrown from the crash and had survived the collision.”

“You went there, did you not?” Hermanni grilled him softly. “To the crash site.”

Bam managed a nod. Hermanni ended his questions to assuage the poor boy. He didn’t have to ask how Bam fared when he traipsed the very road his friend had last been driving on before his departure, because he was presently reliving the agony in his arms. The books and televisions in the Electronic Store depicted stories of people suffering from loved ones perishing, and each one always ended with the individuals moving on with their lives after the grieving process. Move on? How does one move on exactly? Bam was still mourning over the loss of Ryan so how was Hermanni supposed to help him to move on? And why did ‘moving on’ sound more like ‘forgetting’ to him?

Bam had finally composed himself. His tears had been dried and the lump in his throat had dissolved away. It felt so long since he allowed himself to cry over Ryan, and for some reason he felt kinda better for doing so. Straightening himself up again, Bam became mindful that he had just been clinging onto Hermanni like a pansy. Clearing his throat, he ignored how embarrassed he was as he grumbled. “Don’t mention this to anyone, okay? I don’t want them to know about….this. Me crying, you know?”

“No problem.” Hermanni ensured with a smile.

“Good.” Bam sighed to himself before standing up from the mounds of pillows in the center of the store.

“Where are you off to?” Hermanni inquired, reaching out to catch a firm hold on his wrist.

“I’m gonna go stretch my legs, dude.” Bam informed him, giving him a miffed look for seizing him there.

“We are not done here. You have not talked about Emma yet.” Hermanni noted, tugging him back down beside him with a startling amount of strength for a slim guy.

“What!? No way, man, have I not just told you about my best friend’s death? What more could you possibly want from me? That’s as bad as it gets!” Bam disputed, desperate to end this soap opera so he can be done with it. He was already feeling much better, wasn’t that Hermanni’s plan all along?

“I want you to open up about the death of Emma next.” Hermanni recommended him, feeling the red hot fury flooding through Bam’s veins at the mention of her name.

“What's there to talk about!?” Bam hopelessly yelled at him, his heart beginning to sprint in panic.

“How did she die?” Hermanni inquired coolly, his vivid eyes locked on Bam’s contorted face.

Bam shook his head in objection. “Stop it, I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, man!”

“Why not?” Hermanni asked, not letting up because he knew that Emma was another subject he needed to face. If he didn’t, he’d and everyone around him would become a casualty of his wrath.

“Because it makes me uncomfortable!” Bam restated powerfully, his voice bouncing off the walls.

“Why?” Hermanni advanced on.

“Because I fucking KILLED her alright!? Are you fucking happy!” Bam wrenched his hand away from Hermanni’s grasp to stride over to the gate again to batter his hands against it, taking his frustrations out on it. Once he was reduced to catching his breath, he professed with his head resting against the cool metal again. “Emma and I married young. It never became a concern for me until Ryan died. Emma was pregnant with twins and I couldn’t have despised her more for it. I felt trapped and forced to be something I couldn’t be nor wanted to be. I didn’t care about our kids at all even though I tried my hardest to. We got into an argument at my parent’s house that night and before I knew it I knocked her out the window. She and the babies died on my parent’s walkway.”

Hermanni showed no emotion as he stood up and placed a hand on Bam’s back. “Forgive me for being frank, but...you do not seem regretful of your actions towards Emma.”

Bam slowly turned around, too weakened to protest otherwise. “You’re right. I’m not, and I don’t know why. She was my first and only love I ever had, and she’s dead because of me. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why am I so cold-blooded and outraged all the goddamn time!?”

“You hold so much anger inside you. Perhaps it is because you have not dealt with your darkest emotions. You have allowed it to spread like a disease and now it has overruled your other sentiments.” Hermanni surmised, tapping a finger on his chin in thought.

“Or maybe I loathed her because she was alive and my best friend was dead.” Bam presumed with a shrug. “Ryan was always my brother, and Emma became my nag of a pregnant wife. My love for her died very early after we married. But then why was I still with her? Did I not realize it yet?”

“Maybe it was because everyone that knew you two always pressured you to be together. You two succumbed under that pressure.” Hermanni implied, watching the light bulb flick on behind Bam’s eyes.

“Holy shit, I think you’re right!” Bam exclaimed, gaping in awe at Hermanni. The more he opened up to the weird guy the more he was beginning to feel mentally stable and sane. Was this guy mending him, he wondered? He hadn't felt this normal since Ryan was alive. He felt so...liberated? Was that what that emotion was? It was so new to him after many years without it he hadn’t recognized it at first. So relieved he wasn’t thinking properly anymore, Bam strode forward and snagged Hermanni by his upper arms. Jerking him forward, he smashed his lips against the young man’s without a second’s thought.

Hermanni’s eyes stayed open wide as he gaped at Bam’s closed lids. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do and so he settled for responding to Bam’s kiss like the people on the televisions did in situations like this. Relaxing in his hold, Hermanni closed his eyes and savored his first kiss.