Kiss Me

"And now, don't be afraid ladies and gents, he only-" The Lobster boy stopped as his brown eyes locked onto mine. Heat rose deep in my cheeks and his lips cracked the faintest smile. I'm not certain how long the pause was, though it was obviously long enough for people to start following his gaze to me.

From the side curtain, a midget popped his head out, frantically whispering something to the boy. I smiled, putting my head down and focusing on the pattern in my dress. It was such a strange feeling. At school, I'd no shortage of eager suitors--some of them the most handsome at the school--and no one had arisen such humility in me.

I wouldn't deny that the Lobster Boy was handsome, however, the fact still remained that he was a freak and however much I disliked it, there was no room in society for freaks.

"Kiss me." I whispered, rolling on top of Jimmy. He had already begun to fall asleep, but opened his eyes at my request to flash me that beautiful smile of his.

"Haven't I kissed you enough for one night?" He teased, wrapping his arms around me to hold me in place. He was perfect, sweet, gentle, and I couldn't understand how someone so beautiful could be put on this earth only to endure such hardships.

I stole a quick glance around his trailer. The ugly tin mobile home was small and messy and I despised it, yet he still refused to let me clean it up. I was 'too pretty' to be cleaning up after him, but it was what I wanted. I wanted a little house on a farm with a dozen children, I wanted to wake up every morning to fix breakfast and chase after the little rascals, I wanted to be Mrs. Jimmy Darling, and I wanted to clean up after my messy husband.

I frowned glancing back down at him, furiously shaking my head in objection and as I lowered my lips to his, I couldn't help but to wonder if he would ever kiss me enough. Would I ever wake up on morning and not long for his kisses, his embrace-- for him.

I was so hopelessly in love with Jimmy Darling, I couldn't fathom a life without him. Even if that made me an outcast, a freak, I didn't care. I'd never been more happy in my entire life.

The wind beat against my face as I hurried away from the tent. It had been a mistake coming out to the freakshow, everyone had warned me and of course I hadn't listened.

"Hey, wait up!" I stopped, turning quickly to find the Lobster Boy had followed me. Immediately, the nervous feeling returned and I bit down on the inside of my cheeks to keep them from blushing. "Where are you going?" I breathed as he'd caught up to me a little out of breath from his jog to catch up. I fought back a smile, glancing back in the direction of the town, my home.

"It's late, I need to be getting home." It wasn't entirely a lie, but I wouldn't tell him it was because of the nervous, butterflies-in-your-stomach, feelings he gave me. I dared to make eye contact with him again, not being able to fight the smile back this time.

"What's your name?" He asked, revealing the other half of the smile he'd accidentally flashed onstage.

"Virginia." I couldn't help myself, it was just something about him that drew me in. I was a moth to his flame and I didn't mind.

"I'm Jimmy." His hand flew out, readying for a shake and I hesitated. Jimmy, the Lobster Boy because his fingers were fused together in such a manner that they resembled lobster claws. Jimmy quickly lowered his hands. "Sorry, they probably scare you. I shouldn't have-" He stopped as I reached down, taking his hand in both of mine. They didn't scare me, I didn't find them gross or disturbing, they were just... hands. They were Jimmy's hands.

I can't explain what compelled me to do so, but I gently traced over his fingers where they were fused together. Jimmy was silent as I did so, he didn't move, he didn't pull away. I stopped, looking up at him, back into those brown eyes.

"You don't scare me." I told him, and I meant it.

I checked my watch, trying my best to be as polite as possible. I was suppose to sneak out in a little over an hour to meet Jimmy back at his trailer. Unfortunately, today my friend Susan had insisted on throwing a slumber party since her parents were away and my parents refused to let me decline. I walked over to the window, glancing longingly in the direction of the freakshow. I still hadn't managed to tell anyone about Jimmy and I yet. I didn't want to believe that it was because I was afraid of what they would think, though I couldn't exactly convince myself there was another reason.

"Alright, ladies." Susan smiled giddily, climbing onto her bed. "Our 'guest' has arrived." Their eyes directed towards me as if they were all hiding some secret and I glanced around the room, unsure of what it was exactly they were talking about. "Now, Virginia, you're new to this so we decided that you don't have to pay this time." I raised an eyebrow as she turned to the other girls, "But you all better have brought your cash, or you don't get a turn." Susan scolded, holding her hand out. I walked over to her as the others began placing their money in her hand.

"What's going on?" They were, honestly, frightening me a little and I wanted in on their little secret before I continued this 'slumber party' any further.

"Just a second," Susan counted the money, climbing down from her bed and hurrying towards the door. "Helen, fill Virginia in. I get to go first since it's my party." She giggled, letting the door swing shut behind her. I turned to Helen, becoming a little impatient.

"Okay, so you know that freakshow that just came to town?" Helen's voice had lowered dramatically, along with my stomach. I nodded, not wanting to let on that I knew too much. "There's this boy," a few of the other girls began giggling now, "with these..." Helen brought her hands up, pinching her fingers together in a claw-like manner and my heart sunk, "hands." She shivered, letting out another giggle.

Jimmy. They were talking about Jimmy, but why?

"What about him?" My voice faltered, but they were too preoccupied with their fantasies to notice. Something inside my head was screaming at me to shut up, that I didn't want to know anymore, but I had to. They were talking about my Jimmy and I needed to know why.

"Let's just say," Helen managed between giggles, "never in your life have you experienced such an orgasm." She whispered the last word and my mouth went sour. My hand found its way across her cheek before I could even comprehend what was happening. The other girl's gasped as I stood up, making my way out of the bedroom.

She was lying, they were all lying. Somehow they'd found out and this was their way of mocking me. The realization, however, hadn't kicked in until I heard Susan's moans echoing down the hall. My heart beat painfully in my chest as I stopped outside of Susan's parents' room. My hand reached for the doorknob as I silently pleaded with it to stop, but it didn't.

The white, wooden door flew back to reveal Susan laying spread eagle in her parents' bed as Jimmy, my Jimmy, was knelt at the bottom pumping his fingers, those beautifully flawed fingers, into Susan. And why not, she'd paid for it.

Jimmy didn't bother to stop as he'd heard the door open, he didn't even turn to look. Instead he simply called, "wait your turn sweetheart," and went on with it.

I was paralyzed. I wanted to run, I needed to, and my legs couldn't find the strength to even move. Then the worst happened; Jimmy looked at me.

I stumbled blindly, Jimmy doing his best to keep me balanced and blindfolded as he lead me to where ever it was he was taking me. I was excited and nervous all at once at his enthusiasm.

"I swear, you're gonna love this." The excitement in his voice only heightened my own. I grinned from beneath the shaggy blindfold.

"If you're taking me to another one of Meep's headless chickens, I am going to strangle you Jimmy Darling." I laughed, remembering the first time he'd tried to surprise me. Jimmy laughed, pulling me to a gentle halt.

"Alright," he pulled the blindfold off quickly and I had to squint a little as my eyes adjusted. The scene before me was breathtaking. It was a lake, a small one, but the sun was setting and the thought of being here with him made my heart ache with joy. "What'd'ya think?"

"You made me a lake." I teased, wrapping my arms around his waist in thanks. I breathed him in, watching as a mosquito skidded across the water.

"I love you, Ginnie." He whispered, placing a kiss on the top of my head. This was perfection, it was more than I could have ever hoped for and not just the lake, but Jimmy himself. I'd found someone that loved me, and I loved in return and I couldn't ask for anything more.

"I'm ready." I awkwardly blurted, catching him off guard. Jimmy seemed startled for a moment, before realizing what it was I was talking about. "Don't," I placed my index finger on his lips to stop him, "don't ruin just," I leaned forward, kissing him deeply before pulling back to gaze into those brown eyes, "just kiss me."

I didn't go home. I didn't go back to the freakshow. I wanted to be alone because that was exactly what I was now. I felt abandoned by the one person I'd loved more than anything else on this earth and the only thing worse than having your heart broken is still loving the person who did it. I couldn't hate Jimmy.

I closed my eyes as I heard footsteps approaching. I knew exactly who it was and I'd been dreading this confrontation since I'd caught him. The cool breez sweeping off the water engulfed me, throwing my hair into a wild dance around my face. The footsteps stopped once they reached me, still I couldn't bear to open my eyes.

"I knew I'd find you hear." Jimmy's voice broke the silence.

"Why?" My voice cracked as I opened my eyes to fight back tears. The images were burned into my mind and just kept replaying over and over.

"I needed the money--you need to know that it meant nothing," I pulled away as he reached out for me. I didn't want him to touch me with those hands, not after what he'd done with them. "Ginnie, I love you." His voice was barely above a whisper. I couldn't hear it, I couldn't stand there and listen to him claim that he loved me after what he'd done.

"And getting a normal job would have just been too dignified, is that it?" I snapped, folding my arms across my stomach.

"What else is there for a freak like me, huh?" His voice was harsh this time, "'Cause if you can think of something better than I'd love to hear it sweetheart!" Anger flashed in Jimmy's eyes and I couldn't take anymore. It felt like the weight of the world had just crushed my heart and I wanted to cry and scream and bury myself beneath the earth, away from everything and everyone.

"Me, Jimmy." My voice was frail, cracked. "There was me." The look on his face only made things worse as I realized I'd only hurt him in return. This wasn't right, this wasn't how we were suppose to be. Everything felt as if it was falling apart. For a while, neither of us spoke, probably from fear that we'd somehow just make things even worse.

"We're leaving." I was still, refusing to let my face reflect what my heart was feeling. I didn't want Jimmy to leave. I wanted him to stay here, with me; I wanted him to take me in his arms and make things better so that we could go back to the long nights spent in his trailer just talking about everything and nothing.

"Elsa got us a lot down in Jupiter, Florida." I noticed him grab something out of his pocket as he took a step closer to me. "Virginia," I turned to watch him fumble with the tiny velvet box, it couldn't have been, "I do love you, but you deserve better." I closed my eyes, letting the tears cascade down my face. "You deserve a normal life," I shook my head, "you do." His voice broke as he set the box onto the ground.

"Please, Jimmy," I managed barely over a whisper as he disappeared over the hill, back towards the freakshow, "kiss me."