24 Floors.

For the first time since this nightmare of a reality happened, I woke up with arms around me, enveloping me with a perfect warmth. I curled back into the touch before my brain started screaming.

You’re sleeping with a guy!

Naked!

In All Time Low’s bus!

In Jack’s bunk!

With a guy!

And the Bus is moving!

And the guy is still here!

A groan flew from my mouth as I sat up too fast to remember the bed above me, but somehow I didn’t wake the sleeping figure beside me.

“Jayden, you okay?” Someone called from the front room. I wasn’t focused on identifying it at the moment; I was more worried about how I would get a buff, 6 foot male out of my bunk and into the next venue without anyone seeing.

“Yeah, fine.” Somehow I kept my voice steady.

“Cool. Come out and get some eggs, then! Rian cooked and they’ll probably be gone in a few minutes.”

I didn’t see any way of avoiding the eventual confrontation, so I obeyed, trying to make things easier on myself later. Somehow I found my clothes easily, and slid them on with minimal movement.

“Jayden.” A hand grabbed my arm as I slid out of bed, restricting my motions. Of course now he would wake up.

“What?” I hissed.

“Don’t leave.” He pleaded, eyes half open and lips forming a pout.

I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t move. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Before he could stop me, I tore my arm out of his grasp and scrambled away from my bunk, trying my best to not let the dull throb in my lower back slow me down.

All eyes were on me as I made it out of the bunk area. It seemed as though no one knew what to say, so I pretended to ignore them, locating a plate and filling it with eggs.

“It looks like someone had a great night.” Jeff said finally.

My head whipped around to the crew. Some of them - Matt, Alex, and Vinny, namely - looked pissed, but nearly everyone else appeared amused, knowing smirks floating around the room. “What do you mean?” I kept my voice even, my face straight.

“Your hair's a mess, and there’s a second pair of shoes outside your bunk. Also, you don’t just hang halfway out your bunk and whisper for no reason.” Zack pointed out the evidence. There was no denying it; I was caught. My face went warm. “You might as well just bring her through for breakfast - we’ll be at the next venue in about an hour.

I didn’t think it was possible for my face to burn any hotter until Jack walked out, clad in boxers and a t-shirt. “Bring who through?” He yawned, stretching.

I froze, but with this many people in the room, it didn’t matter. “Jayden got la-id!” Zack sang.

“Yeah, and the fucking girl’s still in your bunk.” Matt muttered, going on about irresponsibility and how no one he worked with had a brain.

Instantly, Jack was awake, turning to me and sighing. His arms crossed over his chest as he made his way towards me, stopping only inches from me. I wanted to cringe away, throw my plate in his face and run, but there was literally nowhere to hide. “Sorry.” I started.

I waited for him to start yelling, but it never came. “Dude. First rule of touring: never let them fall asleep in your bunk!” He rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't seemed phased. "But yeah, bring the lady out. I want to meet her!"

Anxiety filled me from head to toe as I trudged back towards my bunk. I moved my curtain aside to be met with the boy staring at the ceiling, drifting back to sleep. "Come on, they want to meet you...what's your name again?"

He looked hurt, but I couldn't find it in me to be too bothered by it. "Derrick."

"Right, sorry." I dismissed. "Come on, Derrick."

He walked behind me with his head down. Everyone's eyes were on us as we emerged. "H-Hello. I'm Derrick." He stuttered.

The room was still, save for Alex spitting out his coffee and Zack falling to the ground in laughter. "You're kidding me!" Zack roared, holding his stomach as he lost it.

"You're gay?" Jack questioned, testing the words in the awkward atmosphere.

"No!" I replied too quickly for his liking.

"Chill, Jayden. Bisexual, then? Or something else?" Rian cut in.

"No. I'm not any of that."

They shrugged. "Curious, then." Jack said to Rian. I wanted to scream no! You don't get it!, but it wasn't fair to him. Nothing had changed for anyone but me, and I shouldn't expect them to realize they were hurting me.

"So, are you going to punish me, or what?" I huffed, wanting to get this over with.

Jack thought about it for a minute. "I mean, I've done the same thing before, so I can't really do anything without being a hypocrite. Just don't do it again, okay?"

I sighed in relief. "Okay." Turning on my heels, I went back to my bed as Zack's laughter began to die down. A set of feet followed me, but I didn't turn around until I reached my bunk.

Derrick pushed me against the wall and kissed me. "Round two?" He asked, lust in his tone as he pressed his body into mine.

However, I was over it. It was nice while it lasted, but I couldn't do it again; not right now. I was too confused. Was I gay? Was I a girl? Was this just a one-time thing, fucking a guy? I needed answers, but I couldn't find them. "I don't feel well." I admitted, pushing him off me.

"Oh, should I get you something, then?"

He was nice, genuinely concerned. It made me feel a bit bad for doing this, but it needed to be done. "I'm fine. Just go away, okay? I need to be alone."

I climbed inside my bunk, shutting the barrier between us. "Well, fuck you too." He muttered, obviously not meaning for me to hear. I mouth back an "I'm sorry," But I didn't say it out loud. If I were him, I wouldn't forgive me. I couldn't even forgive me.

Why was I fucking up every relationship I had? I hadn't said a word to anyone I knew since my mom left me - and I still had no desire to. It was too much pressure to even think about doing. And now, with a new bus full of people, I was making life harder for every single one of them. I wasn't even trying to make things easier for them. I was a burden in every way possible, and I couldn't stop myself. Now, I was making things even worse. Finding out about this stupid gender thing was making my head spin; I was even more irritable and I was too fatigued to hide it. I was falling apart, but there was no way I was telling anyone.

At least, not until I had to.

I would keep myself together, and until I could do that, I would stay right here, in this very bed. With allowing myself to do nothing to think and figure things out, it shouldn't take long to sort out my shit.

Right?

***

3 days. In 3 days, I had left my bunk exactly five times. I went to the bathroom, and two of those times I also snuck food, but only when I was sure I wouldn't run into anyone. Feigning sickness, I got out of going to shows and nearly no one checked on me more than a "how are you?" in passing. It wasn't that they didn't care, Jack explained, it was just hell to get sick on tour. Honestly, I was more than relieved I didn't have to worry about anyone wasting their time on me. There was nothing they could do, anyways.

In 72 hours, I had gotten approximately 7 of sleep. In the other 65, I:

Couldn't.

Stop.

Thinking.

And, despite thinking it would help me sort things out, I only found myself even worse than I had been before. My stomach hurt from worry, but I couldn't quite pinpoint what I was worrying about. Was it my gender identity? My sexuality? What people would think of me if I came out? If this was real and not just something my brain conjured up?

Twitter wasn't being too kind, either. In the few times I allowed myself a check through my mentions, I only felt worse. I didn't understand why people were being so mean to me. I had never done anything to (most of) them, and yet they still told me horrible, terrible things.

Did I deserve it?

"Jayden?" Jack called from right beside my bunk. I jumped, my phone slipping out of my hand and past the bunk curtain.

My phone...opened to my Twitter mentions.

I froze. I didn't know how he would react. "How are you feeling?"

"B-Better." I was already holding back the tears, and the fear of what was to come was making it harder.

Jack didn't respond to me for a minute, and when he did, it was this: "Holy shit."

That was when I knew he had my phone. He probably wasn't even trying to read it - a lot of the messages were in all caps, screaming read me! Read me! He read them before he could stop himself. "Can I come in?"

My breath was staggered. "Yeah." I replied curtly, moving as close to the wall as I could. I didn't even want to touch me, let alone anyone else.

"Are you cold?" He whispered as he got situated beside me, closing the curtain and turning on the bunk light. I was currently covered in every blanket I could find; not because I was cold, but because I didn't want to see myself.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"I wouldn't go that far." Jack held up my phone, sitting it on top of my blank pile about where my chest would be. "Why didn't you tell me the fans were getting like this?"

It was too much work to explain, so I only shrugged. He relaxed against the headboard and threw an arm around my shoulders. I held my ground, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

"That's not really an answer, Jay."

My bottom lip quivered. I felt trapped. "I-I can't." I whimpered, curling even further into my core.

"Whoa, hey, hey!" Jack shifted, trying to keep my hands away from my face so he could look at me. "You're alright. Don't listen to them, okay? We want you here. I want you here. I'll tell them to stop. You don't deserve this bullshit, Jayden, got it?"

His voice was strained, serious, and more strict than I would bet he'd ever been in his life. I nodded in response, and before I could protest he pulled me into a hug. "Whoa!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry, you just look like you need a hug." He held me tighter, and slowly, when it became obvious he wasn't letting go anytime soon, I relaxed against him. "You know, you can cry if you need to." He said against my ear.

Tears burned even hotter behind my eyes, but I couldn't let myself in front of him. "I'm okay."

Jack sighed, pulling away and looking me in the eyes. "Tell me what's wrong, Jayden. It won't get any better if we can't fix it. I haven't seen you for like, 3 days, and now I have my doubts of you being 'sick'." He ran a hand through my hair. "It's not healthy, doing this. You can't hide from the world and expect to get better. It doesn't work like that." His smile was bittersweet.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"You don't have to keep apologizing." He adjusted the blankets on me, pulling them back up where they had fallen. "Look, clearly you don't want to talk right now. But whenever you want, I'm here. So is Rian and Zack. So is our crew. We're all worried about you."

I stared at my feet. "But I don't want to distract you from your job."

He scoffed. "You think I wouldn't stop a show for you? Whenever you want, Jayden, 24/7."

My teeth pushed against my bottom lip as the corners of my mouth tugged upwards. "Thanks, Jack."

I had to tell him, even though the thought made my body go cold.

Tonight.