24 Floors.

That night, we were staying in a hotel. Once again, I had my own room. Flyzik had Jack and Alex assigned to the same room, like always, but Jack wasn't having it. "Rian. Switch rooms with me." He commanded in front of all of All Time Low, Tonight Alive, and their crews. Rian nodded right away, sensing Jack was probably down for a fight if he so much as said the wrong word. I looked at Alex standing behind his (ex)beau; his posture told the group he couldn't care less, but his head was downcast long before he pulled out his phone to distract himself.

I'd done my best to ignore Alex the rest of the day, and I think everyone else was doing the same. Jack told me that Rian, Jeff, and Zack promised not to say anything to anyone until I was ready. The only reason that Zack knew was because he snuck onto the bus right about the time Jack started yelling at Alex. I think even the fans noticed the tension on stage; Jack pranced around the stage like always, but generally stayed away from Alex, opting to grind and kiss and twerk on Zack instead. Zack and Rian were slightly more level-headed about the whole situation, and made up for the lack of Jalex by making their own jokes and interacting with both Jack and Alex separately. Although as soon as they got offstage, they were back to giving Alex the cold shoulder.

My first order of business when I reached my room, much like everyone else's, was to take a shower. I was just about to step into the bathroom when there was a knock on me door. I checked the peephole, and green hair met my vision.

I let Jenna in, and immediately she was talking, walking past me and making herself comfortable. "What happened? I don't mean to be nosy, but why is Alex ignoring everyone and why aren't him and Jack rooming together? Did they break up?"

Sighing heavily, I sat beside her on my bed and buried my face in my hands. "Yeah, they're over for now. As for Alex, it's more like everyone is ignoring him."

"What did he do?"

I picked up my head to face her. "He outed me."

Jenna raised an eyebrow. "Are you gay or something?"

"No!" I denied. She watched me hesitantly until I continued. "I, uh...I'm not really ready to come out yet, so if you could just keep this between the two of us for right now, that'd be really cool. You and I guess All Time Low are the only people who will know."

"Okay." Her toes were bouncing against the floor, and she was still smiling.

"I'm, um, genderfluid."

"Ah. That's a shit thing to do on his part. I'm really sorry, Jay. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

I laid back on the bed, once again covering my face. "I don't know. I guess we could just chill for awhile, if you're not too tired. A distraction would be a good idea. I was going to take a shower before you came in, so if you give me like ten minutes we can watch a movie or something." Jenna mumbled something in reply, and her cheeks went red. "What was that?" I asked.

She glared at her feet. "Well, you said you wanted a distraction, and I wouldn't mind - I mean, you're pretty attractive, and even though I don't like you like that, maybe...I could join you? In the shower, I mean."

"Are you being serious right now?"

Her head snapped up and she shrugged. "If you want me to be. It's not like I have a relationship, and let's face it: everyone has needs, and I haven't gotten any in awhile."

I had to admit she looked adorable stumbling over her words, obviously flustered and nervous. I also couldn't deny that it was kind of a turn-on for a girl to be asking me for sex - not matter how awkward - and not the other way around. I was something of an established man-whore, and no one really ever had time to ask me before I asked them. And Jenna said she didn't like me, so we didn't have to worry about feelings getting in the way.

A distraction fuck sounded perfect, and it's not like I exactly said no to sex. Ever.

I turned to the bathroom and slid off my shirt, tossing it back towards her. "Are you coming or not?"

***

Jenna collapsed on my bed, pulling me down with her and covering us in warm blankets. "You know, people always say shower sex sucks, but I think you made it pretty damn great."

"I'm a person of many talents. What can I say?" I joked. We fell into a comfortable silence as we wrapped ourselves up in our minds and clung to each other for warmth. It was as close to relaxed I had felt since my mom left, but it only lasted a few minutes before my door was knocked on. Again. "Fuck." I rolled out of bed to find pants; Jenna just pulled the blankets up higher on herself. After a few seconds, the visitor was knocking again. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" I shouted.

Jack was leaning in my doorway, taking in my appearance. "Did you just get out of the shower?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been here for like an hour and a half. I thought you said that was the first thing you were doing."

"I got distracted, dude. Chill."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I tried texting you, but since you didn't answer I came here. Can I come in?"

My eyes went wide. He didn't really wait for an answer, expecting a yes. He was fairly surprised when I put a hand on his chest. "No, actually."

"Why?"

"I'm, um, working on something." I tried.

"Mhmm." He deadpanned, unconvinced. He looked over my shoulder and saw the mess my floor had become. "That shirt's a girl's. And I know I didn't buy you an A Day To Remember shirt. Actually, that looks really familiar...wasn't Jenna wearing that after the show?"

My shoulders slumped. "Yeah."

His eyebrows nearly disappeared under his hair. "Jenna?"

"Yes?" She called from the bed. From the place we were standing, Jack couldn't see her.

"Are you naked?"

"How mad would you be if I said yes?"

"I'm not mad. I'm just surprised." He admitted. Maybe he was trying to hide it, but I saw disappointment in the corners of his mouth and the creases under his eyes. "I guess I'll leave you to it, then. Zack and I were just about to watch a movie and I wanted to know if you wanted to join us, but I think I know the answer. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bus call's at 8:30."

He didn't wait for my response before turning on his heels and headed in the direction of his room. His body was languid as he dragged himself down the hallway, as if a bolder had just been put on his shoulders.

I was his burden. He was tired and worried about me every day. I was consuming his time, as he wanted to waste all of it on me. I caused him to break up with his boyfriend. I cost him hundreds of dollars already just in shopping for clothes that many would argue I didn't need. I was interfering with his job, from the fan hate to the way him and Alex didn't interact on stage tonight.

I was ruining him.

"Jayden?" Jenna waved a hand in front of my face. When did she get dressed? Had I really been zoning out for that long? "Hey, I'm gonna head back to my room. I think you probably want some alone time to think, so I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, alright." I nodded absently.

Her face was concerned. "You okay?"

I tried to shake away the thoughts, even if only for a few seconds so I could calm Jenna down. "Yeah, I'm good. Go get some sleep; you're probably tired after that shower." I winked.

She softly punched my shoulder. "Whatever. Goodnight, Jayden."

"Night, Jen." She smiled at the nickname, and I closed the door nearly as soon as she stepped away from it, leaning my back against it and sliding to the floor. In the few seconds that Jenna had left, I had come to the conclusion that Jack was surely going to kick me out after this tour. I was just too much. Everyone told me that Jack was the happy-go-lucky one of the group, the one that never wanted to really settle down. I was the exact opposite of his plan.

You're so much trouble, Jayden, you know that? It's times like these I wish I had given you up. The words from my mother echoed in the cavern of my brain. I had just gotten kicked out of my third school and the next closest one was a 40 minute commute one way. There wasn't a bus that would take me there, so she had to drive me until she let me get my license and a car.

I wiped my eyes, and they came away wet. I was shivering in just my boxers, so I got off the floor and found the most comfortable sweatpants I had - actually, they were Jack's, but I was definitely never giving them back - and a long-sleeved t-shirt and made myself a tea with the complimentary tea bags in the room. While I waited for the hot water, I checked my phone. It was nearly 2 am, and I knew with my brain going the way it was, it would be reeling for hours and leaving me unable to sleep.

Unless...

I found my wallet and slid on some shoes to make my way to the lobby. I asked the desk if they had any medicine, and like every hotel I've been to, they had a small stockpile of extremely overpriced pills. I bought nighttime-something medicine, not really caring to look past the "nighttime" on the label. I wasn't allergic to any medicine, and I wasn't a brand whore.

When I made it back to my room, I plugged my phone into its charger and set an alarm for 8. I turned my music on to play Green Day as I brushed my teeth and finished getting ready for bed. As I rolled under the covers, I opened the bottle and poured about five of them into my hand. I swallowed them with tea and laid back, waiting for them to kick in.

I winced when I rolled onto my wrist. It didn't really hurt, but it stung a bit. I had only snapped myself a few times earlier, just enough to cause a temporary red mark that almost blended in. For the first time, I saw the appeal. I was more worried about the pain than what Alex had said. I was in the present and not worrying about the future. It was a relief.

I needed it again now.

So I tried it again.

It didn't work as well as the first time, so I tried harder. I tried until my eyes were drooping and fatigue overtook my body.

I hadn't expected the bruise that greeted me the next morning, and I hadn't expected the weather to predict today's weather as the hottest day of the year so far.