24 Floors.

By the time I reached a fairly populated area, I could hardly breathe. I hadn't stopped running until this point, but my lungs were screaming and I was starting to worry that if I went much longer without giving myself a break I would collapse. I had to have ran at least a few miles; it was nearly 3:30 am, meaning I made my escape more than an hour ago. Judging by the time and the amount of people still out, I had to be in the party district of Baltimore.

I leaned against a wall as my breath caught up to me, trying to look casual and unassuming. I got a few strange looks from passer-bys, but that was probably more because of the dress than anything, and no one stopped to say a word to me.

The streets were lined with shabby bars and skyscraper hotels - the perfect mix for tourists and visitors. Most of these places seemed to be open all night, giving me the perfect places to hide.

It didn't take me long to realize the building I was laying against was a hotel. Just to my right, a large revolving door guarded by a man in a suit taunted me. My face met the air above me; this had to be one of the biggest hotels in the area! It seemed to climb forever, disappearing into the sky. It reminded me of my first night in a hotel with the band, how miniscule the world looked from my height, how calm it made me, knowing everyone in the world was just as small as me.

You know, before Alex ruined the night with his asshole comments.

Alex. Jack. Diana...Rian. Zack. The crew. Jenna, if she hears. I knew I was worrying people - even the ones I wasn't too fond of. I should go back, face this head on.

So why couldn't I? Why was the only thing I could focus on was acting confident enough to walk into the hotel and get past the front desk with no questions asked?

I nodded and smiled politely at every person I walked past as if I had nothing to hide. Although they looked confused by my dirtied dress, they didn't dare question me. Sometimes male privilege was nice; even though I was wearing a dress, my face told them I was not female, and they respected me. I might have heard a few laughs when I was turned away, but as soon as I looked at someone they were all business.

It was way easier than I thought it would be to reach the elevator, and because of the odd morning hour, the contraption was empty. I pushed the top button straight away, the one with a little picture of a roof.

It was the 24th floor.

I felt my ears pop as I walked onto the flat roof. As soon as I closed the roof door behind me, I walked to the edge. Looking down made me dizzy, but I did it anyway.

It was just as I remembered it being. People walking drunkenly, taxis picking up couples and friends, music blaring from the five closest bars, strangely muted in the sky. It was like I didn't exist, like my home was the clouds and I was never meant to touch the ground of Earth. A breeze stroked my face, reminding me of the forming bruise on my right eye. God, everyone who saw me tonight must have thought I was insane.

Maybe I am.

I took a seat on the gravelly rooftop, dangling my feet over the edge. I pulled my phone from my pocket and let my eyes widen in amazement. How the hell did Jack call me 58 times and text me 73 times in the matter of an hour? There was also 39 texts from Alex, 44 from Rian, and 41 from Zack. I had missed calls from unknown numbers, which I assumed to be the crew. The only person's number I had outside of the band was Matt's, and I had about 17 missed calls from him. It didn't take long for my screen to light up again with Jack's name, and before taking one last look at the selfie of us he insisted we take, I threw it over my feet. It took a few seconds from me to hear the shatter of glass on concrete. I was glad I didn't hit anyone. I couldn't stand to hurt someone else tonight. Although I didn't really mind what happened with Diana, I knew that the person behind every phone number that called me was worried for me specifically. I had no doubts that if I walked around the city for long enough, I would run into one of them.

Which was exactly why I would stay up here until the sun rose and go from there.

So, maybe throwing my phone off the roof wasn't the best idea. I realized this maybe 30 minutes later when I had nothing to distracting me from my mind. Not the hush of city life or the sky fading from navy blue to pastel purples. All I could focus on was my problems in the most self-pitying ways possible. I was stupid, I was selfish. I didn't deserve my life. I didn't deserve Jack as he was now: a brilliant, caring, loving father willing to do anything to make me happy. I didn't deserve to travel around the country and - eventually, maybe - the world with the coolest people I've ever met. I didn't deserve fans and support for my confusion, my weakness. What kind of person couldn't even decide their fucking gender or sexuality?

Have you ever really danced on the edge, or is something still scaring you? I stood, balancing on the ledge and letting my eyes wander to the roads below. In the short time I had been up here, the crowds had decreased significantly. All I could see were lonely people stumbling into hotels after a night at the bar. Everyone who had someone to go home to was already asleep. What did that say about me?

24 floors, up in some hotel room. Feeling so low, thinking of jumping soon. My toes leaned forward, dangling in free air. I was calm, too calm. One wrong move, one slip...

I want you to be my burden. Suddenly, my backside was heavier than my front and I was pulled back to the sharp, rocky surface of the hotel. I hit hard, and it just made it even more difficult to keep myself together. I had been letting myself cry way too much lately. I was pathetic. What could I do to make this better? Was there anything?

Go back to Jack. Go back home.

The only thing standing in my way of this was Diana. Why would anyone put someone through this? Did she want me to have abandonment and trust issues; a tragic backstory crippling my entire life? That was the only answer I could think of. Either that, or she was absolutely crazy.

Wiping my eyes, I stared at the sky, now parallel with my face. I tried counting the stars, but every time I lost my place. When I reached 38 for the third time, I realized that, although tears still came and my brain still swirled with guilt, I had calmed down considerably. I continued counting, this time seconds instead of stars, which worked out much more favorably.

I counted to 60 133 times before my eyes went dry and my brain(relatively) silent. I knew I had to leave before someone found me out here, and even in the early morning, being this high up meant the sun was already pounding against my skin. I brushed off the back of my dress once I stood up. As my hands hit my side pockets, there was a soft crinkle. Reaching my hand in, it close around folded paper.

$20. Perfect, another way to stall going home. Breakfast sounded good right now.

20 minutes later, I found myself in a McDonald's. The greasy smell of hash browns and sausage alerted my stomach of food. It growled ravenously. It only took me minutes to order a meal, and soon I found myself sitting down with my breakfast sandwich and orange juice in a booth facing the TV. Since I had thrown my main source of entertainment and news off the roof last night, I wanted to catch up on anything I'd missed.

What I was not expecting was seeing Jack and Alex's faces seemingly staring into me through the screen. The headline read "All Time Low Appeals to Runaway Child."

My heart clenched. I could clearly see both of their faces were puffy and red, even through the TV. Jack was a wreck; it looked like his only supports were the podium placed in front of him and Alex's hand in his - Alex, who had a shiner on his left eye; I must have hit him harder than I thought. Without those two, I had no doubt he would be on the ground. Alex was only fairing slightly better. "Jayden." Jack's voice cracked in the first syllable, the crumpled notebook paper he held trembling in his hand. "If you're watching this right now, you probably think I look like a fu-freaking idiot. I don't blame you." Alex tried to smile reassuringly at Jack, but could barely push up the corners of his lips. "You could be like, 3 states away right now, or you could be in my backyard, but I don't really think that's the case because Rian tore it apart. We're gonna have to replant all of those bushes." He gave a humorless laugh. My heart quivered as he tried to stay somewhat positive while his eyes went glossy. "Anyways, I think you know why we're here, on camera right now. We want you home, Jay. Please, come back if you can. Diana is in police custody and you can stay with us. I'm just so worried about you right now. I know you're smart, but I can't help thinking the worst. God, I've never been so worried in my life about anything. All the guys are right behind me on that. They've been searching the city all night. We love you Jayden, and we need you back. I need you..." Jack trailed off, wiping his eyes and leaning into Alex, unable to continue. You could see him starting to cry into Alex's shoulder before they cut back to the newsroom.

What have I done? Why couldn't I just not fuck anything up for once in my life? I couldn't understand why Jack wanted me back when I had done nothing but make his life more complicated. I know he had told me countless times, but every reason flushed out of my system as fast as it came in. It wasn't that I didn't want to hear him, I just didn't want to be lied to. Not that I didn't trust Jack, but I knew if it would make me feel better, he would probably bend the truth a bit.

Leaving my nearly untouched food where it was, I stood up and marched up to the cash register, thankful there was no line to wait in. The cashier looked like he had seen a ghost when he saw me. "You're...you're that...that-" He pointed at the TV screen where my face had been moments ago.

I nodded, knowing a blush was finding it's way to my face. I was so fucking stupid. "Yes, I'm them. And I kind of broke my phone last night, so if there's any way I could use yours..." He scrambled for his pockets, not taking his eyes off of me as if worried I would pull the disappearing act again.

I wasn't ready to see Jack's distressed face again yet, so I dialed a different one, the only other one I had memorized. He picked up after only one ring.

"Any word on Jayden?" He clearly was too edgy to even check the caller ID. Damn it, I was really worrying and hurting everyone. I could never forgive myself for this.

"Rian? It's Jayden. Can you come get me?"