24 Floors.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jack shouted in a singsong tone. I flinched and fumbled with the controller in my hands. After our little heart-to-heart, I convinced Zack to play Mario Cart with me when I found it sitting in their pile of video games. I’d never gotten the chance to play it, but people at school always joked about the infamous game, so Zack humored me.

Needless to say, it hadn’t gone well for me. This was our fifth round of races and I hadn’t won a single one. Zack couldn’t even lose to me when he tried - and trust me, he tried.

“Goddammit, I give up!” I fumed, throwing my controller to the seat beside me as Zack finished the race. “How the fuck do you even stay on the road? There’s no guardrails and those stupid shells are everywhere and lightning comes out of nowhere…” My rant went quiet as Jack and Alex entered the room. They probably thought it was because I was still angry with them - which I was - but I was quite literally shocked silent.

Their hands were intertwined in the intimate way friends could never do, and fresh red and purple marks were scattered across their necks under messy sex hair.

I didn’t respond, couldn’t respond to whatever jab Alex had sent my way; silently, I pushed my way between them and walked out the door they had just come in through. It wasn’t long before I heard Zack mutter something to the two and follow me out.

I leaned on the outside of the bus and waited for Zack to catch up with me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Care to explain?”

“Are they always like that?” I swallowed nervously.

“Always like what?”

“Did you see their hands? And their necks?” I felt the need to whisper, and I knew it was probably the right choice when I heard Zack’s reaction.

“Are they always horny gay boys? Yeah. Well, technically, they’re both bisexual, but if you’re asking if they look like they just fucked all the time, then I would have to say yes. Trust me, no one likes it, but we don’t know how to stop them. Ooh, maybe you can pull the child card and they’ll at least slow down!”
I didn’t get how he was so nonchalant about this. Wasn’t it wrong? “But you’re okay with them being, well...gay?" I cringed as the word left my mouth - out of embarrassment or fear, I wasn’t sure.

“Like I said, they’re bisexual, but yes.” His face fell. “Oh my god, you’re a homophobe, aren’t you?”

I’d never had to deal with this situation in real life. My mom had warned me about the ‘freaks of nature’ as she called them, and I always made sure to steer clear of anyone even suspected of being one. I wasn’t scared of them, I just knew what I was told; they weren’t right, and they should be outcast. I never actually bullied anyone for it, though. I simply didn’t involve myself. However, I wasn’t sure how I would keep myself out of this one. “I-I don’t know.” I answered honestly.

“Yeah, maybe you should figure that out. Maybe do some research.” He suggested. He wasn’t happy, but I was thrilled he hadn’t immediately dropped me for my opinions.

Were they really my opinions, though?

I felt like I had turned into an adult overnight. At the moment, I didn’t have any parents. It was the first time I could remember being alone like this. As terrifying as it was, it was more liberating than anything. I was able to make my own decisions and form my own beliefs, and as difficult as it would be to ‘unlearn’ some of the things I was taught, I wanted to try. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to feel like outcasting someone because of something that didn’t affect me. It wasn’t my relationship. Maybe I would still hate Jack and Alex, but the reasons were completely unrelated and justified more than a flimsy ‘it’s wrong’. Wrong to who?

“I’ll think about it.”

***

Thinking about it ended up in a Google search, which in turn lead me to an endless slew of “The LGBT Community”, “Gay Rights”, and “Transgender Evolution” Wikipedia pages. In the few hours I had spent researching, I learned more about these subjects than I had learned in school in the past year. Maybe it was because I was honestly interested in what I was learning now, or maybe I was too busy with my secret shop to pay enough attention in class. After reading from multiple articles that scientifically, being gay wasn’t a choice, I was beginning to reconsider my opinions. It felt like I was fighting against all of my instincts, and in a way I was. Kids were supposed to listen to their parents, right? Not that I ever really did that anyways, but I couldn’t help but feel paranoid that my mother was just over my shoulder, ready to yell at me for not following what she told me.

I found myself inexplicably drawn to the pages on being transgender and gender dysphoria. I was confident in my masculinity, but the feelings that accompanied these things...I had felt them before. The anxiety, the hopelessness, wanting to cover myself with my entire closet while simultaneously itching to tear my skin off. Wishing I could be someone else that never felt like this; someone that belonged. I had always chalked it up to being self conscious, because what else could it be?

No. I was not a girl; I liked my dick.

You’re forgetting about the incident, my brain conveniently reminded.

“Jayden, what the hell are you doing?” My mom screamed. She was home earlier than usual, the result being her walking in on my secret. I’d only done it a handful of times, but I couldn’t deny how right it felt. “Are those my shoes? My dress? My makeup?” She fumed, reaching for the mint green sundress and trying to tear it off my body.

“Mom, stop! I’ll take it off!” I fought her, trying to hold it below my thighs, but since she had caught me by surprise, she was able to overpower me, pulling it over my head. She didn’t seem to care that her makeup was now smudged on it, but that might have been because she was gaping at my nearly naked figure.

“I...those aren’t mine.” She gulped. “Where did you get those?”

I tried to use my hands to cover the sheer, thin, deep red panties on my hips as my face turned the same color. “Um...Victoria’s Secret.” I’d pretended I was buying for a girlfriend, and I even got a free second pair due to the staff determined to get me laid. It was black lace.

“Take them off and bring them to me when you do.” She looked sick, and her speech was slow. “This is disgusting, son.”

I shivered at the memory, and my heart rate increased. Was I one of them; The ones I spent years despising?

In the midst of my internal freak-out session, I hadn’t heard two sets of feet making their way toward the bunk until they were right in front of me. Thankful my bunk’s curtain was closed, I shut my laptop and kept my breathing shallow.

“...Dude, he’s seriously you from 16 years ago.” Zack was trying to convince him

“Yeah, of course he is.” I could almost hear Jack roll his eyes. “I still want a paternity test, and Flyzik agrees that we should have one, just to be sure. I think he’s trying to schedule one for next week.”

It was quiet for a moment. “Jack, he’s hurting so bad right now. He thinks you don’t want him-”

“Knows I don’t want him.”

“Can you shut the fuck up for like two seconds?” Zack sounded pissed, and I’m sure Jack realized he wasn’t a worthy opponent of the man who was probably 80% muscle. “Jeeze, you act like you’re the only one who’s affected by this. Maybe you should think about your possible son right now? His fucking mother abandoned him, and the man believed to be his father can’t wait to get rid of him. Can’t you imagine how alone and scared he feels right now? And you and your asshole of a boyfriend aren’t doing anything to help.”

A minute ago, Jack wouldn’t shut up. Now, he seemed to be at a loss for words. “What do I do now though? I already made him hate me, and he seemed to have some pent up daddy issues before this whole mess anyway.”

“You be the best dad you can be now, and make it up to him for the rest of your life. It’s not that damn hard, Jack.” Zack deadpanned, exasperated.

Jack sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”

I decided it was time to alert them of my presence. “I’m here all night, so, whenever you’re ready.”

There was a shriek and a muffled ding, followed shortly by “fuck, ow.”

I held back my laughter when I opened the curtain to see Jack holding his head and Zack blushing pink. “My bad.” I shrugged, not sounding too sorry at all.

“Listen, kid-”

“Jack.” Zack’s voice was lethal, and Jack had to take a breath before being calm enough to continue.

“Okay, listen...Jayden. I guess you just heard that whole conversation so I’m not going to repeat it. I am sorry for being a douchebag-”

“An immature douchebag.” Zack interjected. This time it was Jack’s turn to glare daggers.

“Whatever. Sorry for that. And...I really don’t know what else to say. I’ll try to be better.”
It was as good of an apology as I would get from someone with the mental maturity of a seven-year-old. “Cool.”

He held his fist out and I bumped it, and while his arm was up he checked his watch. “Shit, we’re like twenty minutes late to soundcheck! Alex is going to kill us again.” Jack groaned, grabbing a jacket and tossing it over his shoulder.
“You’re worried about Alex? What about Flyzik?” They exchanged looks of horror before running off, barely having the chance to give me a quick goodbye.