24 Floors.

New York City was a beautiful place, day and night. The 100 story skyscrapers and never-ending buzz of life was unlike any other place in the world, and as much as I didn’t like the chaos, I couldn’t help but feel adoration for the crowded city from the 24th floor of the Main Street Hotel. It was a perfect summer night of cool breezes and clear skies, and as soon as I reached my room I opened the balcony doors and leaned over the edge of the rail so I could take in the nightlife below. Cars sped past the buildings and couples looked up to the skyline in awe.

Drowsiness held my head heavy in my hands, and as much as I wanted to stay awake the whole night and watch the world, I turned off the room’s lights and stumbled to my bed as my eyelids fought to stay open. I left the balcony doors open so the air would keep my room at a comfortable temperature.

When I first started hearing voices, I thought it was my half-asleep state making me hear things. I tried to ignore it until I realized they were in fact real peoples’ voices, talking about troubles of parenting. My eyes shot open as fast as the anger in my chest, and I stealthily made my way to my balcony door. Alex and Jack were on the balcony beside me, but they couldn’t see me inside my pitch black room watching. Leaning against the wall, I let my irritation grow. My hands shook with outrage. I shouldn’t have expected anything less from them, but for some reason every time they had something new to say, in my mind, it drove the wedge between us deeper and deeper. I didn’t know how I could ever move past everything they had done to me in the past few days, and I didn’t know how much longer I could let them keep doing this to me.

Alex’s voice always grated on my nerves, but when it suggested his newest ploy to get rid of me, I could no longer take it. Slamming the door shut, I ran back to my bed, burying my face in my pillow just in time for my mouth to explode in screaming rage.

Alex’s POV

“Jack?” I heard the hotel door slam shut over the hum of my shower. I was almost done anyways, so I turned off the cooling water and quickly dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt before going out to my boyfriend.

In the three years we had been together, Jack was always the one to hold me up. A thing Jack Barakat just didn’t do was cry; to him, things were fixable without the useless tears. He was a good problem solver and even better at keeping himself and everyone else in a positive attitude. It was one of the things I loved most about him - in general, I was rather pessimistic, and his unending optimism kept not only our balance as a couple, but the stability of our entire band.

So when I walked into out dimly lit room where Jack sat on our bed, headphones in and tears streaming down his face, my heart broke in half and my anxiety skyrocketed.

He hadn’t seen or heard me, so when I sat in bed next to him, he jumped and knocked out one of his earbuds. “Holy fuck! You scared me!” He gasped, frantically wiping at his face.

I didn’t reply to his comment, only pulling his hands into mine so I could see his reddened eyes. “What’s going on, love?” I whispered.

“You know what.” He grumbled, taking back his hands and crossing them over his chest. This wasn’t the Jack Barakat I was used to: this vulnerable, pitiful boy who couldn’t stop sniffling. I sighed and moved his phone to the side so I couldn’t crush it. The screen lit up when I touched it, showing me the song he was playing.

Jack didn’t do sad songs - the kind that told people they weren’t alone in their sadness and how they handled it. He didn’t even like me playing Therapy or Missing You live; he liked the songs, but he couldn’t stand seeing his fans cry or feeling the deep pull of emotions that came with them.

It was no secret that Jack liked The Maine. They soothed him, he told me. So when I saw the album cover to American Candy, I wasn’t worried. What made me look twice was the song title. Instantly the opening lyrics came to my mind.

24 floors, up in some hotel room. Feeling so low, thinking of jumping soon. “Jack.” I didn’t try to hide the waver in the word.

His glassy eyes slowly looked over to mine. “Alex, I don’t want to be a dad. I can’t be a d-” His voice broke off with a sob as his torso slumped and his hand went to his mouth in a vain attempt to silence himself.

I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping the weeping boy up in my arms and pulling him into my lap. “Hey, hey, hey. Shh, baby. I-I’ve got you.”

He chose to ignore my comfort. “Th-this is all my fault! If I wasn’t such a m-man wh-whore, if I could put on a fucking c-c-condom correctly...goddammit I can’t d-do this!” He shouted, rolling away from me and pacing on the worn beige carpet the second his feet hit it. He found his way to the glass balcony doors and threw them open, stepping out on the cement slab overlooking the busy night roads that never quieted in a city like New York. I groaned. After an amazing show like the one we had just finished, the last thing I wanted to do was move. Of course I would go to comfort him, but I would have rather done it in our bed as we had half awake conversations between lazy kisses. Yeah, that was exactly what I wanted tonight. “Why do people even choose to be dads? This is too much.” His upper body was limp over the balcony rail as he whined. Worried as I already was, I rushed behind him to put my hands on his waist. We didn’t need any...accidents tonight.

“Hey, hey. Wasn’t it us not too long ago thinking about being dads? It just happened a bit differently than we thought it would.” Yes, we had decided against having kids for the time being, but that hardly mattered when Jayden showed up.

Jack’s glare burned through me. I wasn’t even sure why I was defending the kid right now. Maybe I just knew it would calm Jack down if I didn’t get visibly angry. Internally, my blood was boiling. There was something about him I just couldn’t like. Maybe it was simply the fact that he made Jack upset. “Yeah, but we chose not to because we can barely even take care of ourselves. Now we have another body to feed and make sure isn’t getting sick and, fuck.” He was starting to hyperventilate.

For the first time, all of the panic attacks I had during my teen and early adult years came in handy. “Jack, come on, stand up for me. Breathe with me; you’re okay. We can figure this out. It won’t be a problem, okay?” Suddenly, what I thought to be a great idea came into my mind. Something that could solve everyone’s problems at once. “Maybe we can look into adoption agencies tomorrow.”

The balcony doors of the room beside us slammed shut.

Shit, didn’t Matt say something about Jayden being in the room next to us? Jack must have remembered the same thing, because his face went bright red and his furious eyes could focus on nothing but me. The anxiety he had seconds ago had all but disappeared, the only remnant being his slight panting. “Alex, that’s the worst goddamn idea you’ve ever had. Do you not know what happens to kids his age in the system? Or do you just not give a shit?” His steps toward me were threatening, but I had nowhere to go. “That’s more than likely my kid, whether we admit it or not. You know that just as well as I do. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard too many fan stories of what happens in foster homes to put him somewhere like that when I know damn well he’s stuck in there while we have the time of our lives. If that’s the only other option we have, then I swear to you we’re going to be the best damn parents we can be. No one deserves that.” He propelled his fist into the metal rail, not even flinching at the crack we both heard. “Now he thinks we’re getting rid of him, too. Way to fucking go, Alex.”

I scoffed. “It’s not like you didn’t want to! You aren’t exactly father of the year, either, so chill.”

Fire radiated off of him, but his voice was sharp ice. “At least I want to try. At least I’m not looking at every single option I can to get rid of him! I bet you’d drop him on the side of the road if you got the chance!” He spat.

I said nothing. I couldn’t lie and say “forgetting” Jayden at a venue had never crossed my mind. “Jack, he’s already tearing us apart, see? What if it’s only a matter of time before the same thing happens to the band?”
“You’re the only one thinking like this! Rian and Zack love him! Matt and Vinny were talking about getting him to help with merch earlier. If you’d take two seconds to have a look around, you’d see that we’re the only two acting like he’s such a burden, and quite frankly, I’m tired of treating him like shit. It...It’s not even his fault. I’ve known that since day one, but it’s just been easier to ignore it. I can’t keep doing it though. You know what Rian told me? He said that Jayden thinks he shouldn’t exist because all he does is fuck everything up! I don’t want to be the cause of anyone feeling like that, especially my own kid.” His tears had returned, but neither of us acknowledged it. “God, I’m such an asshole! I hope it’s not too late to apologize.” He muttered, pushing past me into our room and grabbing his jacket off the top of his bag.

“But-”

“No, no ‘buts’. I’m going to go apologize to my son and maybe I can try to fix this. And if I can’t, I’m going to get a drink alone. Hell, maybe I will even if I do. Don’t wait up for me. I’ll sleep on the couch.” He growled, not even bothering to look back at me. He was out the door before I could even move inside. His emotions were running to high for him to try and fix anything; clearly, he couldn’t see that, but he wouldn’t let me try to stop him. I had my doubts that Jayden would even open the door for him, given the way he treated Jack just this morning before he heard our conversation.

I sighed. This was not at all how I expected tonight to end. I prepared a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin and left them on the nightstand next to the bed. Keeping the lights on, I grabbed a pillow, blanket, and my phone before making myself comfortable on the couch, readying myself for a long night of waiting.