24 Floors.

Unable to wait alone in my room for even a moment longer, I found myself in a comfortable hotel lobby couch at 5:15, eyes darting to the elevator every time it opened. Chill, Jayden. This isn’t a date. It’d be pretty fucked up if it was. I let myself laugh at my humor, letting it relieve my nerves. I knew I didn’t need to be nervous, but my heart - currently beating double time - didn’t get the memo.

At 5:19, Zack exited the elevator in old sweats. He nearly immediately spotted me. “Wow, you clean up nice.” Alex’s dress pants were a little long for me, but Rian was able to fix it with safety pins. The matching jacket fit perfectly, though. I had stuck with my own white t-shirt underneath, and Rian convinced me to style my hair. I didn’t think I looked bad, and Zack’s comment only reinforced my confidence.

“Thanks.” I replied simply.

We sat in silence until 5:26, when Jack and Rian appeared from behind the elevator doors. Jack wore an outfit similar to mine, and Rian looked like Zack. “Jayden!” Jack called the second he laid eyes on me. He waited until he reached me, however, to continue. “I’m so sorry about last night, and everything, really. I’m an asshole and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive me for the rest of tour. I was being selfish and I know this is shit for you and please just can we start over?” He rambled, breathless.

I was taken aback. Coming into this night, I had already been ready to move on. If he was going to take me out to a fancy dinner like he was, I was going to take that as an apology enough. “Dude, calm down. I’m over it.” I said.

Maybe I wasn’t eloquent with my words, but it seemed to get the job done. Jack, although a bit taken aback, grinned and stuck his arm out to me. “Well, then. Shall we go?”

I didn’t take his arm, but I stood next to him. “Lead the way.”

I had to commend Jack for really going all out. He rented a shiny silver car for the occasion even though our destination was reachable by foot and the second we stepped into the elegant Japanese restaurant I felt underdressed. The reservations had us located in the back of the place, with a clear view of everything happening around us, including my favorite part of Japanese restaurants: the Hibachi grill. Jack laughed at my fascination, but he clearly wanted to watch it just as much as I did.

Once we placed our order, containing a large bowl of General Tso’s chicken and the most amount of sushi I had ever had at one time, Jack looked at me nervously, his fingers drumming against the table loudly. “So, um, I did alright? I mean, you like sushi and shit?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re doing fine, but I might cut off your hand if you don’t stop that table tapping.”

He withdrew his hand and scoffed. “You’re the one drinking Pepsi when you could have Coke!” I scrunched up my nose. Pepsi was always the way to go. I don’t know how he couldn’t see that. “Seriously, why would anyone do that?”

“Get over it, rockstar.” I teased, taking an extra long sip of my drink.

As we ate, I told him about my life with my mom: what I liked in school, my hobbies, and the people I hung out with. I told him some of my favorite stories - most of which involved me getting in trouble somehow - and instead of chastising or scolding me, he told me about his crazy high school days and how his band had almost got arrested more than once. It wasn’t like a fancy dinner with my dad - the feel was more like a night out with a friend. I could feel the anger from last night melting as I warmed up to Jack.

When I took my last bite of dessert, I looked up to see Jack’s head in his hands, fingers rubbing his temples. “Are - are you okay?” When he didn’t answer, I reached across the table and tried to pull one of his hands away from his face. “Jack?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. It’s just…” He stopped, shaking his head.

“Just?” I prodded.

“You...You’re such a cool kid, and I really wish I would have known about you. Even though I wouldn’t have been around much, I would have at least paid child support and came to see you when I could. And now, I’ve been such a dick to you; I feel like nothing I do can make it all up.”

It was like a punch to my gut, seeing him on the verge of tears. I hadn’t expected to feel like that. Just this morning, I wanted him to suffer, but this was so very different. “Jack, you can’t blame yourself for all of this. I know that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, but let’s be real here. It was my...my mom who did this.” I couldn’t help the shiver that overtook my body as I referenced my mom. “It’s her fault, and we should really blame her for all of this. She’s the one who didn’t tell you, and she’s the one who got us into this situation in the first place. And honestly? If I have to deal with you for god knows how long, I’d rather be on semi-good terms with you.” I offered him a smile, and hesitantly, he returned it. “Also, you’ve got plenty of time to make up lost time. Like Rian told me, I don’t think I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

I bit my lip, before deciding lying wasn’t a good way to start this already precarious relationship. “Truthfully, pretty shitty. But I guess I’ll get over it.” I shrugged. I knew Jack already felt bad, and there was no need for me to make him feel worse. This was one of those things I really would just have to get over. If she had gone through such lengths just to escape from me, I didn’t want to find her, anyways.

“You shouldn’t have to.” His lips pressed into a thin line.

“But I do, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.” My hands reached back over to his side of the table and rested on top of his hands. “Jack, seriously. I’m going to be okay. Please don’t worry about her. We don’t need to right now.” I begged.

He looked me in the eyes, searching for my bluff. He nodded slowly when he saw none. “I promise you, after this tour we’ll search until we find her. Whether you go back with her or not, I don’t care, but I’d like to have some words with her and I’m sure the police will, too.”

Before I could agree or protest, two girls of approximately my age walked to our table. The smaller of them couldn’t take her eyes off of Jack, and the paper she clenched in her hands was trembling.

Since they were approaching from behind Jack, I alerted him to them. “What’s up, ladies?” I tried to keep a cool, level voice. Jack blinked quickly and put on a relaxed smile, wiping at his eyes as they arrived.

The taller one spoke for both of them. “Hello. We’re sorry for bothering you, but,” Her eyes turned from me to Jack. “We’re both really big All Time Low fans, and we were kind of hoping it wasn’t too much trouble to get a picture with you? If we can’t, it’s totally cool, but-”

“Of course you can! It’s really no problem; I love meeting fans!” Jack cut off her rambling easily, trying to make the girls more comfortable. “What are your names?” He asked as they readied their phones.

“Oh! I’m Hailey, and the starstuck one here is my girlfriend, Hannah. We actually met during one of your sets...it was the House Party Tour, right Han?”

Her girlfriend had to elbow Hannah before she snapped out of her trance and answered. “Y-Yeah. October 12th in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. You guys stopped playing a song ‘cause there was a fight in the crowd and I got stuck in the middle of it. Hailey pulled me out and didn’t leave my side for the rest of the night.”

Jack hung on her every word. “I ship it.” He proclaimed, making the three of us burst into laughter. “What? I’m a cool adult; I know the hip slang!” He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Maybe you should stick to guitars and dick jokes, Jack.” I suggested.

“Shut up!” He told me.

“Um, who are you?” Hailey asked. She didn’t sound anything but curious, but her face held some suspicion. I didn’t blame her.

Jack and I looked at each other for a second. “You can just tell them, you know.” I said finally.

He beamed at the girls. “This is my son, Jayden.” When their jaws dropped, he tried to explain a little more. “I know, I know, crazy right? We just found out about it, too. His mom kind of...um...dropped him off a few days ago. He’ll be on the rest of the tour with us.” They asked a few polite questions, like how old I was and if it was supposed to be a big secret. Jack answered them all for me and by the time Jack was taking Hailey’s phone and telling the girls to pose, they were all smiles and giggles.

After he took a few with Hailey’s phone, he switched it for Hannah’s. He also signed the paper for Hannah and wrote out some lyrics to “Therapy” for a tattoo she wanted. I’d seen pictures similar to it from other fans, and they always turned out amazing. Watching Jack interact with his fans was nothing like watching him interact with his band and crew. He was so patient and wholly focused on everything they wanted to tell them, spending nearly twenty minutes simply asking more about their relationship and the rest of their lives. I didn’t mind that he was ignoring me; clearly, he was making those girls’ nights, and I had an infinite amount of those left with him. I decided to just quietly sip at my water and listen until whenever he was ready to leave.

It was only when Jack asked to give them hugs goodbye that we noticed it.

Hannah had done a pretty good job of hiding it until that point, but there was no way she was rejected a hug from the Jack Barakat, even if that meant uncrossing her arms and revealing it. “Oh my god.” I think Jack saw it at the same time I did, and he hugged her extra long and extra tight. “How long?” I barely heard him whisper.

“A few years.” Her voice was muffled by his chest.

“These are new.” It wasn’t a question.

“Last night wasn’t such a good night for me.”

“I understand.” I didn’t look at Jack, but I felt his eyes flicker over to me. “Maybe next time, you should talk to Hailey, or someone. I hate knowing you’ve done this.”

“I-I’m sorry.” She sniffled.

“Don’t apologize to me. Just work to improve in the future, okay?” He pulled back and wiped away the few tears around her eyes. “I love you, remember that.”

Hailey gave Jack a bear hug and thanked him, just as emotional as her lover. It couldn’t be easy, watching someone you love go through that. Hell, I had barely seen it, and I already couldn’t get it out of my mind - the way the red slashes and white scars mangled her arms, deforming the shape of her limbs. I felt sick; it was so bad.

Almost as soon as we were alone again, Jack asked for the bill. We didn’t try to talk again until we left the restaurant, both wrapped up in our own worlds.

“Sorry about that.” Jack tried to apologized he started the car.

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe I wasn’t for your band, but I was a fangirl once, and I know that made their lives.” I dismissed.

“Jayden.” He said suddenly, his voice sober and low. I gave him my full attention. “This might be crossing a line, so tell me if it is. Can I...hug you?”

I thought about it for a moment. Was there such a thing as moving “too fast” with your maybe parent? I didn’t think there was a guidebook for something such as this, but wanting to kill them and then wanting to hug them within hours probably categorized as such.

Honestly, though? I didn’t care. I think I needed a hug for the same reasons he did.