Sunshine

I gazed up at the school that I would be starting the following week. It had only been ten days since I'd been released from the hospital. I sighed. Summer was nearly over and my life felt worse than when it had started. Lisa had brought me here to enroll for my senior year but it was impossible to imagine spending every day with kids whose lives had been nothing like mine. In Ohio I had trudged through my school days, speaking only when necessary and never making any real connections.

"Hey Abby, I know that this is tough for you but I think that you'll be okay," Lisa assured me. "Mark and Alex will be here too and you may even have some classes with them. Plus you already know some other people."

I fixed her with a pointed stare.

"This is a small place. What are the odds that I will have any privacy? All of these people will know what happened to me," I reminded her. "I will never be able to escape that and have a normal life."

"No. You won't. Your life has been incredibly difficult but you have showed a surprising resilience. You are incredibly strong and brave. You are standing here today, and in your shoes, I'm not sure I would be," she admitted.

"I don't feel very brave. Or strong. I feel worn out and hollow," I whispered. "I'm tired and sleep will never touch my exhaustion."

Lisa put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. I didn't return the gesture but it was kind of nice to just be held. Her phone began to ring and I pulled away so that she could answer it.

"Hello." A pause. "Well when did they call?" A longer pause. "No, I'll tell her. Thank you for letting me know honey."

I knew instantly that the news was not good. Her face was drawn, her eyes sad. I braced myself for the worst.

"They released Bill. Your mom has signed complete legal custody over to your father and I. She does not want any contact from you," Lisa told me directly.

I let out my breath. Bill was in Ohio, I was in California. And signing over her rights meant that my mom couldn't ask for me back. I was not surprised by this at all. She had only called me once all summer, the day Bill got arrested. Nothing she had said in that conversation could be repeated in front of a child. I shrugged.

"Okay," I acknowledged what she had said.

"There's more. Dave is out on bail until trial," she continued. I froze. My body felt like ice. I couldn't move or speak. "The judge granted you a restraining order. If he comes within fifty feet of you he will go back to jail." If he came within fifty feet of me he would kill me - and he would make it hurt.

I glanced back up at the school. The idea of being a normal high school kid seemed like even more of a joke now.