Status: Rewrite - somewhat active
Sunshine
t w e n t y & t h r e e
When Lisa and I got home my dad was waiting for us in the living room. As soon as I walked in the door he rushed to hug me. I scrambled away from him, terrified. He had never shown me any kind of affection before. He dropped his arms to his side, looking hurt.
"Ladybug, I just want to say how happy I am that you get to stay with us," he told me. I looked at Lisa to see if she knew what was going on. She looked as confused as I was.
"John, what are you doing? You said you didn't want her," she reminded him. He glanced at me. "She heard you at the hospital." He glanced between the two of us.
"I never meant that. I was just trying to protect myself," he explained. "Your mother used you against me a lot when you were little. She wouldn't let me see you for months at a time, just to punish me. After the last time, I gave up. It hurt too much to have you constantly taken away from me. It was easier to push you away. But now she can't take you anymore!"
"I don't care," I told him. "You pushed me too far away. All the awful things that happened to me, some of them here in this house and you did nothing. You didn't even try to make me feel loved or welcome. You were mad at me when they questioned you about all those bruises when I got here. You can't just say you're suddenly happy to have me here and expect that to make a difference."
"Oh," he sounded disappointed. "I didn't realize things had gotten so bad between us. I'm going to prove it to you then. I'll prove it every day for the rest of my life if I have to - you're my only daughter and I love you."
I shrugged. I didn't really have anything else to say to him. He was a slightly better parent than my mother but that wasn't saying much. I trudged up the stairs and left Lisa to deal with him. When I got to the top of the stairs I found Alex and Mark on the landing. They had obviously been eavesdropping. Neither of them spoke but Alex pulled me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry Ladybug," he whispered. "We all should have done more for you."
I slid out of his embrace and walked into my room without saying anything. I was overwhelmed by all the things I'd seen and heard. I fell onto my bed, my only safe haven, and crawled under the covers. I shivered for hours before the darkness came and took me.
When I woke up it was pitch black outside. I sensed immediately that something was off. Before I could place it I felt something cold and sharp pressed against my neck.
"Scream and I'll slit your throat," Dave whispered harshly. I whimpered. "Shut up." He pressed the knife slightly harder against my skin so that it actually hurt. "Come on, let's go." I stood up and he puled me against his body, the knife biting into me now.
He guided me down the stairs and outside to the beach. When we were away from the house he threw me on the ground.
"You little bitch," he growled. "I thought we had something special. I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'll never forget. When I'm done with you, no one will ever love you." Before I could speak he climbed on top of me. He dragged the knife along my shirt, cutting through the fabric and grazing across the skin underneath. It stung from my collarbone to my bellybutton. I looked down to see that I was bleeding. It occurred to me that this was it. My life was over.
I barely noticed him tearing off my pants and underwear. I didn't fight or scream when he forced himself inside me again. There was no point. No one would hear, we were too far away from any houses. And I felt death hovering nearby, like a welcome friend. When he finished Dave knelt over me. I was numb to everything that had just happened. I saw him take the knife but the sudden pain still surprised me. He hadn't stabbed me, like I had been expecting.
I gasped, shocked by the extreme pain as he had pushed the knife inside of me. He didn't pull it out and I could feel the hilt between my legs. I panted little shallow breaths. He leaned across my body and kissed my lips. Then he was gone. I lay naked on the cold sand. The sky overhead was dark, there were no stars visible and the moon was only a sliver. I could hear the ocean though I started to drift along its waves in my mind.
"Ladybug, I just want to say how happy I am that you get to stay with us," he told me. I looked at Lisa to see if she knew what was going on. She looked as confused as I was.
"John, what are you doing? You said you didn't want her," she reminded him. He glanced at me. "She heard you at the hospital." He glanced between the two of us.
"I never meant that. I was just trying to protect myself," he explained. "Your mother used you against me a lot when you were little. She wouldn't let me see you for months at a time, just to punish me. After the last time, I gave up. It hurt too much to have you constantly taken away from me. It was easier to push you away. But now she can't take you anymore!"
"I don't care," I told him. "You pushed me too far away. All the awful things that happened to me, some of them here in this house and you did nothing. You didn't even try to make me feel loved or welcome. You were mad at me when they questioned you about all those bruises when I got here. You can't just say you're suddenly happy to have me here and expect that to make a difference."
"Oh," he sounded disappointed. "I didn't realize things had gotten so bad between us. I'm going to prove it to you then. I'll prove it every day for the rest of my life if I have to - you're my only daughter and I love you."
I shrugged. I didn't really have anything else to say to him. He was a slightly better parent than my mother but that wasn't saying much. I trudged up the stairs and left Lisa to deal with him. When I got to the top of the stairs I found Alex and Mark on the landing. They had obviously been eavesdropping. Neither of them spoke but Alex pulled me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry Ladybug," he whispered. "We all should have done more for you."
I slid out of his embrace and walked into my room without saying anything. I was overwhelmed by all the things I'd seen and heard. I fell onto my bed, my only safe haven, and crawled under the covers. I shivered for hours before the darkness came and took me.
When I woke up it was pitch black outside. I sensed immediately that something was off. Before I could place it I felt something cold and sharp pressed against my neck.
"Scream and I'll slit your throat," Dave whispered harshly. I whimpered. "Shut up." He pressed the knife slightly harder against my skin so that it actually hurt. "Come on, let's go." I stood up and he puled me against his body, the knife biting into me now.
He guided me down the stairs and outside to the beach. When we were away from the house he threw me on the ground.
"You little bitch," he growled. "I thought we had something special. I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'll never forget. When I'm done with you, no one will ever love you." Before I could speak he climbed on top of me. He dragged the knife along my shirt, cutting through the fabric and grazing across the skin underneath. It stung from my collarbone to my bellybutton. I looked down to see that I was bleeding. It occurred to me that this was it. My life was over.
I barely noticed him tearing off my pants and underwear. I didn't fight or scream when he forced himself inside me again. There was no point. No one would hear, we were too far away from any houses. And I felt death hovering nearby, like a welcome friend. When he finished Dave knelt over me. I was numb to everything that had just happened. I saw him take the knife but the sudden pain still surprised me. He hadn't stabbed me, like I had been expecting.
I gasped, shocked by the extreme pain as he had pushed the knife inside of me. He didn't pull it out and I could feel the hilt between my legs. I panted little shallow breaths. He leaned across my body and kissed my lips. Then he was gone. I lay naked on the cold sand. The sky overhead was dark, there were no stars visible and the moon was only a sliver. I could hear the ocean though I started to drift along its waves in my mind.