Pawns of War

I woke up the next morning in my bed. My dress was tossed carelessly on top of my trunk, and my shoes lay on haphazardly on the floor. I raised my head from the pillow and noticed that most of the girls in Ravenclaw Tower left their spaces in similar fashions. Nobody else seemed to be awake, so I allowed my head to plop back down onto the pillow as I curled up into a warm ball under the blankets.

Memories of last night began to flood my brain as I recollected kiss after kiss. A smile formed on my lips and butterflies invaded my stomach. I wanted to live forever in those moments. I did not want to have to think about the uncertainty that would be surrounding this thing that Draco and I had started.

I heard Cho roll over and I opened my eyes. She was looking at me with a smile as she snuggled into her blankets some more.

“You came in late last night, Clare,” she spoke softly.

Draco and I had spent the majority of the night talking and kissing. By the time that I made it in, most of the other girls were asleep, though some were still trickling in during the wee hours of the morning.

“Where did you run off to?”

Cho waited for my reply, but I did not know whether or not I should say anything. I had not talked to Draco yet about how this new… relationship was supposed to work. Were we even in a relationship? Was last night just a one-time thing? I did not know, and it was too early to begin asking these questions.

“I just went for a walk around the castle,” I finally said. “I just needed to get away for the dance.”

Technically I did not lie. That was my original intention. I had not planned on Draco showing up randomly. I decided to change the subject off of me and asked Cho about her evening with Cedric. She excitedly told me every little detail about the night and how she and Cedric comforted Padma after Ron refused to dance or do anything with her. I giggled at her stories until the other girls began to slowly wake up.

After a while, I made my way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I filled my plate up and was in the middle of my meal when Draco walked in. We locked eyes, and moments after walking in, he left, and I got the strange feeling that I was supposed to follow him.

I left my food at the table and followed Draco. I caught up to him, and wanted to hold his hand, but something told me that now would not be an appropriate time. We made our way into an empty classroom.

The door closed behind us, and I watched as Draco began to pace the room. A heavy and awkward silence filled the air, and I worried what this encounter would bring. As my mind began to think about the worse things that could come out of Draco’s mouth, he stopped his pacing. I braced myself for the impact of whatever it was that he was going to say.

“Clare, I like you,” he said. “I like you a lot. But if this is going to work, we need to set up some basic ground rules from the beginning.”

My eyes widened. I was not expecting this. I was thinking for the worse scenario, and this never even came to thought. He was going to give us a chance. Up until yesterday, I did not know how badly I wanted that. Now, I was willing to do whatever it took to help this relationship get started.

“Okay, shoot.”

He looked at me with a serious expression on his face and began, “Firstly, this relationship has to remain strictly casual. If we keep it strictly casual from the start then no gets their feelings hurt if it comes to an abrupt end.”

I nodded my head slowly. Casual. I could live with being in a casual relationship.

“Second,” he said after I agreed with the first condition, “Nobody can know about this relationship.”

“I don’t understand that one,” I said.

Draco sighed before he began to explain. “My family has a very long proud history. We take pride in our untainted pureblood status, and if they were to ever find out that I was even casually seeing a muggle-born, they would forbid me from ever seeing you again. The family would also waste no time in disowning me for this affair. While I know that you do not agree with my families ideals of blood purity, they are my family and all that I have, I cannot and will not ruin my family’s reputation and be disowned for dating a muggle-born.”

Looking into Draco’s grey eyes, I could tell that he was scared. He was scared of the consequences I would bring into his life and what his family would do. I did not want him to feel this way. Although I did not want to keep this relationship a secret, I wanted to make sure that he felt safe.

“How about a compromise?” I asked. “Only friends here at Hogwarts can know.”

He shook his head. “All of my friends are the sons and daughters of my parents friends. I know that one of them would slip up and say something, and then it would reach my family.”

I walked over to him and placed my hands on the back of his neck. It felt strange and natural at the same time. I looked into his eyes once more before saying, “Okay.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me.

I wanted this to work. I wanted us to feel safe with one another. But as we stood there in the classroom embracing and snogging each other, Harry’s words from the year prior began to make their way into my head. I pushed them away because I did not want to believe that Draco was trying to use me, I wanted to believe that he earnestly wanted this relationship. And that is what I did.