I Have the Only Key to Your Heart

I'm sit down at the table and put the plate I got for Jarvis, my and Ken’s five year old, in front of him.

"How you feeling?" Ken asks.
"I'm good."

He leans over and put his hand on my belly. The baby kicked and he kisses my cheek.

"Hey you got a race to force on," I said.
"I know. I can go out as a winner," Ken said.
"You are, but you're not going out for being old and not good. You're going out to focus on your family."
"Yeah. Got to make family number one."

I kiss his forehead and start eating.

"Daddy are you stopping racing because I'm on Team Green now?" Mike asks.
"When you start wanting to race what was the one thing you didn't want to do?" Ken asks.
"To miss one of yours for me."
"I don't want to hold you back because of me. I also rather go on top then limp along and put stress on the family."

Jarvis smiles at me and push his empty plate.

"Ready to go Jar?" I asks.
"Yes Mommy."

I kiss his head. Ken goes over and Jarvis kiss his head and Ken takes him in the Rig. Mike pick up the plates and throw the trash away. Mike came and sits next to me.

"Ask the questions," I told him knowing he got some.
"Is he quitting like me?" Mike asks.
"Yes and no. He's done putting his family second but it's not only you."
"How long have you know? Was it at A1?"
"I knew for sure 30 minutes before you and about ten seconds before the press."
"He texted you that he's done with his career before telling the press?"
"We talked about it for the last 2 years," I said.
"What started it?"
"When Jarvis got his tonsils out. He really didn't want to board his plane while Jarvis was still in the hospital."
"You knew before he told you didn't you?"
"I had a feeling. It took a lot for him to do his job when we were not there."
"Did you let me sign with Team green because he was leaving?"
"No. This year was the first year you went out and talk to the team and you got to move up to a 250."
"Which means what?"
"It means you need to be on a team if you ever want to be a pro."

He nods his head and smiles at me. I kiss his head and Jarvis came with water bottles. I open the bag and he put them in. Ken came over and Mike hugs him and wishes him luck. I get up and hug Ken. He kisses my lips and smiles at me.

"Just don't get hurt ok?" I ask.
"Ok," Ken said smiling at me.

He kisses my lips again and I smile when he pulls away.

"See you later," I said.
"Up on that podium," He said.

I rolled my eyes and grab Jarvis and put him in the stroller and go out to the place where we watched the practices. I grab a water bottle and put it in the cup holder for him. Whitney came over and puts a chair up and point to it. I sit down and she nods her head. Once the 250 races are done, Lindsay comes with her two kids, Megan and Blake with their two kids.

"You gotten so big since Spring Creek," Blake said.
"That's rude," Mike said.
"Just watch the race Mike," I said.

Mike nods his head and Jarvis and Mike start cheering for Ken and Liam cheers for Ryan but stop since everyone else is cheering on Ryan so he goes to cheer Ken as dose his sister Avery. I look at Whitney and she smiles at me I smile back at her. Once the race ends and Ken gets second and Ryan got third. Lindsay takes her two kids out to meet him. Blake pat Mike's head.

"See you next Moto," Mike said.
"You're not going down there?" Blake asks me.
"We miss the start of the first moto."
"I was talking to your mom."
"No we stay here till the end of the second moto," I said.
"Ok."

He leaves. I grab a water bottle and hand one to Mike and see Whitney is doing the same thing for Liam and Avery.

"You feeling ok?" Whitney asks.
"I'm ready for Ryan to move back with the rest of the family. You want to move to Florida? I can get you a job it's not with a dirt bike but Jade can be the machine for Mike who cares that it's Green and not Orange."
"He's on Team Green?"
"Yeah. Once he went up and introduces himself to them. They came up after the race and start talking to us. He showed the interest. We are going to announce it to the family tonight."
"That's so exciting but I can't leave California."
"I know. We just got to take time to visit."
"We will visit too. Liam is racing so we will be at some races together."
"That sounds so good."

She laughs and hugs me.

"Christmas time with us," She said.
"We do have tradition and got to come out for A1."
"Yes you do. And you got friends who will hate to stop seeing you."
"Yeah I know, been told all throughout the season that I don't get to go away on them or they will come and live in my house."

We talk about what Avery is doing and how Jarvis is doing in preschool. The other people come and my dad came. He smiles at me.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey. You think Mike would like to be up closer to see his dad win the title again?" My dad asks.
"You are going with him?"
"Yeah."
"It's fine then if he wants."

Mike looks at me and nods his head making me know he listens.

"Thanks Dad," I said.
"Thanks Grandpa," Mike said smiling at him.
"No problem guys."

They leave and I grab Oreos out the bag and put some on the tray for Jarvis. I eat one and Lindsay looks at me.

"You are eating Cookies?" She asks.
"Yeah do you want one?" I ask.
"No."
"Then shut up."
"What?"
"Pregnant don't care about your food comments."
"It's all about healthy."
"I don't think it's healthy to deny yourself something. I think it's important to indulge a little. And I gain the less weight with this one then with Jarvis."
"You know what that means?" Whitney asks.
"That my little girl isn't going to be as big as her brothers so I might not need surgery?"
"We can hop."

Meghan and Lindsay looks at me then Whitney and back at me.

"Surgery?" Meghan asks.
"I had to have a C-section with Jarvis and with Mike I hemorrhage. So hopefully this one means she's just come out simple and nice," I said.
"They might do a C-section anyways since if you had one they might do it again," Whitney said.
"I didn't know this," Lindsay said.
"You were gone so there was no reason to worry anyone," I said.
"Your mother would've come out."
"She was taking care of you and Megan and you guys were first time moms. Plus Ken's parents were there for his birth so they help a lot around. Mike helped to."
"It's your own mother," Blake said.
"She didn't want to come out for the birth so she didn't. I didn’t see the point to announce it to everyone. It happen I dealt with it and it's all good now," I said.
"You should tell your family these things," Megan said.
"Why? For Sympathy? Look I knew with Jarvis that I didn't want my mother there when I wasn't really feeling it," I said.
"That is your mother. She loves her grandbabies," Lindsay said.
"We have different history. If she did anything really parenting to my new born I would be upset with her. It was better if she wasn't there," I said.
"Michelle and Tory were there for like a month when he turn one," Whitney said.
"Dad was there for a week but mom was there over a month. It was nice," I said.
"And you wish she old stayed for one week," Blake said.
"I just said that if she didn't want to be separate from dad that she didn't have to be. It's nothing against Mom or dad. I feel bad for the amount of time I cause dad to be gone from the family so I don't want to do that anymore to mom that's all I said. Dad understands what I said. Overhearing is going to get you in trouble stop it."

Jarvis looks at me and I go over and kiss his forehead.

"We are going to stop and watch the race. What place is daddy?" I ask.
"First. Uncle Ryan is 4 or 5. I'm not sure," Jarvis said.
"Got it."

I watch the race and get up after the 30 minute horn sounds. I get up and walk down to the tent area. Mike came and stay close to me. Ken come up to the tent. I smile and hug him.

"I won it," He said.
"I'm so proud of you," I said.

He smiles and kisses my lips. I smile at him and hand him Jarvis. Georgia came and talk to him a little about the race and how it feels to be at his last race. She goes over to the second place person. I take Jarvis after Ken and he talk a little bit. I go to the podium and his mechanic hands me the Roczen shirts. I grab it and put it on Jarvis then got mine on. I look and see Mike got his on. I nod my head and stay out of the way of the spry when they pop the champagne. Ryan came and hugs me.

"Third place is good," I said.
"Thanks."

I hug him tight. He kisses my forehead.

"I might have pissed your wife off," I said.
"Was this about cookies?" He asks.
"It started with cookies it end with telling them about things I guess they didn't know."

He sighs and kisses my head.

"I'm going to miss this," He said.
"Get your kid racing so he can be with Mike," I said.

He laughs and shakes his head. They brought Ken's bike up as my mom came and grab the stroller.

"Thanks mom," I said.

I grab Jarvis and make sure to get behind Ken while Mike is right in front of him and Jarvis is on his side. They take pictures. I grab Jarvis and kiss his lips.

"Press," I said.
"Yeah I know," He said.

I get down and put Jarvis down. I hug my mom.

"I love you mommy," I said.
"I know. I love you to. I heard about the fight. It's fine," She said.
"Ok."
"Since you got pregnant with Mike you didn't tell people things that happen to you if you have no control over and then just drop it or keep it to yourself."
"They couldn't do anything to help me. I told you about it."
"Ken told us about it. Ken tells us things that we should know as parents."
"Sorry."
"I get since you got pregnant at 15 you felt the need to show that you can do it on your own. Just don't be mad at people for feeling upset that you don't tell them because they are not you like."
"Got it."
"I will talk to your brothers to talk to their wives."
"Whitney gets it."
"She has a certain amount of that in her so she gets it."

I nod my head and we walk to the pits as she talks to Mike and Jarvis. She goes to the KTM Pit and I go to The RCH tent. I go inside and start packing up as Ken goes to his mechanic. I take Jarvis upstairs with me. I finish as Ken comes in form press. I sit down next to him and Jarvis climbs in his lap and hug him. Mike comes in and sits on the other side of him. There is a knock on the door. I look up and see Don.

"Come on in," Ken said.
"Hey just figure you do a video to talking about your last race," Don said.

Ken nods his head and Don set up. Ken sets Jarvis down so I get up and go over to the other side of the camera and Mike and Jarvis came and lay their heads on my lap. Ken starts talking thanking his sponsors and fans for sticking with him through everything and he is grateful for everything they gave him. Don looks at him as Ken nods his head.

"You never gave more than this is your last year racing to spend time with your family at the A1 press conferences want to go more in to it?" Don asks.

Ken nods his head and made me sit next to him and he explain that he was battling with the decisions three seasons and really been upfront with everyone that support him that he can't commit to more than a yearly contract. He knew he was done when he didn't feel the same excitement for A1 as the other years. His motivation for the end of his career to go on top and as every race ends the more he feels like he made the right choice. He also goes in to explain how he didn't like being separated from me and the kids and how much stress that was and when the kids are racing we both agree that we wouldn't do what our parents did because we didn't want that pressure on the kids that we felt growing up that we had to do good or there no reason to put the stress on the marriages of our family and he felt it was wrong that we wouldn't do that to the kids but we would do it with him.

Ken looks at the camera after a deep breath.

"It really comes down to that what I got form everything and what my family sacrificed wasn't becoming worth it. I decide that it was time to leave before sacrifice was more than what I was gaining. I didn't know how to explain it much better so I didn't. I'm sorry that I waited for the whole season but when people ask me they wanted more but I knew I didn't have the time to really sit down and explain everything and get question for things that might not get explain because I just don't know how to explain it better. I thank everyone that support and understanding that I couldn't give them what they want and I honestly didn't think I needed to explain myself more at the start of the year. Thank you for all the support."

Ken waves at the camera and Don nods his head and packs up as I get up and get the kids ready to go.

"Looking forward to seeing you in the future," He said.
"Five years and Mike be here," Ken said.

They laugh and we get down and drop the things off in the RV then drive to the restaurant. We go inside and see the family is all at a table. We sit down and order drinks. Mike looks at me and I nod my head.

"Hey Mike has something to tell everyone," I said.

Mike clears his throat and look at everyone.

"I'm on Team Green," Mike said.
"That's great," My dad said.
"Why not KTM?" Lindsay asks.
"Team green better," My dad said.
"No it's not."
"His mother was on that team that's why Lindsay," Ken said.
"It's great news," Ryan said.

I nod my head and my brothers talk to him. We start talking about the Team and how Mike looking forward to it as we eat.

"So what is the baby name?" Lindsay asks.
"It's a girl so we going with either Riana or Brooke but we have not decide yet," Ken said.
"Really Riana sounds like Ryan."
"Her middle name is for a fish so it's going to be a water name."
"Ryan is a good name for a girl," Mike said.

Ken shakes his head. Blake and Jade go over how I can't name two kids after Ryan while Lindsay thinks it's a great idea to name her Riana for that reason. Ken looks at me and I smile at him. The doughnuts I order came and I gave Jarvis one then Mike.

"Really you gave Jarvis cookies," Megan asks.
"Jade, Blake shut up. If they name her Ryan it's no wonder because Ryan has always been closer to her and you two are the one to blame for that. Megan, Lindsay stop it. You guys are the same way as the two of them you want to be closer to Jezebel but you push her way and towards Whitney. I would like to see the Roczen and you’re pushing them away," My mom said.
"You are always welcome at the house," I said.
"In less Troy isn't coming," Megan said.
"What?" Ryan asks.
"When they come out and Mom stay longer then dad for Jarvis Jezebel said mom doesn't need to stay longer then dad it's fine," Blake said.
"That's bad?" Ryan said.
"Your mom can't stay at her house innless it's with your dad," Lindsay said.
"They gave up enough time raising us separate that now as adults they don’t' need to do that. She saw how it was more than the three of us because there times she spent with me and dad and times she spent with Mom and Blake. She also dealt with it with Ken so she knows how it feels a little bit."
"I never thought of it like that," Blake said.
"Wait with him as a contact what are we doing for Thanksgiving?" Lindsay asks.
"Mini O's," Ken said.
"You got to give me a list of his races," My dad said.
"I will when I get the final list," Ken said.
"You should have worked that out," Lindsay.
"Why? You guys didn't come to thanksgiving when Blake thought he was going to get back to racing so he can race Mini O's?" I said.
"We can work something out," My mom said.
"I'm sure we can still do Easter in Minnesota," I said.
"Where is home to you?" Meghan asks.
"Florida," I said.
"Really you're not moving back home?" Blake asks.
"No. It's cold all the time there. That's no fun," I said.

Ken kisses my head. I hand him a doughnut and he looks at it and dunk it in chocolate sauce. Jarvis looks at him as he eats it.

"What is daddy doing?" Jarvis asks.
"Eating a doughnut," I said.
"What about racing?" Jarvis said.
"I'm not racing anymore," Ken said.
"Do I have to give this up to race?" Mike asks.
"Not yet."

Ryan looks at me.

"Can I have one?" He asks.

I nod my head and he grabs one and dip it in chocolate too and take a bite and everyone is looking at him. He eats it and looks at Lindsay.

"Why don't you eat sugar anymore?" Ryan asks.
"It's not good for our kids," She told him
"It tastes so good."

"I got to try Cinnabon now," Ken said looking at the doughnuts.
"McDonalds," Ryan said.
"Yes Nuggets."
"Ryan, remember eating healthy is important," Lindsay said.
"Yeah but I don't have to have such a strict diet anymore."

Mike looks at me.

"Is this why you made all those cookies this week?" Mike asks.
"Yes, I knew those two will be freaking out with the freedom."
"What kind of cookies have you cooked?" Ryan asks.
"All kinds. We needed more cooking jars," Jarvis said.
"Pie makes sense now," Mike said.
"You made me Pie?" Ryan asks.
"No. and its pudding pie and pie crust."
"You made me Pie," My dad said.
"I know you like them and I was baking for these two so I figure it won't be bad. I still got cakes to make also," I said.
"Will you be making biscuits and gravy?" Ryan asks.
"Yes."

Lindsay looks at Ryan.

"What is going on?" Lindsay asks.
"We use to eat sugar then I was trying to win titles and Aldon agree that sugar should be gone and we ate like that and you use to indulge a little bit. You stop for some reason and I can indulge again," Ryan said.
"And you're going to go over board for the week your still in Florida," I said.
"You made it possible."

I laugh and Lindsay looks at Ryan.

"We are getting older and need to think about health," She said.
"I will still work out but I don't need to be so serious about it anymore," Ryan said.
"It's unhealthy."

"If you are fat you are unhealthy?" Ken asks.
"Yes," Lindsay said.
"Has Jezebel been fat?"
"No but."
"You were never fat when you indulge," Ryan said.
"You should look up studies about this Lindsay," I said.
"Not everyone is you, Jezebel. We need to work out to stay skinny and lose the baby weight."
"I do work out. I started when I moved in Ken. It wasn't serious till I had Jarvis and saw Legal blond."
"What does that movie have anything to do with working out?" Meghan said.
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands," Jade said.
"Endorphins also wake you up and I was tired with Jarvis at six months. I forgot how alert it made you since that's kept me up with Mike when I had him," I explain
"We could have worked out together," Lindsay said.
"I wanted to work out not hang out."
"You need people to push you."
"I don't have a goal to be. I have a feeling I want. I stared it late at night in the home gym and I kind of kept at that. I now do bar classes because that stretches me out or well I did when I'm not pregnant. I now go to pregnant work out class to make sure everything is safe."
"Your back is giving your problems?" My dad asks.
"Not really. It's fine. I see the doctor and make sure they check that out yearly," I said.
"What?" Megan asks.
"I rode a dirt bike for years I got hurt one time," I said.

The check came and Ken grabs it and signs it.

"You’re just paying?" Blake asks.
"Yeah. It's nothing," Ken said.
"So how are you going to support my sister now?" Jade asks.
"I'm not. I'm going to be a pit dad now. I been looking forward to this since Mike start racing. I can sit back and laugh at the super pit dads with Grant and Chad now."
"What about money?" Blake asks.
"I'm done. She makes enough to supplant it anyways."
"She makes as much as you have now?" My dad asks.
"I bought a few more and they are in Orlando and Tampa so some are higher end and a few full fledge spa ones," I said.
"That's great. Are you still working the same about?"
"Yeah some people don't even know I'm the boss. I think it's good."
"What?" Lindsay asks.
"She owns salons it’s started when as Jarvis turn one," Ryan said.

Lindsay looks at me then Ryan.

"She hasn't talked about this?" Lindsay said.
"Maybe it's been a Wednesday thing." Ryan said.
"If she stress on a Wednesday she will tell you," Ken said.
"Why haven't you told anyone about this?" Jade asks.
"I thought I did tell you all."
"No," Jade said.
"Opps."

Jarvis yawns and I look and smile at him.

"We should go and get the kids in bed," My dad said.
"Yeah," Whitney said.

We get up and Ken grabs Jarvis and start carrying him. My dad grabs my arm and hugs me. I hug him tight. He kisses my forehead. We walk to the car and my dad looks at the family as they put the kids in the car.

"They will get better," My dad said.
"You think cause it gotten worse," I said.
"Yeah Ryan got me and your mother to understand how you need people in your life. So it's three against them. Whitney has always gotten it and Jade is normally not bad right?"
"Yeah you’re right. I think Blake gets him to add it on. She is going to be name Ryan after tonight. Ken's going to see it as a way to fit you all in with her."
"They going to figure out that Ryan is close to you because growing up Ryan let you do things and help you figure it out instead of doing it for you. It made you like them better but as you become more independent it made you feel safer towards Ryan. Considering you love saying No helping, I can do it and Go away it was no surprise you were the independent one."
"Will Lindsay and Megan get that their we want to help you will see as doing it if I was a child?"
"How many times did you get isn't he a little young to be doing that from them?"
"All the time now when Jarvis dose something."
"They will see how you and Ken raise your kids and how they raise their kids. Ryan and I will be there to say and that is why she hates your helping because you do it for her when she just wants helping to do it."
"Thanks dad."
"No problem."

I go to my car and Ken gets in and starts driving to the Hotel.

"You good?" Ken asks.
"How did you know not to do things for me?" I ask him.
"You don't like things handed to you. It's one of the things you told me. I learn how to support you by how you support me. You gotten better at the support that I like and I gotten use to your kind of support."
"I believe in your week working to get the job done."
"I know. I always remember me that when we dated the only time I got to hear from you in-between motos was when I feel down and you were worry about me. You only care if I was hurt not if I was winning."
"Staying up is winning in my book."

He laughs and looks at Mike.

"I hope he never forgets that a season without an injury is really a win in the books as winning a championship."
"I worry about Jarvis learning how not to get hurt living much less on a dirt bike. I don't think about him racing," I said.
"I don't think he's going to race."
"Freestyle?"
"I can see that. I hope he's just happy being him."
"He is so much like you that I can't see him being upset, because I won't let someone tell him what he needs to do. Same thing with Mike and this one."
"I want to name her Ryan."
"That's fine."

He nods his head and grabs my hand and kisses it. I smile and look in the back seat and see the kids are sleeping. I smile and look at Ken and kiss his cheek.

"I love you Ken. I am so happy with the life we have," I said.
"I love you too. Our kids are great," Ken said.

I look at the kids and sit back in the chair and put my hand on my belly. Ken puts it on. I grab it and put it where she's kicking.

"Your family will get better," Ken said.
"You think?" I ask.
"Yeah bet it gets better by the time you give birth."

I Nod my head feeling confident that it will if my dad and Ken feel like it will. I lean over and kiss his cheek. He smiles at me.