Status: This is my first Fanfiction so I hope you like it
Your Beauty Never Stopped You
Chapter 9
Vic POV
When he said he wanted to get 'wasted' I knew he was trying to avoid his problems but I couldn't say no. I had held him in my arms and let him cry, I had beat up his 'boyfriend'(not that he deserves to be) and now he wants to drink away his problems. At least he's here with me and isn't out with other people who will make him do something he'll regret in the morning. I just feel helpless though, he has shared his story and now all I can do is comfort him- I can't even make him feel better because he is probably emotionally scarred. His story broke my heart and when he told me that he was nearly raped I felt my heart shatter, he is too perfect for this to happen to him. And when I caught him this morning holding his stomach like he wasn't good enough it made me feel for him; I just wish he saw what I saw. I see beauty, cuteness, wonderful eyes, the kindest heart- he is my definition of perfection.
Now I know what you're thinking, Why did you reject him in High School if I liked him? Well, I was the popular boy who had girls drooling over him and then Kellin came along, he took my breath away. I was confused my whole life I liked girls and dated girls but then I started to grow feelings towards him and I felt him do the same. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away, I was a stupid, selfish boy who thought his reputation mattered more than his feelings. So when Kellin kissed me I had to ignore the sparks and not kiss back, and let me tell you it was a struggle and he pulled away not long after. The look in his eyes made me feel like shit, all I saw was heartbreak. For the rest of school I had to watch my little bubble of joy turn into someone who let depression consume him. He didn't know but I still cared and when I caught him throwing up in the toilets all I wanted to do was hold his hair and and soothe him but I couldn't. Instead I waited till he came out and pushed passed him muttering 'fag', hypocritical I know but I needed him to hate me so I could move pass my feelings for him. I started paying closer attention though and I noticed his weight drop and he never ate. I knew exactly what was happening, he had an eating problem and depression all because of me. I know he is better now but what if he goes back to his normal ways because of Oli.
I hate him so much. Oliver Sykes is a complete and utter dick. He tried to rape Kellin twice, plus beating him every other day for 2 years. All I wanted to do was kill him and make him suffer every hit he ever gave to my ball of sunshine. When I heard the whimpers from Kellin I knew something was wrong, I ran out of the bathroom and he was being molested by Oli he was on top of him trying to pull his pants off. I don't think the look of his face will ever leave my mind, he was terrified and he lay there struggling but not able to do anything.
Speaking of Kellin he was pouring himself a drink, we had vodka and coke, nothing more. But his drink definitely had more vodka, he really did want to forget. I would probably drink less but I was still gonna drink, I want to be there for him, I do, but drinking is fun. I was brought back from my thoughts when a shaky hand touched my arm. "-ic Vic" I looked at him, "I lost you there for a moment" He then handed me a cup, I could smell the alcohol over the coke but I drank up anyway. When he saw me drink he smiled, which I returned sheepishly. "Hey Kellin" I wanted to get his attention, he keeps looking down and I just want to see his beautiful face. He glanced up and I just got lost in his eyes, they were mesmerising. I don't know how long I was staring at him for but after a while he looked away blushing, and can I say 'Aw'. "You look cute when you blush don't hide it" this made him blush more. I stood up and went to make myself another drink, I was drinking without realising. I poured my cup 3/4 full of vodka, I was definitely getting drunk tonight. Kellin soon joined me and put the same amount of alcohol in, I just hope we don't do anything with each other. No matter how much I want to Kellin is at a weak moment and he just needs someone there with him right now.
We both sat down and drank, we were both slurring slightly but we weren't that bad. The drunker I got the harder the urge to kiss him was so I just kept drinking to distract my mouth with something else, which then leads me back to kisses. Ugh, he makes me want to be a romantic softy but I can't be that's not who I am and if they find out I'm here then I might have some trouble. They only allowed me to make it not look suspicious but then I got distracted. If they find out I kissed someone and held them while they cried then I could have some shit to deal with. But I'll enjoy this moment while I can. We were just talking about anything and everything when out of nowhere he started crying. He held his hands on his face and sobbed, he must have held in his emotions for so long. I can imagine him being with that bastard for 2 years and crying on rare occasions because it would get worse if he cried in front of him. He just needs to let everything out and I will be here for him for as long as I can.
I wrapped him up in my arms again whilst he let it out for the third time, nobody should have to deal with what he has. I know he left town to avoid me because I made him feel like shit but I still have feelings for him so seeing him like this is heart wrenching. His body was shaking and then the noises stopped, I thought he had fell asleep so I went to pick him up but instead he rolled off me and onto the floor where he lay there still, not moving just staring. He then turned to face me and sighed "Vic why are we both here?" I knew what he meant he meant why did I stay but I don't want him to like me again because I am a different person than who I used to be. "Well I would felt bad because I caused Oli to hurt you" He didn't stop looking at me at all and he just kept staring into my eyes. "Oh well it's not just your fault, it takes two to tango" I wanted to know whether or not he felt something but I couldn't ask I needed to be a 'friend' , no matter how difficult that is. "Why did you do it though Vic" I didn't know what he meant so I decided I would just stay on the topic that we just talked about "I was drunk?" It came out as more as a question so he wouldn't believe me but he didn't say anything about me lying. "No, not last night" "Then what?" I didn't know what he was talking about but then as I took in his facial features I noticed they looked upset, he was hurt because I did something, but what. He couldn't be talking about high school could he? It would explain why he looked hurt I didn't remember because I did ruin his life and cause him so much pain that he moved away without any contact but why bring it up now? "Oh I um..." I didn't know what to say so I just apologised "I know it's all my fault that you moved away but I still cared. I noticed you change and then I saw you meet that Justin when we left and I thought you were happy so I left you alone completely. I saw everything Kellin from the depression to the eating disorder." When I finished his face was full of different emotions but one was stronger than the others "Then why did you push me away?" I knew this question was coming at some point so I might as well answer it "I was confused and scared Kells I didn't know what was going on, I had always dated girls and then I saw you and I felt something there." He looked relieved but angry once I said that "You were scared that people would find out! You pushed me away Vic because of your reputation! I knew you were selfish!" He wasn't shouting he was screaming at me, he was beyond pissed at me. I was selfish and I knew it but it was easier that way, he got better because of this Justin guy but if he was with me I probably wouldn't of helped him at all. Not because I didn't want to but because I wouldn't know how. "I'm sorry. I never thought anything would be this bad. I never knew you would get depression and an eating disorder and I definitely didn't know you would run away and end up with Oli" I apologised but it didn't feel like enough.
I had caused him emotional pain and he ended up with Oli because I was fucking stupid. If only I had kissed him back, we could be together and I would love him and care for him not beat him and rape him. He didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. Shall I say something, there was nothing I could do, there was an awkward silence surrounding us until Kellin broke it "It wasn't your fault I moved" he mumbled so quiet that if I was looking at him I would've missed. I was confused though, who else's fault could it had been. He must be saying it to make me feel better, yeah that's it, he was broken because of me. "Who's then?" I wanted to see if he had an answer because I needed one. He sounded honest when he said it but it was me. He muttered something but I couldn't hear, he spoke a bit louder and the name he said came as a surprise. "Justin, Vic it was Justin okay" Why would it be Justin? He helped him get better, when they were in a relationship Kellin was happy. He gained weight to make him healthy, he smiled more which brightened his face. So how could Justin be the bad guy? A bad break up maybe but even that isn't enough reason surely, it would be awkward and tense if they saw each other but they both were at the reunion so... "How Kellin? I know you are just trying to make me feel better so just say it was my fault.... the rest was" I said the last part under my breath but he still caught it. He let out a frustrated groan and looked me dead in the eye and I notice how much he was struggling to tell me this. But I needed him to tell me. "He did something worse than Oli and unforgivable" He was being vague and I wanted to know, I was being nosey and I knew I was but he can't half say an answer. I raised an eyebrow at him and nodded for him to continue, he did even though he didn't want to "Vic... this is horrible to speak about are you sure you want to know" I nodded at him, I know he is trying to waste time but I will find out "He drugged me at a party and then he did what Oli didn't have a chance to do" I knew my face paled and my mouth was open from shock. He has gone through too much already and he is too nice for all of this. I would say innocent but he isn't any longer, he has been exposed to some of the worst things in life.
His eyes shot to the floor because he was trying to avoid eye contact but I was looking at him contemplating on what to do. So I did the only thing I knew to do, I walked over to him, picked him bridal style and placed him on the bed. I then hugged him and rubbed comfortingly on his arm, "I am so, so sorry Kells. But I will never hurt you ever." I wanted to say I would stay but I couldn't, I wouldn't to hold him and call him mine but he never will be. "Friends" He said and I cringed at the word.'Friends' don't kiss and they don't hold hands but that's the best I will get. I held him closer to me, he then rested his head on my chest and murmured in content. "Yeah Friends Kells" I couldn't let him go I only just got him back but I couldn't stay and he had to go back to where ever he would stay. Why is life so complicated and how do I end up in this situation?
I kissed his forehead and closed my eyes. I have to leave in the morning I can't stay, no matter how much I want to. His breathing slowed down and I knew he had fallen asleep, I wanted to fall asleep as well but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I was going to leave now, I acted all shy at the school so it wasn't obvious who I am now but he still noticed me. I saw his smirk when I rejected Jaime and I saw the light in his eyes when I spoke to him but it was all an act. I am not shy or kind, I'm quite the opposite but it's because of them I'm this way. They looked after me when I couldn't but they had a deal to make. That deal is the reason I am not the way I used to be, the reason why I can't have Kellin.
He has my number so if anything was to happen he can text me and I will be there quickly. I got out of my Kellin embrace and wrote a note on the back of a leaflet I found. I don't want to see his face when I tell him I have to go, he will ask where and I don't want to lie more than I already have. He will be fine without me though, so long as he leaves Oli. I will kill Oli if I see him so I hope I never do, Kellin really needs to get out of this situation. I wish I could help with that but I can't. When I finished writing the letter I walked to the door, unlocking it I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at the sight before me. Kellin moved to get closer to me but whined when I wasn't there, he grabbed the blanket and hugged it instead. It's better if I leave him now, it'll save him the pain.
When he said he wanted to get 'wasted' I knew he was trying to avoid his problems but I couldn't say no. I had held him in my arms and let him cry, I had beat up his 'boyfriend'(not that he deserves to be) and now he wants to drink away his problems. At least he's here with me and isn't out with other people who will make him do something he'll regret in the morning. I just feel helpless though, he has shared his story and now all I can do is comfort him- I can't even make him feel better because he is probably emotionally scarred. His story broke my heart and when he told me that he was nearly raped I felt my heart shatter, he is too perfect for this to happen to him. And when I caught him this morning holding his stomach like he wasn't good enough it made me feel for him; I just wish he saw what I saw. I see beauty, cuteness, wonderful eyes, the kindest heart- he is my definition of perfection.
Now I know what you're thinking, Why did you reject him in High School if I liked him? Well, I was the popular boy who had girls drooling over him and then Kellin came along, he took my breath away. I was confused my whole life I liked girls and dated girls but then I started to grow feelings towards him and I felt him do the same. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away, I was a stupid, selfish boy who thought his reputation mattered more than his feelings. So when Kellin kissed me I had to ignore the sparks and not kiss back, and let me tell you it was a struggle and he pulled away not long after. The look in his eyes made me feel like shit, all I saw was heartbreak. For the rest of school I had to watch my little bubble of joy turn into someone who let depression consume him. He didn't know but I still cared and when I caught him throwing up in the toilets all I wanted to do was hold his hair and and soothe him but I couldn't. Instead I waited till he came out and pushed passed him muttering 'fag', hypocritical I know but I needed him to hate me so I could move pass my feelings for him. I started paying closer attention though and I noticed his weight drop and he never ate. I knew exactly what was happening, he had an eating problem and depression all because of me. I know he is better now but what if he goes back to his normal ways because of Oli.
I hate him so much. Oliver Sykes is a complete and utter dick. He tried to rape Kellin twice, plus beating him every other day for 2 years. All I wanted to do was kill him and make him suffer every hit he ever gave to my ball of sunshine. When I heard the whimpers from Kellin I knew something was wrong, I ran out of the bathroom and he was being molested by Oli he was on top of him trying to pull his pants off. I don't think the look of his face will ever leave my mind, he was terrified and he lay there struggling but not able to do anything.
Speaking of Kellin he was pouring himself a drink, we had vodka and coke, nothing more. But his drink definitely had more vodka, he really did want to forget. I would probably drink less but I was still gonna drink, I want to be there for him, I do, but drinking is fun. I was brought back from my thoughts when a shaky hand touched my arm. "-ic Vic" I looked at him, "I lost you there for a moment" He then handed me a cup, I could smell the alcohol over the coke but I drank up anyway. When he saw me drink he smiled, which I returned sheepishly. "Hey Kellin" I wanted to get his attention, he keeps looking down and I just want to see his beautiful face. He glanced up and I just got lost in his eyes, they were mesmerising. I don't know how long I was staring at him for but after a while he looked away blushing, and can I say 'Aw'. "You look cute when you blush don't hide it" this made him blush more. I stood up and went to make myself another drink, I was drinking without realising. I poured my cup 3/4 full of vodka, I was definitely getting drunk tonight. Kellin soon joined me and put the same amount of alcohol in, I just hope we don't do anything with each other. No matter how much I want to Kellin is at a weak moment and he just needs someone there with him right now.
We both sat down and drank, we were both slurring slightly but we weren't that bad. The drunker I got the harder the urge to kiss him was so I just kept drinking to distract my mouth with something else, which then leads me back to kisses. Ugh, he makes me want to be a romantic softy but I can't be that's not who I am and if they find out I'm here then I might have some trouble. They only allowed me to make it not look suspicious but then I got distracted. If they find out I kissed someone and held them while they cried then I could have some shit to deal with. But I'll enjoy this moment while I can. We were just talking about anything and everything when out of nowhere he started crying. He held his hands on his face and sobbed, he must have held in his emotions for so long. I can imagine him being with that bastard for 2 years and crying on rare occasions because it would get worse if he cried in front of him. He just needs to let everything out and I will be here for him for as long as I can.
I wrapped him up in my arms again whilst he let it out for the third time, nobody should have to deal with what he has. I know he left town to avoid me because I made him feel like shit but I still have feelings for him so seeing him like this is heart wrenching. His body was shaking and then the noises stopped, I thought he had fell asleep so I went to pick him up but instead he rolled off me and onto the floor where he lay there still, not moving just staring. He then turned to face me and sighed "Vic why are we both here?" I knew what he meant he meant why did I stay but I don't want him to like me again because I am a different person than who I used to be. "Well I would felt bad because I caused Oli to hurt you" He didn't stop looking at me at all and he just kept staring into my eyes. "Oh well it's not just your fault, it takes two to tango" I wanted to know whether or not he felt something but I couldn't ask I needed to be a 'friend' , no matter how difficult that is. "Why did you do it though Vic" I didn't know what he meant so I decided I would just stay on the topic that we just talked about "I was drunk?" It came out as more as a question so he wouldn't believe me but he didn't say anything about me lying. "No, not last night" "Then what?" I didn't know what he was talking about but then as I took in his facial features I noticed they looked upset, he was hurt because I did something, but what. He couldn't be talking about high school could he? It would explain why he looked hurt I didn't remember because I did ruin his life and cause him so much pain that he moved away without any contact but why bring it up now? "Oh I um..." I didn't know what to say so I just apologised "I know it's all my fault that you moved away but I still cared. I noticed you change and then I saw you meet that Justin when we left and I thought you were happy so I left you alone completely. I saw everything Kellin from the depression to the eating disorder." When I finished his face was full of different emotions but one was stronger than the others "Then why did you push me away?" I knew this question was coming at some point so I might as well answer it "I was confused and scared Kells I didn't know what was going on, I had always dated girls and then I saw you and I felt something there." He looked relieved but angry once I said that "You were scared that people would find out! You pushed me away Vic because of your reputation! I knew you were selfish!" He wasn't shouting he was screaming at me, he was beyond pissed at me. I was selfish and I knew it but it was easier that way, he got better because of this Justin guy but if he was with me I probably wouldn't of helped him at all. Not because I didn't want to but because I wouldn't know how. "I'm sorry. I never thought anything would be this bad. I never knew you would get depression and an eating disorder and I definitely didn't know you would run away and end up with Oli" I apologised but it didn't feel like enough.
I had caused him emotional pain and he ended up with Oli because I was fucking stupid. If only I had kissed him back, we could be together and I would love him and care for him not beat him and rape him. He didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. Shall I say something, there was nothing I could do, there was an awkward silence surrounding us until Kellin broke it "It wasn't your fault I moved" he mumbled so quiet that if I was looking at him I would've missed. I was confused though, who else's fault could it had been. He must be saying it to make me feel better, yeah that's it, he was broken because of me. "Who's then?" I wanted to see if he had an answer because I needed one. He sounded honest when he said it but it was me. He muttered something but I couldn't hear, he spoke a bit louder and the name he said came as a surprise. "Justin, Vic it was Justin okay" Why would it be Justin? He helped him get better, when they were in a relationship Kellin was happy. He gained weight to make him healthy, he smiled more which brightened his face. So how could Justin be the bad guy? A bad break up maybe but even that isn't enough reason surely, it would be awkward and tense if they saw each other but they both were at the reunion so... "How Kellin? I know you are just trying to make me feel better so just say it was my fault.... the rest was" I said the last part under my breath but he still caught it. He let out a frustrated groan and looked me dead in the eye and I notice how much he was struggling to tell me this. But I needed him to tell me. "He did something worse than Oli and unforgivable" He was being vague and I wanted to know, I was being nosey and I knew I was but he can't half say an answer. I raised an eyebrow at him and nodded for him to continue, he did even though he didn't want to "Vic... this is horrible to speak about are you sure you want to know" I nodded at him, I know he is trying to waste time but I will find out "He drugged me at a party and then he did what Oli didn't have a chance to do" I knew my face paled and my mouth was open from shock. He has gone through too much already and he is too nice for all of this. I would say innocent but he isn't any longer, he has been exposed to some of the worst things in life.
His eyes shot to the floor because he was trying to avoid eye contact but I was looking at him contemplating on what to do. So I did the only thing I knew to do, I walked over to him, picked him bridal style and placed him on the bed. I then hugged him and rubbed comfortingly on his arm, "I am so, so sorry Kells. But I will never hurt you ever." I wanted to say I would stay but I couldn't, I wouldn't to hold him and call him mine but he never will be. "Friends" He said and I cringed at the word.'Friends' don't kiss and they don't hold hands but that's the best I will get. I held him closer to me, he then rested his head on my chest and murmured in content. "Yeah Friends Kells" I couldn't let him go I only just got him back but I couldn't stay and he had to go back to where ever he would stay. Why is life so complicated and how do I end up in this situation?
I kissed his forehead and closed my eyes. I have to leave in the morning I can't stay, no matter how much I want to. His breathing slowed down and I knew he had fallen asleep, I wanted to fall asleep as well but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I was going to leave now, I acted all shy at the school so it wasn't obvious who I am now but he still noticed me. I saw his smirk when I rejected Jaime and I saw the light in his eyes when I spoke to him but it was all an act. I am not shy or kind, I'm quite the opposite but it's because of them I'm this way. They looked after me when I couldn't but they had a deal to make. That deal is the reason I am not the way I used to be, the reason why I can't have Kellin.
He has my number so if anything was to happen he can text me and I will be there quickly. I got out of my Kellin embrace and wrote a note on the back of a leaflet I found. I don't want to see his face when I tell him I have to go, he will ask where and I don't want to lie more than I already have. He will be fine without me though, so long as he leaves Oli. I will kill Oli if I see him so I hope I never do, Kellin really needs to get out of this situation. I wish I could help with that but I can't. When I finished writing the letter I walked to the door, unlocking it I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at the sight before me. Kellin moved to get closer to me but whined when I wasn't there, he grabbed the blanket and hugged it instead. It's better if I leave him now, it'll save him the pain.