Your Beauty Never Stopped You

I started to tell him everything from the moment Oli started abusing me. I told him how it started off with him being angry about something I did, and then when he came home high or drunk and I wouldn't sleep with him. Then I started to cry when I began talking about how he hit me nearly everyday for no reason, I explained why I didn't leave him which he sighed in disbelief. When I got to the bit where we went to the reunion he started to listen more carefully, if that is possible, and blame himself. He was saying how it wouldn't of carried if he wasn't there, obviously though it was only a matter of time. He did fuck a girl in a back alley while I was inside looking for Vic, he was going to keep abusing me until I left.

I started to break down when I told the bits at the hotel, he wrapped me up in his arms as I sobbed and stuttered out the rest. By the time I was finished I was full on crying, gripping tightly onto Vic's shirt, while he rubbed my back up and down soothingly. The whole time I was crying he whispered sweet nothings in my ear, he didn't stop and gradually my crying slowed. When I was only sniffling and breathing heavily, he picked me up. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, I also moved closer to him to get his body warmth. He chuckled in response to me moving closer, the vibrations coming from his chest made me sigh in content. He made his way to the lounge, he drops me on the couch and goes off into the kitchen. He now saw me for who I really was; worthless. He didn't want to stay near me so he was probably going to leave me here and get himself a drink then go bed. But he didn't, instead he came back to me with bottles of soda and snacks. He positioned himself next me and turned on the TV, opening his arms I slid into his embrace. "For tonight, it's going to just us. We are going to watch films and eat shit until we fall asleep. Sound good?" I nodded in reply and felt a smile find it's way onto my face, "Thank you Vic, for everything" H e has done a lot for me and not wanted anything in return. "Now I think Coraline will be a good film to watch," I just hummed in agreement and snuggled closer enjoying this moment, he protectively wrapped his arm around my waist. I didn't realise how tired I was though, crying really took a toll on someone. I was fighting against consciousness and I was winning.

I managed to stay awake for most of the movie but I eventually fell asleep as Vic was putting on the second movie. He was rubbing circles on my hip but I don't think he knew but it lulled me deeper into sleep so I didn't mind.

I was walking down a dark corridor when I felt someone grab me from behind they roughly pulled me into a room and pulled me onto a seat, where they pulled my hands together and tied them up. Three hooded figures stood in the shadows and two of them walked towards me, I felt my body shake and the ropes were rubbing against my wrists but there was nothing I could do to break free. They began to kiss my neck and palm me through my jeans and in on quick motion I was on the floor in just my boxers tied up again but this time just so I couldn't move my arms, they were attached to a pole behind me. They roughly pulled down my boxers and one thrust quickly while the other forced his dick into my mouth. I was gagging and crying, mentally asking them to stop as I couldn't say anything. They kept going until they're thrusts became sloppy, I sighed in relief thinking this would soon be over but once they came inside of me they swapped places. It was happening all over again and that's when I noticed the third figure fucking someone else near us. They were enjoying it though, unlike me getting raped. I didn't know who it was but I felt like I knew him. I felt like I knew all these people.

Suddenly it went dark, all the people went and I was left in a room on my own. I was fully clothed but I still felt exposed. Then all of a sudden the hooded figures were back and the two that raped me stepped forward again and came closer. They kissed my neck again, one grazed my earlobe and whispered "Just like old times" the other copied his movement and whispered "You're such a whore, you liked this more than we did." Almost in synch they stepped back and took off their hoods, smirks plastered onto their features. Justin Hills. Oliver Sykes. They both stood in front of me, smirking, I whimpered from being terrified which only increased their smirks to grow. The third figure stood there, confidence radiating off his body. He began to speak and the words he said shattered my heart. "You see Kellin, you don't deserve happiness and you don't deserve me. They are the best you are going to get and anyone who is better will leave you. I would say I'm sorry to say this but I'm not. Kellin I will never love you and I hate you." When he finished speaking he lifted up his hood and as he did a loud sob echoed around the room. My body was shaking uncontrollably. The last person was...Vic Fuentes. He began strolling over to me, calmly but he still gave off an intimidating vibe. He then pinned my arms above my head and ripped my clothes off with his free hand. I was still crying, he slapped me across the face "Act like a bitch get slapped like a bitch. Oh and by the way Kellin I would relax because there is nothing you can do to stop this" He then laughed at my misfortune and began pulling off his pants. He began nipping at my neck and grazing his teeth everywhere exposed. Just as I heard his zipper come undone, I began to cry even harder. Without any warning he moaned as he mercilessly thrust into me, he-

I found myself covered in a cold sweat, I was still on the couch. A concerned Vic next to me, he was still shaking me and repeating "Wake up Kellin", he was too worried to notice I had my eyes open. He wasn't looking at me but at his hand shaking my shoulder, I whimpered when all the memories of my nightmare came back. When he noticed I was awake he took me into his arms and stroked my air and told me "It was okay" and "It was only a dream". I started cry when I remembered how my dream ended, I pushed him away from me and ran into the guest room. I locked the door and jumped on the bed. I sobbed into the pillow and hugged the comforter against me, I was beginning to get a headache from crying so much. I heard a faint knock on the door but I decided to ignore and curl into a ball on the bed. I was too busy crying to notice banging on the door, I was too distracted in myself to hear Vic shouting my name to let him in. "Open the door Kellin or I will force this door open" I didn't respond and I heard the last bang of the door before it opened to reveal a pissed off but more worried Vic standing there.

I stood there frozen to the ground, I couldn't move. I was shocked at how strong he was, I knew he was strong but to kick a door down that's ridiculous. He slowly walked over to me, as if I would run away and hide, I didn't run but I started to shuffle backwards. Each step he took towards me I counteracted with one backwards away from him. He didn't stop walking towards me but with every step he looked more frustrated. Of course I couldn't escape him, I was in a room and it was only a certain amount of time until I hit something. I was still on the bed so I had less space than if I was a normal person that would have gotten off but that thought came to late. My back hit the headboard and soon enough Vic realised that I only had the option to get off the bed and walk past him. He smirked slightly and jumped on the bed, I squeaked from surprise and terror. He straddled my waist and pinned my arms above my head, I started to cry. This was just like my dream before he woke me up, we were in this position- the only difference he wasn't saying hurtful things to me. No, because in reality life doesn't want me to feel the slightest hope that when he opens his mouth it will be sweet and caring.

I had finally snapped the one person who was kind to me. I had brought my problems to him and told him everything and he pitied me but he was bored of that. He had finally realised I was worthless and just a problem to have around. He had been around too much already and I changed him. Just like the others, he started off as nice and caring but my mere existence causes them to doubt their feelings. And then; snap. I get hurt. I did think he was different though, even though I was beaten been raped- I am still shocked this would happen. Now I should just accept the fact that no matter how kind and friendly I am towards other people I will always be fucked. In a past life I must have been a complete and utter bastard, so bad that karma wasn't done when they died so I am having an aftermath of his mistakes. Brilliant, fucking brilliant. I just want to know if I will outlive the horrors that the world has out for me and if they will ever stop. To think that when I was younger I was convinced that when I grow up I will have lots of friends and be happy- how naive I was back then. Protected from the horrors that the world would bring, if only-

"Kells please, I'm not going to hurt you" I looked up to notice that Vic was leaning above me and staring into my eyes. He brought up a hand and wiped away a tears I didn't know were still falling, I flinched which caused him to frown. He was still straddling my waist but he had let go of my hands, I brought my hands up to his chest and pushed him away. I was hoping he would get the message and get off but he just ignored it and proceeded to stay there. I used all my strength to push him off and thrash around underneath him. He gave me a sympathetic look but stayed still, he acted like my efforts didn't affect. Which they probably didn't considering he knock down a fucking door. "Kellin stop" He said it calmly, like I wasn't making an attempt to escape him. I had stopped crying because I was concentrating on making an escape but the my emotions were soon coming back. I was losing the energy and the small adrenaline rush I was having was coming to a stop. I was kicking my legs, hitting his chest and wiggling my body but he just stayed sat. "Kellin for fuck sake I'm not moving until you calm down!" I then stopped every movement and just broke down crying. I cried with Vic still sat on me, I could tell he didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure if I wanted comfort because I was running away from him or if I would fight him. But right now I want to lie in his arms while he strokes my back and whispers in my ear but I also want to get him away from me so I decided to ask him to hold me. If Vic was to turn completely into a sadistic asshole then I might as well enjoy this moment.

"Hold me" I croaked out, my voice hoarse from crying. He quickly got off of me and took me in his arms, although I wanted him to hold me I still tensed when he did it. He noticed this and loosened his grip on me so I barely felt him there. I quickly relaxed though, it was just an instinct to tense at contact. "Anytime you get scared Kells I won't hurt you" He sounded sincere when he said but I still wasn't sure, he could get pissed at me because I would act needy. I nodded to tell him that I heard him but he didn't know that I didn't believe him. "I could never hurt an angel" He muttered under his breath and if I wasn't so close I'm sure I wouldn't have heard him. It brought a smile to my face because for the moment Vic was still nice and kind and maybe this time it will stay this way.

I had stopped crying, and I was sure that I had cried out every last tear in my body. We were sitting here in silence while he rubbed my arm and held me but he soon got up. He walked out of the room and didn't come back for at least five minutes. I heard the water going and rustling in drawers, I didn't what he was getting but he certainly looking for something but what I didn't know. He came back into the room with a glass of water and two white tablets. "It's advil, I thought you'd have a headache" I smiled at how considerate it was of him to do that, I took the glass and swallowed the tablets. The water made me feel better because I was dehydrated, "Thanks" He smiled at me in response and sat down opposite me. His smile quickly faded into a frown then a serious expression, he grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes. "Kellin I will never hurt you. Do you understand? I could never hurt someone so beautiful and angelic like yourself. So please tell me what you dreamt because it obviously scared you," It was true though, I was paranoid now that I will say something and Vic would snap but either way there was still the strong pull I felt towards him that made me feel like I could tell him anything. "Okay, I'll tell you," He looked surprise by my answer but nodded his head for me to carry on. I took a deep breath and began telling him what I dreamt.

"It was a nightmare, obviously, and I was walking down a dark corridor, then someone grabbed me from behind and took me to a room. They tied me to a chair and there was three people in hoods standing there like they were waiting for me to come in. Two of them stepped forward and started kissing my neck. Then all of a sudden I was on the floor, my arms tied and they were raping me. One of them was forcing himself into my mouth while the other- you know. Then they swapped positions, once they both had a go the room went black and I was standing on my own, this time with my clothes on. But the three hooded figures came back and the two that raped me stepped forward once again, they both whispered things in my ear. One said "Just like old times" whilst the other said "You're such a whore you liked this more than we did", then they both took their hoods down to reveal Oli and Justin and t-then, and t-then the last figure stepped forward" I started to get worried at what Vic would say if I told him this part but he wanted the full nightmare so I was going to tell him, "He started saying really hurtful things like "I deserved everything I ever got" and "Nobody will ever love you because they are the best you are ever gonna get" It was really bad and everything he said I took literally but then he took off his hood and it was, i-it was, i-i-it w-was" I couldn't say it, it was too much, With the others it hurt a lot less saying it but with Vic it felt more to heart. "Who was it Kellin" He sounded cautious, as if I would break any moment. "I-It was y-you, it was you Vic and then after you showed me who you were you raped me but the real you woke me up before it could get really bad," I felt a tear slide down my cheek but I kept the rest in, I've cried enough for one day. "Oh, Kells" he cooed and took me in his arms once again, the only difference this time I wasn't crying and I didn't feel the need for comfort. It felt good to say it but even though it wasn't important I knew I was still be cautious around Vic until I knew he would definitely do nothing but even then he could earn my trust and then leave me on my own with no one at all. "Kellin, you know I would never do something like that don't you." He waited for my reply but I never said one "Please don't tell me that you actually think I would stoop so low Kells?" His question was answered this time but I don't think it was what he wanted to hear. I didn't say that of course I didn't think he would ever hurt me instead I said "It's just I haven't exactly had the best experience with people," His fell once I said it, it immediately made me feel guilty but I couldn't say of course not because my voice probably would've proved me guilty. "But why Kells, I'm not like them. I have never hit you and I have been nothing but nice to you?" He just looked at me in betrayal, the look in his eyes made me believe that he really was different and I was starting to realise Vic wasn't going to hurt me. He was here to pick up the pieces but what's so good about picking up the pieces when you're not trusted. I do trust him, I do honestly believe he won't do anything to hurt me. "They always start off nice though Vic but you're different I can tell, and any way if you turn out like them I can leave because we're just friends" My stomach dropped when I said friends because I wanted to be so much more but it will never happen. I also noticed him smile when I said I thought he was different but that quickly turned into a frown when I said friends but he hid it. He doesn't feel anything towards me though does he? He couldn't possibly and any way if he did, it's too early to start another relationship. For now I will keep this PG so we just cuddle because technically he would only be comforting me so nothing bad can happen that way. "Thanks Kells and I promise you. I will never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable unless it's for the better" I nodded in acknowledgement. "Hey Vic?" I asked, he hummed in reply for me to carry on "What time is it?" "Just coming up to ten pm, why?" "Just wondering" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, I had a reason to ask but I didn't want to say.

Tomorrow is the day I should be all happy and cuddily with Oli, I should spend the day with him but I can't. Tomorrow is our anniversary, we have been going out for too long, and tomorrow I will end it on an exact year just out of spite. He would probably forget and I have no money to get him anything as he never lets me keep the money I do get. Tomorrow is just another year I have wasted doing something that makes me feel like shit but above all its marks another year I have wasted waiting for someone to save me from the hell hole of which I live. The difference is this year I will spend it with someone who actually cares about me, someone who hasn't done anything to me and someone who has saved me from the hell hole I live in. And who would have thought the person that saved me was my high school crush, the person who I thought ruined my life but in actual fact just rejected me. Who would have thought my saviour is a 5"6 Mexican with sexy biceps. Certainly not me but I wouldn't want it to be anyone else.