Your Beauty Never Stopped You

This whole situation was uncomfortable but it had to be done. Vic looked serious, his face was set in a straight line and his eyes were staring directly at Oli. Oli on the other hand looked slightly uncomfortable and as if he wanted to be anywhere else but here. And then there was me. I wanted to be anywhere else but here and I was uncomfortable but I also wanted to hear him out. I mean, he must have something to say because he asked me to be here to explain why he did what he did. I always thought maybe it was me, there must be something wrong with me. Come on, I've had two extremely bad experiences with relationships. Anyone would've thought it was their fault and that they attracted the pain. But then something happened. One person made me realise that it wasn't me. The small Mexican sat beside me. He wasn't a bad something, he was the light in this darkness that I'm going through. He's also the only reason I feel safe enough to come here. I want closure but I want to be safe as well.

We'd all been here, staring uncomfortably at each other for over five minutes before I managed to squeak out a measly little "Explain," with a later added "please." That's when both of them turned to me, my face felt heated with the intensity. Oli's eyes had softened when they turned to me, they had sorrow and guilt mixed in with something else I couldn't decipher. Vic's were understanding but their was still a hint of anger swimming around in there. I was just staring at Oli though, pleading him with my eyes to explain, talk or do something. But apart from staring at me he looked lost. As though he didn't know what to do or where to start. Finally, he spoke up with an "I'm sorry...". That was it. I looked at him willing him to go on but he was waiting for my reaction. Trying to be calm, I really was but those two words. Two words that he had said a number of times and each time meaning nothing. I'm fucking sorry. Well congrata-bloody-lations to him because I'm not for what I'm about to do. I leaned over to him, well aware of the questioning glance I got from Vic and slapped him across the face. Then I just kept hitting him. On the chest, on the arm, wherever else I could reach I just hit him. And he just sat there and took it all.

Eventually, Vic thought I'd done enough harm; he grabbed my arms and pulled me to his chest. He wiped his thumbs over my cheek to get rid of the tears that I had. I wasn't even aware that I had started crying. That tired me out, not gonna lie, but I was full of adrenaline. Now though, it was starting to wear off a bit. The more it wore off the more anxious I was to see his reaction. Never before had I hit him. He'd done it plenty of times and I just thought I deserved it when I didn't. Now the tables had turned. One difference stood though. He genuinely did deserve it. Most days he would come home and beat me until I passed out or until he felt he'd done enough. If he wanted something done I had to do it. If he wanted sex I had to give it to him, even if i didn't want to. That was his fault, none of it mine. What I had done was less than he deserved but still. Even with Vic in the room, I suddenly began to feel unsafe. I pressed against Vic even more, wanting to get as close to him as possible because I knew he would protect me no matter what. Vic maybe a few inches shorter but what he lacked in height he made up for in build.

"Okay," Oli spoke up, "I deserved that." So he thought so too, and by the look on Vic's face he thought so too. "Probably even more," he muttered under his breath but we both caught it "What was that last bit," Vic asked, faking curiousity. "N-nothing," Oli managed to stutter out. Without even looking at Vic I could tell he was smug with himself for making Oli nervous. But when he realised why Vic had asked and that he looked smug- his expression hardened. "I mean nothing of your concern, Fuentes." Behind me I heard a growl, as threatening as it sounded I couldn't help but notice how hot it sounded. Is that wrong of me? Probably.

I had to quickly clear my thoughts and get back to the situation at hand. He still hasn't actually explained himself. I wasn't expecting to come here, get my closure and all will be forgiven. I don't think I'll ever truly forgive him completely for the torture he made me endure. But I could go home and rest at night knowing he was sorry and felt guilt every waking moment. "Okay, it's out of my system, can you carry on?" I spoke up, stronger than the last time. Instinctively, I added on a "please," at the end just from habit of believing myself lower than Oli. He nodded at me, behind the façade he had on to be cool, I could tell that he was a bit pissed.
"So yet again, Kellin, I am truly sorry for what I did," Oli said, it seems like this time I might get a reason and more than one word.
"I understand that what I did will most likely scar you mentally as well as all the physical scars that I left you." He seemed remorseful, I think he actually meant his words! "There is no words to describe how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take it back. Everyday since you've left I have begged myself to try and talk to you. To try and get you to understand why I did what I did. But in all honesty- I don't even really know. I never grew up with my parents fighting. Nobody in my family was abusive. Because that's what I am; an abuser. My neighbourhood was friendly, I never went without something. I over all had a fine life but then you came along. My love for you spiralled out of control and in the process my life seemed to as well. Not because of you but because of myself. I just took it out on you and for that I can never forgive myself." He looked up at me, guilt was obviously eating him alive. I nearly felt bad for hitting him but he still deserved it. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. I had questions- trust Esme I had plenty- but I couldn't seem to spit any of them out. Vic on the other hand had a voice that could speak quite well and he hadn't been rendered speechless. "That was a lovely apology Sykes and you should feel sorry and guilt and any other feeling that would make you feel like shit. You deserve hell to rain down on you for even thinking about hurting the angel sat by me but... I have one question. I know Kells came here for closure. The apology was coming- everyone knew it but the explanation is what he needs. A reason behind he madness. You know perfectly well why you did it. You just can't admit to it." What he said was true. I had gotten my apology but I came here knowing I was going to get one, whether it was true or not. I wanted an actual reason on why he hit me. "A reason?" Oli asked, "I was stupid and reckless," He was holding back from saying something, I knew he was. As much as he had made me feel like shit, I still loved him at some point. I knew his reactions, I could read him like a book, when he wasn't beating me that is. I didn't want to point it out with Vic here because it looked like he didn't feel comfortable telling me and I didn't deem it right to force it out of him. "Thank you," I whispered, "Thank you for apologising, it means a lot." And it did, it was expected but just like it always did, he made me feel like he meant it. This time I think he did.

Oli gave me a small smile, "Anything for you babe." I stiffened at the nickname that rolled off his tongue. I wasn't his anymore and I don't think I wanted to be again. "Uh, I mean Kellin." He rubbed the back of neck and gave me a sheepish grin. In reply I gave him a soft smile. But I wanted to go. Being here just gave me bad vibes. So much wrong had been done here and I didn't want to be reminded of it. I think Vic knew that I wanted to leave because he said "Is there anything else left of Kellins here before we leave?" Oli nodded and motioned for us to stand up. He walked into our old room and we followed behind. Inside was a black bag that looked to be full of my stuff. "I gathered that you wouldn't be coming back so I packed your stuff for you." It was sweet but it made my heart sting a little. I just thought maybe he'd want to hang onto the belief that I wouldn't want to leave. Hell, he was all I had before Vic and even now I was tempted to stay so I would bother him anymore.

I gave him my thanks and soon me and Vic were leaving. When we left and I said bye to Oliver, we both went to hug each other. Even though I hugged back it still made me uncomfortable. It was habit of hugging him goodbye and I don't think I could get used to cutting him off completely. So I promised myself I would check on occasionally to make sure he was okay. And to let him know I was because I think I would be now.

I had someone who cared deeply for me and my only threat that bothered me had apologised. Things were looking up and I hoped this time that it would stay positive but knowing me, I would find a way to mess it up somehow. And I have a feeling it will my uncontrollable urge to want to kiss Vics face off. But that's a problem that I should be able to control and if I can't then I won't complain because damn. He's hot as fuck and I wouldn't mind kissing those lips again.