Your Beauty Never Stopped You

A sharp pain went across my cheek as the ‘love of my life’ hit me again. I’ve become numb to all the beatings because I always do something wrong, whether it may be saying the wrong thing or looking in the wrong direction. Hell, even looking him in the face and not having the right facial expression but either way I always get beat up shitless. I don’t know what I did today but it must’ve been wrong Oli isn’t too heartless he has reasons for this. Normally stress. But this is what happened today.
I woke up, turning over to look at the clock I noticed it was only 8 am. I went to wrap m arm around my boyfriend but instead I got the coldness of an empty bed. ‘Best get up’ I thought ‘If I haven’t cleaned the house by the time his home, he’ll be angry.’ I sighed, getting up I noticed my pants and boxers on the floor. I shivered when I remembered what happened last night, I felt disgusted in myself. Oli came home last- after going out and getting high at his friend’s house- and told me he was horny. I did what every other sane person would do and told him no but as I went to get up and leave the couch, he grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Been sleeping around with everyone else so I’m no longer good enough for a whore like you” he spat in my face. Obviously, I hadn’t been shagging everything with a pulse, I would still be a virgin if it wasn’t for ‘world’s best’ boyfriend over here getting me wasted. “No, I’m just not in the mood I…” Before I got another word he kissed me and pinned me down on the couch, I started to struggle but I got no luck. I went to shout but as I opened my mouth he stuck his tongue in, he climbed on top of me and started rocking his hips down. I groaned as he leant against a bruise he gave me before he left but he thought I did something else. He chuckled, and leant down to kiss my neck but he stopped and whispered in my “I knew you couldn’t resist”
I was brought back to my thoughts when my phone buzzed, I look at my phone and saw it was an e-mail. I didn’t look I had stuff to do, first I had to shower. I scrubbed my body until it was red, I couldn’t get the feel of him off me but I got out anyway. As I passed the mirror I looked at my reflection, my eyes were dark and sunken, my chest was bruised and covered in cuts, and my ribs were shown clearly through my skin. I was underweight and I knew it but I couldn’t eat. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house so no new groceries were brought into the house. Oliver occasionally brought food but only when he wold be home to eat, which wasn’t very often.
I carried on walking until I got to where I wanted. Quickly slipping on black skinny jeans and a band tee I was ready for the day ahead. I cleaned the bathroom, kitchen and lounge and when I was done quickly made myself a drink. I just sat down on the couch when Oli walked in looking pissed, I robotically sat up, out of habit, and asked him what was wrong. His answer was to punch me straight in the jaw, I dropped the glass in my hand and fell straight to the floor. I could already taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth, raising my hand to touch the blood in my mouth I got kicked over and over again. He grabbed my hair and demanded to me to stand up, I did what he said and stood in front of him. And that’s when he hit me for the last time before storming out the door, slamming it behind him.
Why don’t I just leave? Well, I have nowhere to go, my parents hate me, Oli stopped me from talking to anyone, and I haven’t been able to keep a job because I always get questioned about bruises and have to take days off when I’m in too much pain. It’s okay though I don’t feel it anymore, I still love him and when he does lovey things like hold my hand I feel butterflies. I think I love him, he keeps telling me he’s the best I’m gonna get so I convinced myself I do. I just hope he’s happier when he gets back.