Your Beauty Never Stopped You

I was tapping aimlessly on my leg, Oli has been nothing but nice recently so I wanted to test something. I am terrified in case he decides to go back to the abuse but I just want to see where my new boundaries are. I 'forgot' to clean the dishes today because last time I did this I could badly beat up. He's taking longer than usual to come home today and the anxiety is killing me. Every little noise I glance towards the door but still nobody's there.
The jingle of his keys tell me he's here, I'm going to pretend to be asleep and use that as an excuse. I just hope nothing bad happens, well here goes nothing. I hear footsteps go into the kitchen but no shouting or screaming, I listen carefully. Scrubbing. He's doing the dishes himself, oh shit he's gonna be so pissed. Oli never does anything unless I get payback afterwards, I peak through my eyes and see he has his back to me doing the dishes as I thought. Oh fuck, he's finished. I feel the couch dip and he moves some hair that fell on my face "Kellin, baby" he speaks sweetly "Wake up. I have a surprise" I pretend to stir and look into his eyes tiredly, "What time is it" I mumble " Half five, why" I have to keep an act up that this wasn't planned so I look up at him with wide eyes "Fuck! Shit, I'm sorry" I apologize, he looks at me confused "What's wrong, why are you freaking out?" He seems genuinely concerned, why isn't he angry? I'm starting to get really worried now, the Oli I have grown to know has been replaced with the Oli I first met and fell in love with. "P-Please don't hurt me, I didn't mean to sleep" I stutter out, growing quieter each word I say. I look down to my hands and wait for the first sign of pain but instead there is nothing but silence. Looking up at Oli, i notice nothing but pain in his eyes with a bit of regret, "Is that what you think of me?" He mumbles and lowers his head "I really am a shit boyfriend, you shouldn't be scared of my every movement" He's starting to become frustrated with himself, I move back so I'm on the other side of the couch so I'm not in hitting distance. He looks over to me, regret evident in his eyes. As I glance over to him I start to feel sorry for him, he always told me he doesn't mean it when he hits its just from the heat of the moment. I find myself going back over to him and sitting in front of him, I take his hands and rub over his knuckles. "You don't mean it when you do it Oli, I still love you" "Yeah but that's the thing..." he trails off, I wonder what he's thinking, "What is it babe?" I question "You shouldn't love me, I hit you. I should go to hell, for heavens sake" He murmurs, it's at this moment that I realise why Oli hits me. He thinks I deserve somebody better so he makes me stay by hitting me and making me feel bad. Even though I would never leave him because he was my first love and he still loves me, its still cute that he feels the need to make me stay. All the words he shouts at me when he is having an abusive moment mean nothing, its all a façade. "Oli I would never leave you, unless you do something that is absolutely horrible" I coo, he opens his arms and I fall right into them. The only thing I'm wondering is why all of a sudden has he changed. And that's when it hits me. The reunion. Vic is going to be there and he's afraid that I will start drooling over Vic and leave him. That wouldn't happen though it was just a silly high school crush.

Me and Oli spend the rest of the evening laughing and talking,he even said he would take me out on a date to make it up to me. I know it won't be anywhere to fancy but we rarely go on dates and he wants to make me feel better so he might do something special. He can be romantic at times and when he is it's amazing, last time he was romantic was for valentines day, he took me out to a restaurant and then when we finished eating he took me to a drive in movie theatre which was fun apart from he picked a horror movie so I would snuggle into him. He is smart when he needs to be and I guess manipulative to since I'm still here. But this is a happy moment so forget about that and concentrate on my hot boyfriend in front of me. Why would I leave this for Victor Fuentes? I mean yeah, he was the most attractive person in the school, popular, and the most caring person ever. Captain of the football team and his arm muscles were to drool over but he probably looks terrible now. His toned body though that was mouthwatering, I remember staring in awe when I thought of what I could do to that body and the way he would...Shut up brain. I can't believe it but I just thought about the one person who made me feel like shit and I liked it. Maybe too much, I'll keep this between myself though. Oli wouldn't be too happy if he knew what I just thought. Fuck, I hope Vic doesn't turn up I might end up back in high school again. Even though he was a complete dick to me and kind of outed me out to the school telling everyone I was gay and forced myself on him. I still thought he was a complete god.

I guess when we go I will make a lot of effort and grab his attention so that when he notices me I will kiss Oli and see if he gets jealous. But wait, when alcohols involved I might start dancing with Oli. Hey, a little seductive dancing never killed anyone did it. I will make him feel jealous and then I have Oli to make me feel better when the night ends. If he is being nice I might make him feel better too. Oh god, maybe I do need to sleep, I can't think straight when I'm tired. Can't wait for the reunion. 4 days till now and all hell could brake loose or it will stay the same. I just hope Oli doesn't get jealous, that's a bad thing to happen, especially if he's jealous of Vic.