What Are You Leaving Behind?

"Alex come on you're gonna miss the bus!" His mother shouted from the bottom of the staircase. Alex rubbed his sleepy eyes, hopping out of his bed to gather his scattered homework, sticking it in his old bag. He had been up all night working on it all. It's just a price he had to pay for taking all AP classes, a variety of different clubs, and volunteering to set up for homecoming this year. However, Alex knew in his heart he wouldn't change a thing. After all, this all would help him into a good college and well, the homecoming task was only because he couldn't say no to his best friend, Kellin when the boy said he needed help.

After Alex was dressed, had his hair and teeth brushed and had gathered his belongings, he was heading downstairs to tell his mother goodbye and try to catch the bus.

"Bye sweetie! Don't overwork yourself." She said with a concern, she's always been worried her son bites off more than he can chew. Alex simply rolled his eyes with a smile and kissed his mother's cheek. "Never mom. Bye."

When he walked through the doors of school, he rushed to his locker to throw in books that created a boulder on the boy's back.

His vision soon became blackness as he felt soft hands across the top of his face. He smiled to himself as he slowed his task of putting away his books.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice teased into his ear. Alex reached up removing the hands and turning around to be met with Jack Barakat, his boyfriend of two years. The boy who stole his heart in freshmen year. He admired the goofy grin dancing on Jack's features and rolled his eyes. "Hmm, my annoying boyfriend?" Alex joked as he turned back around to get what he needed from his locker.

"I'm hurt, babe. No kisses for you." Alex laughed as he closed his locker and turned around once more, reaching up to meet their lips for an as always perfect kiss. When he pulled away he simply smiled, "Oh please, I think we both know who's in control here."

Jack rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around his shorter boyfriend. "Can you come over tonight? I feel like we haven't had anytime to ourselves in so long." He asked sadly. Alex sighed and shook his head, almost not wanting to answer the taller boy. "Babe, I have to help plan homecoming tonight."

"Tomorrow?"

"Honors society meeting."

"Day after that?"

"Debate competition.." Alex finished with a frown.

The bell began to ring and he offered Jack one last kiss before rushing off to class, forgetting it's all the way across the school.

~

"Alright, you students will be having a test next week, a very important one at that."

Alex heard a sigh from beside him, it was Kellin. "She always says that." He murmured into his hands as he sat there half asleep. The darker haired boy wasn't lieing, Ms. Scott treats every little quiz as a big scary exam.

"I heard that, Mr. Bost-"

"Quinn." Kellin interrupted.

"Quinn," she continued "If you haven't noticed we're nearing the end of the quarter and this is an AP class. You are all having a big test next week. Worth 30% of your final grade. I'd say it's pretty big."

Alex's eyes practically jumped from their sockets. He was far from prepared for a test that counted for this much of a grade. He sat back and sighed trying to calm his doubtful anxious thoughts.

Kellin took notice in his friend's behavior, "Alex, I could find someone else to help, I know how important your grades are to you and how much you already do-"

"No, Kel. I promised you and I won't break that. I can handle it all, trust me. Piece of cake." He smiled. Kellin searched his friend's face for any sign of reluctance but relaxed and smiled back.

Alex would be fine.

~

The next few days for Alex were the busiest he has ever lived through. It started with a three hour meeting after school on Monday about homecoming. He returned home to complete two hours worth of homework, he passed out right after the pencil was dropped.

Tuesday, Alex met for Honors Society to discuss upcoming assignments and completions they had planned. He wound up staying after for four hours just to complete that. When he returned home he ate then fell asleep right then and there.

When he woke up on Wednesday morning he rushed into school and dropped on the hallway floor complete the homework he hadn't finished the night before and to say he was stressed was an understatement.

Tonight he had a debate competition and Friday was homecoming so that meant tomorrow would be spent setting it up and the lousy old gym. He just wanted sleep.

"Alex." The boy looked up to meet eyes with his concerned looking boyfriend who he hadn't talked to in days. Not that the taller boy hadn't crossed his thoughts, he's just been so busy and worked up. But really he's fine.

"Lex are you okay?" Jack asked taking a seat next to his love. The lighter haired male nodded and got back to his homework. "Fine, just busy."

"Babe, it looks like you haven't slept in days."

Alex let out a groan and began to pack his bags, standing up. "I said I'm fine, Jack!" He yelled before stomping off to his first class. Jack stood there in shock. He turned around at his friend's Zack and Rian rolling up a handmade homecoming proposal for Alex.

~

Alex returned home from the dumb debate competition coming in second place behind stupid Jenna Mcdougal. She didn't deserve that prize, she hadn't slaved her weeks away like Alex has. He let out a sigh throwing his silly tie on the floor and hopping in his bed to study for that test next week. This is all just never ending. He wanted to just lay for a minute, and not by himself.

He wanted to go back a year where he could relax with Jack with no worries in the world.

Today he didn't even feel like he was living anymore.

~

"Alright Alex you could work on putting around the lights, Tay can get get the pictures and everything. Vic is going to go around setting up food preparations and Ronnie and Austin will get all the tables and chairs in here and I'll do all the other decor stuff, sound good everyone?" Kellin spoke on Thursday after school. Everyone nodded or hummed in agreement and went around getting their assignments done.

Alex headed off towards the boxes and bags of fancy light decorations to began testing out the ones that did of didn't work. He simply lacked motivation today. His shoulders were slumped, his hair carelessly brushed and his eyes held no light. He didn't know what he was feeling but it was unlike anything, but he is fine.

He felt a buzzing in his pocket and took out his ringing phone to answer.

"Hello?"

"Babe, please come over there's something I've been wanting to ask you." Jack spoke in a happy tone forgetting their last interaction.

"Jack, what part of 'I have no time' do you not understand? I'm setting up for homecoming and I have so much going on! I'm tired of you trying to distract me from all of that, it's fucking selfish and I'm tired of it alright! Just give me some space before I explode!"

There was silence while Alex took heavy breaths, realizing what he had said to the boy he loves.

"Wait Jack, I didn't-"

"Yknow Alex, you've been really different lately and I don't know if it's working out anymore if this is who you are now, it's not the Alex I know."

"No Jack, I'm sorry. I love-"

The line was disconnected and Alex felt his heart drop to his stomach. He groaned and shoved the dumb phone in his pocket.

~

Later in the night, Alex's mood hadn't gotten much better. All he could think about his brown eyed beau. Nothing was going right.

"Alex, careful with those lights!" Kellin ordered as he watched the boy slamming around the expensive decorative lights. Alex looked up at his best friend with a glare. "Get off my back, will ya?" He spat. Kellin look taken back. "What's your problem Alex?"

"Oh, I'm the problem! I'm everyone's fucking inconvenience. It's such a huge ass deal that I push these lights around a little, well guess what? Other people have problems to! Fuck these dumb lights!" Alex yelled before pushing a large wall sparkled glass lamp to the floor, shattering it.

"Alex! What the fuck are you doing?"

"Stop acting like I'm some monster. What kind of friend does that? What kind of friend makes theirs seem like the bad guy all the time! Fuck you and this dumb fucking dance! It's stupid, you're stupid, this whole night is stupid! These lights are stupid!" He screamed, pulling at his hair.

"Go the fuck home Alex, no one wants you here anymore anyways." Kellin spoke getting angry. Alex looked around at the others staring at them. Ronnie and Austin were practically ready to pounce if Kellin or Alex has got physical. Tay had stopped her decorating to stare as well.

"Fine."

~

"Lex! You're home early! Play barbies with me!" His little sister, Bree beamed up at him. Alex pushed passed her into his room, slamming the door.

So many feeling erupting around his body as he paced around the room, knocking whatever sat upon his dresser off. He threw the blankets off of his bed. He ripped posters off of his wall and smashed valuables. He had just had enough.

He gripped his messy sweaty hair between his hands pulling on it as he groaned and paced around his room.

"No wants you here anymore." He heard his own demons repeat Kellin's words.

"Maybe we aren't working out." Jack's voice lingered in his mind.

He couldn't do it anymore, he didn't want this pain anymore. He wanted to just... Be gone.

He ran to his bathroom and slammed around the cabinets looking for a razor he had hidden 2 years ago when Jack had finally convinced him to stop. He assured him he was too beautiful, too perfect for the metal monster.

Kellin's stared at his reflection at the mirror, wondering how he ever ended up in this moment. Moments away from the sweet bliss of death, maybe life wasn't for everyone. Everything happened for a reason.

Jack would move on soon enough, Alex was never the best boyfriend. Kellin could find a new friend, Alex was only ever a inconvenience anyways. Alex's parents would move on and so would Bree. Everything would just be better.

So he let the point carve his pale skin and repeat until his arm was covered in scratches and even gashes until he fell to his knees, crying.

"Alex! Open this door! Please!" He heard his mother banging from the other side of his bedroom door. He could even hear Bree crying.

Ignore it Alex, they're better off without you.

Soon enough, the pool of blood grew and his family's voices became more and more distant...

~

Alex opened his eyes, he didn't feel drowsy or anything of the sort. He felt energized and awake. As he looked around the area he was in he grew worried, all he saw was white. Was he dead?

"Good morning, sleepy head." A deep voice teased. Alex turned his head to meet a tall lanky man standing by him. "Is this heaven?" He couldn't help but ask.

The beautiful man began to chuckle and shake his head. "No, I'm Andy. Your guardian angel."

Alex looked at the man as if he had just grown three heads, "What?"

"Well you decided that life wasn't for you and you just about left everything you ever loved. Is that still what you want?"

The boy sat in shock and confusion. He let the question sink though. Did he really want to be dead? Did he still believe he'd be better off?

"Yeah, they don't need me. Just send me to hell already or something."

Andy started to laugh once more but shook your head. "I'm surprised you took the whole me being your guardian angel thing so easily."

"It's better than dealing than life right now, I'll take what I can get."

Andy sighed and rested a pale home on Alex's back. "I'm going to show you why life is for you and why you are loved and needed."

"Why? Aren't I already dead?" Alex inquired.

"No, your mom came just in time. You're in a coma. If you decide life still isn't for you, I won't wake you up. If you decide you want to live I'll give you a second chance. But promise me a chance to show you the value of your life?" Andy pleaded.

Alex sighed and nodded, what did he have to lose?

"Brilliant, I'm going to show you what's happening at the hospital right now. I'll warn you, it isn't fun to watch."

"Just show me." Alex grumbled.

With a snap the pair were sent to San Diego's local hospital in Alex's room.

"Alex I'm so sorry," Jack cried next to Alex's bed. He held his partner's hand tightly as he shook with cries. "Please wake up." He begged as his hands rubbed up and down the bandaged arms. "I love you Lex, please please please. I can't live without you. I should have watched you, I'm so stupid!" Jack fussed staring at his fast asleep love.

Alex looked over at himself passed out in the hospital bed, arms and legs bandaged fully. He walked over kneeling next to Jack's crying form. "I'm sure he'll move on." Alex murmured, watching his love cry. "I hate seeing him like this. He deserves eternal happiness." Alex sighed.

"Alex." Andy spoke, lifting the boy's gaze to his mother, father and sister watching Jack from the doorway. Bree had her head in her father's leg, crying quietly. Mr. Gaskarth was teary eyed and Mrs. Gaskarth stared with pure pain in her eyes.

"Can we get out of here? They'll be over it soon enough, I promise." Alex said.

"Let's visit Kellin first."

Within a snap the two were in Kellin's dark bedroom. A sobbing Kellin sat in his bed with a scrapbook in his lap. "He can't even see you, it's hurting too much. You know how his father died, Alex. He died in a coma. He thinks you're done for." Andy explained, frowning at the shaggy haired boy.

"He'll move on. He has before." Alex answered nearly emotionlessly as he stared at his friend breakdown. "He'll be better off."

"Well Alex, I think it's time you see the future."

Another snap at they were brought to Jack's lonely apartment somewhere in San Diego.

"Three years after your death." Andy announced as the pair watched Jack lay lifelessly in his sweats on the couch. His eyes have lost that spark Alex fell in love with. He doesn't look like he shaved or showered regularly.

A polished picture sat neatly on a side table. It was the last one Alex and Jack had ever taken together. Alex brought a hand to his mouth as he stared at it. He thought of how proudly Jack had it presented in this little apartment.

"He loves you more than anything. He visits your grave dayly, Alex."

"Can we see Kellin?" He whimpered. Andy nodded sadly before snapping his fingers again.

"This is my parents house." Alex noted as they were brought to the old cozy home he grew up in. "It is, Kellin visits your parents often to see how you are. Jack has tried but it hurts him too much to visit your old house so Kellin decided to help out. It isn't easy for him either but he refused to let Jack break down again." Andy explained as they made their way into the living room.

Pictures of Alex littered the room and halls it such a beautiful manner. He was never forgotten in the household.

"Would you like me to make dinner Mrs. G?" Kellin asked coming out into the living where the woman sat staring at one of Alex's pictures not even realizing she was doing it. "That's alright dear. My husband will when he returns from Alex's grave." Alex looked up at Andy who sighed, "Your dad visits a lot. It's been really hard on him."

Kellin nodded sadly. "Well I'll get home."

Mrs. Gaskarth smiled and nodded, giving Kellin a loving hug. He's become like her second son. "Thank you dear."

"They... Just need more time." Alex spoke painfully.

With a snap the two were back in the white room.

"You don't understand your value yet do you?" Andy sighed.

"They're just mourning. People do that for dogs too yknow. I'm nothing special."

"I have one last thing to show you."

With yet another snap the two were flashed to a high school hallway. There sat little ninth grade Kellin slumped against a locker. He head his head in his hands. No one offering to check if he was alright.

"You were never born, you never came along to ask Kellin what was wrong. He had failed a class and started having a panic attack. He struggled through the rest of highschool and dropped out later."

"Let's see your parents now." Andy continued after Alex's silence. "Who do you want to see first?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were never born, so your parents lost their spark and divorced." Andy answered.

"I don't want to see that." Alex panicked.

"To Jack then." Andy snapped.

They were brought to the other side of that hallway the same day. A big group of football players throwing some lanky kid to the ground. "Jack!" Alex ran after the group.

"They can't hear you, Alex." Andy spoke.

"No! Why are they hurting him!?"

"You don't remember saving him that one day? It's how you met. Since you were never born, he still receives daily beatings.

As Alex watched Jack be thrown to the floor his arm came to view, scars littered the skin. "W-what are those?" Alex squealed in tears watching the love of his life be beaten unable to stop the torture.

"He's suicidal Alex, he's planning to end it on this night. You stopped him when you saved him but since-"

"I can't die." Alex screamed earning a glance from Andy.

"Wake me up! Wake me up! I can't watch this anymore!" He cried.

With a final snap everything was gone.

He was startled awake once again to a steady beeping sound. He felt pressure on his arms and his hand held on to something.

"Alex!" He heard Jack's sweet voice scream, he opened his eyes to the skunk haired beauty and gave him a lazy smile. "You're here oh my god. Baby I'm so sorry I didn't mean what I said-"

"Don't even worry about Jack all I care about is that you're still here."

The boy beamed leaning down to meet their lips happily. Alex smiled as they broke away. "I love you."

"I love you lex, don't you ever leave me."

~

Within an hour the room was filled with people worried sick about Alex, giving him gentle hugs. "You scared the shit out of me, Lex." Kellin spoke full of fear. "I'm sorry." Alex sighed hugging his best friend.

He hugged his little sister tightly as she giggled in his chest, she was happy to see her big brother again. His parents beamed at their awake sun.

Alex matters, he is the very reason for so many people's happiness. Without him so much would be gone. His life is so important.

And so is yours.