Memories in My Eyes

Sleep evaded me. I was lucky to get 2 or 3 hours. Nightmares plagued me. Gunshots rang throughout my ears more often than not. I was fucked up, but I liked to pretend that I wasn't.

"You look tired." Gabriel had been telling me that everyday for the last five months. I got a pass the first month. Neither of us slept, but like a good little child, he took sleeping pills as per our therapist's request. I didn't want to get addicted. I didn't want to rely on a pill to sleep. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to dream because dreams always turned into nightmares.

"No time for coffee," I muttered, tugging at the end of my braid as we walked through the double doors of the hell hole. Like most mornings, conversation seemed to cease whenever Gabriel and I walked in. I was used to the stares by now. The whispering still bothered me because I knew what they were saying.

She's going to be next.

I'd already gotten suspended twice for punching people in the face, so I was grateful when Gabriel grabbed my elbow and steered me away from the girls that thought they were being quiet as they called me a psychopath.

"Don't listen to them Leni." It was hard not to. I heard the same thing everywhere I went. I knew I wasn't crazy, but knowing didn't make the words any less hurtful.

"I'm not." We both knew it was a lie, but we silently walked into history, ignoring the false words that left my mouth. Our normal seats were empty, as were the ones surrounding it. People never sat next to us if they could avoid it. The seats behind us, in front of us, and on either side of us weren't filled until the bell rang, and even then, they waited until the last possible second, fighting to see who could get the farthest away from us. It was like we had leprosy or something.

"My mom's thinking of putting me in private school." It wasn't surprising. My parents had been considering it as well. We just didn't know where the money was going to come from. Private schools were expensive, and my mother had a nasty shopping habit that she more than likely wasn't going to break.

"It's not a horrible idea." I shrugged, tapping my pencil against the desk. The first bell was going to ring any second, and the classroom was basically empty.

"I'm not going to leave you by yourself." I gave him a small smile, shaking my head. I wasn't going to keep him from going to a school that would be better than this hell hole we were enrolled in.

"As much as I appreciate the love, you will not stick around this bullshit they call a school because of me." He opened his mouth to say something, but the crackling of the classroom intercom interrupted him. Morning announcements weren't supposed to happen for another 10 minutes.

Elena Samuels, please report to the principal's office

The few people that were already in the classroom glanced at me, probably making bullshit guesses about why I was getting called to the principal's office before school even started. I grabbed my backpack and stood up, walking out of the classroom. The people that weren't scrambling to get to class were whispering and pointing like I was taking a walk of shame. I was surprised to see my parents sitting inside the office. My dad rarely ever took off work, and my mom was always busy with something new. She changed her hobbies like she changed her underwear.

"Everything okay?" I asked, standing in front of them. My dad looked tired, and my mom looked like she was on the verge of tears. Either someone died, or I was getting sent away.

"Honey, why didn't you tell us it was this bad?" I raised my eyebrows in confusion, glancing to the receptionist for help. By the look on her face, I could tell that someone had snitched about what was going on during school hours. I sighed, pulling the ponytail holder from the end of my hair and combing through the strands.

"Because I'm fine. I can deal with a couple of girls calling me a psychopath." It was more than a couple girls, and it was more than them calling me a psychopath. Teenagers were the spawn of Satan, but I didn't want to tell my parents that.

"You shouldn't have to deal with that. We're putting you in private school." I knew better than to say anything while we were still here. My parents were adamant about not having arguments in public. The world didn't need to know our business.

"Today?" They could have waited until I was home to tell me that I was switching schools, but them being here meant that I was switching now.

"You start tomorrow, but we're here to get your transcripts so we can get your schedule situated." I was upset that I didn't have a say, but it would be nice to walk into a school and not have people stare at me like I had three heads and a gun in my hand.

"Fine. Can I say bye to Gabriel?" My mom nodded, and I turned on my heel, walking out of the room. I slowly made my way back to history, thinking about how he was going to react. Gabriel and I hadn't been apart for more than a week since we were 5. We always went to same schools, same summer camps, same daycare centers. We were best friends in every sense of the words. I stood outside the classroom, watching as half the class fell asleep while Mr. Martin was talking. He was a small 80 year old man that refused to retire. He spoke slowly and often told old war stories rather than sticking to the curriculum. I waved, trying to get Gabriel's attention. He stood up when Mr. Martin's back was turned and power walked out of the room.

"What's wrong? Everything okay?"

"My parents are putting me in private school." Even though we were having the conversation already, I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

"Now?" I nodded, pushing my hair out of my face.

"Yeah. They're getting my transcripts. I start tomorrow, so get your mom on board. I'm not going to make it there without you." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on the top of my head. I sighed, leaning my forehead on his chest. Gabriel was the only person I had left in my life. Everything else had pretty much gone to shit.

"I'll talk to my mom as soon as I get home." It wouldn't be too hard to get Jennifer to agree, especially if she was already considering it.

"Okay. I gotta go. Come by after school. I want cookies and ice cream."

"Strawberry Cheesecake?" I grinned, nodding my head.

"The biggest size you can fine."

"Alright. I'll see you later." I watched him walk back into the room, wondering if this was going to be the last time I'd see him during school hours. I didn't like being away from him. I didn't like feeling like I didn't have anybody, and that's how I felt majority of the time. I slowly trudged back in the direction of the office, stopping at my locker along the way. I pulled everything out, trashing the papers and homework that I no longer needed. I returned my books to the library, saying goodbye to the people that I saw more often than not. The library had been my safe haven, providing the silence that I needed when everything else became overwhelming.

"You ready, kiddo?" my father asked once I walked back into the office. Principal Davies was giving me a sad look. I knew he'd felt bad for me every time I'd been sent to his office for assaulting someone. He actually took pity and hadn't expelled me for all the trouble that I'd caused.

"Yeah. Let's go." I gave a small smile to everyone, following my parents out into the parking lot. I slid into the backseat of their car, pulling my phone out of my pocket and plugging my headphones in.

"I know you're upset, but this is going to be better for you. There's a no bullying policy at this school, and no one's going to know you or what happened. You'll be safe." I'd never thought I was in danger. No one got close enough to threaten my life. They were all afraid that I was going to take theirs.

"If you say so," I mumbled, not in the mood to argue. I turned the volume up on my phone, drowning out the sounds of my parents whispering to each other. The drive was short, and I cursed myself as I stared up at the building that I'd be seeing everyday for the next two years. It looked like a prison. It was one of those private schools that had previous been a mansion. It looked like it was haunted. I pulled my headphones out, throwing my phone into my backpack, and got out of the car.

"You look like you're going to be sick." My mom put her arm around my shoulders, and I resisted the urge to shake her off. This "school" looked like it was going to be hell, and I could only cross my fingers and hope that Gabriel's mom would agree to let him come.

"Are you sure switching schools is going to be a good idea? What if it just ends up being the same? We were on the news, mom. I'm sure half of the people here, if not all of them, know what happened." My anxiety was beginning to spike. I could feel my heart rate going up, and my hands started to sweat. I closed my eyes, trying to take a deep breath to calm the nausea.

"No one is going to know. You'll be fine." I let her drag me inside, glancing at my dad for help. He was tapping away on his phone, probably telling his assistant what to do. He was never away from work for long. It was like it was physically impossible for him not to work. I was surprised that he ever slept.

"Dad." I knew him disagreeing was a long shot. He probably hadn't been listening to anything I'd said.

"Your mother is right, Elena." I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut. I needed to get it together. The last thing I wanted was to have a scene in the middle of the hallway at my new school before my first day. I didn't want to have a breakdown with a bunch of people staring at me.

"You'll be fine," my mom repeated, but I had a horrible feeling in my stomach that I wasn't going to be fine. Something was going to go wrong. It always did.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Samuels. It's nice to see you again. You must be Elena. I'm Headmistress Gibran." She was tall and thin with striking features. She looked like she'd undergone botox one too many times as she stuck out her hand an attempted to smile.

"Nice to meet you," I said as politely as I could. My voice was barely above a whisper, and I cleared my throat, looking around her office. Every degree and certificate she'd ever received covered the walls in picture frames. I guess she wanted everyone to know that she was qualified for her job.

"I've already looked over your transcripts, and I know you're going to be a great addition to this school. Your PSAT scores are amazing. You're a straight A student. You've been involved with student council, and you were captain of the soccer team. I'm sure you will fit right in." I doubted people would be tripping over themselves to be friends with me, but I kept my thoughts to myself and gave my new headmistress a fake smile.

"Thank you. That's very nice of you to say." She proceeded to give us a tour of the school. My mother gushed over every little thing while my father remained glued to his phone, even stepping away to take a call.

"All of your textbooks are already in your locker, but you need to see you AP English teacher for the reading list. You're a little bit behind, but I'm sure you'll have no problems catching up. His room is right down the hall, last door on the left." I assumed they wouldn't be walking with me, so I slowly made my way to the classroom, glancing up at the pretentious designs on the ceiling. The classroom was empty when I got there except for who I figured was the teacher.

"Excuse me?" My voice was small, and I cleared my throat again, knocking on the doorframe to get his attention. He look up briefly before glancing down at what he was doing.

"Yes, can I help you?" I was stunned by his accent. It was obvious that he wasn't from the United States. I cleared my throat a third time, stepping further into the room.

"I'm starting school here tomorrow. I'm going to be in your AP English class, and I was told to come get the reading list." He reached into his desk, pulling out a single sheet of paper. He never looked up from whatever he was scribbling on.

"Read the first four chapters of The Woodlanders. Have your two page reflection single spaced ready to be discussed." I raised my eyebrows, glancing over the list. I'd read half of the books on it already, which I thought would be an advantage for me, but the fact that this man hadn't bothered to look up at me for more than five seconds let me know that he meant business.

"Okay. Thank you." I turned on my heel, walking out of the room. Headmistress Gibran and my mother were having a quiet conversation while my father was still nowhere in sight, meaning he was still on the phone. My locker already being set up and the reading list in my hand made it clear that none of this was up for discussion.

"Welcome to Bridgewood Preparatory School, Elena."

Yeah. Welcome to hell.