Memories in My Eyes

"Please, Eric. You don't have to do this. We can get you help." The tears were sliding down my face, despite the fact that I'd been trying to hold them in. Gabriel's grip on my hand tightened. He was trying to drag me in the other direction, but it was like my feet were cemented to the floor. I couldn't move.

"No, you can't. No one can help me. I'm sorry, Elena. I love you."

BANG

I shot straight up, a scream rising in my throat. I choked it back down, rubbing at my tired eyes. It was 6:30, and I'd only gotten two hours of sleep. I dragged myself out of my bed and into my bathroom, turning on the hot water for the shower. The nightmares were making life hard. I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in months, and a result, I was almost always cranky. The bags under my eyes seemed to be a permanent part of my face. I was pale, and my cheeks were beginning to sink in. I looked a mess, and I didn't know how to fix myself.

I stepped in the shower, letting the warm spray relax the tension in my shoulders. I exhaled, closing my eyes and leaning my head on the wall. I wasn't ready to be at a new school. I'd been prepared for the stares because I knew why people did it. Walking into a new establishment, I wouldn't know anything or anyone, and I didn't want to deal with the judgmental eyes of strangers. Especially not on my own.

"You'll be great, Leni. I know it. You'll make friends the first day."

Gabriel's words echoed in my head, but I didn't want any new friends. Gabriel was the only person I needed, and he wouldn't even be there to lie to me and tell me that people weren't staring when I knew that they were. The water had gone cold by the time I decided to shut it off, and I shivered as I wrapped a towel around my body. I plugged in my blow dryer, moving as quickly as I could. The hideous required uniform was sitting at the end of my bed, the plaid skirt perfectly pressed. I dressed swiftly, swiping on some mascara and blush so I didn't look entirely washed out. Concealer wouldn't do much for the bags under my eyes. I'd be caking it on for days before it made even a sliver of a difference.

"Elena?" I heard a soft knock, glancing over my shoulder as I shoved some empty notebooks into my backpack.

"Hey Gabriel." I smiled at my best friend, sliding my feet into my shoes.

"I'm taking you to school. My mom hasn't decided yet. She wants to see how you like it before she just drops me in there." I rolled my eyes, swinging my backpack over my shoulder.

"It looks pretentious if you ask me, but I'll lie and say that it's golden if it means you'll be stuck with me everyday." I latched onto his hand, letting him pull me down the stairs and out the front door. I wasn't surprised to see that my parents were already gone. We'd had a long conversation the night before about how my dad would be working some overtime, and my mom was switching to a full time job. I wasn't going to be seeing much of either of them, all because they wanted to send me to a private school.

"Oh please do, though I'm not sure I want to wear that ghastly uniform." He frowned, pulling at the collar of my blazer. I slapped his hand away, annoyed enough with material as it was.

"You think I want to wear this?"

"Absolutely not. I surprised you actually put on the skirt. I was almost sure you'd be wearing jeans and begging the principal to let you off the hook because you're new." I laughed because that sounded like something I would do. I'd always despised school uniforms. I was the child in middle school that constantly violated the dress code. I'd lost count of the time I'd been in detention for that specific reason.

"I was told to make the best of the situation, and we don't have a principal. We have a headmistress." I sipped at the chai tea latte that was sitting in the cup holder between the driver and passenger's seat.

"Yeah you're right. It sounds pretentious. I might just leave you on own your own." I pushed at his shoulder, sighing as he pulled into the drop off area of my own personal hell.

"Please tell me you're picking me up." It was starting to get cold, and the last thing I wanted was to walk home when I barely knew my way around.

"I'll be right here at 3:30," he promised, a small smile on his face.

"You're a saint. I'll see you later." I pressed my lips to his cheek before stepping out of the car, shutting the door softly behind me. I walked up the steps, earning stairs from the small groups of people that were standing outside. I tried to ignore the whispers, walking inside and immediately going to my locker. There was still another 15 minutes before school started, and I had AP English first. I pulled my two page reflection out of my bag, staring at the words that I'd typed. Contrary to most cliches, I wasn't the biggest fan of classic novels. They all had the same concept in my opinion; everyone falls in love with someone they're not supposed to. All classic novels were stories of women scorned, falling in love with a man that could never give them what they really needed. It gets repetitive after a while.

"You're Elena Samuels." I looked up at the sound of a female voice. She was grinning like she'd found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

"Can I help you with something?" I looked around noticing people making their way to class.

"I'm sorry. My name is Olivia. I knew Eric." The sound of his name made me freeze, my eyes widening as I stared at the stranger in front of me. How and why she knew who I was was a mystery to me. I didn't want to find out either.

"I have to go." I walked away as quickly as my legs would carry me, nearly tripping into the classroom, which was completely empty except for the teacher, exactly like it was the day before.

"Good morning." His voice startled me, and I dropped my paper.

"Morning," I mumbled, bending down to retrieve the assignment. I walked over to his desk and set it on the corner.

"Keep it. You'll be turning it in later. You may sit where you like." He looked up at me for the first time, showing me his bright blue eyes. I swallowed, backing toward a desk in the corner. He eyed me for a long moment, a silent question in his expression, but more people filed into the classroom, and he stood from his chair, turning to write something on the board. I sat down, placing my backpack under the desk, "Everyone take out a blank sheet of paper. Pop quiz." I expected a chorus of groans, because that's normally what you hear when a teacher says "pop quiz", but all I heard were quiet whispers and the rustle of notebooks and binders.

"Sorry, but do you have a pencil?" I flinched at the tap on my shoulder, knocking the things from my desk. I cursed, bending down to pick up the papers and my pencil.

"Yeah, one second." I reached into the front pocket of my backpack, pulling out one of the many spare pencils I kept inside, handing it to the boy next to me.

"Thank you." I nodded once, not bothering to look up.

"There are three short answer questions written on the board. You have twenty minutes. Eyes on your own paper. Go." Everyone seemed to move in unison, scribbling down their names. I busied myself with copying down the questions, already having partial answers in mind. I wrote as fast as my hand would allow, seeming satisfied with the result when I was done. I glanced around the room, finding some students still hovered over their quizzes, looks of concentration on their faces. Was The Woodlanders that hard to understand? The storyline seemed simple enough, yet majority of the class looked as though they were struggling to form a thought that made sense.

"No need to show off," I heard someone mutter from behind me. I had half a mind to turn around, but I didn't want the teacher to think I was cheating. Getting in trouble only first day of school wasn't an ideal situation for me.

"Pencils down. Pass your papers up." I turned around, getting a good look at the boy that made the sly comment, swallowing the harsh words that had bubbled in my throat.

"What are you staring at?" he spat, shoving the papers he was holding into my hands. I sat there stunned for a long moment before gathering my bearings and passing the papers to the person in front of me. Why is it that the people here seemed worse than the ones at my old school? Sure, the whispers were nearly nonexistent, and no one knew of the turmoil I'd faced before, but they all seemed just as rude.

"Anyone care to share their thoughts on the beginning of the book?" The teacher, whose name I still did not know, leaned against his desk, crossing one foot over the other as he scanned the room. No hands were raised, and I watched him sigh, picking up what I assumed was the roll sheet, "Elena Samuels?" Of course my name would be the first to be called. I raised my hand slightly, letting him know who I was, though I was sure I was the only new student in the room.

"I think it's verbose." His eyebrows slowly lifted into his hairline as he eyed me curiously, crossing his arms over his chest.

"And what made you come to that conclusion?"

"Using words like physiognomy are unnecessary in my opinion. Surely there was something simpler that could have been used in its place." I was all for the complexity of the English language, but when it came to reading books, I hated having to decipher what I was looking at when it should have been self-explanatory.

"Think about the time frame in which this book was written." It was like a game of ping pong, the class glancing back and forth between the teacher and I as we spoke.

"That makes it worse. You'd think with how uneducated everyone was that they'd have less to say." I never actually gotten to discuss my view of classic novels, but it was clear that I'd offended the teacher with my words.

"Uneducated?" he questioned, raising his eyebrows at me once again.

"I mean by our standards now, of course. We know so much more. Back then there wasn't much to know, yet there's a list of lengthy words that no one even bothers to use anymore. That doesn't seem unnecessary to you?" A great deal of the English language was unnecessary in my opinion, yet the dictionary seemed to grow a bit more every year. At least a third of it had to be nonsense at this point.

"I believe we have two different views on what the word unnecessary means, Miss Samuels. Anyone else care to share?" It was obvious that my turn to speak was over, not that I'd wanted to continue what I was saying anyway. I was sure half the class thought I was an idiot for voicing how I really felt about the book. Majority of them probably thought the entire book was idiotic, but they'd never say it aloud. I'd always had an issue with filtering my thoughts before I spoke them out loud.

"Do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?" The boy behind me spoke up again, but this time I wasn't stunned by his striking resemblance to a person I knew I'd never see it again. I turned, glaring at him like he was the scum of the earth.

"He asked for my opinion, Professor Snape, and I don't know what your problem is with me, but get the fuck over it," I snapped, whipping back around and making sure to hit him in the face with my hair.

"Is there a problem back there?" The teacher was looking directly at us, specifically me.

"No, Mr. O'Donoghue. Everything is fine." The boy's voice was sugary sweet, and I wanted nothing more than to smack the smile off of his face.

"I was talking to Elena." I was surprised by the harsh tone of his voice.

"No problem." He stared for a moment like he knew I was lying before nodding once and turning back to the rest of the class, attempting to engage them in a conversation they clearly wanted no part of. When the bell rang signaling the end of class, everyone seemed in a rush to leave. I had a free period before Pre-Calculus, and I had no idea what I was going to do with it.

"Elena, could you stay for a moment?" I groaned under my breath, waiting to pack my things. Once the room had completely cleared, Mr. O'Donoghue stepped closer to my desk.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked, pushing my fingers through my hair.

"No, but if Daniel is giving you issues, I can move him." I was surprised yet thankful for his suggestion.

"I don't know what his problem is, but it's nothing I can't handle." I'd dealt with worse than a few nasty comments. I wasn't worried about whoever this Daniel person thought he was.

"The headmistress said to tread lightly with you. May I ask why?" I shouldn't have been surprised that the headmistress sent out a warning about me, but I was offended. What happened to me wasn't anyone else's business, yet she'd left the door wide open for people to ask questions.

"I went through something a few months ago. My parents are worried about me." The details of the event didn't need to be disclosed, and I wasn't going to say anything about it.

"This school has zero tolerance for bullying. If someone bothers you, let me know." A smart remark was sitting on the tip of my tongue, but he was only trying to help. Responding with sarcasm wasn't the best idea.

"Thanks, Mr. O'Donoghue." I moved to walk out of the room, but a painting that I hadn't noticed hanging by the doorway caught my attention, "Edelweiss."

"I'm sorry?"

"Edelweiss," I repeated, pointing to the portrait of the flower. I watched him smile, but as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

"Most people don't know what that is," he commented, walking to the other side of his desk.

"I was named after it. My mom had a bouquet of them for my parents' wedding." I was conceived just a few nights later, turning their world upside down when I was born a month and a half early.

"Elena Edelweiss Samuels. Strange name." I didn't take offense. It was a strange name for an American.

"My parents were strange people."

"Were?" I realized it sounded like they were dead and quickly corrected myself.

"Yeah. They've gotten quite boring in their old age." The laugh that came out of his mouth set a small fire to my cheeks. I never really tried to make jokes, yet it seemed that I was unintentionally funny.

"I'm sure they're not as old as you see them."

"No, but they sure do act like it." The warning bell rang, and I still hadn't figured out where I was going to go. The library seemed like it most logical, but I didn't exactly want to be surrounded by books at the present moment.

"You should head to class before you're late."

"I have a free period, and I'm not really sure where to go. Is there a music room by any chance?" I hadn't seen one during the tour, but it was possible that the headmistress had simply skipped over it.

"Yes, but it normally stays locked during the day. No one's ever asked to use it." I wondered why it was there to begin with if no one used it, but I didn't ask questions.

"Do you think you could unlock it for me? I won't break anything, I promise." It was a long shot, and it looked like he was going to tell me no, but he sighed and produced a key from his pocket.

"Sure. Follow me." I walked behind him down the hallway, making two turns before we stopped in a corner of the school that looked deserted. He unlocked the door at the very end, pushing it open. I almost teared up at the sight of the grand piano that sat in the far end of the room. There wasn't much, and it was obvious that no one had been inside for a while. There was a thin layer of dust covering everything. I ran my fingers over the ivory keys, taking a seat on the bench. I didn't remember the last time I'd touched a piano. It had been so long.

"Do you play?" Mr.. O'Donoghue was still standing in the doorway, and I jumped at the sound of his voice. I didn't know why I'd expected him to unlock the door and leave me alone. I probably wasn't allowed to be in this room unsupervised.

"I used to." I pressed down on two of the keys, a familiar melody flowing into my head. My hands followed, a small smile spreading across my face. I'd missed the therapeutic effect the piano had on me.

"Seems like you never stopped." He was at the other end of the piano, staring at me like I was a science experiment he couldn't figure out.

"Guess it never really goes away," I mumbled, pressing down on the finishing keys.

"The Sound of Music." It wasn't a question, and I wanted to be surprised that he knew where the song had come from, but I wasn't. He had the painting hanging up in his classroom.

"It was the first song I learned." I stood from the bench, dusting off the back of my skirt.

"Most people say they learned Twinkle, Twinkle or Mary Had a Little Lamb first." I unintentionally rolled my eyes, walking to the guitar in the other corner of the room.

"I could play those by ear by the time I was 7. Edelweiss was the first song I learned with sheet music. My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick or when I couldn't sleep." It was ironic that I was plagued with insomnia now, and I wondered if her soothing voice would help at all, but I was too proud to ask.

"So it's special to you." I shrugged, tucking a loose hair behind my ear.

"I never thought of it that way, but yes. It's special. Shouldn't you be teaching a class?" The school seemed quiet, and the second bell had already gone off.

"I have a free period right now as well. It's normally spent grading papers, but I can't leave you in here by yourself." It was disappointing, but I knew it was coming. I stepped back into the hallway, not sure what to do with the remainder of the period, "If you want, you can stay in my classroom until the bell rings." It seemed like the best option considering I really didn't know where anything else was. I'd be roaming the halls for the next 50 minutes otherwise.

"Sure. Thank you."

"You're welcome."