Memories in My Eyes

I hummed to myself, drawing in the margins of my notebook. There were only five minutes before the bell rang, and I could escape to the music room. I was itching to get my hands on the piano on account of the fact that I had a melody stuck in my head.

"Think you're too good to be in this class?" Daniel sneered, kicking the back of my chair. I rolled my eyes, trying my best to ignore him. The longer I spent at the school, the more he tried to get on my nerves. He tossed paper balls at the back of my head, smacked my books out of my hands in the hallway, and closed my locker when I wasn't paying attention. All around, he just liked to make my life difficult. It was a miracle that I hadn't decked him in the face yet.

"You're an idiot," I grumbled, gripping my pen a little bit tighter.

"I asked you a question." He kicked my chair harder, knocking it into the desk in front of me. I dropped my pen and whipped around, punching him in the nose. My eyes widened when I heard a crack. I was going to get in trouble for sure.

"What is your problem!? I haven't done anything to you!" I yelled, tears springing to my eyes. I'd been trying not to result to violence. I didn't need another suspension on my record.

"You didn't even try!" He stood up, blood gushing from his nose. The entire class was staring at us, including Mr. O'Donoghue.

"What are you talking about?" I had a feeling that I already knew, and I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to know his connection to the situation, what it was about the scary resemblance that made everything so important to him.

"Eric! You could have saved him! He needed help, and you didn't even try!" And then it all clicked.

"Eric, who's that?" I asked, pointing to the picture that was sitting on his desk. It was two little boys in identical outfits with identical smiles and facial features.

"That's my brother, Daniel. When my parents split, my mom took him and moved. We don't hear from them too much. I haven't seen them in a few years." I could hear the sad tone in his voice, and I felt bad. Being an only child was horrible enough, but to know you have a sibling and not be able to see them? That had to be heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry," I said, grabbing his hand and squeezing his fingers. He squeezed back, giving me a sad smile.

"It's not your fault."

"You're his brother." My voice came out as a whisper. If Daniel was here, that meant his mom was too. How long had they been around? Did Eric know they were back? My head started to spin, and I felt hot tears slipping down my cheeks. Daniel picked up his things, storming out of the room. The bell rang on cue, but no one moved. Everyone stared in my direction as I cried like a baby.

"Class dismissed." Mr. O'Donoghue's voice broke everyone from the trance that they were in, and people started to file out. I didn't move, staring at the wall as my hands started to shake.

"Elena?" His voice was soft, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I sniffed, wiping at my cheeks.

"I'm fine," I sobbed, picking my bag up from the floor.

"Obviously you're not fine." He held out a box of tissue in my direction. I grabbed two, rubbing the snot from my nose. I was positive that I looked unattractive, but I didn't care. I didn't understand why everything was happening to me. What had I done that was so wrong? Why was I being punished?

"He's right. I could have saved him."

"Who's Eric?" I didn't want to bring it up, but the whispers were going to start anyway. Daniel and I had made a scene. Everyone was going to wonder why. The whole school was going to be talking about how I punched Daniel in the face before the day was over.

"He was my friend. He committed suicide a few months ago." I plopped down into my chair, burying my face in my hands. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about, and I cursed under my breath as hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He rubbed at my shoulder, but I couldn't relax. I wanted to call my parents and go home. I didn't deserve the treatment that I was getting. Why my parents thought I could get away from the situation, I had no idea. I'd always be the girl with the friend who committed suicide.

"Can we go to the music room?" I asked, standing up and grabbing my stuff. The piano was my safe haven, and it was probably the only thing that could make me feel better. I wiped at my face, knowing that my cheeks were red and splotchy. I didn't like the pity that was written all over his face.

"I think we need to go to the headmistress' office." I should have seen it coming. I punched someone in the face. I was pretty sure I broke his nose. I should have known that I wasn't going to get away with it.

"I figured. Well let's go find out how long I'm suspended for." I sighed, wiping at my face again.

"Let me talk to her first. I don't think you should be suspended for that. I know he's been harassing you, Elena." Everyone knew Daniel was harassing me, but of course no one wanted to do anything. I was the new girl. Why would anyone defend me?

"But I shouldn't have punched him. I've worked hard not to go to that place anymore." I followed him to the main office, knowing I was in for a world of trouble. I promised my parents that I wouldn't fight. I promised myself that I wouldn't fight, but here I was, sitting in the main office with bruised knuckles.

"It'll be fine. Just give me a minute." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall behind me, trying to take deep breaths. The adrenaline was wearing off, and I was starting to feel the pain in my hand. I had half a mind to leave the office and go home, but Mr. O'Donoghue was only trying to help me, and leaving would be a sucky way to repay him.

"Are you okay?" The girl I saw my first day of school was standing in front of me, a concerned look on her face. Although I'd seen her around, she didn't make any moves to talk to me up until today.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

"I could get you an ice pack. Your hand looks pretty banged up." I wanted to snap at her, but I couldn't. She was just being friendly. She was probably the only person besides Mr. O'Donoghue that was actually nice to me.

"It's fine." I should have taken the ice, but my pride was standing in the way. I knew coming to this school was a bad idea. I should have just stayed at the hell hole or maybe even decided on homeschooling. It wasn't like I was in a rush to make friends anyway.

"Uh, okay. I know that you're not exactly thrilled to be here. I don't blame you, and I didn't mean to startle you on your first day, but I know Daniel pretty well, and I knew Eric. That was the only reason I said something. I didn't mean to get into your business or anything. I wasn't trying to start trouble. I just know how difficult it can be moving to a new school, and add that to everything else that's happened to you....I just figured you needed a friend. I'm sorry." And cue the guilt. I had the wrong impression about her the entire time. She was only trying to help, and even though I didn't ask for it, it was appreciated.

"No, I'm sorry, but you have to understand I came from a school where people constantly whispered about me. I had one friend left, and he's not here. You can understand my reservations, especially when you knew about something that was extremely personal to me. It's nothing against you. I'm just looking to make it through the year." I tried to keep my tone polite. I was still worried about my punishment and whether or not I was going to get the lecture of a lifetime from my parents when I got home.

"I get it, but if you ever need someone, I'm here." I opened my mouth to thank her, but I realized I didn't remember her name.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember your name." I knew I was being rude, but I spent so much time in my own world, I was surprised that I remembered anyone's name apart from my own.

"It's fine. I'm Olivia."

"Okay, well thank you." I managed to give her a small smile, looking up as Mr. O'Donoghue walked out of the headmistresses office. I waved at Olivia and followed him back into the hallway. The second bell was going to ring soon, and if I wasn't suspended, I was going to have to head to third period, "So do I have another suspension on my permanent record?" I asked as we walked back toward his classroom.

"You have detention with me everyday for the next two weeks."

"They have detention here? That's surprising." I mumbled, stopping outside his door. It was better than being suspended, but I was still going to have to explain to my parents why I was spending an extra hour at school. I could get away with telling them I was tutoring someone, but after the two weeks was up, I was going to have to come up with another excuse.

"She's not happy with you, but she understands. She's calling Daniel into the office after the nurse finishes examining him. Are you coming inside?"

"The bell is gonna ring soon. I would stay for third period, but I'm in enough trouble as it is. Don't wanna push my luck by ditching. I'll see you after school." I turned, walking to my locker to grab my history book. The rest of the day passed in a blur. The whispers started during passing period and continued even after the last bell rang. I tried my best to ignore the stares, but I could feel several holes starting to form on my back.

"You broke my nose." I heard an angry voice behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder, resisting the urge to curse or swing again.

"You deserved it."

"I lost a brother."

"And I lost a best friend! What's your point? We lost someone that was important to both of us, though I know I spent a hell of a lot more time around him than you did. So you don't get to judge me. You don't get to yell. You don't get to curse. You don't get to bully me. You weren't there. You don't know what happened, so as far as I'm concerned, you can take your opinion and shove as far up your ass as you can get it. You should be the one six feet under right now. Not him. So do me a huge favor, and stay the fuck away from me, or I swear to God I will break more than your nose." I'd never said something so foul to someone, but my anger got the best of me. I already blamed myself for what happened to Eric. I didn't need someone else blaming me too, especially someone that wasn't aware of the situation.

"Everything okay out here?" Mr. O'Donoghue's voice broke my line of fire, but I was still pissed.

"We're fine," I snapped, glaring at Daniel. He looked like he was going to say something, but Mr. O'Donoghue stepped forward, standing between the two of us.

"Walk away, Daniel. You've done enough." I watched an array of emotions cross over Daniel's face before he stomped away. I sighed, pushing my fingers through my hair. I was emotionally exhausted, and I just wanted to sleep, but I still had a detention to attend.

"Thanks," I muttered, walking into his classroom. I dropped my bag to the ground and slid into a desk in the front, resting my head on my arms.

"Are you okay?"

"No, and I'm pretty sure I won't be for a while, but I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Just give me something to grade or make me write standards. I don't care, just give me something to do." He perched on the end of his desk, crossing one ankle over the other. He stared like he was examining me, like I was something fragile. I hated when people gave me that look.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but when you're ready, I'm here. It's not good to keep your emotions in."

"I know it's not, but I'm tired. I just want to forget about it." I'd never met a teacher that spent so much time trying to comfort their student. Most hated their job, and it made me wonder why they took the time to become teachers in the first place. It was a waste of their time and everyone else's.

"Okay." I nodded once, pulling a notebook out of my bag. If he wasn't going to give me anything to do, I'd spend the next hour and a half drawing my life away, "Do you mind if I play some music?"

"Nope." I scribbled flowers into the margin of a blank sheet of paper. A familiar piano melody started playing, and I started crying.

if I lay here, if I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world
forget what we're told before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

"Elena, what's wrong?" I sniffed, wiping at my face. Today really just wasn't my day.

"I uhm......I used to sing this song to Eric when he couldn't sleep. He'd call me and ask me to sing. This song was his favorite." The music immediately shut off, and I dropped my head onto the desk.

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't know. Can you just cut me some slack today? I really want to go home." I hoped he'd let me off the hook. I wanted to sleep and never wake up.

"Yeah, you can go. I really am sorry." I could tell by the look on his face that he was being sincere, but it was all just too much at this point.

"Thank you." I grabbed my things and ran, not stopping until I made it back to my house.