Let's Just Fall in Love Again

Melanie had really outdone herself this time. Garrett and Pat’s backyard was decorated with fairy lights and tiki-torches, and they had a makeshift stage in the back left corner of the lot. She’d been sure to stock the coolers with my favorite drinks; Dr. Pepper, lemonade and PBR.

The party was in full swing when we arrived, and Sean was clinging to my hand for dear life. I couldn’t help but feel annoyed, but I tried to see things from his point of view. I mean, I guess I’d be pretty jealous if I was going to his exes best friends house for a party where I didn’t know anyone too.

I reached into one of the coolers and grabbed a lemonade for myself and a Pabst for Sean and pulled him over to one of the loveseats that was situated around the fire pit. Melanie and Garrett were close by; sitting a little too close for just friends. I shot her a look and she giggled and rolled her eyes at me. Oh we were so going to talk about this later.

I glanced around the yard and spotted Jared talking to Tim and Kennedy. I jumped up from my seat to greet him.

“Jared! You don’t even know how much I’ve missed you.”

He grinned widely before snatching me up in a bear hug and spinning me around.

“Charlie, I’ve missed you too, more than you know. And I hear there’s a boyfriend, and I want to meet him.”

And this is why I loved Jared so much. He just got me; he knew when I should be teased or prodded, and when it really wasn’t appropriate. He never judged what I did and I was really thankful for that.

“Sean, I’d like you to meet Jared, he’s the last member of The Maine you need to meet.. except for well, John...”

I trailed off, but Jared swooped in with a save.

“It’s good to meet you man, I’ve heard good things about you. And is that a Stones shirt? Dude, nice!”

Sean’s face lit up and I could almost feel a cool wave of relief wash over me. Sean and Jared hit it off instantly and were animatedly talking about their favorite records, so I excused myself to go find Tatum.

I walked through the back door into the kitchen to see her and Reagan sitting around the table giggling.

“Hey bitches!”

Within seconds, both girls were enveloping me in a huge hug while simultaneously firing off a million different questions.

“Woah there Sherlock and Colombo, there’ll be time for an interrogation later, but for now let’s just party.”

We made our way back outside, where the band was just finishing setting up for their set. I watched intently, nervous for whatever inspiration I may have given John. My eyes grazed the small stage and finally landed on O’Callaghan himself. I couldn’t deny the butterflies that swarmed in my belly at his warm smile, but I shrugged it off and returned my attention on the girls.

Tatum was basically ogling Kennedy while Reagan just laughed.

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just date already. I mean I know he likes you and you obviously have some feelings for him.”

I smirked as Tatum turned a deep shade of crimson. She looked as if she were about to reply, but was cut off by John’s gravelly voice.

“I’d like to take a moment to thank Melanie for getting this shindig together, and Pat and Garrett for always being hostesses with the mostesses. And finally, I’d like you all to give a warm welcome to my beautiful Charlie, who finally found her way back home. Let’s get this thing started!”

The hoard of people in the spacious yard cheered and I tried to relax. John’s voice was silky smooth as he sang the words to songs that I knew and loved. They played a song called Love & Drugs, which I assumed was about our crazy summer nights. It dawned on me that I was actually having a nice night, I was catching up with the girls, Sean had seemed to hit it off with Halvo and Nick, I was smoking my favorite clove cigarettes, and I was happy. I was finally starting to relax, until the last song.

“This is gonna be our last one for tonight, it’s been a pleasure as always. This one’s called Visions.”

“Last night I saw you in a dream. I'm still not sure just what it means.
Two night’s before much of the same, I found you dancing on the back of my brain.
Hallucinating things I find in my head, illuminating the right side of my bed.
And we kissed and we fought, I laughed and you screamed.
Oh I've learned to loathe these goddamn visions, but I just can't wait to fall back to sleep.
Oh I woke up and I felt let down, you tied up your silver hair and left this town.
You’re three hundred something miles away, I close my eyes and all I see is your face.
Hallucinating things I find in my head, illuminating the right side of my bed.
And we kissed and we fought, I laughed and you screamed.
Oh I've learned to loathe these goddamn visions, but I just can't wait to fall back to sleep.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had purposefully left so that I wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone, especially John. But did that not work? Did leaving end up doing exactly the opposite of what I’d wanted it to? I quickly stood from my seat next to Sean and mumbled something about the bathroom before nearly sprinting towards the house. As I walked through the door, the cool rush of the air conditioning calmed me down a bit. I took a shot if Jack straight from the bottle before I sauntered over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I needed this. I made my way down the hallway to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I turned the sink on, splashed some cold water on my face, and fixed what I could of my makeup.

It wasn’t even that the song had been mean or bitter, it made me realize how much we depended on each other. It couldn’t be healthy. I looked down at my phone and noticed it was nearly midnight, and had a text from Tatum.

TaterTot 11:48 P.M

honey are you ok? you’ve been inside for like twenty minutes, Sean looks worried.

I hadn’t even realized how much time I’d spent in here trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I chugged the rest of my beer before making my way back outside to face the group of people that were gathered on my behalf.

As soon as I opened the screen door, Sean was out of his seat and headed in my direction. I met him halfway and wrapped him in a hug. He held me tight before pulling away slightly.

“Have you been drinking?”

I could hear the disappointment oozing from his voice, and my eyes almost instantly welled up with tears. I meekly nodded and he pulled me close again and whispered into my hair, “You said you were okay.”

I wiggled out of his embrace and looked up at his worried face.

“I am, or well I was. I don’t know today’s just been a lot for me. I was good until the last song and I just, I don’t know I needed to do something..” I trailed off, feeling ashamed.

“Babe, you know you can talk to me about these things.. I know things have been a bit weird with us today, but I’m feeling better. I just need to know you’re okay.”

I smiled a half-hearted smile before replying.
“I think I will be, just a dumb lapse in judgment. That last song just really hit a hard spot. I’m really sorry I let you down.”

The tears were starting to subside and after he reassured me for the millionth time that he wasn’t mad and that things were going to be okay, we decided it was time to call it a night. I walked around the yard saying goodbye to the people I had missed so much. I found my sister sitting on Garrett’s lap and pulled her up and into a hug.

“Melanie I can’t thank you enough. I need a sissy day soon. I don’t think you understand how much I’ve missed you.”

“How does Friday sound?”

I nodded in agreement and made my way around the rest of the circle giving hugs and saying goodbye to the rest of the band. When I got to John I could barely look him in the eye. I could always tell what he was thinking, what he was feeling, just by looking into those gorgeous green eyes. But I didn’t want to know the truth right now, I didn’t think I could handle that. He stood up and gave me a half hug and I could smell the whiskey on his breath.

“Hope you enjoyed tonight darlin’.” He slurred.

I gave him a tightlipped smile before returning to Sean’s side and grabbing his hand to lead him back to the Jeep. I wordlessly handed him my keys and we sat in silence the whole way home.

***

I stirred awake while it was still dark out. I gently slipped out of Sean’s arms and grabbed shorts and a tank from my closet. I padded into the bathroom and put my hair on top of my head, washed my face, and pulled on my sneakers. I walked back into my room and scribbled a quick note to Sean.

Going on a bike ride, wanted to take some photos of the sunrise. I’ll call you on my way back, can’t wait for our day together.

xx C

I grabbed my camera bag and made my way to the garage. I got out my bike and started the familiar trail to my favorite spot. The warm wind hitting my skin was a welcome feeling, and I realized how much I’d missed this. The bike rides, the solitude, the Arizona landscape. Home, I’d really missed home and I didn’t even realize it until I’d returned.

I was hoping to look at apartments while we were out today, I needed to be somewhere new, somewhere of my own. I loved being home, I didn’t want to leave again, but being at my house was just too much. It’s like I could feel my mom’s absence, and I’d liked living independently in Portland. I loved the idea of having my own space to do what I please.

When I arrived at the spot I was looking for I got off my bike and headed for the cliff John and I used to sit at for mornings like this one. Alone with my thoughts, a few stray tears spilled from my eyes and I grabbed my camera. The view from this spot was breathtaking and the sun was just starting to peek up over the horizon.

I got some good shots of the landscape and took few pictures of other hikers I saw along the path. I pulled out my phone and noticed I had 5 missed texts, two missed calls, and a voicemail from Sean. I dismissed the notifications and listened to the voicemail.

“Charlotte. It’s me. My sisters been in a car accident, I have to go back home. I called a cab and I’ll be leaving for the airport within the hour. I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I love you and I’ll call you when I land.”

I felt terrible. Not only because of what had happened, I couldn’t imagine what he and his family were going through. But I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved that he was gone. I really did like him, but I didn’t know if I loved him, and trying to include him in my life here just felt weird. I didn’t know if this was something that could stand the test of long distance.

I decided not to think too much into it for now, and glanced at the time. It was nearly ten so I decided to head back home and see if Melly wanted to come with me on the apartment hunt. After the short ride back to the house, I ran up the stairs and burst into Mel’s room only to find her still sleeping and wrapped around a scantily clothed Garrett.

“Oh my eyes!”

The pair woke suddenly; Garrett pulled the covers over him and Melanie sat up and turned as red as a tomato. I smirked at the pair before sauntering out of the room and back into my own.

A few moments later Melanie appeared in my doorway. I looked over at her and flashed my best shit-eating grin.

"So you and Nickelsen, huh?"

She blushed and then giggled like a school girl.

"It just sort of happened. We've been hanging out a lot while you were gone and a few weeks ago we were having a movie night and he just leaned over and kissed me. The rest of the guys don't really know yet. We've been taking things slow and they've obviously been curious but we're keeping it to ourselves for now."

"Is that your way of asking for my discretion?"

She nodded meekly, hope spilling from her blue eyes.

"Of course I won't say anything Melanie, it's not my story to tell. But if you guys don't have plans for the day, I was hoping you'd come look at apartments with me."

She looked around the room and frowned.

"Wait where's Sean? I thought you guys were gonna spend the day together."

"Well that was the plan, but his sister got into a car accident and he flew back to Portland."

"Oh my god, that's horrible. But yeah, I'll kick Gary out and meet you downstairs in an hour?"

I smiled, "It's a date."