Let's Just Fall in Love Again

The rest of the anniversary went on without much of a to-do. My dad, Mellie and I all went to put flowers on my mom's grave that afternoon, and then we opened our home for a barbeque in her honor. All of my family and closest friends were there and everything just felt right.

I'd moved into my condo the following week, and it was finally feeling like a place of my own. Kennedy and I had a day trip to Ikea that involved a few too many Swedish meatballs and a lot of laughs.

The weeks that followed were almost as if I’d never left in the first place. Everything was back to normal again and it felt amazing. I was inspired enough to go take pictures, I was hanging with my friends. Well, almost everything felt normal. John had assured me that he didn’t take me not telling him personally, but he’d been distant since I’d told him. But I guess I couldn’t really blame him. That being said, just because I couldn’t blame him didn’t mean I was ok with it, so I found myself driving over to his house.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, but late enough for him to actually be awake. I parked in the driveway, smiling when I saw his truck parked on the street. His parents were out of town visiting Jenny's parents, and his brothers didn't appear to be home either. I considered calling and telling him to come outside, but figured I'd just go on in and surprise him.

The spare key was where it always was, taped on the inside of the mailbox door, so I used it to unlock the front door. I raced up the stairs and barged in, and I really wish I hadn't.

John was laying in bed with what appeared to be a naked woman.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I whipped around ready to run out of his house. How could I have been so stupid? We'd agreed to see other people for the summer and he was doing just that. I guess I'd thought that after I'd told him everything about the miscarriage and the breakup that we'd get back together. I cursed myself for being so naive. I'd almost made it back to my car when I felt my wrist being tugged.

"Charlie, what are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"

I was embarrassed, I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"I don't know. I guess I just missed you and wanted to know why you've felt so distant lately. But I guess I know why now, I'm gonna go."

He sighed and looked down at the ground before finally speaking.

"I thought this was what you wanted."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he said that. How could he possibly think that I wanted to find him in bed with another woman? I knew it wasn't my place to be upset, I wasn't his girlfriend, but I'd really thought that we'd try to work it out now that everything was out on the table.

"John, if you honestly believe that, I guess you don't know me as well as I thought."

Before he had a chance to say another word, I got in my car and sped away.

Upon arriving back to my condo, I walked into the kitchen, popped a bag of popcorn and grabbed a bottle of wine.

I took my supplies upstairs and flipped the tv on and laid in bed, willing myself not to cry.

After a few hours spent over thinking, I decided to call Reagan; I hadn't seen her in a few days and I needed to have a fresh perspective on everything that was going on.

She showed up about a half an hour later, and by that time I'd drank nearly half the bottle of wine. I was feeling a bit tipsy, but felt almost relieved because it would make this conversation hurt a little less.

We got into my bed and turned on some documentary on Netflix for background noise. I told her everything; about mom and I's fight, the miscarriage, the real reason I'd ended it with John, and everything that had happened today.

"Babe, I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but he has a point. You did say that you felt like you two needed to experience something different, even if just for the summer. And if you didn't mean that, you should have told him that explicitly. You know men can't take hints, especially when it comes to stuff like that. But Charlie, if it's that important to you, wait it out. Give him and yourself the summer and fight like hell to make it happen."

I knew she was right, but it didn't stop the ache in my chest. She scooted closer to me and held me until I stopped crying. After some lighter conversation, we sat eating popcorn and watching stupid romcoms until we fell asleep.

***

Reagan woke me up (too) early on Sunday morning, claiming that we needed to go shopping for the dinner party I was hosting tonight.

I had no memory of planning said party, so I assumed it was something we did last night in my drunken stupor. I checked my phone, and sure enough it was going crazy with Facebook notifications of my friends RSVPing.

We drove to the nearest supermarket and began shopping for everything we’d need for dinner. I wasn’t much of a cook, but thankfully this group wasn’t too hard to please. I grabbed a bag of frozen chicken, deciding on blackened chicken pasta, with a salad and various other appetizers. I turned the corner to go to the aisle with the booze, I’d obviously need enough for an army with the people coming for dinner. I looked down the aisle, and none other than John was standing at the other end.

I contemplated turning around, but he’d already spotted me and was heading my way.

“Charlie, would you just let me explain?”

“John, what is there to explain? I assumed we were on track to working things out, you obviously didn’t, you’re with someone else now. I think it’s all pretty clear.”

I did my best to sound calm, but I knew that tears would spill over at any second.

“I’m not with someone else, I got hammered out with the guys and took a girl home. No, it probably wasn’t the best decision to make, but damn it, we shouldn’t be together Charlie. I just cause you problems.”

Everything was finally coming into focus. This was exactly why I’d kept everything from him for such a long time, I didn’t want him to feel like it was all his fault.

“Look, I’ve got to get everything ready for tonight, but we really need to talk. Will you stay tonight?”

Before I could really process what I’d just asked, it popped out of my mouth and there was no taking it back now.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” I nodded before awkwardly turning on my heel and walking the other direction.

Reagan was standing at the end of the aisle trying to pretend she hadn't just seen the encounter between John and I.

“Oh, there you are.” She said with a sly smile.

“Yeah, yeah. I know you saw so don't even try it.”

She batted her eyelashes, feigning innocence and I rolled my eyes at her.

“I mean, he's coming tonight. We have some things to talk about.”

With that, we strolled lazily through the store before returning to my vehicle. I'd left my phone in the cup holder yet again, I'd been good at that lately.. upon looking down onto it, I spotted two missed calls and a text notification from Kenny.

To: Charlie
11:38 AM

babe I know the John things hard.. maybe it'd be good to take a little vacation up the west coast? Salt waters the cure for everything right?Anyway you could always have Melanie and Garrett housesit ;)

I rolled my eyes at the thought of my horny teenaged sister watching my house but I thought that maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe I did need to get away.

The moment I arrived back at my condo, I was transformed into the housewife I was never cut out to be.

My face must've lit up when Pat announced that John had shown up, and he walked in with open arms and a bottle of my favorite Cupcake wine.

“Hey darlin’, ya look good.”

I smirked at him, two could be playful.

“I feel like I've got that wifey glow O’Callaghan.”

I giggled as he visibly stiffened, and rolled my eyes as I strode back into the kitchen. If he couldn't handle me as a wifey then he definitely couldn't have handled me as a mom.

I started to feel rather tearyeyed so I took a few deep breaths and focused on the meal.

We sat around my living room, playing Cards Against Humanity and drinking, PBRs for the guys and the wine compliments of John for the fairer sex.

I stood abruptly, getting a look from John, Jared and Kennedy simultaneously.

“Um John, I wanted to show you my patio.”

I threw him a pointed look, daring him to question me right now.

He stood awkwardly, stretching that long torso I loved, before grabbing my hand and letting me lead him outside.

“So after I saw you earlier I decided some things. And you're just gonna listen okay?”

I told him about my whole breakdown last night and what Kennedy had suggested.

“So I just think we need to get over this awkward slump we're in okay? Johnny I want you to come away with me. Let's go to Venice Beach.”

“Charlie, when? Jared and I have been bouncing around ideas for the new record and it's just not a great time.”

I hit his shoulder playfully, “just squeeze me in for a weekend, rockstar.”

With a wink I sauntered back into my living room.

I sat on Kennedys lap, as the boys picked out a scary movie for us to half watch.

John had a look on his face. I'd only seen it one other time, when he was “wooing” me. You could barely even call it that but basically it was a look that screamed amusement and admiration. I felt it pierce into the side of my head but ignoring him, I could sense him shaking his head at me from his corner of the sectional.

I made a fuss over Garrett suggesting he get Melanie home, it was only - oh it was already 3:16 AM. Shortly after my eyelids grew heavy and my yawns were forcing everyone out my front door. John lingered and gave me the most chaste kiss on the lips.

“Can't wait to take you on the beach, darlin’.”