The Stars in Your Sky Aren't the Same Stars in My Sky

James patted Real Bad on the back before I got the tracks for True Friends ready on the computer.

"Let's run it once and if it's good we will take out the cover, yeah?" Andrew asked. I nodded and pulled the keys back over so that I could play and partially watch the guys.

I threw everything I had into the song and it came out perfect.

"Throne," Christian nodded and counted everyone in. I played my heart out and Mark got some video. I let the computer run our set and Drown came up next.

A wave of depression hit like a fucking 20 foot wave. I stood very still while I sang through the song and played the keys. At one point I had to wipe my eyes, for some reason the rain and the situation just made me very emotional.

"You ok?" Mikey asked as I paused the set.

"Yeah, sounds good guys. Amity will be back soon so we should probably clear stage."

I moved the key board and left the stage without a word. Only pushing past the people trying to see what happened. My path took me straight through the dressing room hallway to the back of the amphitheater where I sat down in a small alcove with my legs against my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs.

"I'm gone for two hours...." Joel stood in front of me with an umbrella over him. I must have been here for awhile.

"It happens...." I just looked back out at the muddy hill in front of me.

"Wanna tell me exactly what happened?" He sat down next to me and held the umbrella over us both, despite me already being soaked.

"I just had a depression wave hit me like a fucking 20 foot wave. The last few days have been rough." He made a face.

"The last few days you've been with us. You've been fine, so unless something happened last night?" He asked.

I avoided looking at him, there was going to be hell on earth if I told him Real Bad was talking about me this morning. He wasn't exactly nice about it.

"Jax..."

"I can't tell you what happened last night...." He just frowned, then his eyes focused on something else. With how long I'd been in the rain, it had washed away my make up.

"What the fuck?" His hand came up and immediately pull my shirt to the side to see more of the purpling marks that went down past where he could see them.

"Who?" He asked after a moment.

"Real Bad" I probably sounded like a wounded puppy.

"What the fuck...." He just stared at me.

"It just happened ok? It's not gonna happen again, he's a fucking asshole." My finger absentmindedly traced over the scars on my wrists from the surgery.

"Well what the fuck though. He was being a dick this morning..." I just sighed.

"Did you at least enjoy it?" I shoved him quickly as he laughed.

"I honestly don't remember...." He got pretty serious after that.

"Were you guys safe?" I shrugged.

"Jax, no offense but that's not something to shrug at, it's a big deal.... maybe you should go get tested..."

"For what? He's not carrying anything or else he would have said something." Joel scratched the back of his neck.

"That's not what I meant...." I just chuckled.

"I'm sterile." He was silent after that. He was one of two people that knew and it kind of hurt to say it out load for the first time in a long time.

"since when?" I shrugged.

"My first super serious relationship we had a scare and the doctors found out. I don't really know how or why...."

"I'm sorry." The silence allowed me to listen to the rain.

"Well you need to come inside and get ready, you're going to get sick if you don't" I shrugged.

"I'm fine. I'm gonna end up in the crowd anyways."He sighed and closed the umbrella , causing the rain to fall on him as well.

"What did you do that for?"

"Come inside or you're going to be the reason I get pneumonia again." My jaw dropped at how extreme he had just gone.

"Well wtf." I stood up and helped him up afterwards.

"I get that you had a moment," He reopened the umbrella and covered us both," but you can always come to one of us. We will always be available to talk to." I nodded and let him hug me.

"Thanks." He smiled.

"Now stay away from Real Bad." I scoffed.

"What if I liked it?" I asked in a snarky tone with my hands on my hips.

"Then keep it down?" He shrugged.

"eh, I wouldn't do it again." We both laughed and stopped when the door opened.

"Yo, the boys wanna get a group shot before doors." Real bad said specifically to Joel before acknowledging me.

"Give us a second." I answered when Joel just stared at him. He retreated inside and I looked at Joel.

"I'm a big girl, don't try and fight my battles for me." I warned him.

"I'm not, but it till kinda irks me that it happened while you were intoxicated.... That's technically-" I waved him off almost immediately.

"Don't even go there. It happens, honestly it was probably me who started it and you know that. I told what's his name to his face that I was going to finish that bottle of jack and then fuck his brains out that one day. The only reason it didn't happen was because we left." He chuckled at the memory.

"Alright, but don't do it again. Seriously. I love the dude and you, but not the dude AND you." I laughed again.

"Like I said it probably won't." We went back inside to the dressing rooms and I saw all my guys sitting on the couch with my laptop.

"What are you doing?" They looked up at me.

"Why wouldn't you show us the mixes and songs you were working on? They're fucking amazing." I sighed at Christian.

"Because I probably will scratch all of them...." They immediately started to protest. Things like 'best ever' and 'career changing' were thrown out into the air and I just tarted waving my arms to try and get them to stop.

"Guys!" I finally yelled and they quieted down.

"More than half of those are about Jake and I have to tell you why. According to Joel though, you all already knew."

"He finally told you he loves you?" Nikki smacked Andrew on the back of the head.

"Idiot! Now she bloody knows!" Nikki goes full Yorkshire on us, despite him being from the US.

"No he did tell me," I sat on the table in front of them," He kissed me too..."They all just stared at me like I had five heads.

"Are you guys a thing now?" That wave of depression came back, but I sighed.

"No, I'm actually really hurting over what's going on. It was a big shock..." I decided not to tell them why, bringing up that shit show that happened last tour wasn't the way to start a new tour.

"Look I don't want to finish this." I stood and grab my stage clothes.

"Get changed and then go to the stage, I guess they want pictures."

I quickly walked into the hall and to the only girls bathroom that was available for us to change. My stage outfit for tonight was a pair of black jean shorts rolled up to just above my knee, a Blackcraft tank with a red and black checkered, long sleeve flannel over it, and a simple black beanie on my head. I looked like the old hardcore kid that I was when the band first started, which made me chuckle. The only real difference now was the crazy tattoos and stupid decisions that have happened in the years since then.

"Yo Jax" Someone knocked on the bathroom door. I grabbed my old clothes and stepped out, right into someone's chest.

"Sorry, they were looking for you..."Real Bad trailed off.

"Thanks, I'll be there in a minute." I walked back into the dressing room and slipped on my black and white low rise converse and grabbed my phone.

"Is that you Amelia? I haven't seen you in six years!" I punched Mikey in the shoulder as the door from the hallway closed behind me.

"Watch that mouth of yours Michael, I still have those pit swings too." They all chuckled as we moved to the side stage area for pictures. Amity was first and then we moved on so that we were all on the stage for pictures. As the time went on, I noticed more and more concern being placed into the pit area. The rain had really picked up and now I noticed the flooding down below where photogs and security would be in just an hour.

"Those stacks need to get moved or that's going to be a serious issue...." I pulled one of the stage hands over to find the sound guys. They immediate got to work moving it while we all retreated back stage.

"I love that tour is gonna fucking start like this..." Ahren groaned as he plopped down on the couch.

We all filed in behind him as the bands split individually to talk before the show. The guys grabbed my laptop and settled in the corner on the floor.

"Now walk us through the vocals for the song you wrote today...." I frowned.

"Guys not right now, set list first please."

"Throne, Jonestown, True friends, mobile bones, drown and the new song. " My head slammed back against the wall with a crack and the room went silent.

"Sorry," I turned to the guys," We aren't doing the new song, it's not ready. Plus, you're missing two songs."

"Did we get a longer set?" Nikki asked.

"We have forty minutes...." Andrew responded for me.

"Yeah so two more songs." They all looked at each other.

"Uh, I think we need to do one cover for Jake...."

"What song?"

"Warmness on the Soul." They all knew very well what that song meant by now and didn't argue.

"Look, that new song really isn't ready and I don't feel cool with playing so many unreleased songs every night. Let's do the song from Cleveland tonight, and then tomorrow we can rehearse the new song a bit and maybe we can practice some of out other finished ones after that. Ok?" They all agreed and we added in three of our older songs on top of that. Once that was figured out, we still had half an hour before we needed to warm up.

"Can you PLEASE walk us through the lyrics for the new song now?" Mark and James had taken out the cameras and were recording every word that had just come out of Mikey's mouth.

"Yeah, but let's get out of here so we don't disturb anyone." They ended up pulling me into the guys bathroom in the hallway. I pulled out the computer and showed them what I had and we worked on some harmonies. It sound phenomenal and I couldn't deny that, it just wasn't ready for the live show yet. I decided to show them Avalanche and Follow You. They loved them both so much that they practically begged me to play those at some point while they were here. I agreed only if we could finish the album during our three day break.

I had Christian put the computer back in the rig and then we all came and did warm ups. Christian informed us that it was packed despite the rain and I was immediately nervous. Despite having played before and been around a crowd of this size, I had never done them together. We que'd the intro and then the beginning of Throne and I didn't have time to think. Sure enough several thousand kids stood in front of me and at least half of them knew our songs. I was so pumped that I didn't stop until we were halfway through our set.

"Perth!" The crowd screamed and I had to look over at the bands watching us side stage to see if this was real.

"This is incredible, our first time in your beautiful country and you're treating us better than we could have expected." They cheered again, and while I waited for the guitar change they started chanting my name, which confused me a bit, but I smiled none the less.

"How would you guys like to hear a new song?" James came over and pulled the keys for me, we didn't have the presets for True friends so it had to be done through tracks, giving me a song to spend down in the crowd. I was super excited when they cheered.

"I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you!"