Notch in Your Bedpost

"Do you do, do you remember
When we drove, we drove, drove through the night
And we danced, we danced
To Rancid, and we danced, we danced
And I confessed, confessed to you
Riding shotgun underneath the purple skies
And we danced, we danced
With windows down, and we danced, we danced

(Spin for you like your favorite records used to…)
(Spin for you like your favorite records used to…)"

Is this song about us...about me?

"You were the song stuck in my head
Every song that I’ve ever loved
Played again and again and again
And you can get what you want but it’s never enough
And I spin for you like your favorite records used to
And I spin for you like your favorite records used to

And I can’t, I can’t, I can’t remember
Just how to forget, forget the way
That we danced, we danced
To Danzig, and we danced, we danced"

I flipped the page over and there was scribbles and words crossed out on the margins.

"And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing
Like you know, you know how much better off I am
And when we danced, we danced
With windows down, and we danced, we danced."

I fold the paper back in it's original place and slip it underneath the pillow. Pete mentioned that a few of their older songs are about me. It makes me wonder if this song is really about me. If so, I'm impressed that I still manage to run through his head after all these years, but it also aches my heart knowing that I wasn't there for him. I'm sure Elisa was there, right? After all that is his wife and mother of his only child.
God, I'm so bitter. I exhale and hear the bunk underneath me moving around a bit. I peek out the bunk curtains and manage to see Patrick exiting the bunk and walking towards the end of the bus. There was a lounge in the back, he must be going to be alone.
I close the curtains and lay back down.
Would it be dumb to go see what he's doing? I mean, it's not like I'm going bed anytime soon and I haven't had a proper conversation with him since I've got here.
Managing to convince myself that following him is a good idea I get up and walk towards the back. I pass by the bunks and see Andy's bunk curtain open. He's drooling on his pillow snuggling a bear. Giggling I close the curtain and keep walking towards Patrick.

I let out the breath I was subconsciously holding in and place my palm on the knob turning it ever so slightly and opening the door. Patrick was seated in black leather couch writing in the notebook I found earlier. He looked up at me and smiled, "Oh did I wake you? I'm sorry" he says while closing the notebook and setting his pen on top of it.
Closing the door behind me I walk towards him and sit adjacent to his current spot. I fidgeted with the sleeves of my jumper and looked up at him. His blue eyes staring right back at me.
His eyes are bright blue and have a light yellow ring around them giving the illusion of a slight green tint. I can see oceans and galaxies in them. The glistening of his beautiful eyes intrigue me.
Patrick clears his throat and I shake my head out of the trance. He bites his lip and looks away, a small blush playing on his cheeks.

"How are you?" I ask silently.
"I'm well. I'm just having trouble sleeping lately. You?" he answers while placing his palms on his lap looking everywhere except at me.
"I'm not with John anymore" I say without hesitation. I don't know what made me think he would care or if it would be a good idea to tell him but I did.
He raised and eyebrow at me, "What happened?" he asks slightly intrigued.
"He cheated on me with Jasmine and got her pregnant." I respond embarrassed to my ex boyfriends infidelity. I hear him sigh.
"He was a dick then, and he's dick now. Don't worry about him Matilda. Maybe he won't find out what I know, you were the last good thing about that part of town." I smile and lean my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry" I whisper. "For?" he responds moving hairs that fell on my face behind my ears sending shivers down my spine from the contact of his cold fingers on my skin.
"For leaving. For leaving you. For not being there. I'm sorry." I sigh and sit up while removing my head out of his shoulder.
"What about you and Jack? You both seem awfully close." he asks bitterly. "I barely know him. I don't know him like I know you." I say while looking away.

Patrick frowns and takes my hand. "Matilda, when you left I was heartbroken. I knew John wasn't a good person. I knew and didn't tell you. I let my jealousy and bitterness get to me and now you're hurt because of my actions. Elisa was there when you weren't. She was there too quickly I might add, but she was there. As much as she tries she can't fill that empty void you left in my heart." he exhales and places a finger under my chin, raising me head slightly so we could see each other eye to eye. "You will always be special to me. You had my heart then and you have my heart now." he says quietly.

Saying that I'm shocked was an understatement. I was absolutely infatuated with Patrick. Believe it or not, my heart will always ache for him and my body will always crave his touch.
He smiled and I returned the gesture. I wanted to kiss him, but I know I shouldn't.

Yet, I still found myself leaning closer. I was so close I could smell his minty breath brushing my lips.
Patrick's breath hitched and he jumped up.
"Matilda, I can't. I want to, oh god I want to but I cant." he said while standing up and running his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"My feelings for you haven't changed, not one bit but I cannot be unfaithful to my wife. I'm sorry." Patrick says while quickly opening the door and returning to his bunk.

Sighing I lay down on the couch. The last thing I wanted to do is push him into things, and by things I didn't really think I'd be pushing him to kiss me. Damn it, I'm just fucking up left to right.

I close my eyes and drift to sleep.

------

"Morning Matty" someone says waking me up from my slumber. Rubbing my eyes open, I see Jack sitting on the couch next to me with a smile. "What time is it?" I ask groggily while yawning.
"2pm" he responded while checking his wristwatch. I groan and sit up.

"Are y'all playing a show tonight?" I ask while getting up and walking out the lounge towards the bunks. As soon as I make it to the bunks I see Patrick drinking tea in the living room area. He looks up to me and quickly looks back down to his phone avoiding eye contact. His cheeks are red.
I blush remembering last night's conversation and turn around only to bump into Jack's chest. He chuckles "Hey, watch it you! But to answer your question, no we don't have a show tonight. So it's a free day. Wanna go to a bonfire party? Us, Fall Out Boy and some other bands that are around the area are gonna come." Jack asks casually while leaning on his shoulder against the wall.

I turn around and see Patrick sneaking glances from his phone with a slight frown on his face. I turn back to Jack, "I'd love to." I say while heading to the restroom to freshen up.

"Great! Starts at 8. I'll see you there" he says while placing a kiss on my cheek and running out the bus quickly before I could react. I place my hand on the cheek he kissed and smile. A blush already forming on my cheeks.
Patrick stands up and before I could acknowledge what's happening he places his lips against mine and kisses me. My eyes widen but I kiss back without hesitation.
He places his hand on my cheek and pushes me against the wall dominating the kiss. Patrick places a hand on my waist pushing me closer to him, I gasp at the touch of his cold fingertips against my skin. He bites my lip out and whispers "mine" in between kisses.
Patrick pulls away and places his forehead against mine. "I-I don't know what came over me. I just can't stand him kissing you." He says in a husky tone placing my loose hairs behind my ear.

"I-" I say before being cut off by another small peck on my lips. We hear the door of the bus being pushed open and I run to the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

What the hell happened out there? I run my hand through my hair and turn on the water and get ready for a shower.
Tonight should be interesting.