Seven Year Ache

November 2014

Shea was sitting in James' living room after practice, the two had opted to come here instead of going out with the rest of the guys after. James was grabbing them both a drink and Shea was looking around the house. He had seen the NHL 36 episode with James, he was surprised to find this house actually had furniture in every room he had seen and was decorated, though while giving him the official tour of the new home James had informed Shea Quinn had done quite a bit of the work.

As James walked back into the living room, handed Shea a beer, Shea asked him curiously, “You settling in here better now?”

James shrugged, “Yeah, I mean it's still weird sometimes.”

“Especially with Quinn being still in Pittsburgh too huh?” Shea may have been prying, he was curious about the whole situation there. He was really starting to feel like Pekka.

James nodded and told him, “Yeah that definitely makes it weird, her not being a ten minute drive away.”

“Yeah my first season after juniors was really weird with Riley in Vancouver.” Shea offered, not wanting James to feel like he had to be obligated to share or like he was the only one sharing.

“So what's the deal?” James asked, and when Shea turned to look at him, eyebrow raised, James clarified, “With Riley going to Pittsburgh. It's just the guys keep talking about it like she never goes anywhere during the season.”

Shea sighed, pushed a hand through his hair and said, “She doesn't. Even when I was in juniors she'd opt to stay home by herself while her dad went somewhere than miss games.”

“That's a keeper.” James told him with a smile.

Shea nodded, “Yeah she is. I don't really know why she chose to go there but we just needed some time apart I guess. We've been having some... issues.”

“You let the issues get out of control you mean.” James stated, and when Shea nodded James told him, “I get it, and I get not wanting to talk to any of us about it. It happened to Quinn and I and I didn't want my teammates involved in our business either.”

“What is the deal with you two anyway?” Shea asked him, finally having the balls to ask it out loud. When James raised his eyebrow and took a drink of his beer Shea asked, “Are you or are you not together?”

James chuckled and said, “It's complicated. Technically no but I'm working on that.”

“She doesn't want to?” He genuinely did want to get to know his rather quiet new teammate.

“It's not that she doesn't. We weren't together when the trade happened, we were actually just trying to work things out again. We went through more than the average couple goes through in a lifetime in a matter of three years so it's a lot to figure out I guess.” James told him with a shrug. When Shea kept his eyes on him, one brow cocked again, James took a large drink of his beer and explained, “We celebrated our one year anniversary in the hospital and the next morning the cancer label was slapped into her medical chart.”

“Jesus.” Shea immediately understood more than he did twenty minutes ago. He knew how that could affect people's lives firsthand.

James nodded slowly and said, “It was hell, for both of us. You can read as much on the internet as possible but it never prepares you for seeing what you see after that. I never knew it was gonna be so hard, trying to find the balance between being there for her and being there for my team but it was exhausting. She actually gave me a free pass to bail and take off.”

“But you didn't.”

“No and I'd like to say I never thought about it but every time she was throwing up and crying over her hair I thought about it.” It was pretty clear that even admitting that out loud bothered him.

Shea didn't know what to say to him, after all there really wasn't anything he could, so he simply told him, “It's hard to watch someone you love go through something like that and you never truly understand what it can do people until you've been through it.”

James nodded in agreement, he knew Shea's personal history, James was sure there wasn't very many people who didn't. He didn't feel the need to comment on it however, instead he told Shea, “Yeah but you do it because as shitty as it is, being there through that is better than not being around at all, and I would have rather been there with her if it went the other direction than not. Life's too damn short you know?”

Shea nodded slowly and James watched him get lost in his own thoughts, he didn't interrupt him, he just let him sit there in silence for a long time. If his own situation and past situations could help then he didn't mind talking about the things he had once refused to talk about.

All Shea could think of was how right he was. Life's too damn short. For a moment he thought about his mom, and then he put himself in his teenage shoes again thinking about if he went through that again with he and Riley in James and Quinn's situation. As screwed up as their relationship was now and had been for all this time Shea couldn't imagine life without Riley. They had been together for so long, he wasn't sure he really knew any other thing but Riley.

She was the one constant thing in his life, he had always said she was his centre of gravity, his compass of sorts. It didn't matter what was going on his life, or his career, the one thing that always pulled him back to normal was Riley. She had this way about her, she was both the most calming factor but at the same time she could put him in his place when he got a little too arrogant or a little too out of line. He had never understood it but then again he never tried to understand it. He just loved her for it.

Without her he was sure he would spin out of control. Everything would fall apart.

He knew their situation was so much less scary than the situation his teammate beside him had gone through but the principle of the fact was the same; Shea was watching their relationship disintegrate. Eventually things were going to get worse and Riley would leave, he knew it. He would never, ever tell her to, or ask her to, she would come to that decision on her own and Shea knew Riley, if she came to that decision herself it that was it, there would be absolutely no hope for them. Riley leaving was rock bottom for them, only they wouldn't be able to recover from it.

Riley had been the rock in his life through so many things; the tough first few seasons breaking into the league, making a name for himself in Nashville, his mother, coming to terms with the possibility of having to leave Nashville a few seasons previous. She had at one point been the only person in his corner through so many things, at least in his opinion. Now he was hurting her and that didn't sit well with him, his put it off until the season is over and deal with it later attitude was only hurting them both.

He had never once tried so hard to put himself in her shoes like he was now. Pekka was right all those times he had mentioned it to Shea; Riley really didn't have anything keeping her here aside from Shea. Her whole life was in Kelowna and Vancouver and he had asked her to drop it all to come to Nasvhille to be with him, and he wasn't sure he had ever even thought of how big of a question that was for him to ask her. It was a huge thing to ask of someone, to ask them to give up their life and their dreams to support someone else's and Riley had agreed to it like it was nothing.

So maybe he needed to put himself in her shoes. She gave up everything and he didn't have to give up anything. Shea knew that there were times he certainly hadn't made it any easier on her when he could have, and there were times he probably wasn't around enough or when she needed him to be, or he didn't notice little things that he should have. He couldn't fix that, but he could try to fix them going forward, the only problem was that he had no idea where to start.

He surprised James by announcing out loud, “Last season I was gonna propose, bought a ring and everything.”

“And?” Now it was James' turn to be the curious one.

“And it's shoved inside one of my dress shoes that I never wear in the back of my closet.” Shea told him. He took a long drink of beer before adding, “I even flew her dad out to Vancouver when we played them to ask his permission, I had the whole thing planned. I took her to her favorite restaurant and had this big speech planned and then I just never took the ring out of my pocket.”

“Do you think she knew?”

Shea shrugged, “Honestly I don't know.”

“She knew.” James told him, and when Shea gave him a questioning look James said, “Chicks always know.”

“I think that's when things started with us you know? Whether she actually knew or not I can't say, but I think that was when things started changing and I was too preoccupied by that damn ring to notice.”

“Why didn't you ask her? If you don't mind me asking?” James asked him, eyeing him as he downed half of his beer.

Shea shrugged again and said, “It just didn't feel right I guess. I knew that at the beginning of the season it was the wrong time, that we weren't ready for that but then at the end of the season I thought it was the right time. We'd been together for so long and honestly I knew I wanted to marry her when we were still in high school but then sitting there in the restaurant with the ring in my hand I just couldn't do it.”

- - -

“I can't wait to see the look on his face when we show up there.” Quinn told Riley as Riley directed her through the Nashville traffic and toward the arena. They had missed the entire game after getting a later start on the drive here, but Riley had conned Pekka into keeping Shea and James around after the game for a little bit until they got there in case traffic was bad.

“He's gonna freak.” Riley told her with a grin, she turned in her seat to give Nixon a pet, and he gave her a happy sigh as she did so.

“What do you think Shea is gonna do?” Quinn asked her curiously, she still didn't understand what exactly was going on between them but she thought she had a decent idea of it. It seemed rather familiar to her.

Riley shrugged, “Leave me there.”

Quinn rolled her eyes, “Seriously.”

“Seriously! We weren't exactly on good terms when I left, who knows what he's been thinking. I could get home to find all my shit packed up and waiting for me to leave.” Riley exclaimed, making Quinn sigh.

“He's gonna be so happy you're home early.” Quinn told her, and as she turned the corner when Riley directed her to she asked, “You're gonna take my advice right?”

Riley sighed, pushed her curly hair out of her face and told Quinn, “I am. This little trip did exactly what I was hoping it would do.”

“And that is?”

“Remind me of how much he means to me and that I don't want to lose him.” When she said this Quinn grinned, gave her hand a squeeze and pulled into the arena parking lot.

As they got out of the Jeep, Nixon on the leash, Quinn told Riley excitedly, “I can't wait for them to come out.”

“Me either.”

- - -

“Dude all I'm saying is that you're both significant other-less... let's go out tonight!” Pekka told both Shea and James as they were walking through the arena to the parking lot. James and Shea shot each other looks, trying to figure out why the goal tender was so hell bent on them not leaving right away. Pekka caught that and informed them, “I can see you two.”

“Just questioning your need for professional help.” James joked, making Shea laugh and Pekka roll his eyes.

“And here I thought you were cool.” Pekka muttered, making Shea laugh even harder. Pekka turned his glanced to his captain and said, “You're just rude.”

“You'll get over it.” Shea stated with a shrug of his shoulders.

Pekka followed them outside, grateful when he saw the copper Jeep in a parking spot. James raised his eyebrows as Nixon ran up to him, jumping up against his suit, he bent down, giving the dog a good pet before he looked at Shea, who was also watching him in confusion. Pekka joked, “You know that thing or something?”

James straightened up, continuing to pet Nixon while he looked around. His eyes landed on Quinn, who smiled and said, “Hey stranger.”

He grinned, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her off the ground. Shea watched as she wrapped her legs around his waist and then he turned away, his eyes falling on Riley, who was leaning against the hood of his SUV with a smile on her face.

Shea immediately broke away from the group and walked toward Riley, surprising her when he wound his arms around her tightly and leaned down, kissing her hard for the first time in a very long time. She leaned up on her toes to get a better vantage height wise, and put both her hands on his cheeks as she deepened the kiss.

Before they could forget they were still in a public place Pekka cleared his throat and said, “In case you two were planning on having sex on the hood of your car I'd like to just remind you that you're my ride home.”

Riley pulled away from Shea first, and she giggled as she wound her arms around his waist and hid her face in his chest. Shea simply turned, glared at Pekka before he told him, “You can walk.”

Pekka blinked slowly with his eyes on Shea and as James and Quinn joined them Shea laughed at his reaction. Rolling his eyes Pekka told him, “Riley go back to Pittsburgh, I think I prefer quiet brooding Shea as opposed to this... shit..”

James and Shea laughed, Riley simply rolled her eyes and told him, “I missed you too Peks.”

Shea shot her a look, and Riley winked at him, and Pekka announced, “Okay well the sooner you drop me off at home the sooner you two can go do whatever thing you're thinking that's sure to gross me out if I start thinking of it.”

James looked at Pekka and joked, “Sometimes I wonder if those shots he takes at you in practice are on purpose.”

“Rude.” Pekka stated, getting into the back seat of the SUV. Once Riley's bag was tossed in with him and Shea and Riley got into the car Pekka said, “Homeward sir.”

Shea rolled his eyes and Riley stated, “Sometimes I wonder how you two are even friends.”

Pekka shrugged, “Because I grow on people.”

“And then stick to them and never leave.” Shea muttered, making Riley and Pekka laugh.

Once they had dropped Pekka off and got Riley's bag inside Shea stood in the bathroom door way, leaning against the door frame watching Riley get ready for bed. She was running a brush through her hair when he told her, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She told him. As she put the brush down he reached out to grab her hand and she let out a laugh when he pulled her into him.

Shea tucked her hair behind her ear, put his hand on her jaw and leaned down, kissing her lips softly. When they pulled apart he told her, “And that, I really, really missed that.”

Riley smiled, and she leaned against him, her chin against his chest. They stood that way in silence, wrapped up in each other for a long time, before she said, “I'm glad I'm home.”

Home. Shea had never been so relieved to hear her say that.

Still, as happy as he was over that he knew nothing would change unless they talked so as he followed her into the bedroom he told her, “We need to talk about all of this.”

Riley nodded, pulled the covers back and as she got into bed she told him, “We do, but not tonight okay? I'm exhausted. Can we just spend tonight like this and then talk tomorrow?”

Shea smiled, hopped into the bed beside her and told her, “Absolutely.”

Riley smiled as he immediately wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her into him, his chest to her back. It was the first time in a long time that they had gone to bed like this, touching and so close she could feel Shea's breath on her neck.

The only thing that was missing was I love you. She so desperately wanted to tell him that.