Seven Year Ache

September 2014

Riley glanced at the clock on the car dash and sighed. She was late. Again. Her phone buzzed in the cup holder but she ignored it as she changed lanes and pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant she was supposed to have met everyone at fifteen minutes previously. After circling the lot once she found a parking spot, glanced in the mirror to do a lipstick check and got out of her car. She heaved her purse over her shoulder, locked the car and power walked into the restaurant.

She internally groaned upon finding their table full, she was the last to arrive. Everyone seemed to erupt when she got there, hanging her purse on the back of her chair and sitting down. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Shea put his arm around the back of her chair, his hand pressed against her shoulder.

"Sorry I'm late, traffic was insane."

"Don't worry, I only got here like two minutes ago." Kelly assured her, Craig nodding to confirm her comment.

Shea glanced at her for a moment before he told her, "I ordered for you."

She smiled politely and said, "Thanks."

Pekka glanced between the two of them, before he looked around the table. Everyone was absorbed into their own conversations, no one seemed to notice the captain and his girl, or their odd behavior. Pekka supposed that the smile, the arm on the back of her chair and ordering for her would fool most people. It didn't fool him. Not with the things he'd witnessed Shea do on the road that he never would have done even last season. It was like a switch flipped between them sometime during the summer months.

"So how's life?" Riley asked Kelly, leaning toward her so they didn't have to raise their voices to be heard over the rest of the table.

Kelly did the same thing and told Riley, "Can't complain. It's pretty great lately. You?"

"Oh you know, busy busy busy." Riley stated, shrugging her shoulders. When she had first joined Shea in Nashville her work visa had been denied two years in a row, which had been a difficult pill for her to swallow; the idea of not working at all. When Shea had been named captain she struggled the first season with the new responsibilities of being the captains girlfriend, it was new territory, one she wasn't prepared for. A season and a half later she still struggled with it, thought she'd figured out much more of the ins and outs and rules since the first season. Rather than sitting around the house doing nothing she decided to throw herself into the players wives foundation and help organize fundraisers and charities. Something she had discovered she actually enjoyed doing, even if every now and again it did get tiring.

They were interrupted by Craig who calmed the table down and cleared his throat, "Now that everyone is here… Kelly and I have an announcement."

"You're pregnant!" Rich called out from down the table before they could say anything.

Kelly, who had taken a large drink of water before hand, choked on the liquid. Everyone got a chuckle out of that, especially when she started coughing and shaking her head at him. When she had calmed down she sent an apologetic glance to Riley before holding her left hand up to show off a sparkly new ring. This got the entire table cheering, clapping and making a ruckus the rest of the restaurant couldn't have appreciated.

Pekka had announced that the next round was on him as a congratulations to them, and after a respectable amount of time had passed Riley had excused herself to bathroom.

She hadn't been in there more than two minutes when Kelly walked in. She was sitting on the round bench in the middle of the room with her head tilted to the ceiling when Kelly sat down beside her. The younger of the two couldn't help but tell her, "I'm sorry. I told Craig I wanted to wait and tell you separately."

Riley shook her head at her and stated, "Don't be sorry. I'm so happy for you guys, really."

"Yeah?" Kelly wasn't necessarily shocked, she knew Riley would be happy for her, but she also knew that watching all her friends and other teammates get engaged, married and start families wasn't easy for her. Especially with her own current situation.

"Of course I am!" Riley exclaimed, grabbing Kelly's hand to inspect the ring, which had no stone. It was a simple, thick, diamond covered band. She smiled, "It's gorgeous. Very you."

"Yeah he did good." The two girls let out a laugh at that. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Kelly spoke softly, almost afraid of bringing it up, "Have you guys been doing any better lately?"

Riley didn't answer right away, which was an answer that in itself to Kelly. Riley hadn't told her everything, just that she and Shea were having some problems and that things weren't so great right now. She knew Shea would have a fit if he knew Riley had shared their personal life with people, even friends. He had always been so private, which often the thought of just how private he was about his personal life made Riley chuckle, given his career and the publicity that came with it. That was Shea though, his personal life was just that, and things like this, what was going on behind closed doors, was no exception, even to his teammates. It was getting tiring for Riley though, participating in the show they put on around people and in public, and then going home and being ignored for hours on end.

Something was going to give. It was only a matter of time.

The two gathered themselves and went back out to their table. The food was brought out only ten minutes later and Riley was silently counting down the minutes until she could get back in her car and go home. Not that home was much better. She couldn't help but steal a glance at Shea, noting the fact that he needed a hair cut, not that she would tell him that. She watched him laugh and carry on with Roman, his defense partner, and it was made even more perfectly clear than ever before that their relationship, or lack there of, wasn't affecting him nearly as much as it was she.

After what seemed like an eternity Seth, who was sitting to her right, nudged her arm with his own. When she turned to him he smiled and joked, "I get pretty tired of them sometimes too."

Riley couldn't help but chuckle at that, she had a bit of a soft spot for Seth, where his teammates found him young, still slightly irresponsible, and a mama's boy, Riley found all those things endearing. Maybe it was because of the fact that due to Shea's career she too had felt like the youngest in a room of older and far more successful people. Their two year age difference may not seem like much to most people, but it was a lot for her when it came to the company they both kept. Especially early on.

"I honestly have no idea how you handle them all the time." She joked back, and Seth simply shrugged at her.

"Tune them out most of the time. You're probably pretty good at that, what with being the captains girl and all." Riley smiled gently at his words and nodded slowly, and Seth, upon seeing her reaction to his comment, was quick to clarify, "I just mean that he probably brings the game home a lot and it's our lives but we forget it's not yours. I can imagine it's probably pretty boring to listen to us go on and on about this or that."

Riley couldn't help but grin at him and say, "Relax. I knew what you meant."

Seth's cheeks flushed and he was reminded again why Riley was his favorite of the wives and girlfriends on the team. She always payed attention when he talked, even seemed interested in what he had to say, and what he liked most about her was that she had never, not even once, called him kid. He knew it was all in good fun with his teammates, it truthfully didn't bother him all that much, at least not until lately. It was only now starting to get tiring.

They chatted about nothing in particular until the bills came and everyone gathered their things and headed out. Riley made sure to give Kelly a hug and tell her once again contratulations, she offered both Seth and Roman rides home, to which they declined, and she followed Shea wordlessly to the car.

Pulling her keys from her purse she asked him, "Did you want to drive?"

"I don't care." Was his muttered response and Riley rolled her eyes at him.

She stopped at the front of the car and said, "That wasn't an answer."

He turned to her and muttered, "Jesus Christ Riley not tonight."

He snatched the keys from her hand and slammed the car door after he got in. He was turning the ignition over when she got into the passenger seat, and without so much as another word he pulled out of the parking stop and into traffic.

With Shea busy driving Riley pulled her phone out, replying to a few emails and texts from other wives or girlfriends about upcoming charity stuff, even texting her dad to let him know she would call him tomorrow night. She glanced over at Shea for a moment again as he came to a stop at a red light, and looked down the minute he turned to her, pretending to be answering a text on the odd chance that he decided to actually talk to her.

Thirty minutes later they pulled into the driveway, and Riley sat in the front seat without moving as he put the car in park, hit the clicker to close the garage door, took the keys out of the ignition and got out. She remained in the car even after he went into the house, without even noticing her.

She took a minute to wonder when exactly things had gone so downhill for them. She couldn't pin point it, was it when the season started? Over the summer? Had it started last season and she hadn't even noticed?

Riley looked up when she saw the door open and Shea appear in the doorway. She could tell by the look on his face that he was annoyed with her, something she had gotten used to. Neither of them said anything, Shea never moved from the doorway, it was as if they were challenging each other.

Finally he took the two steps down and into the garage, and stood outside the passenger door, watching her. Riley stared at her hands, which were clasped together on top of her purse in her lap. She was practically shaking. Every time he got that look in his eyes she was petrified that this was it, this was the moment the dam broke, the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. She was sure that they would finally come to blows, have it out with each other right here in the garage, she was always sure when he had that look in his eyes. She'd always said Shea had a tell when he was pissed off and looking for a fight, he would clench his right fist three times, so she looked out the window at his hands.

One. Two. Three.

She had never, not once in her life, in the twelve years they had known each other, been afraid of Shea. Even seeing what he could do on the ice, she'd never been scared of him. Yet the last 2 months she was terrified almost every day, she knew him better than to know he would ever lay a hand on her. It wasn't his physical strength that she was afraid of. It was his mouth, his words, his tone. Shea wasn't someone who was easy to anger, but he had this way about him when he was angry, she never felt as bad about herself as she did when they fought.

He opened the car door, and she looked up at him, and she knew it the moment her eyes met his. His features softened, he didn't look as angry, in fact he had a look of shame on his face. Riley never did have a good poker face, and the moment she looked up at him and he saw the look of absolute terror on her face he deflated. That was not his intention, he'd never given her a reason to be afraid of him, but he knew that just now he had given her a perfectly good one.

"Are you gonna come inside?" He asked her, his voice soft and foreign to them both.

Riley, her whole body, including her voice shaking, told him, "In a minute."

Shea nodded and left her alone. She let out a breath of air but it wasn't in relief. Part of her had wanted them to finally have it out with each other, she wanted him to scream at her, she would take anything. It was better than going back to the way it had been, skirting around each other and ignoring each other to the best of their abilities.

She stared at the clock and after seven excruciating minutes Riley got out of the car and walked to the door. She took a deep breath, and pushed the door open, walking down the hallway and into the kitchen. Shea was nowhere to be found, but after a few silent seconds she could hear him in the basement. The familiar sound of clanking weights came up the stairs, and she knew it would be a long time before he came back up so she set her purse on the counter and made her way upstairs.

Going through her usual night time routine Riley kept glancing at the bedroom door way, but Shea was never there. She crawled into the bed, looked at the doorway once more before shutting the night table light off before she laid on her stomach, facing the closet.

Two hours later Shea got into the shower, Riley stayed staring at the closet wall pretending to be asleep, even when she heard the shower turn off. The bedroom was lit up for only a moment as he opened the door, he turned the bathroom light off and carefully made his way to the bed in the dark.

Riley stayed silent as the bed shifted and Shea got comfortable, she kept her eyes on the closet door and didn't move a muscle, not even when she heard Shea ask quietly, "Ry? You awake?"

When she didn't answer she felt the bed shift again, and she waited until she heard his breathing shallow before turning her head to look over at him. He was laying on his side, facing away from her, and Riley was certain he couldn't get closer to the edge of the bed without falling off.

Something was going to give.