Last to Know

“Just go out there and sing with all your heart, even if Brian doesn't appreciate it” Zack had been trying to amp me up for the first show the entire night. I hadn't spoken to Brian at all either, I don't think I could've faced him after the things I heard.
“I'll just end things after the tour, that way it's less stress we all have to deal with for the next six months” Zack frowned and hugged me tightly, my knees felt so weak, as if I would collapse at any moment.
“I'll let Johnny and Arin know not to bring up your relationship, the less it's talked about, the better” I nodded to Zack and walked over to the side of the stage. I could at least watch the other bands while we waited.

The first band wasn't too bad, they seemed so excited to be playing on a stage in front of so many people, of course we had all been the same way. Brian stood on the opposite side of the stage, his eyes glued to mine. What would I even say to him after this show? When we had to share a bed together and sleep, we had to lie so the tour would be better. Two people in my life had left me, all because I couldn't be there for them. While I couldn't be there physically for Val, I wasn't romantically there for Brian. And soon enough, I'd be alone again. Zack, Johnny, and Arin were all in happy relationships, they didn't have to deal with the shit I did now.

“We're on in five, if you wanted to grab anything do it now” Johnny stood next to me, his arm around his girlfriend. A small smile was gracing her lips.
“Yeah, I'll be right back” I turned from the stage and headed down to the room we were residing in inside the venue.

Grabbing a pair of aviators I slipped them on, helped keep the light from blinding me too much. And if I had a slip up no one would notice, another plus of wearing sunglasses while singing. I zipped my bag closed and began to head back to the stage.

“Matt” Brian's voice stopped me in my tracks, I didn't need this right now.
“What?” I turned to face him, keeping my expression blank as I did. He frowned slightly.
“I wanted to talk to you, is something wrong?” He walked over and crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing in the slightest.
“I overheard you on the phone, I didn't realize I made you feel so miserable” I couldn't contain the acid that leaked into my voice. I didn't want to push Brian farther away than I already had.
“What are you talking about?” His eyes widened, his jaw dropping slightly.
“When we saw Johnny with his girlfriend, you were on the phone talking about how there was no romance in our relationship, I'm sorry I make you so fucking miserable” I clenched my fists and ground my teeth together, if I wasn't careful they'd turn into nubs.
“Matt, what has gotten into you? Who said you made me miserable?” Brian raised his eyebrows and stepped towards me slowly.
“You did! Whoever the fuck you talked to earlier! I went in to talk to you, and you were telling someone how there was no romance in our relationship, so if I can't give you what you want then leave, because I can't spend my time wondering when you're going to leave” All the anger that had been building had suddenly vanished, I couldn't fight with Brian, hell I hated fighting with him in general.

I felt completely defeated, why would he want to stay with someone who snapped over such petty things? I couldn't even give him something as simple as romance. God I was such a horrible boyfriend, I wanted to propose to him, raise a family and grow old. And I couldn't even give him simple things in life. I turned away from him and headed to the stage where they were finishing up, fans were screaming our names loudly. I slid on my sunglasses and frowned, Brian would probably stay as far away from me as he possibly could during the show. He'd tell Zack, and Johnny about me going off, and then my relationship would be over for good.

“They need you guys on the stage, now!” Jason had been trying to gather everyone and set us up on stage. Arin took his place behind the drum set and smiled, it made me wish Jimmy was there, he could give me advice on what to do. He wasn't though, I had to just accept what was the end of my relationship and deal with it.

The show was a great distraction, the fans would look between Brian and I, as if they were hoping to us act like a couple. If only they knew what had happen so soon before, they'd be devastated. Of course Brian wouldn't even come near me, his expression would waver between worry and anger. If only I could hear the thoughts that were racing through his mind. I was having a mental battle with myself of whether or not I should talk to him.

I decided against talking to him once the show was over, I had already made a mess of myself the last time I spoke to him, lord knows what else I would say. Zack had somehow convinced Brian, Johnny, and Krista to head out to the bar so I could sneak back to the hotel and get some sleep, I needed to reevaluate everything. Arin was talking on the phone when I arrived to the hotel room, his eyes glued to me once the door shut.

“Yes, he's here” He paused and kept his eyes on me, who in the world was he talking to?
“I'll put him on, hey, Brian wants to talk to you” Arin stood up from the couch and walked over to me, I wanted to tell him no, hell I would've if I knew Brian wouldn't hear me on the other end.
“Hello?” I reluctantly took the phone, I hoped Brian wasn't drunk already.
“What'd I do wrong Matty” His phone was so soft I was thought I hadn't heard him.
“I, Brian it's nothing you did, I'm just being an idiot is all” I could feel doubt flood my stomach, I wasn't a very good liar when it came to Brian, he could see right through any lie.
“You yelled at me before the show with no explanation, what did I do wrong?” Brian sniffled and rubbed his eyes roughly.
“It's not something you did Brian, it's something you said” This was it, Brian would find out and laugh at me for being so stupid.
“I..Oh god I didn't know you heard me” Brian's voice was panicked, and that broke my heart more than hearing him cry.
“Just forget it Brian, I'm sure you'll find someone that can give you all those things, someone that isn't me” I hung up and handed Arin back the phone, his jaw nearly on the floor.

I went down to the bedroom Brian and I were staying in and plopped onto the bed, how could it have changed for us so quickly? I was going to propose on stage in front of thousands of fans, but I couldn't. He didn't feel happy in our relationship, and I wasn't going to hold him back from what he wanted. I wouldn't be surprised if Zack tried to give me advice on how to be romantic, but I didn't want to seem fake, Brian knew who I was through and through. I'd just have to find a way to break things off without crushing him, and without tearing myself apart in the process.

Brian stumbled inside the hotel with Zack and Johnny on his tail, he had to of gotten wasted after our phone call, hell I'd of done the same thing. I laid my head back down onto the pillow and sighed, I'd talk to him when he was a sober, if he wanted to speak to me that is.

“See? I told you he was sleeping” Zack was standing in the doorway while Brian struggled to keep himself upright.
“He broke my fucking heart, and now I'm going to break his” Brian growled out stepping further into the room. There weren't any words he could say to me that wouldn't already hurt.
“Brian stop it, he's been torn up all day, he doesn't need this right now” Zack grabbed Brian's arm roughly, trying to keep him from stepping further into the room.
“He broke up with me over the phone Zack, without even letting me explain!” Brian pulled his arm from Zack's grip and stood at the foot of the bed.
“He was going to propose to you tonight! But he heard how upset you were and it tore him apart Brian, he loves you more than you'll ever know, but getting mad at him for wanting you to be happy is the most selfish thing you've done” I could feel my heart stop in my chest. The air was so tense, this wasn't how he was supposed to find out.

No one spoke, Brian's labored breathing could be heard and that was it.

“I didn't know, I was just upset” Brian cleared his throat and looked over at where I was lying, I couldn't move now.
“You both need to stop and realize something, when one of you messes up you can't assume the worst, you need to talk more, be open about what you want him to do when you're alone together” Zack crossed his arms and glared over at me.
“You want him to be more romantic? Then tell him that! Just like Matt needs to talk to you more about things he wants, or concerns he has, and also Matt I know you're awake” Shit! How the hell did he know if we were awake or not?
“I'm sorry Brian” I sat up slowly and kept my gaze anywhere but him, how could I even look him in the face after that?

Brian didn't say anything, he crawled onto the bed and into my lap. What was he doing? All thought process was gone once his lips were pressed roughly against mine. I gripped his hips and pulled his body closer, we needed to actually talk, be adults about this. Except the fact that my entire thought process was erased by his lips pressing hotly against my own, was he always so touchy? I didn't give the thought a moment longer before I was pressing Brian back into the bed, our hips grinding roughly together, a deep groan slipping through his lips. I slipped my fingers beneath his shirt and let my hands graze along his toned stomach and chest, I would never forget ever little contour in his body. I had it all memorized. Brian was perfect in every way possible, of course there were times where he would doubt himself and second guess things he would do. I always tended to try and be more loving during then, he didn't deserve to feel that way. In my eyes he was perfect, whether it'd be the guitarist in Avenged Sevenfold, or Brian Haner Jr. my best friend since we were kids.

“Brian, we have to talk about this” I could feel his breath grazing over my neck as he panted, his fingers clenching my shirt in a vice grip.
“You can't do this to me Matt, you can't wind me up and then try and avoid it anymore” Brian laid his head down against the bed and closed his eyes. His heart racing beneath his skin.
“We need to talk about what happened, we can't push things under the rug anymore, it's not healthy” I pulled off of him slowly and sat down on the bed beside him, thoughts were racing through my head at a mile a minute.
“Then talk, I'm not the one with the problem” Brian's voice sounded torn, as if he was having a mental battle with himself.
“I didn't know you wanted those things, you never really expressed that you wanted romance in our relationship, you know I'd try and do it for you, even if I don't know how” I rubbed my hands together in my lap and bit my lip, it was times like these I wish I was able to read Brian's mind, see what he was thinking.
“I tried to tell you, but I didn't want you to think I was being weird or something, I know you weren't really like that when you were with Val, and she wasn't a guy” Brian frowned and propped himself up onto his elbows, even drunk he looked gorgeous.
“Did I ever tell you about the time she yelled out another guy's name when we were having sex?” I smiled a little and shook my head, I knew it would sound weird to him, but I had to make a point.

Brian sat up more and looked at me, shock written all over his features.

“She called out another guys name when you guys were having sex? When the hell was this?” He turned to face me and crossed his legs, I couldn't focus on anything but him, dammnit Matt, focus!.
“It was around our six year anniversary, I was trying to spice things up in the bedroom because she seemed a little bored with the sex and I wanted to keep her happy” I paused to crack my knuckles and collect my thoughts, this was going to sound so strange to Brian.
“So we decided to do the whole role playing thing, started out super amazing, she was dressed up in this gorgeous black lace dress and at the time I loved it, but when things got down and dirty and she was having the time of her life she yelled out another name, and I was too into it to notice” Brian's jaw had dropped, the worst part of the story hadn't even come up.
“Of course I noticed after we had started to cuddle, I confronted her about it and she flipped out, but it wasn't the fact that she said another name, it's whose name it was” I smirked and looked at him, he narrowed his eyes in the slightest, closing his mouth as he did.
“She had yelled your name, said she didn't know why she had and I was too confused and upset to push it any further so I let it go, until I found out she was seeing someone else” It wasn't everyday I got to tell my boyfriend that my ex girlfriend screamed his name in bed. If only I could've done the same to her.
“She yelled out my name, in bed, with you?” Brian shook his head and scooted to the edge of the bed, slipping off his shoes and jeans.
“Yeah, she did, and then she cheated on me” The words still hurt to say, even if it had been so long.

Brian sighed and crawled back into my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck as he relaxed.

“I'm sorry for not being more open with you, so if you'll forgive me, I would like if we could be more romantic” Brian kept his eyes locked on mine, they held so much emotion.
“Of course, you know I'd do anything for you babe” I kissed him softly and held his waist gently, drunk or not I was going to show Brian I could be romantic.

He pressed his chest against mine and smiled into the kiss, I could only hope he would forget about the proposal so that I could do it properly.

“How about we get some sleep? We have to leave early tomorrow morning and I don't need Larry on our asses for sleeping in too late again” I slid my hands underneath his shirt to pull it off of him.
“Sounds like a plan, I'll try and wake you early enough” Brian slid from my lap and laid down on the bed, sighing with contentment at the feel of the sheets. We wouldn't have a hotel night for a while so we needed to enjoy it while we could.
“I love you Brian, I can't wait to spend forever with you” I slid down into the sheets with him and wrapped my arm around his waist, he was asleep before I could even lay my head against my own pillow.

It was then that I knew, no matter what, I was determined to marry Brian.