Never Too Late

Lucy's Point of View

After I dropped Nathan off and he kissed me, I drove around aimlessly for a little bit to calm down before returning home. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw that the light inside was still on, which meant that either Lacey had neglected to shut it off, or Gerard or Mikey was still up. I was praying that Lacey was just forgetful as I approached the door; I wasn’t really in the mood to get grilled about where I had been. I turned my key in the lock and pushed the door open. I found Gerard sitting on the steps with his head in his hands looking very tired.

“I’m not even gonna ask why you’re late,” he said in a monotone voice, bordering on annoyance.

“I was driving a friend home,” I replied. “I got a little lost coming back, that’s all.” At least it was a half-truth. “I can’t exactly text and drive, you know?”

“Remember when I was looking through your sketches and stuff?” Gerard asked, changing the subject entirely. It seemed totally random, and I wasn’t sure why he was bringing it up, but of course I remembered. I nodded, and he continued. “And I told you I really liked the drawing of that one guy? The pretty-boy douchebag?” I nodded again, not exactly sure where he was going with his line of questioning. “Well, you pretty much just missed him.”

“John was here?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. God, could the night get any weirder? “What happened?” As if I really needed to ask that.

“I was waiting up for you guys and I could hear him and your sister yelling at each other,” he explained. “I was about to go outside to tell him to get the hell out of here, but it seemed like that Nick kid had a pretty good handle on things.”

“Yikes, I’m sorry I missed it,” I said, and was genuinely sorry that I was. I had a lot I wanted to say to John, or rather yell at him. But in the middle of the night in front of my uncle’s house on Halloween night was neither the time nor place. “I’m pretty beat though, so I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Yeah, I think we all could use some sleep,” Gerard said, and then waited for me to climb up the stairs before turning the light off.

I headed into my bathroom and washed the makeup off my face and changed into my pajamas. I laid down in my bed and tried to sleep, but instead found myself drawn to paints and canvas finally. I mixed colors and moved my brushes across the canvas furiously, not caring if I got paint anywhere. A few hours later, I stepped away from the canvas and admired what I’d done – the painting was of no one thing in particular, more abstract and scattered than anything. But looking at it was confusing, hard to read, muddied, and that was a perfect representation of how I was feeling.

Satisfied, I was able to lay down for a little while and get a few hours of sleep. I woke up around eleven and went downstairs for some cereal. Lacey was sitting in the kitchen when I entered, eating a Pop-Tart.

“Hey, how you feeling?” I asked, grabbing my box of cereal and a bowl from the cupboard. I poured the cereal as she answered.

“Fine,” she replied. “I really didn’t have much to drink last night, I was just a little buzzed.”

“That’s good,” I said, putting the cereal box away and joining Lacey at the table. “So I heard John was here last night, and Nick laid down quite the verbal smack-down. I wish I’d seen it, although it’s probably better for John’s sake that I wasn’t here.”

“No kidding.” Lacey rolled her eyes and took a bite of her Pop-Tart before continuing. “John’s pathetic. Maybe one of these days he’ll grow up.”

“I’ve been waiting for him to do that for years,” I said with a laugh. “Trust me, it’s not gonna happen.” I nodded towards the stairs. “Is Nick still here?”

“Yeah, he’s taking a shower,” she answered. “Kinda surprised Gerard let him sleep in my room, though.”

“No shit,” I agreed. “Nick seems like a good guy, though. I’m sure Gerard sees that. He was also probably too tired to argue about where Nick was gonna sleep though, so I’m sure that’s part of it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Lacey scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Nick’s a good guy. You know who else seems pretty nice? Nathan.”

“He’s okay,” I responded as nonchalantly as possible, shrugging a shoulder at her.

“Shut up, I can tell you like him,” she insisted. “And I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

“Well, after last night, I’m not totally sure on that one,” I admitted, and then kind of wished I hadn’t said that. I should’ve known she’d pounce on that.

“Wait, what happened?” Lacey demanded, her eyes opening wide. “Tell me everything.”

I hesitated before I started to tell the story. Did I really want to get into a whole thing about it? But then again, maybe if I talked about what had happened a little, it’d help make sense of the situation. “Okay, so like I drove him home last night, right? And then I pulled up outside of his building and we were saying good night, and then he kissed me out of fucking nowhere. I kissed him back, but when the kiss was over, he was just like, ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, see you on Monday,’ and left. So I don’t know what the fuck that means.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s kind of really confusing,” she agreed. “But he did kiss you, so that means something, right?”

“And then immediately apologized for it,” I countered. “Plus he was drunk, he didn’t mean it. But it’s gonna make things at work so awkward from now on.” Now I truly understood the rule about employees not dating each other; if one kiss could make things so uncomfortable, a real relationship could take the whole store down with its tension.

“I mean, maybe not though,” Lacey said. “It could be a good thing.”

“Maybe,” I replied, just wanting the subject to die. Luckily, Lacey let it drop and we finished eating our breakfasts. I went back to my room while she hung out with Nick until he had to go home. I worked on some college applications, something I’d been putting off for a few weeks, but definitely needed to get done. The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly, which meant school the next day, and then work.

For once, to my dismay, school went by fast and then I was due to be at the store. I drove over right when class let out and then stayed in my car until I had to go inside. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous about going in; as I had told Lacey, Nathan was drunk when he’d kissed me, so he probably didn’t even remember what had happened and everything would be normal. Except that I would still know, and I wasn’t sure how to function with that secret if it was one.

Finally, I couldn’t hang out in my car anymore and headed inside to clock in. I managed to pass Nathan at the counter without him noticing as I made my way to the back, but couldn’t escape him a second time, since I had to go behind the counter to grab stuff to put away.

“Hey,” he said casually. Obviously he didn’t seem bothered, so he probably didn’t remember what had happened. That was kind of a relief. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” I replied, hoping I seemed as comfortable as he did. “How about you?”

“Stellar,” he answered without looking over at me. He was crouched on the floor in front of the TV behind the counter, doing something with a PlayStation 4. “At least, I would be if I could figure out why this thing won’t clear its memory. I just keep getting an error message.”

“That sucks,” I said, grabbing a handful of CDs off the shelf. “Did you try updating it first?”

He shook his head. “Actually, I hadn’t even thought about doing that. I’ll give it a try.”

Work continued easily like that, Nathan treating me no differently than he normally would. Before I knew it, it was nine o’clock, the store was organized, and we were ready to head home. I walked with Nathan over to my car since we’d parked near each other.

“So are you doing anything for Halloween tonight?” he asked me as we walked.

“Nah, just gonna do a little homework and work on some college apps,” I answered.

“That’s scary enough,” he remarked, making me laugh a little. “What do you wanna go to school for?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged non-committedly. “I’m really into art, so I guess something to do with that, but I’m not really sure. I’m kind of hoping I get to college and find something I’m really interested in there.”

“So do you do a lot of drawing then, or something else?” he asked.

“Yeah, I sketch a lot,” I said. “But I do a lot more painting these days. I experimented with a lot of different mediums, but that’s the one that’s really stuck.”

“Maybe you could show me some of your work sometime,” he suggested. We’d made it to our cars, but he didn’t seem all that eager to get into his and drive home. An awkward silence passed between us for the first time all day, and he sighed. “So I guess we should probably talk about the other night.”

“I wasn’t totally sure if you remembered,” I told him, looking down. I really didn’t want to look Nathan in the eye if he was about to tell me again that the kiss was a mistake; it would hurt too much.

“Lucy, I was drunk, but not fucking plastered.” He scoffed and leaned against the hood of my car, crossing his arms. “Besides, I would’ve remembered a kiss like that either way.”

“What was with the apology then?” I questioned. I still wasn’t convinced that he didn’t just totally regret the moment. The way he’d phrased it, he could’ve thought the kiss had either been really great or absolutely awful.

“Because kissing you for the first time when I was drunk probably wasn’t the best move,” he explained, running a hand through his dark hair. “Plus, we work together so this…” He motioned between the two of us before continuing. “…probably isn’t a good idea just based on that. I mean, I’m your manager and it could make things weird. There’s a reason they have rules about that and we could get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out. And even barring all that, I’m just not, like, looking for anything right now.”

“Yeah, I totally understand,” I said, nodding and praying my expression had remained neutral. “That makes total sense. I’m not looking for anything either. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Far from it, in reality. But now I just wanted to leave the conversation and get home. “Anyway, I have to start working on a paper, so I’d better get home.”

“Right, I don’t wanna keep you or anything,” he said, standing up straight again and walking the few feet over to his own car. “See ya.” He gave a little wave before climbing inside and starting the car.

I waved back and did the same, plugging my iPod in as soon as I got in the car. I let the sounds of Halsey’s Badlands fill the car as I thought about what Nathan had said. I wasn’t sure I felt much better about the confusion surrounding the kiss, but at least I had some clarity about his feelings for me – it didn’t seem he had any. What he’d told me basically felt like a polite blow-off, but I knew where we stood. I just didn’t like it.