Never Too Late

Lucy's Point of View

I couldn’t stop staring at the name on the paternity line of Lacey’s birth certificate: Frank Iero.

What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? How was I supposed to keep that a secret from her now that I knew Dad wasn’t her dad, that we’d been lied to all our lives? There was no way I could keep that a secret from her, but how exactly did one break that kind of news? “Hey Lace, turns out that the person you’ve thought was your dad your whole life isn’t really your father, but it’s okay because at least your real dad isn’t a complete shit-sack like mine.” Yeah, because that would go over really well.

I shook my head and put the birth certificate back. Maybe I could just pretend that I’d never seen it. No, there was no way that was going to work either. I flipped between the two thoughts for the next few minutes, repeatedly taking the certificate out and then putting it back before I ended up adding it to my little pile of stuff that I was going to take with me. That seemed to be enough for one day.

I cleaned up the tiny mess I’d made, putting everything back exactly where it had been so that no one would even know I’d been there. Once I was satisfied that everything looked the same, I gathered up the few things I was taking and walked down to my dad’s office, swiping a manila folder to store the papers in. I shoved them inside and then headed out, locking the door behind me.

Not really sure where to go from there, I headed home. I spent the drive stewing in my thoughts, wondering how I was going to look Gerard and Mikey in the eye after this little revelation. There was no way that they could not know that one of their best friends was also the father of their youngest niece. Once I got there, I turned off the engine but sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to gather the strength to go in.

“Hey,” Gerard greeted once I finally decided to face the music and let myself inside. “How was it?”

“Fine,” I said, trying hard to keep my tone neutral.

“Find anything good?” he asked.

Oh buddy, you have no idea, I thought. But out loud, I replied, “Not really. I didn’t want to stick around too long.”

“Don’t blame you,” Gerard said. We made a little more small talk and then I went upstairs to my room, where I promptly buried Lacey’s birth certificate at the bottom of a dresser drawer full of pajamas. There was no reason for anyone to go poking around in there, so that seemed a logical place for it to go.

Still, despite the absence of the certificate from my line of sight, I still couldn’t get it off my mind. It stayed there through working on college applications, through my birthday dinner, and well into the next few days. I kept my interactions with my family brief and walked through a haze at school and work. Nathan and Iris both asked me a few times while we were working if there was anything bothering me, but I’d just given them both polite smiles and denied anything being wrong. I might have been able to fool them, but there was one person I couldn’t fool, and that was my sister.

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” she asked me as I was packing up some stuff to take over to Iris’s house before the party. “You’ve barely said two words to me since your birthday. I thought we were good.”

“We are,” I assured her, tossing a Morphe eye shadow palette into my bag. I didn’t meet her eyes, but I could feel hers boring into me. I finally looked up at her as I turned to open my closet door. “We are, I promise. I’m just…” Panicking because we’ve both been lied to all of our lives and I don’t know how to tell you that? “…preoccupied with the college stuff. I’m just starting to get a little nervous about all of it.” That still seemed to be a little bit of a sore subject, so I knew she wouldn’t pry. “Plus, I really don’t want to go to this party tonight. You’re coming, right? That’s the only way it’s gonna be bearable.”

“Yeah, Nick and I will be there,” she told me. “I thought you liked all your work friends though.”

“I do,” I said. I rifled through my closet before finally deciding on a black, form-fitting V-neck top and a black and white-checked mini-skirt. I brought them back over to my bed and packed them in my bag, noting that I would most definitely freeze, but also not really caring. “They’re all nice people, I’m just not in a party mood, that’s all.” I was eager for a subject change. “Hey, speaking of you and Nick, what’s going on there?”

Lacey shrugged non-committedly. “I mean, we’re just friends. We just hang out a lot, that’s all. He’s the only person that’s been nice to me at that shitty-ass school.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve got a friend,” I told her. I checked my bag one last time and then zipped it up. Iris was due to pick me up any minute to get ready together, and I’d decided to intercept her before she could reach the front door, that way there was zero-chance of her having a fan-girl moment about my uncles. I wasn’t sure if she was even a My Chemical Romance fan, but I also didn’t really want to risk it. Besides, she could be a bit spastic and it was best to avoid it all together. “Anyway, I’ve gotta get going. You have the address for the party, right?”

Lacey nodded and then said goodbye to me. Gerard and Mikey caught me on my way out as well, asking me a handful of questions about the party (whose house was it, was I spending the night, what time would I be back tomorrow, etc.) before they ushered me on out the door and told me to have a fun time.

I ended up walking right outside as Iris was pulling up, so I was able to hop right in her car and go. She didn’t live very far away, so the drive only took about ten minutes. She introduced me to her parents once she let us inside the house, and after saying hi to them, she led me upstairs to her bedroom.

“Any ideas for your hair? You still want me to do it, right?”

I’d never really wanted her to do it in the first place, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. “Yeah, definitely. I think I’ll do my own makeup though, I get really twitchy with people near my eyes. I don’t want to put you through that.”

Iris laughed. “That’s totally fine, I’m bad about it, too. What do you want to do with your hair?”

In the end, we decided to just curl it really loosely since my hair refused to cooperate with anything more elaborate than that (in fact, it barely even wanted to hold the curl). But the whole process ate up a good chunk of time, and we traded work gossip while she did her best to reason with my thin hair. The conversation was superficial, but started to take a deeper turn once we started doing our makeup. I was buffing out my foundation with a beauty blender when Iris asked, “So what’s the deal with Nathan?”

I was thankful I wasn’t doing my eyeliner or lipstick when she’d asked, because I surely would have fucked it up. I played dumb. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing bad,” she rushed, looking at me through the mirror. “It just seems like you guys have been pretty close, that’s all.”

“Not really.” There was no way she knew about that stupid kiss a few weeks ago, or the following conversation. All she’d seen was us hugging for about two seconds outside of Applebee’s, and at work, Nathan treated me no different than anyone else.

“Oh?” she pried. “You seemed close the other night, though.”

“I gave him a hug,” I said. “He was freaking out a little bit about being thrust into being the store manager, and I gave him a reassuring hug. As a friend. I could hug you right now and it wouldn’t mean we were fucking, so why should that?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Iris insisted. “I didn’t mean to imply that you guys were banging or whatever, but his energy just seems… I don’t know, different with you.” She reached into her makeup bag and pulled out an eyeliner pencil. “I’ve known him for a while now, and I guess he just seems more at ease with you.”

“I think he’s just an easygoing guy.” I blended out my concealer and set it with some setting powder.

Iris sighed like she was put out with the way the conversation was going. “Yeah, he is, mostly. But he’s also very… how do I put this? Closed off, I guess? Like, the fact that he would even say to you that he was freaking out about being the manager just kind of proves what I mean about him seeming different around you. He’s more of a listener than a sharer. I’ve worked with him for over a year and I think I only maybe know like three things about his personal life, and they’re like super generic things that don’t mean anything.”

“I don’t know much more than you.” I dusted some highlighting powder along my cheekbones and down my nose. I really, really just wanted this conversation to be over. The whole Nathan situation – or lack thereof – was currently last on my list of concerns.

“Okay, but just hear me out,” she continued. She was still holding the liner in her hand, and I wondered if she was ever going to stop talking and just use it. “If there’s something there, just be smart about it. No one there would, like, rat you out to corporate or anything for dating, but be careful. And also? Don’t break his heart. We all care about him a lot.”

I fought the urge to scoff. Me? Break his heart? I wasn’t exactly in the business of breaking hearts. And he’d made it pretty clear that nothing was going to happen between us, so there was nothing to worry about. “Nothing’s going on, or will go on, but I’ll keep that in mind.”