The Wind Keeps Pushing You and Me

"Oi, how long has your hair been purple?"

I smiled at Harry over facetime. He sent me a text this morning demanding that we facetime since it had been three weeks since he left. "Two weeks now. Also it's lavender."

Harry grinned. "I like it. It reminds me of a bird."

"Are there birds this color?"

"Probably somewhere," he shrugged. "In London there is the prettiest little bird of the Coupe species."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I miss you! How is tour? Tell me all about your life."

"Tour is good. We have about a week in New York, think we're all looking forward to that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. The thing about touring is it's so go-go-g that we don't always get to see much of a city. It will be nice to be a hoel room."

"My sister lives in New York."

"I don't think I knew you have a sister. What's her name? Older or younger?"

"Older, Fiona. She's a photographer."

"You should visit her while we're here and we could all get together."

"Maybe," I agreed.

"Estlinnnn," Harry whined, "maybe means nooo."

I rolled my eyes. "No it doesn't. Stop acting like a petulant little boy."

Harry and I talked about New York and theoretical itenternaries. He also wanted to get me to my first One Direction concert. I told him about the upcoming fashion show I was participating in with several other indie designers, how good of friends I had become with Gemma and Nick, and the scoop about Hunter. Harry in protective brother mode was adorable.

"I'm just saying he could be a twat."

"You haven't met him!"

"Harry! Harry, band meeting, now," Louis said, very seriously. He was red-faces and didn't even acknowledge me.

"OK mate, I'll be right there," Harry said. Louis left and Harry turned to me. "I better go." His forehead was creased and slight evidence of tension was creeping onto his body.

"Yeah, of course. Bye Harry."

"Bye, little bird."

I smiled and out down my phone, going back to the sewing I had been doing before Harry's call came through. Rex and I had been especially productive the last week and it was starting to feel like things were normal again, with the exception of not having Miles in my life. We had agreed having no contact would be best, but that didn't make it easy. There had been a couple late night alcohol induced breakdowns that resulted in me calling Harry or Alfie, even Perry once, but it didn't hurt as much as it used to.

"About done?" Rex asked, walking into the studio.

"This is the last shirt."

"Ace! You'll come to the pub with me? I'm meeting Alfie, Gemma, Hunter, and Perry. Think Grimmy is coming by a little later."

"Sure," I agreed. I didn't feel like going home and watching television or reading tonight. A little time out with friends seems like a good idea.

"Meet me downstairs when you're ready," Rex said, walking back downstairs.

It took about ten minutes for me to finish the shirt and once I was done I swiftly put away all my sewing materials and dug through stacks of clothes to find a different shirt. Taking off the t-shirt I was wearing, I slipped on a white button-up with small gray elephants patterned over it.

"You look fit," Rex said when I joined him downstairs.

"Thanks. Where are we going? Should we drive or walk?"

"Just down to Flannigan's. No need to drive."

"Wonderful," I said, smiling. "I'm excited to see everyone. I haven't seen them in a few days. It's been like a week since I've seen Alfie.”

"You're chipper."

"I feel caught up on work, which is nice. I've been stressing about us being ready for the show. You know how I am."

Rex scoffed. "You got that right."

"You know I could fire you, right?"

"You could," Rex teased, "if you wanted to go mad."

"I wish I could say you were wrong," I said as we walked into the pub.

"Don't you know he's never wrong?" Alfie asked, grinning. He kissed us both on the cheek and we joined Alfie and the others at the large booth.

"Hi guys," I smiled, scooting in between Gemma and Alfie.

"How are you, love?" Hunter asked.

"How is my brother? I hope the little prat has at least talked to you. I've been trying to get him on the phone all week," Gemma grumbled.

I laughed. "We facetimed shortly before Rex and I came to meet you lot. Don't give him a hard time though, we've mostly been communicating through texts."

"Twat," Gemma said, pulling out her phone to text Harry probably.

"In other news," Alfie said, "Perry got a promotion."

"Dude! That's awesome," I exclaimed. "You just find out today?"

"Yeah," Perry nodded with a shy grin.

"Beat out a right arse for the position too," Hunter said, clapping Perry on the shoulder.

"Oh, is it that lad, Bullard?" Gemma asked. My eyes widened and I choked on my beer.

"Yeah," Perry groaned. "Most obnoxious bugger I've ever met. He talks a big game but only delivers about half the time."

"You're not talking about Miles Bullard by chance?" Rex asked the question I couldn't. I knew he had to be though, because the name Perry suddenly rang familiar in my mind from Miles complaining about a Perry from work. They had been hired at the same time and Miles felt like they were in constant competition.

"Do you know him?" Perry asked.

Rex and Alfie looked at me, smiling widely as I laughed. Perry, Hunter, and Gemma looked on confused, but were smiling none the less. I think they all were just happy to see me doing more than moping around.

"Miles Bullard is Estlin's ex." Hunter laughed first, but Perry was quick to join him.

"It really is a small world," I mused.

"Speaking of, I ran into the goalie for United," Alfie said. "Bloody beautiful man." The boys quickly fell into a discussion about soccer, something I cared absolutely nothing about.

"So, you two official?" I asked Gemma quietly, taking a long sip of my beer.

"No," she said slowly. "It's a little soon for that. But we are seeing each other frequently."

"Harry was grilling me," I laughed.

"Prat," she said, rolling her eyes. "Changing subjects, do you think you could put something together for me to wear? I have an event to go to for work and I want to look fit and stylish."

"Definitely. Why don't you come to the studio and you can take a look at what we've got and you can tell me what exactly you're wanting?"

"Brill! Between you and Lou I get to feel like a proper celebrity without the hassle they go through."

"I'm getting next round," Hunter said, pecking Gemma's cheek before sliding out to go to the bar. Just as he was leaving Nick was arriving.

"My favorite people," he gushed. "How are you lot?"

"Pretty swell, nice to see you Grimmy," I said, pecking his cheek. My phone began ringing, a shrill tone that startled Nick and me since if was right in our ears. "Sorry," I exclaimed, fishing it out of my bag.

Gemma took my phone when she saw Harry's face pop-up. It was a picture of the two of us from the first night we met. One of the guys got a picture of Harry carrying me on his back through the grocery store, me pointing I'm a direction with a baguette.

"You'll call everyone but your own sister, shame on you," Gemma answered. The smile quickly fell from her face. "Harry, what's wrong?" We all looked at Gemma, confused. "He wants to talk to you," she said, handing me the phone. I slid out of the booth and took the drink Hunter handed me as we passed each other.

"It's me," I said, leaning against the front of the pub, the cool air sending a chill through me.

"Estlin," Harry said, sounding upset, "Zayn is leaving the band."

"What?!" I exclaimed, much louder than I intended. The few people that were outside smoking looked at me like I was crazy. "Whoa, what's going to happen? Are you alright? Is everyone else alright? Is he alright?" I was careful not to use any names.

"We're going to keep on with the tour. We're announcing Zayn at the end of the week. I'm gutted. And shocked. I mean, I know he hasn't really been himself lately but I just didn't understand the extent to which things had gotten..."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I wish I had anything useful to say. I'm so shit in situations."

Harry laughed, "In situations? Emotional ones? Good ones? Unusual ones?"

"All situations. Just all of 'em, I don't know how to live. I'm barely functioning," I answered.

"I knew you would make me laugh," Harry chuckled. "I wish you were here, Birdie." Normally I would tease him about the new name but I didn't feel like it was the time. "So you're with Gem?"

"Yeah, Hunter, Perry, Rex, and Alfie too. Nick just arrived when you called. Wanna know something silly?"

"What's that?"

"Perry and Miles work together. Apparently Perry beat Miles for a promotion today and thinks he is quite the ass. Now that the connection is there I remember Miles talking about a Perry."

"What a turn of events," Harry laughed. "You sound more cheerful than you have lately."

"I wish you were more cheerful and not stressed and hadn't gotten this major shitty news."

"It's alright," Harry said, "can't expect sunshine all the time."

"Especially not in London."

Harry laughed. "Especially not in London. Look, I'll let you go since you're with our mates, can I ask you a favor though?"

"Of course."

"Check in on Zayn in a few days. He's flying home and needs a friend. Things are... Pretty tense with all of us to say the least."

"No problem. Call me if you need me at all, alright?"

"Will do. Bye Birdie."

I took a moment to collect myself before walking back inside. I sat beside Nick, coming into a story he was telling about Pixie Geldolf and Alexa Chung. I laughed at the right times, but I was thinking about Harry, One Direction, and the gloomy tone that permeated Harry's voice.

"Alfie, do you think you could drive me to the airport?"



"You look like shit."

"Thanks Fi, you're a fucking peach," I said, rolling my eyes. The flight had left me jet lagged and grumpy.

"So what's the plan?" She asked, leading the way to her car. "Do you want me to drop you off at my place so you can shower and rest? I've got food there but we could also grab breakfast. I've got work so-"

"It's totally fine," I said, hugging my sister. "This was very spur of the moment. If you could just take me to your apartment that would be great. I'll have a shower and a nap before I call Harry."

"Alright. I should be home around eight. You have my number so I don't know why I'm going over all this with you," Fiona said, laughing at herself.

"You're just like Mom," I answered. "Except she's a lot nicer."

"Do they know you're here?"

"No one does, really," I shrugged. "It was a very sudden decision. Harry's dealing with some shit and needs a friend."

"It must be some real shit for you to fly across the Atlantic over."

"It is. But I probably would do it for less. Harry has been there for me a lot since everything happened with Miles. Honestly he's become one of my best friends."

"Have you talked to Miles lately?"

"No, which is both good and sad. He needs time and I have to give it to him. Hopefully we'll at least be friends one day."

"I'm sure you will. Miles is too sweet to hold a grudge. How's the shop?"

"So, so good. Business is booming. Rex is actually going to hire a few more people while I'm gone. He wants to open a second location but I don't know... Having two locations in London seems silly."

"Would you ever do a location somewhere else? Like some touristy town? Or somewhere over here?"

"God, I don't know. I would have to have the right people to start a store here. I would probably move back the first six months at least and I don't think I'm quite ready to not live in London yet."

"Makes sense. I would probably be the same," Fiona said, stopping beside her building. "Just keep those keys while you're here. They're my spare set. Call if you need anything. Love you, mean it!"

I grabbed my bag and climbed out of the car. I told Fi I loved her too and eagerly went upstairs and let myself in her apartment. It was spacious, especially for a New York apartment, but Fiona was doing really well. In addition to the fashion magazine photography she did, Fiona was an event planner. Naturally her jobs tended to cross into one another.

After a three hour nap and a shower I was heading out the door, dressed in black jeans and a maroon sweater. It was warm with the sun out, but there was still a definite chill in the New York air.

I dialed Harry while on the way to one of my favorite coffee shops.

"Hullo Birdie," he answered on the second ring.

"You sound a little better."

"I am sort of. I think everything is going to be alright. Least until we make the announcement and everyone loses their minds."

I laughed. "What are you doing right now?"

"Right now?"

"This very instant."

Harry chuckled. "Walking around. I'm looking for this coffee shop. Last time we were here I got the best raspberry croissants and I need to shove eight of them in my mouth."

I laughed. "What's the name?" I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew and it was in fact the same coffee shop I was walking towards.

"Elsie's Delicacies," he answered, making me smile wide. I was almost at the store front so I began looking for anyone that remotely resembled Harry.

"I love that place. It's only a few blocks from my sister's place." Where in the world was he? I guess if he was wearing a disguise it would certainly make it harder to distinguish him from one of the other hooded people walking around New York.

"Essy, I've spotted your twin, she looks just like you," Harry said. I looked up and grinned, honing in on the man looking at me. A green hood on his head with a leather jacket over that. I ran at him and jumped into his arms. I hung up my phone and Harry realized that it was actually me.

"Estlin, what are you doing here?" Harry asked, holding me close against him. "This is the best surprise."

"You sounded so down that I wanted to make sure you were alright," I replied, pulling away slightly.

Harry's face was still one of happiness and delight. "Well come on then, let's get some raspberry croissants. Unless you want something more filling? How hungry are you? When did you get in? D'you need a nap? Where's your luggage?"

"Christ, slow down! Croissant would be perf, you can take me to a nice dinner tonight. I got in about four or so hours ago, Fiona picked me up and dropped me at hers, where my luggage is, and I had a shower and a nap."

"Ace. I cannot put into words just how happy I am to see you, love." Harry opened the door and gently pushed me in ahead of him. We walked up and got in line, Harry threw his arm over my shoulder. "What would you like to do first?"

"Dude, it's your down time! You're calling all the shots."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Two raspberry croissants please," he said, ordering.

"Anything to drink?"

"Birdie?"

"Water would be great, thanks."

"Same for me," Harry said, handing her his card.

"You don't always have to pay for everything you know," I said as we walked down the busy New York streets.

"It was a croissant. I can afford to buy you a croissant," Harry scoffed.

I laughed. "I don't doubt that. I'm just saying, I don't know how your other friendships work or whatever, but I don't need you to pay for everything."

"Fine, Birdie," Harry said exasperated, "you can pay for yourself but you won't be paying for me. Now, how do you feel about a stroll through the art museum?"



"What the fuck is this? Is someone seriously calling this art? Where is someone that works here?" Harry was laughing at my outburst, but I was genuinely boggled how some of this was considered art. "It's a fucking canvas with red paint thrown on it. Like what the fuck? Are you filming me?"

Harry grinned. "Snapchatting you actually. You're rather adorable when you're riled up."

"I'm so serious," I said, pouting in front of the painting. Harry took a picture.

"I know. C'mon. Let's go find Picasso. He's real art, yeah?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "Did you know I wanted to be an artist once?"

"I did not," Harry said. "When was this?"

"Right up through my senior year of college."

"Really? What changed?"

"I always loved designing clothes and sewing as well. I just applied for an internship at Burberry. I didn't expect to get it, but Fi insisted that I give it a shot. So I did, and I got it. I moved to London and I've been so busy ever since I haven't painted in two years probably."

"We should get some supplies and have a painting party after dinner. We can invite the lads, your sister to."

"Fi's place isn't big enough for that many people..."

"We'll do it at the hotel," Harry said as though it was obvious.

"What if paint gets on the carpet or something?"

"We'll wash it up or just get charged for it. Doesn't matter. You said I would be calling the shots, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. Alright, sounds like a plan."

We walked through the gallery, sometimes lingering at certain pieces and others barely stopping. We seemed to be fairly similar in what we wanted to really look at and what we didn't, though Harry didn't have any outbursts as severe as my own.

"Where to now?"

Harry threw his arm around my shoulder again as we walked down the street. "Central Park?"

"Sure," I agreed. "Have you talked to Miles at all since you've been gone?"

"Yeah, spoke to him once," Harry replied. "You talked to him lately?"

"We agreed we need time apart. Man, I ran into his mom the other day though."

Harry grinned, "Did she say anything to you?"

"Nope, but if she could shoot lasers from her eyes I would for sure be dust."

"Sounds like her."

We walked in a comfortable silence for several blocks. It was a nice day and I felt more at peace than I had in weeks. At least until we got to Central Park.

"Harry Styles!"

All it took was one girl's shriek to get every other teenager's attention. I'm surprised we went this long without anyone noticing Harry, but probably the people going to MoMA on a Tuesday don't really care about One Direction.

Harry removed his arm from my shoulder and I stepped back.

"Hi, how are you?" Harry asked. The smile on his face was genuine, even if his eyes showed the faintest trace of anxiety.

"Is that your girlfriend?"

"She's just a good friend," Harry answered.

He stood answering questions and taking pictures for a good twenty minutes before he said we needed to get moving. I nervously walked beside Harry, photographers, both amature and professional following us.

"Sorry about this."

"It's fine. Honestly it's surprising this is the first time."

"Put the hood up," Harry said, taking off his jacket and handing me one of them.

I slipped it on and pulled up the hood and kept my head down as we walked. Seeing Harry become famous Harry was fascinating. Instead of being at ease and laughing with me he was tense and quiet, one hand at the small of my back urging me forward.

"This would be much worse if we already acknowledged Zayn," Harry said quietly.

"Where are we going?"

"My hotel. We can get one of our security staff and go back out," Harry said. "We'll probably have a driver drop us off at dinner."

"We still need to get art supplies. I could run and do that myself though."

"Absolutely not. I don't intend to let you have a moment without me while you're here, Birds. We're having Q.B.B. time."

"Q.B.B.?"

"Quality Best Buds time!"

I laughed and shoved Harry. "Nerd!"



"Can I Instagram this without getting sued?" Fiona asked.

Liam laughed. "Yes, you can do whatever social media you like."

"Preferably just don't tell anyone what hotel we're at," Louis sasaid

"Scouts honor, at least until I'm offered a great deal of money."

I smiled as the guys laughed. Fiona fit into the group seamlessly, not that I was surprised. Fiona has always got on well with other people.

"Awful quiet, Birdie," Harry said softly, handing me a coffee cup and sitting down beside me.

"What's this?"

"Champagne. They don't have the proper glasses here."

"We usually drink our alcohol out of mugs," Fiona said. "Don't let her make you believe she's a fancy lady."

"I'm the fanciest of ladies," I said with a grin. "Anyways, stop harassing me. I'm trying to paint."

"You feeling alright?" Harry asked softly, once the others began talking about what we should all do tomorrow.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm just in a sort of quiet mood. Sorry."

Harry shook his head. "Don't apologize to me, Birdie. As long as you're alright you can talk as little as you want." Harry squeezed my shoulder and then moved closer to the others.

Everyone laughed at one of his stupid jokes and they soon gave up painting and moved on to a board game. I took a picture of the five of them and uploaded it to Instagram. I felt incredibly lucky to have all of them in my life and found myself suddenly more thankful than I had ever been for getting that Burberry internship and meeting Mikes, and even a very tiny bit thankful that Miles proposed.