Half Gone

I, George Weasley stood across the Great Hall, back against the cool marble walls, hair splayed in my face. All around me were my fellow peers crying, laughing, holding close their loved ones.

I wiped a stray tear from my face. I could not cry. Crying was not something Fred would approve of. Fred would want me to be happy that Voldemort was defeated, setting off fireworks in celebration.

But how could I celebrate with my other half gone?

All my life, Fred had been there. All my life Fred was by my side, playing pranks, laughing, taunting the Slytherins. Without Fred, life seemed dismal, not worth living for--plain.

I wiped another stray tear. I was ashamed. My presence in the corner of the hall was so that no one could witness my tears. The wounds on my body were nothing compared to the wounds of my heart. My heart hurt--literally, as if someone had actually stabbed it. I lowered my head, red hair dropping over my eyes.

If only I could see Fred one last time.

But of course, I couldn’t. My hands formed into fists at the thought of Fred’s body. I would never sleep, I knew it. I glanced once at my white knuckles, tried to relax, and failed miserably. How long would healing take?

Another tear fell.

I brushed it away, my miserableness turning at once into anger. I was not weak. As soon as I thought this, my heart throbbed again, causing more tears to fall. I had been strong--once. I had been courageous when Fred was here. My other half was what completed me. Now that it was gone, I was half as strong, half as friendly, half as laughable. I was half of what I was. Half gone.

The funeral would be in a couple days for Fred. He would be buried along with all the others, stuck in their memories forever. Funerals scared me. I did not know how to handle them. I had witnessed the funeral of Dumbledore and thought I might puke. Except, I was not in close relations with Dumbledore. I was sure it would be different--much worse--when it was Fred in the coffin.

I bit my tongue to keep myself from yelling out in agony. Why must it all hurt so much? The pain was so big, I thought I would burst from it. Tears weren’t enough of a let out. It did not seem that anything was.

I saw my mother and his father and all of my brothers gathered together in a clump on the edge of the Gryffindor table. They looked so relieved together, and yet no one noticed I was gone. I briefly saw Ginny look up, spot me, then turn back. Clever girl. She was smart enough to leave me alone. I was in no mood for talking.

Suddenly, all heads turned. Mine turned as well.

Harry Potter had opened the doors of the Great Hall. Nobody clapped. Many stared. Many acknowledged him as he stood there in the doorway.

I noticed how lost and alone he looked. His glasses were slightly askew and there was a slight limp to his step. He looked exhausted, but a glimmer of hope flickered in his eyes when he saw Ginny. My eyes narrowed. He’d better be careful with her…..

To my surprise, he turned away. His eyes swept the hall before they finally rested on me. For a moment, we exchanged glances, then Harry made the smallest gesture for me to meet him outside the hall.

I sighed, then stood up, stretching my cramped muscles. I brushed away another frustrated tear that wouldn’t stay in my eyes and slumped out of the hall.

The noise of the Great Hall faded as soon as the doors closed. Harry led me to a corner where we could both sit on something. Sitting was the last thing I wanted to do, but Harry looked like he might fall over dead and I took pity on him.

“What?” I spat, not meaning for the word to come out so harsh.

Harry winced. Immediately I felt horrible, but I was quick to hide my feelings. I did not want to come out as a wimp. More than once, Harry attempted to speak to me, but each time no words came out.

I was growing impatient. I did not want to watch a hopeless case--not when I was on the verge of tears again. I would not cry in front of Potter. I began to stand up when Harry suddenly grabbed my wrist with reflexes I did not know he possessed.

“W-Wait,” he stuttered. “I have to tell you something.”

“What?” I asked again. My voice cracked. I mentally hit myself. Crackly voices were signs of weakness.

Harry opened his mouth again and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he said bluntly.

I started. I did not expect that.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, his eyes truly proclaiming it. “It was--it was my fault that Fred died. I shouldn’t have--I didn’t want anything like this to happen.”

“Neither did I,” I said quietly.

Harry paled. “I wanted to apologize because--because if it weren’t for me…….none of this would have happened. I just…..” He stopped and looked down at his lap. He looked truly alone.

“You think this is so easy for me,” I said, my voice growing louder.

“No,” he started. “I just thought--”

“That I’d take pity on you just because you’re my little brother’s best mate?”

“No,” he said, backing away although he was still sitting.

I stood up very quickly. “You have no idea what I’m feeling right now!” I knew he probably did.

“George, I’m sorry!”

“YOU SHOULD BE!” I screamed. All the anger I been holding within me came spilling out like a hurricane. I was so angry. I knew it was not Harry’s fault, but he was right in front of me. He was my only out let.

“George, just listen--”

“LISTEN? WHAT RIGHT DO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU?”

“You don’t have any, George, but please, I need to--”

“IT IS YOUR FAULT! YOU’RE THE BLOODY REASON MY BROTHER’S GONE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THAT FEELS?”

“George, I understand,” he pleaded, his face going a shade darker.

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL!” I yelled. This felt good. “All my life Fred was there, now he’s gone. WHAT MORE CAN YOU TAKE AWAY FROM ME?”

I knew that blaming Harry on the death of someone else was thick, but it was what I needed. I knew it wasn’t Harry’s fault, but everything eventually circled back to him, and it was hard not to blame him.

Harry had stood up too. He backed away as if he was afraid. I almost pulled my wand on him, but my exhaustion took over and I slumped to the floor, my head in my arms.

I sobbed.

There wasn’t much more I could do. The tears came in fountains, soaking my ripped robes and dripping down my nose. Everything I had worked for came to an end and the only thing that mattered was getting the agony out of my chest. Crying helped.

“Fred,” I whispered. “Oh, God, why did you leave?”

I barely registered it as Harry knelt down beside me and pulled an arm around my shoulders. I understood how he felt--after all the deaths that he experienced, did they all feel like this one?

I sobbed for some time before my tears seemed to dry up. I raised my head. Harry stared at me cautiously to see if I would react. I felt a certain fondness for Harry at that moment. It took courage for him to comfort me after all that I had said to him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” I said shakily. “You didn’t deserve it, and I know it’s not your fault.”

I studied his face. He looked paler. It was evident that he totally disagreed with what I said. He believed that it was his fault and that he did deserve it. There was nothing I could do at the moment.

“I really am sorry about Fred,” Harry said quietly. “I never wanted any of this to happen. There was really no choice for any of us.”

I could not argue.

Together, we walked back into the Great Hall. Harry went straight to Ginny who took him in her arms immediately and sobbed her heart out on his chest; I went to my family.

Mum and Dad were all puffy eyed. Mum was in terribly right state. She looked as if she might faint on the spot.

“George!” she cried, flinging her arms around him. “Oh, my George! You’re here!”

I wanted to correct her and remind her that I had been here all the time, but her tears stopped me.

“I’m proud of you, son,” Dad said, pulling me into the first real hug since the battle. “You’re everything I could have asked for.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I faced Charlie, Percy, Bill, and Ron who were looking at me with certain uncertainty as if I was going to break down. Well, I had already done that.

“I’m fine,” I said to them. “Really.”

All four of us clumped together in a big hug. The tears returned. I guess they would never leave. Together we cried for all those that had died. We cried for Fred.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a bang.

I flung around, prepared for another battle, but something surprised me. Zipping around in the hall was one of our Weasley Wizard Wheezes Fireworks. There was another bang and red and gold sparks flew in the air in the shape of a W.

I grinned. Everybody turned to me, but I put up my hands in surrender. I had not set it off. It had to have been Fred. Fred was still alive in our hearts.

Even though he was gone, his spirit--and his pranks--would live on. There was still hope.