Chasing Stars

Chapter 11

I didn't remember falling back asleep or the sun rising in the morning. I awoke with my head throbbing and I realized I was back in my bedroom. I groaned and rolled off the bed. I stumbled downstairs to see Bandit and Gerard on the living room floor playing.

"Here Bee," Gerard said handing the toy tea pot to Bandit. He stood up and walked toward the kitchen nodding his head for me to follow. I did as he requested.

"How are you feeling," Gerard asked as we entered the kitchen.

"Fine, listen I'm sorry about last night," I muttered leaning against the counter. He nodded letting me know he heard and grabbed a cup out of the cupboard.

"You don't have to be sorry. Rylynn you have been through a lot. Have you been having these dreams frequently?"

I shrugged in response.

"But you've had them before?"

"Yeah," I said after a moment. He handed me a cup of coffee. "But it doesn't matter, I usually just go back to sleep. It's not a big deal." Gerard eyed me for a moment before speaking.

"It seemed pretty big last night," he skeptically.

"I'm not crazy," I said hoping he would trust me.

"I know, I know. When was the last time you got a full night of sleep?" he asked simply. I shrugged. He nodded and walked toward me.

"I don't want to go on medication, I don't want to be foggy again," I muttered and took a drink of coffee.

"Then we'll figure something else out, Rylynn you have to talk to someone. I don't care if it's Derek or your new friend Jeremy but you have to talk to someone. Okay?" I thought about what he said for a second.

"I don't want to talk about it, I don't' want to think about it," I stated standing up from my slouched position.

"I think at this point, you don't have a choice," he said simply. I glared at him. "That doesn't need to start." I continued to look at him. "Rylynn."

"No," I said setting my mug down and looking up at him. "I am telling you I don't want to talk about it. There is no point in bringing up the past. There is no benefit in that," I said. I looked at Gerard refusing to look away. He eyed me up and down.

"Are you done acting like a spoiled child?" Gerard asked.

"You really think this is me acting spoiled? Are you kidding me? I grew up with very little Gerard. But you wouldn't know that because you weren't there, where you? No you were out at world premiers and art shows and concerts in ever country imaginable," I said with a glair. After the words left my mouth I knew I shouldn't have said them. My words were both my strength and my downfall. Gerard swallowed and walked forward to me. He stood in front of me making me feel extremely small. I let my gaze fall from his eyes and my head fall towards the floor.

"You're grounded, no tv, no computer, no games, no phone. Hand it over," he said holding his hand out. I looked from side to side but did not move. "Rylynn," he said in a stern voice. I pulled my phone out and handed it to him. Gerard's hand came to my chin and lifted my face slightly. I meet his eyes and quickly tried to look away. He tilted his head to keep my gaze. "Do not speak that way. Got it?" I nodded in his hand. "Go to your room," he said dropping his hand. I hated this. I hated how much I wanted to appease him even though he was never there. I couldn't fight the feeling of wanting to do what he said even though I couldn't stand him. This made me feel weak and insignificant.

I turned to leave stomping upstairs. Lindsey was standing in the hall. Standing in her perfect way with her perfect smile and her perfect hair. Being what my mother never could be, what I could never be. She was important to Gerard in ways words could never express and he would always choose her. You can tell by the way he looks at her, it's the same way he looks at Bandit. A way he will never look at me but who am I kidding, I don't care if he does.

"Is everything alright?" she asked me with a concerned face. I entered my room and turned toward her. "Rylynn?" she asked confused. I touched the door with my right hand and slammed it as hard as I possible could.



'How could this have happened? No she's still here. She'll be back right? Why does my chest feel full of ice.'

"Rylynn." Derek said from the other side of the door. I looked at it and then walked toward my bed. I yanked my bed spread off the bed and ripped the posters from my walls.

"Rylynn?" Derek said again as I smashed the contents of my dresser and sliced my hand in the process. Finally the door opened by the force of Derek's body.

"Rylynn stop," I turned and looked at him with blood trickling off my hand.

"You can't tell anyone," I muttered.



There was a knock on my door not five seconds after I closed the door.

"Rylynn?" Lindsey's voice echoed.

"What?" I yelled back. The door opened reveling her.

"Did I do something to upset you?" she questioned

"No just go away," I said annoyed looked around my room.

"If I didn't do anything then what was that?" She asked referring to me slamming the door.

"It was me being a," I said followed by me screaming, "SPOILED CHILD." Lindsey looked at me for a moment.



"Mom can we see the polar bears?" I asked, looking up to her with excitement.

"Of course, how can we go to the zoo without that?" she replied picking me up.



"Are you mad at your dad?" Lindsey asked putting a hand on her hip and the other on the door frame. I heard footsteps up the stairs and knew Gerard was on his way.

"I DON'T HAVE A DAD," I yelled at her as Gerard entered the door frame as well.



"Mom why are the stars so far away. I want them to sleep in my room with me." I said playing with her hair.



"Rylynn, knock it off," Gerard said simply.

"YOU WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT IT GERARD?" I screamed at him.

The New Jersey air was cold but my mom and I still walked along the beach collecting rocks for my school project while singing tunes that I never could place.

"Rylynn come on, we can talk about this at a normal level," he said taking a step toward me. I picked up a snow globe that was sitting on my dresser.

"When I was 7 my school shut down because to many kids had the flu. I however didn't, I bagged my mom all day but finally she agreed to take me to Coney island AND NOW SHE'S DEAD," I yelled and threw the snow globe of the rides against the wall.

"OR HOW ABOUT THE TIME THAT I BROKE MY LEG TRYING TO SKATEBOARD AND HAD TO LAY AROUND FOR TWO DAYS ON MY BIRTHDAY SO SHE TOOK ME TO THE MOVIES FOR AN ENTIRE DAY," I yelled throwing the picture frame on my dresser against the wall. At this point Gerard came forward and grabbed my arms, pinning them to my side.

"Or how about the time that she took me the comic book store to get Becky Cloonan's autograph?" I said through grunting teeth. "But you don't remember that one do you?" Gerard looked me up and down. Becky Cloonan was a co worker of his. "Let me refresh your memory. I walked into the store and you were standing there, next to Becky Cloonan's. I was yanked from the store before I knew it. All because of you." There was silence in the room. "Do not tell me to talk about my past. I assure you, it is better left untouched." Gerard's grip fell from me.

"Rylynn, I never knew," Gerard said.

"But I did," I said forcefully. Gerard gaged me for a second. I stood my ground refusing to alter my aggressive stance.

"Clean up your mess," he sad in a hushed voice and walked away. I watched them both disappear downstairs. I slammed my door and slide down the other side.
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I know it's been awhile and i still need to update my other stories still. i hope this intense chapter makes up for it.

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~Nailsntacks