Chasing Stars

"You okay?" Gerard asked handing me the pizza.

"Yeah just fine," I answered attempting to keep my voice level.

"So Derek is a fan huh," he said as he backed out and kicked the whippers up to full.

"Yeah," I said as my vision became blurred. The headlights on the other cars began to starburst in the night.

"Rylynn, are you wearing your seatbelt?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, no, I … no," I managed to say looking out of my window. If he saw my face he would know. He would know i'm anything but ok right now.

"Now put your seatbelt on," she said with a laugh. I smiled and began to put it on.

"Rylynn put your seatbelt on, I don't want to fight with you tonight," Gerard said in a tired voice

A wall of dark hard metal.

"No I can't," I yelled having a hard time breathing again. There was a semi approaching from the other direction. Gerard was driving fine but somewhere deep inside I was terrified.

The feeling of my body breaking through the side window.

"Rylynn?" Gerard asked again.

The feeling of cement contact on my arm as I wrapped my arms around my head.

"Pull over!" I screamed. I began to hyperventilate.

"Because I want more for you Ry so much more than this."

"I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him." I yelled looking at Gerard. I got an odd expression in return. "Just stop the fucking car!" I screamed at him. He pulled into a lot about three blocks from the house.

"What is going on?" he asked in a loud confused manner. I counted again and again. Gerard was saying things to me but I wasn't sure what. Finally I regained control. I slipped my seatbelt back on.

"Okay we can go," I said in a calm manner. Gerard started the car and began to drive through the now dissipating rain.

"What the hell was that?" Gerard asked in a pissed tone.

"Nothing," I answered.

"Rylynn I'm sick of that answer from you, what the fuck was that freak out?"

"It was nothing I'm sorry okay I wont do it again," I said just wanting it to end.

"Who don't you want to be like?" he asked still pissed. I didn't answer. "Rylynn!"

"It doesn't matter." We pulled into the drive, I didn't wait for him to turn the car off, I just got up and walked inside.

"Hey did you guys get stuck in the rain?" Lindsey asked from the kitchen as I walked in.

"Yeah," I answered setting the pizza down. I quickly grabbed my glass of water and poured some. The door slammed and Gerard appeared moments later.

"Rylynn Marie answer me," he said in a final tone that I didn't even want to mess with.

"Gerard?" Lindsey inquired trying to figure out what was happening. I sighed and faced him.

"It was you," I said simply. Gerard's face stayed firm indicating I should continue. "I was referring to you." I set the water down on the counter and returned my eyes to him. "She died in a rain storm, the car flipped, I didn't have a seatbelt on and at the time we were fighting about you. Since we got in that car all I could hear was the whippers and all I could see were the lights from that night. That's why I freaked out. I didn't want to say anything because you are just going to want to send me to a Doctor." Gerard's expression softened. Gerard tried to say something but instead he walked up and pulled me into a hug.

"I am so sorry, I didn't know, you should have said something," Gerard whispered into my ear.

"Gerard I'm fine," I whispered back. He released me from his hug. He brushed some hair out of my face. "Let's just eat." Gerard nodded and Lindsey pulled down some plates.

******************

After dinner with a very whinny Bandit, Gerard went to put her down for the night. He ended up taking the movie away because she was so upset.

"So what other movie would you like to watch?" Lindsey asked shifting through the options on the TV. I looked at her for a moment. "Wow that's a Gerard face, what are you confused about?"

"I look like him?" I asked instead of answering the question.

"Yeah you do, spitting image and occasionally you do expressions or postures that remind me exactly of him. It's not a bad thing, I promise." Maybe that is why my Mom had all her odd rules, I thought to myself. "So to watch?" Lindsey asked again.

"Oh I thought it was just one movie since Bandit was sent to bed."

"Well since we are all above the age 10, no we can stay up for another. Besides you've had a crappy day." she said with a smile.

"Well in that case I have no idea. I'm gonna go change again, I'll be right back," I said standing up. After I through on some PJ shorts and a large top and returned sitting back down. This time Lindsey was gone and Gerard was sitting on the couch.

"Any ideas?" he asked doing exactly what Lindsey had done. I shock my head. "Thanks by the way," Gerard said settling on a movie and pausing it.

"For what?" I said confused.

"For letting me in," he said with a sigh.

"You do realize you forced your way in right?" I stated in an annoyed manner.

"I know but you still told me the truth," he said looking me straight in the eyes. "So is that why you always fight about the seatbelt?" he asked.

"Great now we are analyzing me," I muttered playing with my fingers.

"No just asking," Gerard said in a nonchalant manner.

"Yes Gerard it is. I know you believe you have to wear a seatbelt all the time but not having it saved my life." I was looking him straight in the eyes. Lindsey returned in the room.

"Did we choice?" she asked sitting down. I nodded when she looked at me.

"Rylynn what are you talking about?" Gerard asked confused.

"I'm talking about the fact that I would be dead if I had it on. I don't care what the stupid laws are or what you deem as safe." After I finished I looked away from him.

"I'm still confused at how not wearing it saved your life," Gerard said rubbing his forehead.

"Well maybe I should have had it on that night, then I wouldn't be having this stupid conversation," I muttered frustrated. Gerard stared at me for a moment.

"Don't say that," Gerard said simply closing his eyes. He opened them and started the movie. Half way through it, lindsey went to sleep. About 10 minuets passed before Gerard patted the couch near him. I looked at him for a moment.

"Come on," Gerard said patting the spot next to him. I sighed and stood up, joining him on the couch. After about twenty minutes my eyes began to get tired. I looked over at Gerard who was watching the movie intently with his arm stretched along the back of the couch. I slide closer and leaned into him, resting my head on his chest. He dropped his arm down from the couch and gently stroked my head. My eyes began to feel heavy, for the first time since my mom died I felt content. I didn't recall the remaining part of the movie. I came to as I was being carried upstairs in a pair of strong arms. He gently laid me on the bed. He pulled my covers up and looked into my eyes.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered kissing my forehead.

"I'm to scared to sleep," I muttered softly playing with a strand of his long hair. The truth is, I was to scared. I didn't want to see what I saw.

"Then scoot over," he said sliding under the covers with me. I rolled on my side and looked at him. "Close your eyes," he said again. Stroking my head.

"I can't," I whispered playing with the ends of his hair.

"Trust me," he whispered. I tried to fight it but slowly my eyes began to feel heavy.