Chasing Stars

'What the hell am I doing?' I questioned to myself as I shut the car door. I was about to open up a door that would be impossible to shut. He was going to know who I am. What I did. As much as I wanted things to move on I was still terrified to make that change.

"You okay?" Gerard asked as we turned onto the highway. I turned and looked at him realizing I had been spacing out for a while. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, sorry I was just…"

"Thinking?" he asked. I smirked and looked down. "Theme of the day."

"I just don't know… how to start this."

"Why don't you just talk. I'm sure you'll figure it out." There was a long pause between us.

"It's terrifying.." I said trying to form the words. Gerard glanced at me for a moment. "Beginning to live again. If I could keep just the world on pause… I guess I just want to know… that everything is going to be okay, turn out right. If I could just be what she wanted… yet everything about me is the exact opposite. I'm nothing like she wanted, I'm nothing like her… If I could give her the world, I would. But I just can't." We pulled off of the highway and were now stopped at a stop light. Silence engulfed the car as I starred out of the window.

"I know you think I don't think about her," I continued. "I know you think that I'm not dealing with this. That I'm not grieving," I paused and the next part I spoke at barely a whisper, "I think about her all of the time." I didn't think that he heard me.

The car came to a stop and Gerard killed the engine. I reached for my seatbelt but his hand stopped mine.

"I know," he said softly. "That's why you space or stare at people while they are eating." I smiled at the last part.

"Thanks for listening," I said to him, "Can we go in now… I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda excited."

"Come on," he said with a slight laugh. I followed Gerard through several hallways and up an elevator. We finally came to a door which he held open for me to enter. As I walked in, I was greeted with two smiling faces. I smiled back and nervously stood near the door.

"Rylynn this is Pete and Jimi, guys this is my daughter Rylynn," he said grabbing my hand and leading me toward an open chair.

"Hey how are you? Playin' hockie?" Pete asked looking at me.

"Uhh yeah I guess," I muttered looking around. They began to talk about work for a few minutes as I looked around the control room in aww.

"You can go check out the rest of the studio if you'd like," Jimi said to me. I looked at him and then at Gerard, who nodded his head. I stood up and pushed open the solid door and entered a very well light room. There was a grand piano, several guitars and Lindsey's base. I walked up to the piano running my hand across the top of the Stewart & Sons. I sat on the bench and turned toward the window dividing the two rooms. The three men where engrossed in a conversation. I turned my attention back to the piano allowing my finger tips across the soft ivory keys. It looked so perfect, so untouched. I pushed down on the middle C. The note radiated through the room. I turned back toward the window and saw that Gerard was still talking. My attention once again turned back to the piano as I struck the middle C a second time. My fingers began to move in a familiar manner striking the keys over and over again, some soft and some long. I played through the entire song before my hands came to rest on the painted wood.

"Wow," I heard from the door. I turned toward the door to notice Gerard leaning on the frame. Pete and Jimi where still talking in the other room.

"How ah… how long have you been listening?" I asked pulling my hands away from the piano. Gerard approached me and sat on the bench.

"I would say since the second note," he said with a smile on his face. I felt my face turn red. "Don't be embraced," he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"It's kinda hard not to be," I muttered, "why didn't you tell me you were watching me?" I asked looking down at the keys.

"I didn't want you to feel… I didn't want you to stop" he said striking one of the keys. I turned toward the window again. "They weren't paying any attention, don't worry," Gerard said after he watched me for a moment. "I had no idea you knew how to play. You're really good," he said softly.

"Yeah I used to take lessons. I still have my electric one in the house in New Jersey." I wasn't looking at him, instead I was staring at the piano, it truly was a beauty. Just then I felt my phone vibrate followed by a ring. I stood up and pulled the phone out of my pocket to see Jeremy's number.

"Hey Jer what's up?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Hey are you home sick today or something?" he asked in a hushed tone that sounded echoey.

"Are you calling me from the boys bathroom?" I asked.

"Yes, ditching class."

"Oh I guess that makes since, yeah Gerard let me stay home today."

"Lucky. Feel better, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah see ya," I said hanging up. I sat back down next to Gerard who was playing a quiet melody.

"Still hanging out with Jeremy?" he asked.

"Yes I am, he's my friend," I said with emphasis on this statement.

"He's calling you from bathrooms now?" he asked as he continued to play. He wasn't watching me. He was trying to protect me. He was trying to be a father. My mother never did that to me. She protected me but not from boys not from friends she always assumed that I made good choses. I grabbed his hand from the piano, he quickly stopped playing and looked at me taken aback.

"It's not like that. He's my friend, someone who looks out for me at school, someone I look out for at school. It's nothing more than that."

"Okay," he said with a sigh. He still looked worried.

"Would it help if I told you I have no intentions on getting a boyfriend?" I offered raising my eyebrows. He chuckled at me, pulling me into a half hug.

"Is it that obvious that I'm worried?" he asked.

"You don't exactly attempt to hid it," I said with a smile.

"Hey Gee, wanna hear the track?" Pete asked from the booth, his voice coming over the intercom. Gerard's attention quickly turned to the booth.

"Yeah we're coming," he shouted back. He turned and smiled at me, nodding to follow him. He walked in and sat down. I leaned against the wall. Jimi hit play and we listened to the track play through.

"It almost sounds like the guitar was a split second off right before the na ni naha na na part," Gerard said after it ended. Jimi jumped out of the chair and let Gerard take the seat at the computer. He altered what he wanted and kept replaying a part until he was satisfied.

"You're right that sounds way better. Thanks man we've been struggling with that one for a while," Jimi mentioned. They talked a bit more about the record and from what I could gather, Jimi was in the band with Lindsey and Pete was in a band, Jimi and Gerard were attempting to get going. Gerard was managing band promotions and owed the studio. Before I knew it, it was after noon.

"We're gonna grab some food, you guys wanna come?" Jimi asked looking at his phone.

"No we're gonna get going soon. I have a few other things I wanna get done," Gerard said still very focused on the computer.

"Don't let him stay to long," Jimi said putting his hand on my shoulder as he exited the studio. A few minutes passed in silence.

"Wanna check this out before we take off?" Gerard asked me, once again still very much focused on the computer in front of him.

"Sure," I said and walked forward. He pushed his chair away from the table a bit so I could step past his knee and see the screen.

"So these are audio tracks we took. Guitar, Drums, Bass," he said moving the mouse to each track. "You can alter where they fall like this," he said clicking and dragging. He showed me the computer program, which I was super into. I stepped forward taking the mouse as Gerard instructed what to do from the chair behind me. He had his arm propped on the side of the L shaped table and the other was directing me on the screen what to do.

"Someone playing hockie or is it take your daughter to work day?" Lindsey's voice came from behind us. I turned around giving her a slight smile. I was trapped where I was standing since Gerard was very involved in what he was doing. "Gerard," Lindsey said again.

"Yeah, we're about to go grab some luuunnnch," he drug out as he saved the file. He swiveled his chair slightly turning around to see Lindsey.

"Hockie to see the studio?" she raised her eyebrow clearly disappointed in me not being in school.

"Well… yes, I pulled her out of school. Linds it's fine," he said as his hand came to the small of my back gently pushing me forward. He stood up and walked to Lindsey, kissing her. "It's fine." Lindsey's face softened.

"You guys should go grab lunch," she said looking at me. "Or he may trap you here." I walked forward toward the two of them.

"Did you know that Rylynn is an excellent pianist?" he said with a smile I had not seen before. I tried to place it but couldn't. He was complimenting me and it was a side of him I wasn't aware of.

"I'm not that great, we should go before you embarrass me," I said pushing him slightly to walk toward the door. He chuckled and kissed Lindsey one more time.

"We'll see you tonight," he said with a smile.

"You two have fun," Lindsey said as I waved to her.

"So where would you like to eat," Gerard asked as we approached the car. I looked at him for a moment and sighed. I jumped in the car.

"Can we just have a crapy burger?" I asked in a shy manner. Gerard quickly looked at me, a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, I know just the place," he said with a smile.