Chasing Stars

A few weeks had passed since then and once again I couldn't find sleep no matter how hard I tried. After I painted some more to try and clear my head, I wondered downstairs to the livingroom. I turned on the TV to find a series of info-mercials. A light flicked on in the hallway and a sleepy Gerard wondered into the room.

"What the hell are you doing up?" he asked leaning on the chair. I shrugged. I heard him sigh. He sat down next to me waiting for an answer.

"What?" I asked looking at him.

"What are you doing awake at 4 in the morning?" He asked.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Dreams?" he asked simply. I looked at him for a moment. He really was a good dad. Better than what I deserved. I was hard on him but so much of me couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I see her every time I close my eyes. I just need a break from it," I muttered admittedly.

"You can't keep missing school," he said simply.

"Then pull me out. I'm sure they have some sort of online option now," I muttered turning my attention back to the special on vacuums. I heard a sigh from Gerard.

"It's not that simple," he stated grabbing the remote from the coffee table. He clicked the remote shutting the TV off. "Besides, even if I where to put you into a home school program, you would most definitely have to go to a counselor. I through you liked your friends," Gerard asked. I did like my friends of course but they didn't stop the dreams or the consistent tired feeling I had. I was loosing my mind and I'm sure I was depressed and as much as I got along with Jeremy, he didn't understand. I liked him because he didn't ask. You see the dreams, the thoughts, the images plated in my eyes come out more than normal in the middle of the night. They were my demons that never left and followed me all of the time. Gerard grabbed my hand and pulled me up to a standing position. We began to walk upstairs. My mothers face was printed in my brain. The way she laughed, the way she smelled. How sometimes her nose would crinkle when she saw me doing something obnoxious. I stopped outside of my room.

"I want to go back to Jersey, if only for a few days, I want to go back," I said shocking even myself. Gerard nodded.

"We'll talk about it in the morning," he said placing a kiss on the top of my head. "Get some sleep." He turned and walked back to his room and I wandered into mine. It was only when I turned on the light that I realized just how much I could't keep this a secrete any longer. Every inch of the walls where covered and the ceiling was almost completely covered as well. I slide into bed, leaving the light on to attempt to get some sleep but it never came.The images in my head leaking out to the walls around me.

I wondered downstairs at the usual time to see Gerard and Bandit eating breakfast. Gerard offered me a plate but I shock me head, only to receive a disappointed look in return. I sat down opposite him and watched for a moment. Gerard look up from his food expecting an question or an answer.

"Can I stay home today?" I attempted knowing it was probably going to be a no. I mean, for the most part I got anything I wanted here but eventually he was going to say no, there was no way around that.

"No," he said in a quick response. I through my hands up in the air. Yes, I expected a no but it does not mean I wanted to hear it.

"What the hell, I'm getting good grades, I don't see why I need to go," I stated. A finger was pointed toward me.

"Do not start," was all he said. In reality, it was all he had to say to set me off.

"Start what Gerard," I said with sass in every word.

"Damn it Rylynn, I am not in the mood for this this morning," he stated. Lindsey walked in placing her coffee mug in the dishwasher.

"Well I'm not in the mood for you any day, but I'm stuck here for another 3 years." My retort must have hit a nerve because Gerard face went straight, almost unreadable.

"Rylynn, you shouldn't talk to your dad that way," Lindsey said as she reached for Bandit's empty plate, "Go get your shoes B," she said in a sweet manner.

"Yeah sure dad, last time I checked dad's did more than just donate their DNA." The words spilled out before I could stop them. I was upset about school and in turn I was taking it out on Gerard. If my mom were still here, I would be blaming her for keeping him in the dark. I knew the words would cut deep, I knew the words would knock them both down and still I couldn't stop them. Gerard was silent, shocked by the words that left my mouth. His silence didn't stop a retort. My chair was yanked to the side making my legs swing out from under the table. I was facing Lindsey at that point.

"Let's get one thing straight," Lindsey began, "He is your dad, whether you want to call him that or not. He does love you and he does worry about you. I understand you want to believe whole heartedly in your mother, however, your dad is not a bad person and he didn't know about you. We are trying with you Rylynn, more than you realize. Show some respect and apologize for the comment." Her words hit hard. I was left with nothing to say, no smart ass comment, no passive aggressive phrase. I was pissed that she was correcting me. She spun my chair back in position to face Gerard. Once again his set features left him unreadable. "Rylynn," she added after I delayed to speak.

"I'm sorry," I stated looking Gerard dead in the eyes, "You're not my mother, stop acting like it." The last part was said toward Lindsey. I stood up and walked away toward my room to get ready. I didn't want to deal with them. I didn't want to see either of them. I through my jean jacket over my outfit and walked back downstairs. Gerard was leaning on the counter twirling his keys in his hands. No words were spoken as we walked to the car. In fact nothing was said the entire drive to school.

"Have a good day. I'll pick you up at three." Those where the only words spoken as I exited the car. I nodded and walked towards the school. I saw his car speed off as I stood in front of the large glass doors. I should have just opened the door. Walked in and attended class. Instead my hand fell from the handle and I turned around.

I began to walk, to where, I'm not really sure. Walking was just better than sitting in a class. I must have been walking for about and hour or so when I herd a siren. I was downtown so at first I didn't think anything. The sound got louder and I turned around to see a cop car slowly come to a stop next to me. I stepped back as the cop exited the car.

"Where are you heading?" I was asked by the policy officer. I shrugged. "Are you supposed to be in school?" I was silent. He pulled out a little device with a screen on it. "What school do you go to?"

"Memorial High," I said in a soft voice debating what I should do.

"That's not to far from here. What's your name?" he asked. I knew I would get in serious trouble if I told him so instead I stayed quiet. "You're mom's probably worried about you right now. They have probably already informed her that you aren't there."

"My mom's dead," I said looking the officer dead in the eye.

"Then I'm sure your dad is worried," he said simply. "What's your name?" The officer looked relaxed and calm. I took that as my cue to leave. I'm not really sure what I was thinking by doing this, most likely that I wasn't thinking. I took off on a run. I wasn't much of an athlete but I at least was a decent runner. I made it over a bridge and down a flight of stairs before I was tackled to the ground. The impact instantly hurt and it was only in the moment when my face slammed into the cement that I realize my lack of thought and the decision to run was probably the worst one I could have had. I was pulled to my feet and hand cuffs placed around my wrists.

"Well now that you are done with that stunt, why not tell me who you are? Are you breaking your parol? Have something on you that you shouldn't? Drugs?" The questions came fast. Before I could even answer a pair of cops appeared next to the other.

"No, I don't have anything to be worried about," I said simply.

"So why did you run?" one of the other cops asked. I shrugged. "Last time to clear this up without to much trouble. What is your name?" I was pushed into a corner and one I really couldn't squirm out of. Gerard was going to find out and I was going to get in trouble.

"Rylynn Way," I stated.

"Okay Rylynn, let's get you home," the cop said. I sighed and lowered my head. A hand came to my elbow and I was escorted to the car. I was set in the backseat. The first cop leaned down next to me. "What's your dad's name?"

"Gerard," I stated looking down at my feet. Another cop opened the door opposite me and sat down with my backpack in hand.

"It's clean," he said to the first cop.

"What's your dad's number?" he asked pulling out his phone. My head went back slamming into the seat. "Yeah you're right, he's going to be upset. Him being upset is a lot better than us having to make a call to your dad saying we found your body on the side of the road. Rylynn there are some sick people in this world and you skipping school and walking through downtown alone puts you in a prime position for these crimes." The cop was right it was a stupid move on my part. I muttered the number to the cop, who nodded and shut my door.

"You do know running from cops is a bad thing right?" the cop sitting next to me asked.

"Yeah I know."

"Then why did you do it?" the cop asked raising an eyebrow.

"It seemed better than the alternative," my voice holding confidence.

"How's life at home?" he asked. This is how they started it. This was always how they began to dig in and find out if your parent beat you.

"Things are fine."

"Then why aren't you in school?" he inquired.

"I get great grades, there is no point for me to be there. It's just easier not to be," I stated without thinking.

"Something going on at school, kids maybe being mean?" he asked.

"No, but if I knew all of this would equate to me being interrogated then I would have stayed in school." Before the second cop could answer the first one opened the front door.

"We're taking her back to the station and he'll pick her up there," he informed the other cop. The second cop got out and joined the other in the front seat. The ride was silent. I instantly recognized Gerard's car half hazardly parked in the front. I sighed. The second cop opened my door to help me out.

As I walked through the door with my hands still in cuffs, I felt Gerard's eyes on me before I could even see him. He looked beyond angry and to a state I had never seen before. I was set in a seat near a desk.

"Here's the thing kid, you're smart but if you pull these kinds of stunts you are going to end up with them," he said nodding toward a few teens in the other room. "You're dad was worried," he added after a moment of filling out paperwork.

"He's not my dad," I muttered.

"What do you mean?" the cop asked still filling information in. I pondered for a moment before deciding I really couldn't make this any worse.

"He's my father who never wanted me. I was a mistake and now he's stuck with me. The beyond imperfect child." The cop was shocked by my words.

"Sometimes in life, that alternative action may not be the better one. Sometimes we have to just suck it up. Do you know what he said on the phone?" I shock my head. "He was worried that you were hurt. He was worried we found you dead. He was worried. To me, that seems like something a dad would do, not what a father who never wanted a child would do. Parents are human to, we screw up and once upon a time we were your age as well. Give him a break and maybe he'll give you one." I took the words to heart. He was right and it was a tough pill to swallow. He screwed up and so did I. He was human. Nothing gave me the justification to act the same. It's odd how sometime it's the person furthest from the situation can sometimes be the only one you'll listen to.

"Do you think he'll listen?" I finally asked once the cop was done with the paperwork. He looked at me for a moment debating his answer.

"I think any dad would," he said. I nodded as the cop stood up and walked away.