Chasing Stars

It wasn't the footsteps descending the stairs that pulled me out of my emotional state but instead the footsteps I eventually heard falling on the ground outside of my door. I placed the notebook on my bed before sliding my box back towards my closet. No one ever came in my room luckily. I opened the door and walked downstairs to be greeted by a tired looking Lindsey.

"Oh did someone drink to much last night?" I asked in a snide voice before entering the kitchen. There was no response at first. Frank and Gerard where both surrounding the coffee pot softly mumbling to each other.

"What did you just say?" Lindsey finally asked as she took a seat next to Jamia. I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out some juice.

“I asked if you drank to much last night. You look a bit tired," I stated again more clear to the women who was now holding her head up by leaning on the counter.

"Rylynn," Gerard said with a chuckle. I stole a glance at Lindsey, who was giving me a half frown. "Hey did you get more sleep" he asked attempting to change the subject. I’m fairly certain he knows Lindsey in a not so great mood and me every morning would not combine well.

"No maybe I should have taken Lindsey up on the wine last night," I said shooting a smirk to Frank.

"You offered her wine" Gerard asked Lindsey. I instantly wondered if I should not have mentioned it. I assumed Gerard knew about the Frank incident at Mikey's house.

"Ask Frank, I’m off duty this morning," Lindsey stated.

"Oh… Are you hung over?" I asked in a condescending tone.

"Yes, but I’m an adult. I can be this way," Lindsey stated shooting me a glare.

"Rylynn, stop getting on her nerves," Gerard stated. I shot a smirk towards the group. It was during the wake of silence following his statement, that I realized more than just Lindsey was feeling this way.

"Sit down," I stated to Frank pulling the eggs away from him and pointing towards the empty stool near Jamia. "You too," I added looking at a tired Gerard. I knew the tiredness wasn't from drinking but instead waking up because of me. They both obeyed.

"Should we be worried?" Gerard asked rubbing Lindsey's back.

"No. Nothing to worry about." I placed the eggs back in the refrigerator and began to pull out other ingredients. After many questions as to what I was making and a whinny Gerard as I told him he couldn't have more coffee, I was finally done with breakfast. I placed four plates in front of the adults with greasy hash browns and bacon followed by a shake.

"Trust me, It'll make you feel better," I stated holding Lindsey's eye contact for a moment. I leaned against the counter holding my own plate of food. I began to nibble at the contents.

"Are you sure, it doesn't smell that great," Jamia said to the shake.

“I’m sure." I took a drink before continuing, " My mom was in her early twenties when she had me. It was easier to teach me how to cook for a hungover person than send me to a babysitters."

"Your kidding me?" Gerard asked in an irritated voice.

"Oh I’m sure she would be saying the same thing about you taking me to a record label meeting and the studio," I added looking at him. He fell silent. "Oh look at that, I found the mute button," I said with a smirk. Gerard let a small chuckle out along with Frank.

"Thanks Rylynn." It wasn't Gerard that spoke but instead Lindsey that stood up after finishing the food. “I already feel better," she added putting her dishes in the sink.

“I’ll clean up," I stated. I heard Gerard choke behind me. A look of shock on his face. I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes Gerard, I can willingly help out… I just choice not to," I stated turning towards the sink and beginning to rinse the items sitting in it.

After cleaning up, I wondered onto the deck to find Gerard. It was still part of my punishment after all. He was leaning against the railing, looking out into the small amount of property they owned. His head quickly popped up when he heard the noise of me shutting the door. I gave a small smile as I wrapped his sweatshirt around me tighter.

"Hey," he said as I leaned on the railing with him.

"Hey," I returned softly. Silence engulfed us. Another gust of wind came and I pulled the hood up to keep warm.

“It's gonna storm," Gerard stated looking out at the sky.

"How can you tell?" I asked. He pointed into the distance.

"See how that cloud looks heavy… it's gonna rain," he clarified pointing at the sky. "Thanks by the way…For this morning. It was very nice. I’ll even count it towards your debt," he added with a smirk. I gave a genuine smile in return.

"Yea, one set of dishes down, one million to go," I joked. Gerard gave a chuckle and wrapped his arm around my back. I leaned in, resting my head on him.

"You okay?" he asked.

“I should have stayed… all those years ago… I should have stayed, you're right. If I had known I would be facing the world without her, I would have stayed. That is all three reasons. All of them," I admitted.

"Hey, hey hey," he said pulling me away from him in order to see my face. I arched my head to see him. "You aren't facing the world without her. There are moments when all I see is your mother in you. She is right here," he said pointing to my chest. "She's never leaving you." With that he pulled me into a tight hug. "Ry if I could take away the pain I would." Sure enough rain started to fall and hit us in quick large drops. “Inside," Gerard instructed as he put his cigarette out, following me. We joined everyone else in the living room as they finished more coffee. I sat down in a recliner while Gerard joined Lindsey.

"Yeah I should probably pick more up next time I’m out," Lindsey stated to Jamia.

"What's that?" Gerard asked wrapping his arm around Lindsey. I couldn't help but imagine that person he held would have once been my mom.

"Oh umm Latex paint," She said looking down at her coffee.

"Oh speaking of paint," Gerard suddenly said excitedly. "When the hell did you do that to your room?" He asked with a big grin on his face.

"Ah…" I began feeling everyone's eyes on me.

"What'd you do?" Lindsey asked.

“I ah… painted it," I said still shocked by Gerard's expression.

"Yeah, I probably should have asked you what the hell you where painting on when I found all that paint on your arm," he added.

"Oh your walls?" Jamia asked clueing in on our conversation.

"Yeah, I’ve been painting the walls different things," I clarified.

"The walls… and the ceiling. If we ever have to paint that anything else, you're priming it." I shot Gerard a smile, rolling my eyes. "But seriously when'd you do all that?" He asked.

“I don't sleep a lot," I added laughing slightly.

"Oh we know," Lindsey stated with a smile.

"You're our little insomniac," Gerard said with a big smile. "You should look at it sometime Linds, it's good."

"Hey Gerard?" I asked gaining his attention.

"Yeah?" he replied taking Lindsey's coffee.

"You are embarrassing me," I said bluntly making everyone laugh.

"Well you're defiantly Sam's daughter," Ray said rounding the corner. All four of the kids running into the room with tons of energy.

"And why do you say that?" I asked Ray turning my head slightly to get a better look at him.

"Because you sound just like her," Mikey answered for him taking the last seat on the couch next to Gerard. I smiled a little felling as if maybe what Gerard had said was true. Maybe she would never be completely gone. Unfortunately, I knew that felling would not be able to last. I didn't really have time to contemplate anything more or even a retort because Bandit came running up and climbed on the side of my chair.

"Bandit go away," I stated turning my head towards her. Mikey began talking to the group about something I wasn't really sure.

"No, I’ve missed you," she stated again this time climbing on my lap.

"Get off or I’ll push you off," I stated strong. She just shock her head at me. "Fine," I yelled pushing her. She slide off and slammed to the ground, instantly crying in a fake manner.

"Rylynn," Gerard stated. Mikey shot me a look as he picked up Bandit.

"She's faking," I retorted but it was no use. Gerard already had his mind made up. I was in the wrong and that was clear.

"How old are you?" he asked in a condescending tone. Mikey sat down next to Gerard with Bandit in his arms. She quieted down as I looked at her. I rolled my eyes and ignored his question. I stood up beginning to walk away “Rylynn?” Gerard questioned.

“I’ll be back dictator," I stated and exited the room. I heard my name being called from downstairs but ignored it as I walked into my bedroom. I shut the door and walked over to my bed picking up my notebook on the way. I through my head back in frustration. Why did she have to be so damn annoying and why did he always take her side and why did I care so much. I began to write not knowing where it was going.