Chasing Stars

I’m not sure how much time had past but I know it had been awhile. The noise of the door clicking shut is what pulled me out of my current train of thought. The bed shifted with weight as Gerard sat down next to me. I slammed the notebook shut and slide back against the wall.

"Rylynn do you want to talk?" he asked eyeing my notebook.

"Not really," I stated folding my arms over the book. It was precious to me. My darkest secretes where written on those pages. The thought of someone reading them other than me tore me apart. I felt his fingers tuck my hair behind my ear. This simple action, this simple gesture thrusted my walls apart. I looked up at him for once not as a man who had custody of me but instead as a father. Someone who cared. someone who cared about my well being. He was my father. He was apart of me and maybe it was okay to want to be here. Maybe it's okay to be alive. That's what she would have wanted, for me to be safe. She must have known this was the best place for me if she was going to die. The only question left is why.

"Please let me in," he asked in a whisper.

"How did you find out?" The words let my mouth before I could even process that I thought of them. The look on Gerard's face mimicked the surprise in mine.

"About what? About you?" he asked slightly confused. I nodded slowly. Gerard's eyes scanned over me for a moment before he began. "You really want to talk about this?" he asked. I, once again, nodded but this time with hesitation. Gerard turned toward me and took a deep breath. “I got a phone call from your Mom's lawyer, Margaret. She introduced herself and then told me that Sam had been in a car accident. She explained that Sam left me a significant part of her Will and I needed to get to New Jersey as soon as possible. I hesitated." When the last word left his mouth he looked away from me.

"Because you didn't think I was yours," I asked refusing to look away from him. I needed to know if this is why. I needed to know if he doubted my existence, even if it would destroy me. Gerard eyes quickly shot up to mine.

"No, no no, no no. I didn't know she was talking about you." His hand came to my back running circles on it. "When I hesitated. She told me couldn't tell me on the phone but that it was extremely important and that your mother left an account set up specifically to purchase a plane ticket for me to end up in Jersey. I knew with how things where left between her and I, if she was asking this, it must be extremely important so I got the ticket. Margaret, picked me up at the airport. She directed the driver to the Derek's address and then turn to me and told me that Sam had a daughter. That her name was Rylynn. That she was okay but had been injured during the accident. She went on to explain that Rylynn had a surgery but had been released and that she was staying with a friend which your mother okayed for temporary custody until I was located. When I asked why, Margaret told me that I was listed as her father," he exclaimed while pulling me close to him. "Once I knew it was you, I never hesitated." Gerard pulled away from me, kissing my forehead in the process.

Silence settled between us. Gerard held me for a short period of time before letting out a small sigh. "We should talk about what happened downstairs," he stated. I pulled away from him, sliding further away from him on the bed. "Rylynn," he began.

"No," was all I said cutting him off.

He placed his head in his hands before he continued, "Yes. You are already in trouble if you don't recall. What was that down there? Why did you push her on the ground. You aren't seven, you know better." I let out a groan, throwing my head back. I decided to just explain and get this over with, maybe he would take my side.

“I told her to move, she didn't move. I told her again and said if she didn't move I would push her off. She didn't move. I don't know what you expect me to do."

"Pushing her off and making her cry isn't going to solve anything," he said in a parental tone. I shot him a glare. He countered with raising his eyebrows at me. "She's seven Rylynn," he started as I looked away. "She's going to bug people, that's what they do. I need you to be the bigger person here." I let another groan out and slide off the bed.

"And for once, I need you in my corner," I finally said when I set my notebook on my desk.

“I am in your corner," he said silencing me. After a moment of silence he called my name. I turned around to face him. I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't want to be the bad kid but I just needed him to give a little break. It seems like everything I did was always something I was doing wrong, never anybody else. I just wanted to be left alone like I used to be. I wanted my old life back where no one ever bugged me about pushing siblings on the ground. I wanted to be an only kid, if only for a little while.

“I wanna go back to New Jersey," I stated folding my arms. My rash decision surprised me but only for a moment. I think deep down inside me, I knew that is what I had been wanting for a month now.

“I’m not negotiating with you," he said turning his head slightly.

“I want to go back… now," I said in a short manner and folded my arms.

"Rylynn," Gerard said in a forceful tone. My eyes shot to his and I dropped my folded arms. "We're not talking about New Jersey. I need you to be the bigger sister that I know you can be." His simple request silenced me. Growing up I had always wondered what it would be like to have a sibling. Granted, I never anticipated one that was 8 years younger than me but it's what I ended up with.

"Fine," I muttered turning away from him.

"Thank you. Can you muster the energy to apologize to her?" he asked with a small smile on his face. I nodded just wanting this to be over. "Okay, well let's go back downstairs." I followed as instructed. The apology to Bandit wasn't horrible but her smug look made me want to scream.