Floss

The moment Jared phased he could feel the change that had overcome his brother. He relished it for a few seconds, the memory of his first experience seeing Kim after his transformation leapt to the surface of his mind and the pure bliss that had come with it. He didn’t have long to enjoy it, a far darker emotion, the anger so familiar with Paul overwhelmed the joy and Jared had to fight the urge to howl with all his might. He couldn’t control the low rumble in his chest and knew he had to get out into the woodland, the feeling Paul had was radiating through him now and it wasn’t safe for him to be around people, anywhere in La Push. He dug his back paws into the ground and ran.

Paul didn’t want to be found, unfortunately the pack was so connected and his scent so clear to Jared it would have been impossible to miss him. "Paul, slow down. Paul!"

"Go back Jared!"

"No, look – I get it’s a shocking thing but you can’t run away from…"

"I can run away from whatever the hell I want to! I can do whatever I want to, I’m not falling for this bullshit…" He trailed off and Jared sensed him stopping several miles ahead. A couple of minutes later and he padded gently into the clearing where Paul stood, his dark grey fur black in the weak light. "Calmed down yet?"

"No." The voice in Jared’s head spits. It’s probably one of his favourite things about the whole ‘wolf pack’, the unity and the telepathic side of it. Unfortunately that all comes with several downsides, it’s hard to have private thoughts, and it’s harder not to accidentally delve into someone else's. He can feel Paul’s now, he can see them even. See that Florence girl standing next to Emily, Quill still holding gently onto her hand. He feels a flash of confused anger at that, Quill touching her.

"Get out of my head!"

Jared sits next to Paul, trying to focus on the sounds of the deep forest, the scurrying of creatures and the distant sounds of civilisation. "Would that I could, man" The only response he receives is a snarl and he whines, leaning forward until all his legs are flat against the ground. A few long minutes pass and it’s torture to try and stay purely in his own mind.

"She seems nice" Jared offers eventually, hoping this is a tepid enough statement not to rally any anger. He’s wrong and Paul leaps to his feet, the growls are deep in his throat and the wolf in Jared reacts to this threat, shoving his body upright and baring his own teeth.

"I don’t care how nice she seems. I’m not doing this!"

"It’s not a choice Paul, it’s imprinting, it’s meant to be – remember the campfire?" The memory flashes through both of their minds. It hadn’t been long ago, once Jared had imprinted the others had questions and old Quill and the rest of the council had tried to look deeper into legends for some understanding. They had ideas, the pack would likely imprint on others in the tribe or another similar. The imprintee would be the best chance for the strongest offspring, another generation to defend La Push.

The memory is pushed away suddenly, torn apart into wisps of colour that reconnect to form Allison’s kitchen. Emily is there again, but she’s blurred a little, so is Quill. In fact, the whole room is desaturated, far less important. Jared tries not to push and lets Paul’s thoughts take over. Florence is by far the most colourful being in the room, in fact, she’s almost glowing. Jared is seeing her through Paul’s eyes and he can appreciate how beautiful she is to him. It’s objective, of course, her beauty to Jared. He knows; and he adores, that no person in the world will ever come close in his eyes to Kim.

She drifts in front of the memory, her form materialising in the kitchen and just like that the trance is broken and the vision vanishes again. "You can’t deny that Paul"

"I’m not you and I’m not Sam. I don’t want this Jared"

"Not a good enough excuse Dude. You can’t fight it"

"I will. I’m not having my life chosen for me. The pack has taken enough from us, I’m not letting it chose who I want to..who I get to be with!"

"It will hurt you, trying to fight it. When I first phased Sam had just imprinted on Emily. That hurt him bad, trying to deny nature"

Paul scoffs at him, although it comes out as a weak bark, "Nature?This isn't nature Jared"

"You know what I mean"

"It doesn’t even fit. The campfire said bloodlines and tribes and she’s what? Sam’s step-cousin from England? It doesn’t make sense. Maybe…" He was clasping at straws and they both knew it "Maybe it’s a mistake, it’s like some weird off day wolf thing. Not proper imprinting?"

Jared would have smiled if he could, patted his brothers’ shoulder and made some comforting comment that couldn’t be looked any further in to. Phasing didn’t allow that, and Paul was far too agitated to turn back now. He’d hear the lie in Jared’s words no matter how hard he tried. Jared exhaled hard through his nose.

"How does it feel? Right now?" One benefit was, he supposed, that Paul couldn’t lie to him either. He drew on his own memories, making sure Paul could see them "Hurts doesn’t it? Being this far away already. You want nothing more than to be back in the kitchen. Deny it."

Paul doesn’t answer but Jared can feel the tension rolling from him. "This is real Paul, unavoidable. You can’t deny it and you can’t fight it. It won’t just hurt you, it will end up hurting her too."

"Shut up!"

Jared did that odd bark of a sigh again. Paul was one of the last people he would have expected to imprint if he was honest. But the level of ferocity was surprising. "Look, I can’t tell you to do anything. But I know what it’s like. You need to run with it man, you can’t…"

Paul bares his teeth one last time before vanishing into the night. Jared lets him go, he’ll have to go back and report to Sam. Sam can bring Paul back when he’s calm. Sam is the alpha, when he commands something it happens. Jared doesn’t have that power. He waits a few moments in case Paul reappears but there’s no luck and with his tail between his legs he starts the long run back to La Push.

I spent the next two evenings half collapsed on the sofa with Teddy. The whole weekend was dominated in cleaning, unpacking and washing until finally, the house felt like home. A smaller, very wood heavy home on another continent, but home.

“You sure you want to give the school a go tomorrow?” Carrie had broached the subject again softly on Sunday evening. I’d stopped myself from giving any sarcastic reply, just nodding at her simply.

“They’ll be fine Carrie.” My Dad had assured her, checking over his final notes for his interview in the morning, “Besides, look at her. She’s dying to show off her new ride.” A wink finished his joke and I pulled a face as Teddy chortled.

That had been another addition to the house. Dad had taken Sam and myself to Hoquiam in the search of some sort of car that would be able to get Teddy and me to school and back. It hadn’t been a bad drive, although two hours of car talk was painful when most of it went straight over my head. My only restrictions had been a stereo that worked and that it wasn’t completely hideous. It was two hours to Hoquiam and another two until they’d selected a car that both ‘wasn’t a death trap’ (Dad’s requirement) and ‘wasn’t an ugly piece of shit’. The second point was Sam’s and in truth the car was fine, some scruffy Corsa an old woman had barely used. It was in fairly good shape and importantly it was also quite cheap. There had been another long talk about how safe it would be for me to drive back alone. It had ended with Sam squishing himself up comically in the passenger seat and my Dad leading the way.

“They’re quiet roads anyway,” Sam said simply as if that solved the matter. I didn’t mention that I’d scraped through my driving test just under two months ago and had barely driven since then. To give him his due after some loud chuckling as I stalled the car he was fair with any errors and spoke me through them gently. I liked Sam, I realised that sometime around my third time stalling, when an old woman had walked out in front of me passing through a small town. “Clutch down, turn the key back and put it into first.”

“I know,” I’d huffed a little, and the car creaked before we set off but after that, it was fairly smooth sailing, even when the rain started. Thankfully, besides helping me out he didn’t mention much more about cars, instead, he told me about La Push and his friends – apologising again for the one named Paul’s behaviour on Friday evening. “He had a bit of bad news.” He half smirked but that dropped quickly as he glanced at me, “Well, he thinks its bad news. He’s a bit of a drama queen.”

“Girl trouble?”

Sam laughed again, making me jump and swear. “Jesus Christ. Are you always so loud?”

“Nah.” His huge hand waved me off. “You’re just funny.” I risked looking at him for a few seconds, and he met my eyes, grinning widely. “I’m taking that as a compliment,” I confirmed, turning my attention back to the road. “That’s it, eyes on the road. You’ve got precious cargo here.”

“Oh God.”


The first morning of school was as daunting as I’d imagined, perhaps more. My alarm didn’t need to wake me, I was already in some stupor of stress in the shower long before, trying to work out exactly how I wanted to present myself. Well aware it was a little vain and unnecessary but unable to stop myself worrying. The only image I had of American high school was over dramatized shows about ridiculously good-looking teenagers in California. Forks high school would not be like that, the school was tiny. That would make us stand out even more.

I settled for straightening my hair, more so because it took longer and killed more time. My make-up was simple enough but I made sure I didn’t look overdone. Pathetic really, wasn’t it? The amount of time I was putting in to not looking like I cared too much.

Teddy stuck his head in once he’d woken up and gave me exactly the type of imp-like grin I had been expecting since his joke the previous night. “What time did you get up?” My groan in response didn’t seem to satisfy him and he spent another minute gently teasing me before he leant in, ruffled my hair and vanished. “For fuck sake,” I muttered, trying to sort out the damage and fluffing up my roots. By the time Carrie stuck her head in, eyes still heavy with sleep I’d chosen my outfit but was debating changing.

“You look lovely.” She greeted, staggering in with a yawn her hand couldn’t smother. I grunted in response, “It’s a school Floss, not a fashion show. Honestly, the kids around here don’t dress up.”

“You don’t know any kids around here.” She lifted a brow at me, “And you mean La Push.” I realised, smiling a little back at her. She sat herself down heavily on the bed, yawning again.

“Make sure you take Teddy to get his timetable when you go. You know what he’s like, he’ll end up dawdling around otherwise.”

“He’ll be fine.” I said lightly, my words utterly the truth. “He’s always fine.”

“And you’ll be fine too.” There’s clearly more she wants to say but she stops herself, thin lines appearing on the outside of either eye. “Have you eaten anything yet?” My tongue darts over my lip as I’m fiddling to slip on my boots. “Not yet.” I admit, watching the lines deepen into creases. “I’ll grab an apple and a shake or something in a second.”

It’s a patronising smile now, even If she doesn’t mean it to be. I bite my tongue in time, stopping any cruel comments from slipping out. I’m hardly going to want to eat when my stomach is in knots, she knows that. Instead, I huff as she waves her arms out jokingly and I help heave her to her feet. “Come on.” She demands, “Your dad is off in a few minutes as well.”

“He nervous?” She shrugs heavily, and as we head down the stairs her slippers are slapping loudly against the soles of her feet. She goes to reply, opening her mouth when Dad appears in front of us and instead she forces on possibly the largest smile I’ve ever seen. “Don’t you look smart!” She practically melts and I cringe internally a little. Any sort of lovey-dovey talk makes me distinctly uncomfortable.

“Do I look alright Floss?” He catches me before I can escape into the kitchen and I narrow my eyes, pretending to observe him intensely. He looks alright actually, I think the shirt and trousers are new and they go well together. He’s also tidied his short beard and done something half decent with his hair. “Yeah, you look good.” I allow him a more sincere smile. “Proper smart.”

“You sure it all goes? The man in the shop said but…”

“It goes.” I say a little firmer. He nods, trying to calm himself. I understand his concern, moving here and buying the house took up a big, big chunk of our savings. Carrie draws closer to him and I leave, slipping into the small kitchen and curving myself around Teddy as he stands up from his chair, dripping leftover milk onto the floor.

I pass the last few minutes before we have to leave blending several pieces of fruit into a lumpy mixture and spooning it into my mouth. “Right, I’m off.” Dad announces, fiddling again with his tie. Teddy and I both avert our eyes as Carrie gives him far too sloppy a kiss and my brother tries to break their embrace, “Good luck. You’ll do great. Come on Floss.”

I nod, pouring my leftover smoothie into the sink and wiping over my lips. “Bye Carrie.” We both chime and we’re drawn into unnecessary hugs, as always they are a little too tight, too much worry put into them. “Sure you’ll be okay?” Teddy asks back.

“It will be nice to have the morning to myself.”

We left the conversation behind, Teddy slipping on his trainers and yanking down several coats, pulling a face as I debated between two and slipped the chosen outerwear on. I missed whatever he mumbled under his breath but was halfway through some ridiculous comeback when Dad came out, Teddy snatching up my car keys and his backpack, waving me off for a second. I hovered, my nerves building greatly in my stomach for all three of us. “Alright sweetheart?” My dad draws up close to me but I nod quickly, the last thing he needs to be doing when he has an important interview is worrying about me. “Sure?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat uncomfortably, “It will be fine. I know.” Obviously I’m not convincing, and his arm wraps across my shoulders, palm tight against my upper arm. I can feel the tension practically pulsing through his fingers. “It will, it will.” He turns me a little and plants a half-familiar kiss on my hairline, his stubble prickling my skin even once he’s pulled away.

He’s worrying, more than usual and I hate that, I absolutely detest it and guilt adds to the unpleasant mix in my stomach. I make some noise in agreement and gently shrug away from his grip. “I better go. I’ll see you later. Good luck today. It will go great!”

“Meh.” He shrugs, self- deprecating as ever. “Have a good day, keep an eye on Teddy. I won’t be back late.” His mouth forms the little half smile which means he's seeing right through me. My own lips press tightly against each other, “Alright, bye sweetheart.”

“Bye.” I wave awkwardly one last time, grabbing my handbag and trudging through the shallow puddles left from the overnight downpour. There’s already music blaring from the old stereo system and I quickly turn it down as I slide in, rubbing my hands together at the cold. “I hope he get this."

“Me too.”

Teddy turns the music up again.