Sisu

**September 15th, 2015 Taika POV**

Today was the day, our first prenatal appointment with the doctor here. I had a couple appointments before we came back but this one was with who would be delivering our child. Our appointment was at 2:30 this afternoon so while Tuukka went to informal skate, I stayed home and read up on the types of cribs we might want.

Tuukka got home after I found the Stokke Home, their new nursery line. Yeah it would be expensive to get it all but to not have to buy more furniture until the child was much older, that idea appealed to me. When I heard the door into the house close I spoke up. “Tule nähdä, mitä löysin. (Come see what I found.)”

Tuukka came walking over to the table and placed a kiss on my neck. “Mitä löysit? Eikö ole hieman aikaista etsiä niille? (What did you find? Is not it a bit early to look for them?)” He pulled over a chair and sat down next to me.

I pulled over his usual post practice shake and replied. “Ei oikeastaan. Minä vain katselen juuri nyt, ja haluan teidän mielipiteenne mitä löysin. (Not really. I'm just looking right now, and I want your opinion on what I found.)” He drank while giving the Stokke Home Nursery a good looking over.

I got up and brought over the rest of his lunch. Leftovers from the night before, not that he ever minded. He smiled at me when he noticed. I turned my mind to tonight’s dinner while he perused and ate. Salmon sounded really good which meant we would have to go to the store on the way home. I mentally made a list before I heard the clink of dishes in the sink. “You are thinking too hard.”

I tilted my head and shrugged a shoulder, not wanting to admit it. “Perhaps. I am trying to think of what else we need from the store.” I wrote down a few things on the pad I kept attached to the refrigerator door. Tuukka chuckled and looked through the cabinets for a little bit. He then wrote down a few things of his own.

In short order we had a good list and it was time to go. “Se on ok olla hermostunut kyllä? (It's ok to be nervous yes?)” I said as I got into the car. Tuukka chuckled.

“Olen ok sen kanssa. Minä olen liian. (I’m ok with it. I am too.)” That actually put my mine at ease, if he was nervous then it was normal. We pulled out of our neighborhood and headed for Cambridge Hospital, where my Ob/Gyn was.

In 25 minutes we were walking into the offices of Dr. Verosko. I checked in while Tuukka sat down. Shortly thereafter we were called back. Of course this being our first prenatal visit, Amy; the nurse, weighed me. I was up a little from the last time I was weighed back at home and I told her that. She nodded and made note of my last weigh-in, ok it was in kg but still I knew what it was. We were taken into an exam room and I was told to change into a gown so that Doctor Versoko could exam me well.

“Taika, I guess congratulations are in order.” I grinned. “Oh, who’s with you?” Dr. V offered her hand to me and we shook. Normally Tuukka didn’t come with me to my usual appointments, so I understood her surprise.

“Actually double congrats. This is my husband Tuukka, I’m sure you know who he works for.” We all chuckled, there were few in Boston who didn’t know who Tuukka was or whom he worked for.

Tuukka took her hand and shook it as well. “I hope me coming as I can around the season is ok with you. It is important to us that if I can be here, I am.” He put a hand on my shoulder carefully but I knew that I had seen other fathers-to-be in her office.

“That’s absolutely fine and please call me Jessica. In fact I applaud you for your efforts, it can’t be easy working like you do and having all of this going on.” She said this as she sat down and started my exam. “Seeing that this is _my_ first exam of you we’re going to do more than usual.” We chatted about summer and how I had been feeling, I moaned about not being able to cook eggs. “That should abate sometime soon. If it doesn’t then we’ll talk about medications to help.”

“Tatiana gave me a set of acupressure bracelets that have done wonders. I was able to do more yesterday than I have since our wedding.” Tuukka snorted. He hadn’t let me get too tired since our wedding, even though I was nauseous a lot.

Dr. V got the external exam and pap done and then let me sit up. “Ok, I know you both eat really well and that’s great, but have you been taking a prenatal vitamin?” Tuukka smiled and pulled out both the prenatals I took and the DHA supplement. “Oh, even better.”

I smiled shyly. “Yeah I didn’t feel well in July and I let my dad’s partner talk me into at least taking the prenatals as multivitamins, boy were we surprised when the pregnancy test she talked me into just before the wedding came back positive 3 weeks later.” I loved my dad’s GP partner, Julija.

Jessica had me lay down again so she could check my breasts for problems, god did it hurt. She obviously hated that it hurt but something else was bugging her. “Hmmm, I think we’re going across the hall into the sonogram room. Let’s get a look at this little one. I think we might have more surprises coming.” As if that didn’t sound ominous…

We moved quickly across the hall, yes without letting me get mostly redressed. Once I was on the sonogram table and gooped up, Jessica gasped. She had turned the monitor so she saw it better than we did. We grabbed each other’s hand and waited with baited breath. “Taika, there is no way you are only 10 weeks along. That being said, I have a great shot of your baby’s genitals. Do you want to know who’s coming?”

Tuukka and I looked at each other. “Haluan tietää. (I want to know.)” We both said at the same time, making us giggle. “If you can tell we want to know.”

Jessica turned the screen towards us and stepped in front of it. “Ok, you’re about 15 weeks not the 10 you thought you were and your dad’s partner probably knew before you did.” She then moved and began pointing to the potty shot. “This is what we call the potty shot, how we can tell what gender the baby is, is by looking here.” She pointed between the splayed legs. “In boys it looks either like a snail or a turtle, due to the scrotum being rather large. In girls we see more a shape that looks like a hamburger.” She circled the spot she was talking about. “This is a classic hamburger shot. You’re having a girl.”

I heard Tuukka cough and felt my jaw drop. “A girl. Are you sure?” He said, not quite believing it.

Dr. V nodded. “I’m sure. I was checking on hip development and saw everything from all angles, this one is just the easiest to explain to parents.” She pulled out a pregnancy due date calculator and figured out where we were. “It look to me like you’re due on the 8th of March, which means conception happened about the 3rd of June.”

We were shown all the parts of our baby and all of our questions answered. When we finally got back into the exam room Jessica sighed. “I know it’s a lot of information, I’m also glad that you’ve always been good at caring for yourself. Exercising, eating right and listening to yourself are all even more important now.” She leaned out the door and spoke to Amy briefly. “Amy is going to give you a flu shot, to help keep you healthy and also give you all the handouts until this point that we give out.”

She left shortly thereafter to attend other patients. I looked at Tuukka and stared. “15 weeks. How did we not know?” He helped me get redressed, not that it took a lot as I was in leggings and a lace hem top.

He shrugged. “I think we both counted it as nerves before the wedding. I know I thought all of it was.” He then wrapped himself around me. “En uskonut meidän elämä voisi saada paremmin jälkeen menimme naimisiin, olin väärässä. (I didn’t think our life could get better after we got married, I was wrong.)”

I nestled my head in the crook of his shoulder and hummed softly. “Rakastan sinua niin paljon Tuukka. Jopa tietämättään, sinun pakotti minut hyvää huolta itsestäni ja meidän vauva. (I love you so much Tuukka. Even without knowing it, you forced me to take good care of myself and our baby.)” We stayed like that, all curled together until a knock sounded on the door. “Come in.”

Amy opened the door and smiled. “I’ve got everything you need with me. Jessica explained that your weight is perfectly on track for your due date and you just need to keep doing what you are. Rest when you need to, browse the net for all the baby things you might want, don’t forget to do some kind of exercise and build your support system. She wants to see you in a month which is typical. If you’ll lend me your arm, we’ll get this shot out of the way and then you shouldn’t have to worry about the flu.” I rolled my eyes at my husband’s dry chuckle. Every year if he got the flu, so did I. It was over quick and Amy then sighed. “Before I forget, Jessica wanted you to have a few of the sonogram pictures.” She handed us 4 shots, including the potty shot.

“How should we handle exercise during the snowy months?” Tuukka asked. I could see his wheels turning as to how to make it easier and safer already.

Amy smiled broadly. “We encourage you to do everything you would do indoors. That does include walking. As long as the mother is safe and comfortable then it’s fine. Her balance will be affected sooner than you both think, so contact sports are out.”

I put a hand on his arm which was my cue to him to relax. “So, as long as I’m careful I can do what I feel is safe.” Amy nodded. “I’m not going to be skating at Christmas this year.” I said to Tuukka who nodded briefly. “I think it might be safest to talk to the girls who have little ones, they would know what felt best for them, giving me choices.”

We chatted a bit more about what to expect in the coming weeks. “If you have questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to call. We don’t mind that at all. This would be considered blasphemist a few years ago but do not get the ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’ book. That thing has frightened more mothers-to-be than I care to recall. Find another one, maybe on a tip from one of your friends.”

We made our next appointment, which would also confirm who was joining our family, and set off for the rest of the day. Tuukka was the one who finally broke the shocked silence. “So, I guess I was wrong about looking for furniture now. We have less time than we thought.” There was a distinct tone of uncharacteristic panic in his voice.

I was also feeling panicky and for similar reasons, but only one of us could panic at a time so I did my best to control it. “Do you want to look for baby furniture that you like? I like the Stokke Home stuff but if you have seen something else…” This was our baby, we would both love the nursery.

He paused for the light and then turned towards downtown. “Would you mind looking with me?” He bit off cursing at the guy who just cut us off and then continued. “I have seen some stuff that reminds me more of home. I don’t want a traditional American nursery, I want one that is almost a transplant from home.”

I smiled as we drove. “They don’t concentrate on the truly important things here, it all has to be cute instead of functional and sturdy.” It was something other transplants from Europe had said as well. “I want a really simple and soothing color palette. 2, maybe 3, colors and real wood accents.”

“Birch, real birch accents. Yes.” He found what he was looking for and soon enough we were in a relatively high end baby shop. “I was driving after practice one day and found this place. We don’t have to buy anything here, we can just look.” I took his hand and began looking at all the baby things.

Tadpole, the shop’s name, was amazing. You could see and feel the car seats, cribs and other things before buying them. That’s how we found the Oeuf Classic Crib. We were looking at the Stokke Home and I noticed Tuukka frowning. “What is wrong?” I asked, moving in close.

“I’m afraid I’m going to lift our little one and hit it’s head on the structure of this. That’s the last thing I want to do.” Seeing it now in front of me I could understand his concern. While I would have no trouble, he might.

I drew him away from it and the clean lines of the Oeuf Classic caught my eye. “What about this one? No roof on here.” We moved over and he picked up the information card to read it. A smile slowly overcame his face.

Tilting the card I could see why, Oeuf was a New York company with Scandinavian styling. I chuckled. “Well we did want it to be more like home.” I said trying not to draw attention to us. He moved slightly off and began looking at other pieces from them while I read about the crib. It wasn’t particle board and plastic but real wood, and we had the option for either birch or walnut as the base. It was also constructed in Latvia which was close to home, win win win.

By the time I had come to the conclusion that this was in fact our crib, Tuukka was talking to one of the employees. I moved over and heard what they were discussing. “Yeah, the Classic Crib, 6 Drawer dresser, Mini Library and Toy Storage all in birch. How long would that take?”

I could tell they were a Bruins fan, after a while you just know, I think it was the look in her eyes that said it all. “It might take a week, but maybe not too. The manufacturer is good about getting orders to us quickly. If you’d like I could check to see what we have in our inventory right now.”

I stepped in then. “Please. With everything about to start, sooner is better.” She smiled and walked us to the register to check. In a few minutes she frowned. “I’m sorry we don’t have those in stock right now. Do you want me to order them?” I couldn’t help it, I giggled and leaned my head on Tuukka’s shoulder.

He smiled and then asked if there was a changing station which was gladly added to the list. “That’s great.” I filled out the order information card, so it could be read, and he tried not to be as overwhelmed as we both felt. That’s when I did some quick mental math, we had just spent over $4000 on our child’s bedroom and she wasn’t even here yet. “So, uh, this is going to sound bad but what else will we need?”

The employee chuckled low and then smiled. “Babies are expensive and there’s lots you can need or want. It really depends on what kind of parents you want to be. If I could have my dream nursery I’d start with Oeuf furniture as well, cause it lasts. There’s also what to have the little one wear as far as clothes and even diapers. Some parents cloth diaper and love it. Not to mention feeding and toys. I would suggest going and looking for the features you want in say a car seat or a stroller and then finding what works best for your lives. Ask other parents you know what they liked or didn’t and do research online.”

Tuukka sighed. “I thought a name would be the hardest decision we would make.” He was clearly further out of his depth than I thought.

I and the employee laughed at that. “Fortunately, neither of us is doing this alone and we have resources to give our child the best, if we want. We do have _some_ time, so we’ll start on the smaller end of decisions. I’ll look online so you can mostly concentrate on playing, but when I’ve found what I think we might want or need I’ll bring you in on the final decision.” I saw the worry crease disappear from his face at that. I knew who to talk to and how to Google. I just would miss the Baby Box that pregnant women get at home, that would make some things much easier.

Soon, after just looking for anything else we might want, Tuukka got a call. “Hello? Hey Bergy, uh, actually we’re looking at baby furniture. Nah, Tadpole right now, we’ll hit Magic Beans later I think.” I stopped listening while I looked at the most interesting crib bumper I’d ever seen. It was mesh and I liked the idea a lot so I wrote down the name and what it was in my phone so I could look up more things like it. Oh yay, the start of our registry.

**Tuukka’s POV**

I noticed my beloved wife was looking at something while I talked to Bergy. He and his wife wanted us to come over and of course I wanted to go, but would Taika be up to it? “Oh, it’s not just you and us?” I said when he mentioned Loui.

“Nah man, Loui and I got to talking earlier about babies and pregnant wives and we thought you two could use a chance to have your questions answered and maybe even get a chance to see our nursery to get an idea of what you might want.” Typical Bergy, making sure everyone is feeling good about stuff.

I chuckled. “We kind of just ordered our nursery furniture, but other ideas and stuff, those would be good tips.” I had no clue what else we might need in the beginning. I was overwhelmed and out of my depth. More reason to be thankful for my ihana (lovely).

The astonishment in Bergy voice made me smile. “Really? Then I guess you could show off what you chose. Maybe the girls could help with color schemes or a theme. Hell, I know you’re as freaked out about this as I was when we found out.” Oh man did he not know the half of it.

“Sure, I’ll see how long it takes me to drag Tai out of here and we’ll be over.” We said goodbye and I went to try and convince her that it was time to go, not that I thought I would succeed at first. “Bergy and Steph have invited us and Loui’s family over. They thought we could use some support.”

She looked at me and smiled. “I’m sure they will help with things we do need. Let’s go.” She put down the box she was holding, muslin swaddles, and we headed for the door.

In short order we were pulling into Bergy’s driveway. Before she got out Taika turned to me. “I want to tell them who’s joining the family.” My heart swelled, I knew that the guys would be happy for us.

“Then let’s tell them. Bring the pictures too, in case they want proof.” Taika rolled her eyes at me and stowed them in her purse. “What? I’d want proof if I hadn’t been there.”

Getting inside Taika and Stephanie hugged, wow she was a lot bigger than I remembered from the last time I saw her. She then hugged Micaela who just beamed. “Loui was secretive when he said that you guys would be joining us tonight, until Patrice spilled the beans. Congratulations Tai.”

I saw Tai blush and then there was a thump at the door. Bergy opened it and found the Krejci’s on other other side. “Whoa, looks like a party.” We all laughed and they easily joined us. “We thought you could use some time with our little one before yours comes.” He said as they divested of the few things they had for outerwear.

Knowing we were all comfortable with each other made passing Elinabug around a bit easier. Not that I had ever held an infant this small before, but once I got the hang of it, I was ok. Talk was all about being new parents and the challenges that would be coming. Listening made me want to learn more. Taika leaned against me and watched the baby carefully. “She’s much more aware than I thought she would be.”

Noni chuckled. “She’s more and more awake and aware every day. You’ll see eventually.”

That was as good a time as any. I nudged her and nodded. She understood and chuckled. “Well, in less time than we thought actually.” This got everyone looking at us. “We found out today that we’re 15 weeks along, not the 10 we thought.” She pulled out the sonograms. “We also know who is joining us. We’re having a girl.”

Hugs were tossed around by the girls and the guys all fist bumped me. “You’re going to fall in love with her, Tuukks. It’s the most awesome thing, seeing your baby girl for the first time.” David told me and Loui nodded.

This led Stephanie to taking the girls up to their nursery while the guys and I stayed downstairs. “Has it sunk in yet?” Loui asked as they were out of sight.

I shook my head. “Not really. To find out that we put her in so much danger so early on. I’m worried.” I couldn’t tell Taika this, it would make her worry which wouldn’t be good.

Loui nodded. “I get it. You guys really had no clue so you worry about what could be wrong now because of it. Trust yourselves and your doctor. We know how you are with Tai and how she is with you. I bet that you both balanced each other and no damage is done.”

Patrice took up the conversation then. “Did you let her do anything she wouldn’t have done if she knew? Tai cares for herself and you to the best of her ability. I bet she didn’t even stop cooking while you were gone either.”

I chuckled. “No, she didn’t. Not even when she figured out she couldn’t be around cooking eggs. She made other things and often cooked when she wasn’t feeling bad so when she was, we’d still have good meals.” It also meant I cooked my own eggs and sorely missed hers.

“Then try not to worry, I’m sure if there was something wrong, the doctor would tell you guys. Bergy said you found your nursery basics already, what do they look like?” Loui’s positive attitude helped my fears lessen. I pulled out my phone and showed off the picture I had taken of the crib and mini library.

“We want something more like what we would have at home, sleek lines and minimal colors. We both liked this crib from Oeuf. This mini library goes with it and we got a dresser and toy storage as well. We have a lot more decisions to make I guess though.” Yeah, I was freaking out a bit.

Loui put a hand on my arm. “Chill Tuukks. You know that Taika will help or do most of it. She’ll get help from every mom on the team and you know that too.”

Bergy waved him off. “Come on Tuukks, why don’t we go upstairs and I can run you through the bare bones of what decisions we’ve made in the last few months.” He got up and we joined the girls in the nursery.

“I don’t think I could have researched everything without help. I’ll email you what I went through, I saved the links.” Of course, we came in the room in the middle of an explanation.

Taika was smiling though. “Thanks, I’m sure it will help me a lot. We found our basic nursery furniture today but everything else, I have barely an idea of where to start.” I looked around the nursery. It was a Fox themed nursery, nice but not our style at all. They had everything it seemed. I looked at how much stuff there was in the room and mentally shuddered. It was too cluttered for my tastes.

Tai was on her phone looking at something. “Oh, this is a great resource, thanks so much Noni.”

Noni was smiling. “It’s what we used when we started looking for stuff. Having to be in the States and Europe complicates things a little bit as far as car seats go, but other than that it’s easy.” I moved over and saw what Tai was looking at, a website called Lucie’s List. It seemed to be all about baby stuff and parenting.

“There are so many decisions, it’s kind of overwhelming at first. I think this will help a lot.” Tai said breathing a sigh of what I hope was relief. “I’m going to be letting all the girls know as well. I want the experience of all your knowledge to help me figure out what we need and what we just want.” Everyone laughed.

Micaela shook her head. “Do your own research too. Especially when it comes to diapering. Cloth or disposable, Green or not, even what kind of wipes are best for what diaper kind. You two decide for yourselves.”

We spent a while there talking about kids and pregnancy and everything. I didn’t contribute a lot to the conversation, but I sure learned a lot. Like I had no idea that already my wife was being told by some of our friends back home what to do and how to care for our yet unborn child. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my cousin, but if she tells me one more time how vaccines are poison I might throttle her.”

On the ride home we talked about how we wanted to raise our girl. “This is going to sound odd maybe but I’m not opposed to doing things in an earth friendly way with Tähti (star).”

“Tähti? You’ve nicknamed our baby already?” Taika chuckled. “I like it. I’m not either. This does mean possibly dealing with poop if we cloth diaper.” I wrinkled my nose at that thought, but it was better for the environment. Tai fiddled with her phone and made a grumpy sound. “There are so many choices.”

I laughed. “I’m sure that we can find one that not even I can screw up. I want good quality and long lasting things for our girl and whomever follows her.” Yeah, I wanted more than one child, preferably a boy next.

After getting home we spent the rest of the night talking about what we might want in various things we would need for her. In the end it boiled down to high quality brands that last, were easy to travel long distances with and were mostly neutral in color.

With those things in mind we drifted off to sleep, I personally dreamt of a little girl who called me papa.