Hello

“So you’re telling me that all it takes is a few glasses of wine to get you to come back down from Alaskan highlands or wherever you were?” Winnie rolled her eyes. “Seriously? Here, I’ll go get a whole bottle.”

“I’m not proud of my reaction,” Winnie admitted putting her hand on Keziah’s arm. “I worked really hard to let go of that person I was. I was so bitter, hurt, betrayed, and then I did the same thing to you. It’s been a vicious cycle.”

“Yes, well, regardless, I just want you to know that I despise her and have tried making her life hell without making mine hell in return.” Keziah sipped from her glass of water and smiled.

“I didn’t realize how much I missed everything, everyone,” Winnie continued. “I have you to thank. I need to stop running and face what may come.”

“Okay I might really get you some wine so you stop talking all weird on me. I want fun, witty, happy Winnie. Not solemn, whimsical, deep meaning Winnie.”

“Gee thanks,” she replied. Keziah shook her head and set her glass down.

“So who came up with the grand scheme of you two dating?” She leaned back into the couch and watched Winnie run a hand through her shorter hair.

“I really don’t know where it came from. He just said he had a plan and dropped the bomb at lunch. I don’t know who he is doing it more for, me or him.”

“What do you mean?” Winnie shrugged.

“He said you keep trying to set him up on dates and he it’s not that he doesn’t like who you choose, he just never has time to actually date them. So maybe using me is a good excuse to get you off his back?” She saw Keziah make a face. “Or he’s doing it to make Jonathan jealous for me?”

“Don’t try to deflect,” the other girl warned. “Why couldn’t he just tell me?”

“No offense, but the Keziah I lived with never really understood how to take no for an answer.”

“Yes I did!” Winnie gave her a pointed look. “Okay, okay, I know I’m a little stubborn.” Another look. “A lot stubborn, but he’s a good looking guy! Why he doesn’t have someone bagged is beyond me. I was just trying to give him a little push in the right direction.”

“More like a shove into the Grand Canyon.” Keziah stuck out her lip. “Sorry. I just know that running that business is hard enough doing it by yourself let alone trying to hold a relationship with someone.” Winnie rubbed her arms slowly and looked around the apartment again.

Not much had changed. The same paintings adorned the walls, the same rugs, tables, television. They had changed the blinds to a darker color and gotten a larger television. She could only assume the master bedroom had been morphed into whatever Keziah wanted. It was different, but nice at the same time.

“How was Alaska?” Winnie blinked a few times to regain attention on her former best friend. “Anything exciting? Did you fight a bear? Reel in some large fish? Shoot a moose?”

“Not everything you see on the internet is true, Kez.” Winnie laughed as the girl waved her off. “It was nice. I was in Ouzinkie, this small little village. It was weird because everyone there was like, 26 or younger. Only a few were over the age of 30. Gatsby loved it, I always got stuck chasing him down the trails and rolling in the snow.”

“Any cute boys?” Keziah wiggled her eyebrows.

“There were a few,” Winnie trailed off. She saw Keziah’s eyes light up. “But one only ever talked to me. His name was Patrick, of all things.”

“Awkward.”

“I know, I ended up just calling him Rick. He was six foot, broad, had dark curly hair and green eyes, slivers of tattoos. Very free spirited and not afraid to take risks. He helped me let go of the past and move forward, tested my limits, let me be me. He’s the one who convinced me to get this one, actually.” Winnie pulled the collar of her shirt away so Keziah could see it. Three black birds on her collarbone. “He said I should make it meaningful, something that when I look in the mirror it would remind me of who I used to be and tell me who I wanted to be.”

“Why birds? Why three?”

“Birds travel during the seasons. When it gets colder, they go south. When it gets hot, they go north. I was getting too hot so I fled north. I left behind the three people I loved most,” Winnie explained. She touched the smallest bird. “Patrick.” The middle bird. “Jonathan.” Largest bird. “You.”

“Wow,” Keziah whispered. She traced the birds lightly with her index finger.

“I’ll never admit the smallest one is for Patrick, but he was a big part of our lives.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t put a little baby bird for Lucas. He was like your left arm.”

“No, I’m getting his name tattooed over my heart to express our undying devotion to one another,” Winnie announced. Keziah barked out a laugh shaking her head. “He told me about how he’s been helping you through the whole wedding thing because I wasn’t here. I’m really sorry.”

“You’re here now, that’s what matters,” Keziah said clapping her hands. “Speaking of the wedding. Would you mind helping me finalize the flower arrangements? Patrick and Lucas are nice and all, but their taste in flowers lacks potential.”

“You didn’t ask Erica? Or Lindsuck?” Keziah choked on the water she had been drinking. “Sorry, I can’t help myself.”

“I’ve said much worse, trust me.”

“Do you care if I use the bathroom?” When Keziah gawked at her she shrugged. “It’s not my place anymore. I’m just trying to be polite.”

“Just shut up and go pee.”

Winnie hopped up off the couch and made her way to the guest room. Pushing open the door she couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on her face at the familiarity of the room. Granted it had been Keziah’s when she lived here, but nothing had changed. The bookcase was stock full of old and new editions, pictures littered the shelves, and the bed still had the same sheets from when she redesigned the whole space. Her toes meshed in the white carpet and she ventured into the bathroom. The same colored sink, same shower curtains used to cover up naked bodies when she needed advice, and the same towels folded neatly on the stand against the wall.

She finished doing her business and was in the process of buttoning her pants when something caught her eye in the garbage can. There were three sticks of the same size wrapped poorly in tissue. Bending over her eyes widened and the air got sticky. She could hear her heart pounding against her chest and she took a few deep breaths to calm down.

Thinking back to the dinner at Harry Caray's, Keziah had only drunk water. The same from lunch at Rosebud’s earlier that day. She was eating more Italian food than she had the entire time they lived together, and she had been slightly more crazy than normal. Winnie had attributed the craziness because of the wedding but now it all started to click.

“Do you want some wine?” Keziah asked once Winnie made her way back toward the kitchen.

“Only if you’ll share a glass with me.” The true test.

“Nah, I don’t really have a taste for it.”

“Beer then?” Winnie tapped her fingers on the island counter.

“There’s only one left if you have one and Patrick would be pretty peeved if I didn’t leave him any after the game.”

“He’d also be pretty peeved to find out that you’re pregnant.” Keziah froze in her stance. “I saw the tests in the garbage.”

“I knew I should’ve emptied that can,” she muttered lowly. Sighing she put down the wine bottle and turned to face Winnie. “I’m not. I went to the doctor the other day and it came back negative. They said sometimes the tests can be false because of the stress hormones and whatever. With the wedding planning and everything happening he attributed the change to that.”

“But you’re still not drinking.”

“I just, what if? What if I am and it’s just not showing yet?” Keziah’s eyes started to water and Winnie rounded the island to wrap her arms around her friend.

“Are you sure having a baby is such a good idea right now? Patrick is at the peak of his game, you’re at the peak of your career, having a baby would be like a little poop bomb destroying what you’ve built.”

“I know, I know, I just can’t stop thinking about the idea of being a mother. The cute little outfits, the late nights rocking my little nugget to sleep. The way Patrick would coo at him or her to make them laugh, we could be the perfect family.” Keziah rested her cheek against Winnie’s shoulder and let out a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t mind being a mom.”

“When the time is right, it will happen. Until then you just have to keep doing what you’re doing. Prepare for the wedding and for the rest of your life.”

“You’re right.” She felt Winnie shake and pulled away to see her snickering. “What?”

“Can you picture Kane’s face trying to change a poopy diaper?” She squeezed her eyes shut and continued laughing. “A clothespin on his nose trying to block out the smell.”

“My baby will not stink.”

“All babies stink, it’s in their nature. Just as Patrick.”

“I won’t let it.”

“You’re insane to think otherwise.”

“Shut up before I kick you out.”

“Your empty threats do not faze me!” Winnie lifted her glass of wine and sank down on the couch. “Bring that stupid book over here and show me the flowers.”

“It’s not stupid!”


The Chicago Blackhawks were knocked out of the playoffs. Winnie almost couldn’t believe the headline scrolling across the television screen. It was like she could hear every heart break in the city as the newscaster continued with his story.

Gatsby sat at her feet sleeping, his paws twitching now and then. She rolled her neck and pressed the power button the remote. The office went dark and she yawned. Glancing at her phone screen she groaned, her fingers sliding over the device to reply to the four text messages she had missed. It was pushing midnight and if she didn’t leave soon she knew her office would become her bedroom again.

“Come on you lazy bum,” she gently pushed the dog with her toes. He opened one eye at her. “Let’s go home.”

She waved to security and used the handicap exit so Gatsby could stay close to her. Chicago was chilly, the air crisp and finding a way to crawl over her skin under her suit jacket. The walk only took five minutes and she was happy to enter the lobby. The janitorial staff scattered the area with their mops and machines, acknowledging her kindly with smiles. She pressed the call button to the elevator and rocked on her heels waiting for one of the three to signal their arrival.

The bronze doors opened and she hit her floor number. Once the elevator started to move she leaned against the wall and let out another deep breath. They had negotiated four contracts, sent three transfers to Florida, and approved a merger in Paris all before she got a chance to eat her lunch. The res t of her day she spent replying to emails, making phone calls, and on the occasion playing Candy Crush. She did not miss these kind of days where she got no sleep, no food, and no social interaction outside of her mahogany desk.

”I know you’re upset but that doesn’t mean you can take it out on me.” She didn’t have to step off the elevator to know who that voice belonged to. Gatsby trotted along at her side and sat when she was at her door. She kept her head down trying not to intrude.

“I’m not taking it out on you. I’m just explaining to you that I’m really not in the mood to deal with whatever bullshit you’re going to throw at me tonight.” Jon’s voice was strained, tired, and Winnie could only imagine the dead look in his eyes she remembered him having.

“If you don’t want to deal with my ‘bullshit’ then please feel free to use the elevator to go home.” Lindsey was fighting back tears and it took all of Winnie’s willpower to enter her apartment without saying anything. She wasn’t even sure if they could see her in the hall. “I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but I’m not going to put up with it.”

“The only thing that has gotten into me is how annoying and paranoid you have been since Winnie came back into town. I don’t have feelings for her anymore. If I did, I never would’ve gotten with you in the first place.” Winnie leaned against the door to her apartment and took a deep breath. “I love you, but this is getting old, fast. She’s not going anywhere and neither am I.”

A few minutes passed and she couldn’t hear their voices anymore. Pushing off the door she trudged into the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator. Grabbing the already opened bottle of wine she tugged the cork out with her teeth and took a large gulp of the red liquid. Gatsby whined to her left and she turned to the dog. Seeing that his bowl was empty she reached under the counter in one of the cabinets and took a cup full of food out for him. He dug his nose through the first inch and started munching on the dry bits.

Leaning against the counter she took another drink straight from the bottle and scrolled through her phone. The texts had been from Keziah, updating her on the game, after the game, asking how work went, and if she wanted to meet for lunch the next day. If it hadn’t been for the three board meetings and conference calls they needed to smooth over the transfers for Florida, she would’ve happily agreed.

Her finger tapped another screen and Lucas’ name popped up. Hitting a button she pressed the phone to her ear and waited for him to answer.

“’ello?” His voice was groggy.

“Did I wake you?” Winnie started for the couch and lowered herself into it.

“It is after midnight,” he pointed out. She laid her head back and gazed up at the ceiling. “Everything okay?”

“Not entirely.” She took another drink from the bottle.

“Do you need me for anything?” Winnie counted the swirls in the paint. “Winnie?”

“No. Sorry, I forgot how late it was. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” She could hear the concern in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Goodnight.” Tossing the phone on the empty cushion next to her, Winnie closed her eyes. ’I don’t have feelings for her anymore.’ His voice played like a broken record in her head. She should’ve expected it really. He needed to move on, to forget about her, and just because she shows back up doesn’t mean he’ll drop everything for her. Rick had been a good distraction, a way to pass time, but she never grew attached.

It felt like she had just shut her eyes when someone knocked on her door. Gatsby lifted his head from the end of the couch, Winnie’s confusion growing until she saw the empty bottle of wine on its side on the floor. The clock on the wall showed 1:24. The only light on was the one above the kitchen sink and she cursed when she stubbed a toe on a box next to the hallway. She pulled the door open just enough for her to see the face of her visitor.

“Lucas? What are you doing here?” She moved out of the way so he could enter. His hair was sticking up in a few places and his eyes were puffy from lack of sleep. A pair of sweats and a t-shirt covered his body.

“I came to check on you.” He ran a hand along his scruffy jaw. “You sounded, not yourself earlier.”

“I’m fine,” she shook her head. Spinning on her heel she teetered to one side and caught herself on the wall. “Just a little drunk apparently.”

“What time did you leave the office?” He wrapped his arm around her back and walked with her to the couch.

“About ten minutes before I called you,” she admitted. He lowered her to the cushions and sat down next to her. The warmth from his body was comforting, her head resting on his shoulder with his arm draped over her. “I shouldn’t have called.”

“What happened?” His voice was light.

“I just overheard the love birds next door talking.” Winnie blinked a few times trying to clear her vision, her hand wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I’m leaking.” Lucas looked down at her face and frowned. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. Maybe I got bad wine.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m really good at not talking about it,” Winnie countered. Lifting her legs she moved her body so her legs draped over his thighs and she tucked her arm between them, the other lazily resting on his stomach. “Because if I talk about it, then it’s real.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s what he said.” Winnie felt the tremor course through her and she squeezed him. Lucas ran his open hand along her back and the other on her arm. “He told her that he loved her, that he doesn’t have feelings for me, and I wasn’t prepared for it.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered to her. She pressed her face into his neck and gripped his shirt. “Let it out. Let it go. Let him go.” For the next fifteen minutes she did just that. He just sat there holding her, listening to her, being her blanket.

“It’s my fault.” She took a deep breath. “For thinking it would be any different. That everything would just fall right back to where it was.”

“You can’t blame yourself.” He wiped her cheek with his thumb. “The only thing you can do is move on just like he did. Sure it’ll suck and you’ll want to disappear, but the only way to beat that aching hole in your chest is to stay. To face your demons and set yourself free.”

“I feel like you’ve been through this before.” Winnie wiped her face with the inside of her shirt. Lucas expected her to pull away but she put her head back in the crook of his neck.

“I had a girlfriend, believe it or not, throughout college. We were together for three years and our parents were sure that we would get married. But she wanted different things than I did. She wanted to travel, be adventurous, and I wanted to get a job to settle down somewhere. Going to college was my adventure and her dreams were too big for me.”

“Why did you choose Chicago?” Winnie looked up at him. “Where are you even from?” His laugh filled the room and she scrunched up her nose. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I grew up in North Carolina, but I went to Stanford.”

“Ah, yes, your resume that practically screamed, Pick me I went to Stanford and I have a business degree. To be honest I didn’t want an assistant.” She laughed. “And look where you are now.”

“It’s not too bad. I get to work in a big city, run a multi-million dollar business, and hang out with professional hockey players and their crazy fiancés.” He yawned.

“And being on call at all hours of the night to take care of your emotionally unstable boss.”

“Technically you’re my girlfriend.” She snorted. “It’s perfect if you think about it.”

“Please explain to me how your epic plan to get me through today was to say we were dating.” Winnie could feel her eyes growing heavy the longer they sat.

“Well first of all, it would get Keziah off my back. Secondly, it would make Jonathan jealous. Thirdly, I thought it would be fun.”

“She knows it’s a fluke, I told her.” Winnie yawned against him. “And we’ve discovered Jonathan doesn’t feel that way anymore.”

“You forgot the fun part.” She hummed into his shirt. He could feel her heavy breathing minutes later, the silence making him doze off. Shifting their bodies he easily lifted her and maneuvered through the hallway to her room. Gatsby brushed by his leg and settled into the dog bed Winnie had gotten for him in Alaska. The sheets were still unmade from this morning, her body fitting perfectly in the spot she occupied. Her face buried into the pillow. Leaning forward he kissed the top of her head.

“Stay with me,” she breathed. “Please.”

Lucas crawled into the bed on top of the covers, the king sized mattress easily holding both of them. He was about to turn on his side when she rolled over. Her hand lay over where his heart beat frantically and her head fit perfectly on his shoulder, his arm pulling her closer to him.

She wasn’t ready to be alone, not yet.