The Anti-Love Story

Feeling the tension in the air as well as hearing the bullshit outside is terrible. i just sat there in the middle of my bedroom, listening to the verbal abuse being thrown around like punches. i could tell the words stung like actual physical abuse. The moment i realized how bad the fight was, the moment verbal abuse really did turn physical, the moment i heard my mother screech and the sound of her head hitting my bedroom door reverberated through the house, one tear fell, then another, and another, finally the dam broke and the tears just flooded my cheeks. I started to sob. I heard my father slam the front door, signalling he was going to the bar to get drunk, meaning later tonight there would be more fighting.

I usually tune out all the hatred by listening to my favorite band, but my phone died and i had no way to listen to them my father through my laptop at my mothers head a few weeks ago.

I was scared to open my bedroom door, for fear what condition I might see my mother in tonight. I sat listening to the odd pattern of the creaking floor boards, obviously my mother was limping. I had nothing to distract me from the noises haunting the house, from the horrible thoughts and scenarios running through my mind about what might happen when my father came home. I decided to exit my room and check on my mother. I opened the door and saw the slit in the wood from where her head hit the surface. I surveyed the room the room and noticed my mother sitting on the couch specks of blood still on her face even though you can tell she tried to was it off.

"Mom?..."
She looked up and noticed my concerned facial expression

"Another rough night huh?" she said as if the situation that just happened was no big deal. Which it was even though it happens almost every night.

"Mom why are you so calm? This relationship you have with dad is not normal. It's criminal he should be in jail."

"Don't say that, he's your father."

"I know mom but the way he treats you emotionally and physically is terrible. Tonight I feel like you almost died... he could have killed you."

"You know your father has been stressed. You know he got laid off."

'Yes mom he did, but that was over 2 years ago." My father had been laid off but since then he's been unemployed. all he does it sit on his ass and drink beer. I hated when she tried to defend him. I made me mad, but i was also very confused why she cared about him so much even though every night she risked her life just to stay with him. i know my mom and dad have been together for over twenty years. I know they were happy for a very long time. I know we weren't always in this shit hole apartment. things used to be good, then my father wound up being one of the hundreds of people laid off in the recession.

My mother had to pick up two more jobs just to keep us at the low status we were in. I didn't understand how my mother could say he was stressed when he does nothing. My mother got up and start to clean up the broken objects laying around. i began to help her but she brushed me off saying she had it covered. I backed away slowly still a little confused by why my mother was this was.

Instead of gong straight to my room i went to the room next to mine. I opened the door to check n my little brother. He was only five so he has only dealt with the brunt of this hell, he hasn't experienced any happiness in this family. i feel bad that he was born into a bad time in this family where the happiness i experienced before this hell he won't remember.

I cracked the door to check on him. His room was dark so I assumed he was asleep, I started to close the door when I heard a murmur.

"Connor?" I whispered.

"Rayne... Is mommy okay?" I hated when he asked me that because I never knew how to answer that. I felt like our mother acted like she was just fine, but when I looked at her i could tell she wasn't, obviously if i could tell she wasn't okay Connor could too. So no matter what i told him it wouldn't be good, because if I told him mother was okay he would know I was lying, but if i said she wasn't he would get upset. It seemed he was upset anyway. For a five year old he has had to handle alot of shit. I just wanted to take him away from here.

I figured I could, since i was going to be eighteen in a few days.

I started to look at what i needed to do and how a teenager might adopt her sibling but i had come up short.

I went through the same routine with Connor tonight like I did every night. I bathed him, i dressed him for bed, I read him a book of his choice, reassured him everything would be okay, then I laid down with him till he fell asleep. i usually didn't get to sleep myself till around 2 AM just because i had homework to do as well as get ready for bed myself. Even if i was ready for bed by 11 i would start to listen to listen to my favorite band 5 Seconds of Summer and just listen for the Michael Clifford parts to calm me down, in the end always cried myself to sleep, every night the stress, the anxiety, the depression, the hatred would just wash over me, the tears acted as a cleansing of the day. Even though the moment I woke up I would be covered in bullshit once again. I loved how every night Michael Clifford would tweet goodnight so i would get the notification, and I would feel as if he was saying it to me. tonight was different though. I couldn't find my phone charger so my phone was dead. I had no way to help induce my annual bedtime tears.

School the next day was terrible. I only had half a day with it being the last day before Summer break. I entered through the halls of my school looking like shit. I was only able to get an hour of sleep. I eventually found my phone charger, and was able to charge my phone before school. I dragged myself through the halls,avoiding eye contact. I knew I nobody would notice me, they never did, but either way i knew how i looked and I hated giving people a reason to bully me when they did see me. The days i was perfectly fine were the days i was unnoticed and they day i felt or looked horrible were the days people decided to be dicks and fuck with me. My high school was the stereo typical mean girls high school.If you weren't pretty in pink and your daddy wasn't filthy rich you were the scum on the bottom of their shoe. I was fine with that, because that meant when they treated like that, they were just as equally the dog shit in the side of the road nobody wanted to pick up.

I walked into class and took my usual seat in the back of the class by the window adn waited for my only friend to come in with her contagious smile and infect me with happiness for the rest of the day. i waited and waited and eventually class started with out her. A wave of panic washed over me, she was always in class, she never missed a day, i could always count in her to be here and cheer me. The teacher began his sch-peel on whatever today's lesson was in this bullshit Calculus class. I was crushed I could feel tears start to form, i had to hold them back. I may have been in the back of the class, but i was alone. I laid my head down and just tried to breath. I tried to calm myself down but the more I thought about how my life was flushing itself down the toilet the more i freaked out. i suddenly felt a light tap on my shoulder. My heart immediately dropped, my teacher had noticed my head down, I was screwed.

"Bitch, pick your head up." i heard a voice whisper. I small smile formed on my face. I picked up my head to see who was speaking. As i figured my besst friend was sitting in her desk smiling as big as she could. "Guess what I got." She dared.

I looked at her in her with my happy/confused look. "What?"

"No, you have to guess."

I chuckled slightly, "Do get a clue?"

"Okay," she said still whispering, "Calm. Down in five seconds I will tell you. This Summer is going to be awesome, because we'll be eighteen. We'll have money, we'll waste the night, we won't be good girls, every morning we'll wake up with amnesia and ask how did we end up here." She started to move her hand like why aren't you getting this. I knew she was referencing 5 Seconds of Summer song titles. I didn't know why but i could guess.

"Does it have to do with the 5SOS concert tonight? The one we will be too broke to afford ticket for?" I asked

She put her finger on her nose and pointed at me, doing the charades move signalling i got it. "My dad bought me the tickets for graduating with a 4.0 GPA."

Graduation was in one week, today was the last day for seniors, so technically Summer started today. "I don't know if i can go. You know how I hate leaving Connor alone with my parents."

"We can get my older sister to babysit. You know how much Connor loves her daughter. it will work out perfectly. My dad got me meet and greet passes to go with the concert tickets, but we are totally sneaking into sound check with our super stealthy ninja skills."

We looked up when we heard a loud cough coming from the front of the class room. Our teacher as well as the whole class were staring at us. " Ladies i know today is your last day but we still have some important logarithms to cover. If i could please get your attention, thank you." We exchanged looks and then started to snicker to ourselves. My day was instantly better, thanks to my one true best friend, Emily.