Nothing Really Matters

He looked so much different walking in on set for our all night shoot. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was but then he walked up to me and without even speaking, gave me huge grin and hugged me. He was happy. Finally happy again, for some reason and I wasn’t going to ask why or how at that point. I was just going to enjoy having him smiling again.

“Awesome night, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is, Norman… You’re in a good mood today.”
“Yeah, he better be.”
Steven was suddenly beside us and I turned to him with raised eyebrows.
“Oh?”
“You seemed to have fun enough with that brunette in your trailer.”
“What brunette?”

I whipped around and starred at him. He just shook his head and smiled at me without answering. When I asked again and he still wouldn’t answer, I turned back to Steven for some answers.

“I walked in on him making out with some chick on the couch in his trailer just now. Didn’t get the chance to see much but they sure looked cozy enough.”

I wanted to question him further but at that point we were all called together to go through the plans for the night. 10 minutes too late Chandler suddenly showed up, half running eating the last of a small bag of chips. He had such a bad habit of always snacking during our night shoots and it seemed he had been making his way through the restaurant. He came to a halt between me and Norman after hurriedly apologizing to anyone that could hear him.

“I must say I’m a bit jealous, she’s hot, man.”

As everyone suddenly started to move I heard to Norman and Chandler behind me. Chandler was joking with him, something he had done in forever, mostly because I had told him not to.

“Hey, keep the hell away from her, Chandler. She’s mine.”

Norman said, trying to sound serious but failed completely when Chandler punched his shoulder and they burst out laughing.

“She seemed real nice. A bit weird though. So I guess she will fit you perfectly, seeing how weird you are.”
“Thanks a lot, man. Where was she?”
“The restaurant.”
“Good.”
“Wait, wait, wait… Is she…?”

Once again I was interrupted by producers and I was for the first time as I could remember forced to try to get back into character and actually do my job for the night. I never had a chance to catch up with Norman during the night, it was always so intense while filming at night. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know. I was glad he seemed happy again but if she was back I wasn’t sure I would stay that happy. She had broken him. She shouldn’t be allowed back into his life. Ever! I know I was overprotecting but someone had to. No one else knew about what had happened but me. I had been the one having to try piece him back together after she had left. He hadn’t wanted anyone else to know what had happened and I had allowed him that secret. But it had also meant I had no one to turn to when I wanted to yell and shut about what she had done to him. My wife had been there of course but everyone on set, the once that had to put up with his crappy mood, hadn’t known why he suddenly seemed to hate being there and I hadn’t been able to share it with them.
The sun started to rise and we were wrapping the last scene when I spotted her. We had been out in the woods all night and she was hanging back where she thought she wouldn’t be spotted. I don’t know why I saw her, maybe because I had been looking for her. Norman was in a deep conversation with Melissa and didn’t seem to notice when I left, walking over to her.

“Hey, don’t you fucking run away again!”

I hadn’t meant to shout at her but she had began to back away when I started to get closer and she really looked like she just wanted to turn around and run as far away from there as possible. When I called out to her she suddenly stopped. She was glaring at me and I suddenly remember why I had been afraid of her in the beginning. That hadn’t changed, but I was more angry then afraid of her at that moment. She had one hell of a job to do if she would ever redeem herself in my book again.

“Fuck you, Andy!”
She stood a good 3 yards from me but the fury in her eyes could be seen from afar, and I hope she could see mine as well. ¨

“What the hell are you doing here?”
“That’s none of your business!”
“You fucking left! You just left him and who the hell was left picking up the pieces?! It sure as hell wasn’t you, bitch!”

She moved faster than I thought was possible. She pushed me hard in the chest with both hands, making me stager back a few steps.

“Shut the fuck up! You don’t know shit what the hell happened, why I left!”

It was weird how angry she could get. Even weirder that she would actually confront me about it. She had given me the impression of always choosing flight before fight. Now she was fuming, standing her ground firmly, not flinching away from my anger.

“I know what you left behind! You’re some fucked up bitch, you know that?! Just coming back after everything you did!”
“Why the hell do you care so fucking much?! He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself! He can make decisions for himself!”
“Well, you fucked him up pretty good, Lo!”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty fucked up too so…”
“If you leave again, I’m going to hunt you down myself!”
“Fuck you, Andy!”
“Fuck you too!”

We both knew we had cleared the air after that. I don’t know why but I think both of us really needed to yell it off. He had been watching our entire yelling match from a distains, but he wasn’t the only one.

“Are you idiots done?”
He walked up to us, walking past me to stand beside her. She relaxed once he got close enough for her to press her side against his.
“Is this what you want…? Again?”
“This is what I need, what I want. And I appreciate that you care so damn much, but you gotta let this go. What happened, happened and it’s not up to you to decide what I do now.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“She already has…Again.”
“I’m serious, London if you leave again or you hurt him…”
“Oh, for fucks sake, Andy.”
Norman complained and threw both hands up in the air.
“No, I need to say this, keeping my conscious clean. I will keep you responsible for whatever happens to him, do you get that?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“You do know I’m actually older then you, bro?”
“Only on paper, dude. Do you want me to apologies?”
I turned to her for an answer.
“Hell no, I’m not apologizes. You deserved it.”
“So did you… Since when did you get so touchy?”
“Since I’ve something to lose.”
“So you didn’t a month ago?”
“Maybe, I just didn’t realize it.”
“You guys want breakfast? My treat.”
They looked at each other before Norman spoke.
“She really shouldn’t be… You know, out in public.”
“I know that. But there’s an IHOP close by.”
“You might want to clean up before you go anywhere though.”
She said, looking me up and down. I was covered with all kinds of fake dirty, blood and walker remains.
“Yeah. Rain check in half an hour?”
“Make it 45 minutes. I might need some help getting all this shit of.”

She groaned a little beside him, hitting his arm when I rolled my eyes at them. It would be hard getting use to this all over again. I had really liked Norman in love, but it had been a complete hell when she left. Now, this was going to happen all over again. I just prayed I wouldn’t have to pick him back up again.

-----------------------------------------------------

I felt like a teenage kid falling in love for the first time. It was stupid as hell really, seeing as I had
actually loved her for the past two months. But actually having her there again, close by my side after all this time apart, I fell head first in love with her all over again. I knew a lot of people probably thought it was time I introduced her after her fight with Andy but at that point I just wanted her by myself. There would be time to introduce her later. She wasn’t going anywhere. Right? I agree with Andy this time, she would never have touched him. When we first met she would never have confronted him or anyone else for that matter. She would have run. Now she fought. For me. It was hard finding somewhere private to clean up at the studio. The “bathroom” in my trailer was tinny so that really wasn’t an option at all. She of course knew where she was going. I was quite impressed how quickly she got to know a new place like this. But then I guess that was just survival instinct, she needed to know her surroundings in order to know where to run if she needed. She took me to one of the buildings I didn’t even know belonged to the studio and used her keycard to open a door that said “Administration personal only”.

“How do you find places like this?”
“I didn’t. I just found the blueprints over this place online.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s not that hard to find if you know where to look. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Inside was a small locker-room with a set of showers further in the room. A couple of fresh towels were folded on a chair beside the door. I tensed involuntary when I heard her lock the door, suddenly nervous as hell. There goes the crazy in love teenager again.
“I’m sorry Andy…”
“No… No, just shut up and kiss me. No talking.”

She was only inches from me when I turned around to face her. I forgot how to breathe for a second, getting lost in her eyes but when the moment past I kissed her. Hard. This was going to be the passionate reunion. Ether of us wanting to hold back, probably couldn’t hold back. I needed her. I needed to feel her skin to mine again. I needed to hear her scream my name again. She had gotten me out of my cloths faster then I thought was possible, especially since they usually stuck to my skin after a night of killing walkers. Not once did her lips leave mine and when I finally got to my senses again, being too occupied with what her hands were doing, I returned the favor. She pulled away from me suddenly. When I opened my mouth to speak she just hushed my, pulling her hair to one shoulder and turned around with her back to me. I starred. Stunned what she was showing me. She had gotten a tattoo. A pair of angel wings, my wings, covered most of her upper back, from the top of her shoulder blades and down. I reached out for her, tracing my finger over the beautiful piece and I could feel her tremble under my touch, taking short and hard breaths. It couldn’t be more than a few weeks since she had it done, the redness had just barley faded away. I had seen tattoos like this before, fans had gotten a lot of them lately, but this was her. She had forever marked her skin with something that would remind her of me. I didn’t want to cry, not now but it was hard trying to push away the tears. I did the only thing I could at that moment, or I would break down sobbing. I pushed her up to the door, spreading her legs with one of mien in the same moment. She flexed both arm against the door and arched her head back, giving me access to kiss her neck at the same time as I shoved myself inside her. One of her hands flew out, gripping my hair tight, pulling me even closer to her as she started to move with me. I let one hand realize its tight hold on her hip and slowly made my way to her most sensitive spot. She froze for the shortest of seconds, held her breath before exploding to my touch. When I never let her recover, but starting to work for more she squirmed, panting for air. In one swift move I turned her around to face me, pinned her to the door again and slammed back inside her. She gripped my upper arms so hard it usually would have hurt but now I was too focused on the pleasure. Grabbing her ass tightly made her understand what I
wanted and she wrapped her legs around my waist, burring her face into my neck as she did.

“Hold on tight, baby.”
“I’m not letting you go ever again.”

She answered me and we both knew that she meant so much more than just at that moment. She was so close to the edge again, I could both feel it and hear it in her strained and loud moans. My name did leave her lips in a scream when we both fell over the edge together. Her nails digging into my shoulders. My legs gave in after my intense climax and I brought her with me when I sank to the floor. She kept her legs and arms tightly wrapped around me and I listen to her harsh breathing, while trying to get my own back to normal. She came back to life sooner than me and I could feel her kisses on my shoulder, where she probably had left a few marks. My eyes were still closed when I felt her move towards my lips, kissing my collarbone, up my throat and finally ending on my slightly parted lips. She bit down on my lower lip lightly.
“You hate it?”

I snapped my eyes open, making her jump a little when I starred at her.

“No… No, I think it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. It was just… Unexpected.”

I put both hands on her back, tracing the ink once more. Still amazed she had gotten a tattoo.

“I’ve been wanting one for a while now, you know, covering up some of the old scars. Then you came along and I…I wanted something that reminded me of you.”
“You really never wanted to leave, did you?”
“No. You’ve my heart and soul, Norman Reedus. Forever, no matter what happens.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you.”’
She said it. She actually said the words. And I believed her.

______________________________

It was like riding a bike. Once you had learned how, it was easy to get back on. He was so familiar and so right. Again. He knew how to touch me just right. Where I wanted him. And I knew every inch of his gorgeous body. Although I was a bit distracted by all the dirt and blood covering him. His Daryl Dixon outfit hadn’t helped my self-control on bit. I was addicted to him at the best of times, wanting to rip his cloths of at first possible moment, but actually seeing him on set, acting, had almost made me combust at the spot. After the passionate part of our reunion we actually did make it to showers.

“I’m sorry Andy was such an ass. I’ll talk to him.”
“Don’t bother, it’s fine. We both needed to clear the air. I think we’ll be fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He just cares about you. I think it’s kinda sweet.”
“He had no right to call you a bitch.”
“Well, I kinda was.”
The hot water streamed down both of us, washing away most of the dirt covering him, but his hair was a total mess.
“What?”
He asked when he found me starring up at him.
“You’re hair is getting pretty damn long.”
“And you just love it!”
He reached up and put both hands through his hair, messing it up even further, making it point in all directions. He made a face, sticking out his tongue at me, costing me to burst out laughing. He was such a dork.
“I’ve really missed you, Lo.”
“I’ve missed you too… Let me get you clean.”
“I’m all yours, babe.”

He threw out both arms in front of me, inviting me in. He kept staring at me, following my every move. Making me suddenly nervous for some reason. I had no reason to be really, I knew him. I was just going to clean him up. My hands landed on his chest. He had gotten a glorious tan. The soap smelled of strawberries, not really matching him, but it was all there was. He winced slightly when I moved to his upper arms.

“Sorry…”
“I ran into a tree while filming.”
“You ran into a tree?”
“It’s dark and walkers coming at you from all angles!”
“I hope they’re not using that in an episode. It would look pretty bad having Daryl running into a tree, he doesn’t do that.”
“I know, but I was distracted.”
“Why?”
“Just thinking about what I wanted to do to you when I got back to the trailer.”
“I see… Turn around.”

He willingly followed orders and turned his back to me. This time it was my turn to gasp a little. I had had a weak spot for his back from the start, he was just so god damn hot! And now, when he stood there completely naked my eyes traveled slowly from his shoulder, all the way down to his ass, making me forget all about the task at hand. He jumped and gasped in surprise as I wrapped my arm around his hip and grasped his erection, beginning to slowly but firmly stroke him. He leaned back slightly against me and moaned softly.

"I thought you were going to get me clean."
He spoke, breathless after exploding to my touch.
"Sorry, got distracted..."
I smiled at him when he turned back around to face me.
"I'm not."
He grinned and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth, making me stop breathing for a few seconds.
"No..."
He pulled away with an evil grin on his face as I had reached out for him again, grabbing his hair tightly in both hands.
"You still need to wash my hair."
"Fine... I'm getting pretty hungry anyway. Andy is..."
I trailed off when he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of me.
"What you doing?"
He gripped my hips in both hands.
"You need to wash my hair, love. Just helping you reach."
"Sure you are."

I knew what he was planning and I started to tremble by the mere thought, but gritted my teeth together and began to wash his sticky hair. Once the shampoo had rinsed away probably I felt his soft lips pressing against my hip bone, tracing his tongue along the long scar across my belly. He stopped at my navel, dipping is tongue into it as his hands reached up to trace his fingers along my ribcage, up to my breasts. I had gotten completely lost in what his lips was doing that I yelled out a in a mixture of surprise and pleasure when his fingers found their way inside me. Once his expert tongue joined as well I lost it completely, trying to pull him even closer. He caught me in his arms when my intense orgasm made my legs give in. He held me tight to him, letting me catch my breath with my head to his chest. He pressed his lips to my forehead and I could tell without looking at him that he had a snug smile on his face. Not without reason though. He had all reason to be smug. He sure knew how to make a girl weak at the knee.

"Sorry, got distracted."
He said, making both of us burst out laughing.

_________________________________

We made it to our breakfast date with Andy only 5 minutes late. He was sitting outside, close to his
trailer, in the shadow under a big tree at a picnic table. He was on his phone when he spotted us, quickly finishing his conversation.

"Hey."
"I'm impressed, thought you would be at least another hour."
"I'm starving, man. Need some energy before... Well, you know."
"Am I going to have to hear all about it again?"
"Did you tell him all about our sex life or what?"
She turned to look at me. I blushed a little, keeping my eyes on the food I was putting together.
"Not everything... "
"When you're married with 2 kids you need to hear about stuff like that sometimes. You know, to really believe sex still exists."
Andy explained with a smile on his face. He seemed to really have put his fight with her out of his mind. Maybe she was right, that they needed to just yell it off.
"Boys will be boys...No bacon for me, thanks."
She rejected the plate Andy offered her.
"Alright... How are you?"
"Me?"
"Yes, you London. I'm trying here, would be a lot easier if you tried too."

Ok, maybe he hadn't quite relaxed around her yet. He was still a little pissed at her but I guess he has his reasons. He had been the only one I had been able to be around after she left. He had been there for all the break downs, all the angry fits and all the drunken evenings.

"You're still pissed I'm back?"
"I'm not pissed you're back, I'm pissed you left in the first place. You don't know what's been like."
"You really don't have to tell her, man."
"Fine. Just don't do it again. I meant what I said before, I'm going to fucking hunt you down myself if you leave again."
"Fare enough... What if he wants me to leave?"
"That's not going to happen.... But if it would come to that I would probably leave you alone. Can't make any promises though."
"You don't think you might be a bit overprotecting?"
"If you had had a normal family you might be able to see that I only want what's best for him. That's what family does and he's family."
"I'm sitting right here."

I felt I needed to remind both of them at that point that I was actually sitting at the same table. For some reason they always got so caught up in each other while talking, it was hard telling if they were aware of other people around them.

"I know... Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
"Yes, Andy I get it. He's your brother, you're going to protect him."
"Yes. So where exactly have you been for the past 6 weeks?"
"Down town Atlanta mostly."
"Not going back to NYC?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I guess I had something... someone keeping me here without me really realizing it."
"Norman told me you had been hiding up in the woods by his house."
"Yeah, for a few days. Did he tell you about my father?"
"Some things, sure. He said you left because he found you."
"Yeah..."
"What about our deal? Is it still on?"
"Would it make you less pissed if it was?"
"Maybe..."
"Alright. What do you wanna ask?"
"I want to know what the deal with your father is."
"That wasn't really a question."
"Fine... Why are you so afraid of your father?"
"Because he has always destroyed everything and everyone I've ever cared about."
"So that's why you didn't want him to touch you at first?"
"Yes and no... My dad is... Fucked up. Really fucked up."
"Did he... Touch you?"
Andy hesitated before asking his question. I hadn't even thought of asking that.
"Not like that..."
Her free hand reached out for mine and I grabbed it and she squeezed it hard.
"He just liked inflecting physical pain. He has left his marks on me... "
"I'm sorry I just don't... What has that got to do with you leaving Norman?"
"I just got scared... He has always made sure people I care about disappear. He doesn’t want me to have someone close to me, ether it's physical or emotional. I tried really hard for a long time not to fall in love with him."
"So what are you saying? What's going to happen if he finds out about this?"
"I'm gonna pass on that one."
"The hell you are! Tell me what the fuck is going to happen if he finds out you're involved?"
"He's probably going to try to hurt Norman to get to me. I guess he figured physical pain stopped working on me a long time ago so he will try to hurt me in any other way he can... By hurting the one I love."
"Has this happened before?"
"Yes."
"Go on..."
"When I was 8 he killed my pet pig, slit her troth right in front of me when he found me sleeping beside her under a tree in the backyard. When I was 10 my only friend at school went missing. I can't prove anything but I know he had something to do with it."
"But why would he come back to look for you now? Norman told me your parents had you declared dead."
"We were in People magazine right before he showed up. I'm sure he has kept track of me since I left Boston. Facial recognizing isn't science fiction anymore, he probably has someone alerting him if I shows up in any type of documentation."
"But you're dead!"
"My face and body isn't. Everything else, sure but..."
"Why the hell did you have to fall in love with him of all people...? Jesus, Lo this is just..."
"Yeah, sorry I fucked up your life, Andy. Really wasn't my intention."
"It's not my life I'm worried about, honey, it's yours. You should get a bodyguard or something."
He turned to me, staring intently like he tried to transfer his thoughts to me.
"I've already taken care of that."
I felt her jerk around in her seat, turning her whole torso towards me.
"Good."
"Wait...What did you do? I'm not having a fucking stranger following every step I take!"
"I know that. I mean you're pretty safe here on set, you said it yourself, the security is pretty tight and I've already talked to them about getting additional security once we move out to location. At home there's going to be someone around the house whenever we're there. Not inside."
I could feel the protest building from her but she swallowed it when I spoke my final words.
"When did you find time to do this? When did you get back here?"
"Yesterday afternoon."
"Then how the hell did you manage to pull that together?"
"I took the time.... Look, I know you don't like it but I'm not going to take any chances."
"Fine."
"Wow, really?"
I had expected loud and angry protests but she seemed to accept my decision. Probably grudgingly though.
"I said fine."
"Alright, good."
"Is that why you don't ear bacon? Because you had a pet pig?"
"Yes."
"It has been someone else besides your father that made you like this, haven't it?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask...?"
"No you can't. Not yet."
"Have you told him?"
"He knew what he needs to know to understand why I'm.... Messed up."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes."
"Have you actually told him that?"
"Yes."
"Good for you... See, you're healing already."
"Baby steps."
"Do you even want me here? I could go catch up on some sleep if you two feel like keep talking."

Both of them turned to me when I spoke again, a bit annoyed they were ignoring me. Sure, I was glad they could have a normal conversation without yelling and hitting each other, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Sorry, bro didn't mean to leave you out. I can't help but get caught up in your... Girlfriend? Is she your girlfriend?"
"I guess... Hey, I can practice my line again."
She shook her head, smiling when I turned to her, beaming like a fool.
"What line?"
Andy asked confused.
"I'm not single anymore. I'm actually seeing someone...No, that doesn't work... I'm having someone special in my life, that sounds better."
"Yeah, could you please try to let someone else know about this time around? It really sucked being the only one who knew."
"Was it really that bad?"

I asked. But then I knew it had been. I had hit rock bottom when she left. Some days not eating or sleeping, just doing what I had to, what was expected of me. The worry had been the worst. Nor knowing where she was or if she was even alive. It had eaten me up from the inside out. She was the love of my life. The one I couldn't live without. I had never thought I would find someone like this now, after all these years. I mean, I would have been happy just having someone loving me, making me laugh, but this was so much more than that. So much better. She knew me, everything there was to know just after our first days together. It had felt like she had been a part of my life for years, not days. It hadn't of course been that easy to get to know her, but I couldn't give up on her just because it was the easy way out. It would be easy. My life would be a hell lot easier if she had stayed out of life. But it wasn't the kind of life I wanted. I needed her and know I finally knew she needed me too.

"You were a walking dead, Nor. Eating and sleeping just to keep alive."
"Sorry you had to see that, bro. But thank you for putting up with me. Getting me through it."
"I guess that's what happens when you lose the one you can't live without..."
"Yeah..."

I eyed her but she kept he head bowed, I guess sorry for what she had done. The thing was that I could be mad at what she had done. After explaining about her father I was more surprised she had let it go as far as it did.

"Seriously though, what about letting everyone know? Doesn't seem to be the best idea if she's going to keep hidden. But then I don't see how you will be able to keep her from everyone if she's going to hang around here all the time."
"I really don't need to hide, I just need to stay out of getting caught on film or photos."
"I like the brunette by the way, it suits you. I barley recognized you at first."
"That's kinda the point."
"I guess you're not coming over this weekend then?"
"What were you planning?"
She asked, turning to Andy.
"Barbecue tomorrow night, but you guys need to have some time alone."
"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need some time to get my head straight again."
"I think we both do."

She said, suddenly leaning her head to my shoulder. I responded with hugging her side to me and kissed the top of her head. Andy actually smiled at me and I wondered what I had done to deserve him as a friend after everything I had said and done the past 6 weeks. He genuine cared about me and if I was happy so was he. I rose and embraced him in a tight hug when we parted ways. I tried to put what I couldn't expression in words to the hug and I think he got it.

"I love you, man."
"Love you too, Andy."
"Call me whenever, whatever."
"Yeah... You're going home to the Mrs?"
"Yes. Can I tell her?"
"Of course."
"Thanks... It will take some time getting used to have you around again but I hope this time around it will be better."
"It already is."
"Yeah I guess that's true. A hug?"
"It you really have to..."
"Not really. I'll save that for later then. See you kids around. You go and get some sleep, mister. You look like crape."
"Right back at you. Tell Gale I said hey."
"Sure."
"Thanks for breakfast, Andy."
"No problem, Lo. Glad to see you didn't lose all that weight you'd put on."