Nothing Really Matters

Two weeks had pasted since we had gotten back together. It was still odd to me that I woke up each morning with a smile on my face beside him. It was even freakier that I didn't want it any other way. I could imagine living like this for the rest of my life. And that was insane. I had never thought this was where I would end up. I had never been allowed something this good. And I had never allowed myself to feel something even remotely close to what I felt for him. Love really worked is mysterious ways. But I wasn't going to argue with faith. I was happy and I just started to understand that that was actually ok. I was allowed to be happy for once and I enjoyed every second of it. He was my knight in skinny armor. The one Alex had always known was out there somewhere, waiting for me. Although this knight carried a crossbow instead of a sword. It was still surreal to be on set every day with him. The walkers had really creped me out the first couple of days. And frankly some of the cast and crew had too. Michael scared me shitless but I knew that was mainly because of his size. The man was huge! It would take some time getting use to him. He was probably the gentle giant Norman had told me he was, but I still kept my distance from him. They all really tried to make me comfortable around them, allowing me the space I needed and to my surprise I found that I was grateful for that. It had gotten easier for each day to hang around. At first I had just kept to his trailer most of the time. But now I followed Norman where ever he went. But then we couldn't keep away from each other for that long. It was insane how much I needed him. It was actually physical hurting me when I was away from him and I knew he felt the same.

Sunday morning and he had his day off, meant we were probably staying in bed all day. And I didn't mind, not at all. I couldn't get enough of him. It was already past noon when I woke, having been up until 3 in the morning enjoying every bit of him. He was still asleep, one arm wrapped over my hips. At first I couldn't locate the reason for me waking up but then I heard the knock on the front door. My whole body tensed and I gripped his arm tight, making him groan and stir in his sleep. I could hear a key turn in the lock and a million thoughts went through my mind. Who the hell had a key? I could only think of two people.

"Dad?"

Shit! This wasn't really how I wanted to make my first impression on Mingus, a complete naked mess in bed with his still asleep and naked father. His eyes had flown open when Mingus had called out though and he started to move very fast. Too fast for his newly awoken body. He fell back down to the bed again when he stood too fast, cursing as he tried to stand once more. I knew it wasn’t helping, but I burst out laughing when he spun around to look at me, then towards the hallway where both of us could hear footsteps approaching. He managed to throw on a pair of pants right before the door was pushed open.

“Dad? You ok?”
“Hey…! Yeah, fine, just fine.”

A tall, lean, teenager was standing in the doorway. A blond, younger copy of his father. He wasn’t look at his father though, but peaked around him to watch me.

“Hello.”
“Hey. Sorry, didn’t mean to just burst in here, didn’t knew you…”

Mingus trailed of, blushing slightly. I guess we all felt the tension, this wasn’t what ether of us had wanted our first meeting to turn out.

“You forgot I was coming out, didn’t you?”

He finally turned to his father.

“Of course not. I just forgot it was today. I thought you said Sunday.”
“Today is Sunday, dad.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I will go unpack.”
“Mingus….”

He called out for his son but he had already walked out the door.

“No worries, dad, really!”

He called back to him, making Norman stopping going after him. Instead he returned to sit down on the edge of the bed, sighing deeply and running his fingers through his hair.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned…”

He said and I could see his shoulder fell slightly in defeat. He was feelings so bad about failing his son and I couldn’t help but feeling guilty myself. We had been so caught up in each other the past days, not much else had registered. I crawled up behind him and hugged him from behind. He caressed my arms lightly.

“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Lo.”
“Yeah, it kinda is. I’ve been monopolizing you.”
“And I’m happy you have, love.”
“Go talk to him. But maybe put some cloths on before you do.”
“Will you join me? Need to do some damaged control and I really think he wants to meet you… You know, really meet you, not just… See you.”
“This has happened before, hasn’t it?”
“Not like this, he hasn’t walked in me while having someone actually still in bed, but there has been a few times he has meet them leaving.”
“He seems pretty cool about it.”
“He’s a pretty cool kid.”
“Well, he’s your son, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Thank you.”

He kissed one of my hands before getting to his feet, heading to the bathroom. I laid back down, needing a few minutes just to collect my thoughts. I had to make this work. I had to do it for his sake. I had been so caught up in just him that I had forgotten all about his son. It was the most important meeting I had to do and I wasn’t sure how to get through it. I had no experiences in dealing with teenage boys. I just wanted him to like me. I guess I hoped we could be friends on some level. He was the most important person in Norman’s life, so I couldn’t screw this up by letting my instincts take over. I could hear the shower starting running at the same time as sounds of glasses clinging in the kitchen. I decided to get dressed and see what the kid was up to. When I walked into the kitchen he was sitting by the counter, poring milk into a bowl of cereal. He looked up when he heard me and he actually smiled.

“Can I join you?”
“Sure.”
“I’m sorry we had to meet like that… I’m London.”
“Mingus.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Yeah, you too.”

I collected my own bowl and spoon before sitting down beside him. He passed me the cereal and
milk before I had the time to ask him.

“Thanks. How did you get here?”
“Took a cab.”
“Sorry, you shouldn’t have had to do that.”
“Na, its fine, really, I don’t mind.”
“How old are you?”
“15, turning 16 in October. What about you?”
“I’m 28.”
“Isn’t my dad too old for you?”
“Do you think he is?”
“Guess it really doesn’t matter. Is it serious this time around or is just sex?”

I stared at him, not knowing what to say. He looked back at me, calmly waiting for my response. He really got straight to the point, but I guess he just wanted to know if I was actually sticking around and if it was really a point in getting to know me in the first place.

“Yeah, it’s serious.”
“Good.”
“Really? Why?”
“It’s been too long since he had a serious relationship. He could need some stability.”
“Are you some sort of relationship expert?”
He laughed, shaking his head.
“Hardly. Just knowing my dad. The stuff about liking the single life is just a damn lie to tell the press and keeping the fans happy.”
“I see… What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No, not right now.”
“How’s your summer holiday? Having fun?”
“Yeah, it’s been great. I was with mom over in Europe for a few weeks.”
“Yeah, he told me… Look, I know it’s been a bit crazy the past few months, everything happening rather fast and then got fu… messed up and… My point is just that he really loves to have you here and it’s really my fault he has been a bit… distracted.”
“He always gets too caught up but I must say, this time around seems to be worse than normal…. Hey, dad.”

I turned around and found Norman come to a sudden stop when he spotted us in the kitchen. He was drying his hair on a white towel.

“Hey… Did you get here ok?”
He walked up to his son and hugged him tight, pressing his lips to the top of his head.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it, dad. I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to pick you up. Why didn’t you call?”
“I did.”
“I must have turned off the sound. How was Europe?”
“Great. It was a lot of fun.”
“How’s your mom?”
“You know you can talk to her yourself.”
“Not right now…”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. She’s kinda pissed at you.”

That was news to me. I hadn’t picked up on them fighting, but then I realized he hadn’t talked to Mingus’s mother since I got back. Was that why she was pissed? He seemed to hear my unspoken question and turned to me.

“I might have gotten… Drunk a few weeks ago and called her and it didn’t… End that well. But I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of it.”
“You should know I don’t care anymore. What you do, is your business, I’m not picking sides.”
“I know… Such a smart kid.”
“He couldn’t have gotten that from you.”
I teased. He narrowed his eyes at me, smiling.
“Shut up!”
“I kinda like her already.”

Mingus said to his father, making him grin from ear to ear. He messed up his son’s hair and glanced over at me, smiling, helping himself to some breakfast as well, before questioning Mingus further about his trip to Europe. I tried to keep a low profile during the day, letting father and son be alone. They hung around the house most of the day, playing videogames, messing around in the pool and tried to bake cookies, which probably would have burned the house down if I hadn’t intervened in time.

“Could we go out for dinner?”

I tensed a little when Mingus turned to me with his question. I was cleaning up the kitchen after their baking and he was actually helping me while his father had abounded us, heading up-stairs.

“You should go, I’ll be fine here.”
“I want you to come.”
“Thank you, but I think you could need some alone time.”
“We’ve been alone all day.”
“Yeah but… You should talk to him about it. There’re some things you probably need to know about me.”

He stopped loading the dishwasher and turned his full attention to me. He seemed a lot older to me then just 15. He was a bit like me, observant to not only what people said but all the other things as well. He knew I meant business and didn’t question it any further.

“Ok.”

Norman came running down the stairs at that moment. I should’ve gotten use to it by now, but the camera in his hand was hard getting used to. He snapped a photo before ether of us had the time to react.

“So, what are we having for dinner?”
“You’re taking your son out for dinner.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes. You need some father-son quality time.”
“Alright then… Pizza party!”
“Maybe we could catch a movie?”
“Absolutely, but we should go now then… You’ll be ok?”
“Go.”
“Sure you don’t’ wanna…?”
“Go!”
“Do you need help cleaning….?”
“Go!”
“Fine. See you later.”

Mingus had walked to the door already and stood waiting for his father to join him. He had his back to us, but I could tell he was glancing our way. Norman leaned in and kissed me, gentle at first but as so many times before, there were no stopping him once he got started. I had to be the one pulling away this time, putting both hands to his chest and gently pushed him away. He groaned and pouted a little.

“You need to talk to him.”
“I know. I love you.”
“I love you too.”

He kissed me one final time before walking to the door, throwing an arm out around his son before existing.

______________________________________

My son never seized to amaze me. He had taken London in with open arms, no question asked. There really hadn’t been someone like her before in my life during the time he had been vaguely aware about what it all meant. He was being the perfect little gentlemen I didn’t even knew I had been able to raise. It made me swell with pride, knowing he made no judgment whatsoever, just knowing she was important to me, made him open up to her. He hadn’t been fully aware of our month apart, I had tried to keep that from him, but I know he knew something was wrong. And I didn’t want to keep secrets from him. He was the most important person in my life, so I needed to share my life with her with him as well. We were a package deal and I know she knew that but I really wanted them to be able to have the best kind of relationship they could have. For that to happen there couldn’t be any secrets. At the same time I needed to protect him and this would be on a need-to-know-bases. We headed down town and to one of our all time favorite pizza places.

“Is she staying?”

He was the first one to bring her up during our dinner. I had tried to catch up on what he been up to since the last time I saw him, but he finally stirred the conversation in another direction.

“London…? I hope so. I want her to.”
“She said it was serious. Not just sex.”
“Fuck, did you actually ask her that?”
“So what? I need to know if there really is a point in getting to know her or not.”
“Fine…. Yes, it is serious.”
“Ok, good.”
“There’s something we need to talk about though. About London I mean.”
“She’s messed up.”

How did he know that? He hadn’t even met her until the very same morning? I stared at him for a long time. Had I talked to him about her? Where had he picked up on that?

“You’re going to have to explain what you mean by that, Mingus.”
“I saw the scares, dad. Did she do them herself or did someone else do that to her?”
“What do you think?”
“I think someone else hurt her. She seems a bit… Twitchy and she said it herself, that she fucked up,
I guess that was what happened a few weeks ago, when you… were so low.”

Low, that was a nice word describing what it had been. I was glad though that was all he had picked up on. He hadn’t needed to see me like that.

“Yes… Well, you know we got together for the first time in May and she came here with me. She didn’t stay though. She left after a little more than a week.”
“Why?”
“She has a…. Messed up dad.”
“Did he gave her all those scares?”
“Some of them, yes… He has been making threats.”

It was really the only way I could fraise what this was all about. My son had no reason to get more involved than he had to. But he needed to understand why we suddenly had heavy security around the house.

“Towards her?”
“Yes… There’re going to be additional security around the house, you probably shouldn’t even notice them but just so you know. And no pictures online. Ever!”
“That’s your problem, dad, not mine.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Does she have a family?”
“No. She has been homeless for the past three years.”
It was his time to stare.
“What?”
“She’s been living on the streets of New York for the past three years.”
“Shit… Is that why she so skinny?”
“Yeah. She has always been tiny but yes, she hasn’t been that… Fortunate.”
“Has she told you what happened to her?”
“Yes… But you really don’t need to know the details.”
“Do you love her?”
“Since when did you become so damn curious?”
“I kinda have to know, dad.”
“Why do you have to know?”
“She’s obviously going to live with us. I walked in on you naked in bed.”
“Yeah, about that…”
“I really don’t care, dad. It’s not like I don’t know you have sex…”
“Oh, shut up! You’re my son, I can’t talk to you about this. It’s fucked up, you’re just a kid. You’re my kid.”
“Come on, dad, I’m not a kid anymore, you know that… I did meet some hot Europeans earlier this summer.”
“Tell me all about it.”
“You first.”
“Fine… Yes, I love her.”
“Does she love you?”
“Yes.”
“Are you getting married?”
“Hell, no…. I mean, at least I don’t think we will. I really can’t imagine her being the marrying type”

I had never been the marrying type. Never really had a reason to get married. Sure, with Helena it had gotten close. It had felt like the right thing to do, seeing as we had a kid together. But that was the thing, we had talked about getting married because we had a kid, not because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I already knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with London. Still, I didn’t feel the need to put a ring on her finger to prove it. And I doubted she would feel any different. She had done the marriage thing once before with the worst possible outcome. Maybe that could be the reason for me wanting to marry her. To prove what marriage and family was suppose to really be like. She deserved that and so much more.